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Reviewer: bella_edward05 (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2009 12:15 PM · On: Chapter 7
I think im confused. So is he supposed to be looking for info on the cullens? I think everything will get cleared in the next chapter. I hope so. I cant wait to see
Author's Response: Yes, he's supposed to be looking for the Cullens... Have you read the addition to the first chapter? I added it a few days ago. I think it may clear some things up if the next chapter doesn't do the job. In any case, thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
Reviewer: christine30974 (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2009 12:06 PM · On: Chapter 7
Oh no......... Not a cliffie! Please update soon.
Author's Response: Haha. Updates are already waiting for validation! But I won't promise to no more cliffies, that would just be an outright lie.. And you deserve better than that!
Reviewer: FearlessNot (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2009 10:36 AM · On: Chapter 7
Amazing. You are a wonderful writer. The words you use, the flow of the script, pulls you in. I look forward to each update.
I loved the part with each day broken into simple sentences or words, describing his feelings for her. My favorites, day 9 and 13. Simple, and to the point. He's falling in love. Beautiful.
So, he ran off because he's afraid of what the Cullen's said to her about him? Because of the danger he put her in?
I don't even have the words to explain how the last line touched me, "consuming rage spill out of me in a single bellow and then the world went black…"
Beautiful. I suppose you can say it was the sound of his heart breaking.
Update again soon please.
Author's Response: Yeesh, thank you for the compliments. They scare me a little, I won't lie, it makes me not want to screw up the next chapter.
I was concerned that it might be 'too much, too fast' with the journal entries, but I like the idea of Edward being swept up in her, you know? Vampires have hearts too! Well, not really... But you get the gist....
And I'm so glad you liked the last line... I always have to give it a few moments of pause when I close out a chapter, but it seemed appropriate. He was on the precipice of maybe finding some kind of happiness, you know? And then to have it all ripped away? I'd be pissed too!
Updates are already waiting in the can.. Well, the twilighted.net validation queue can that is... I'd love to hear what you think when it gets posted...
Reviewer: Anazarel (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2009 10:34 AM · On: Chapter 7
Wait.
Edward leaves?
Is this fic another New Moon fic? I really hope it doesn't. I'm tired of 'he left' fics (they are so repetitive...)
The other part of the chapter is great, as usual. I love the way Edward can't think or listen when Bella wears blue... It's hilarious! And the way Bella knows Edward will come, the way she's so sure. It's lovely...
I'm eager to know what will happen. 'Read' you soon XD
Author's Response: No, no, no. I promise, this isn't a New Moon Fic... And I don't want to give too much away, but he's definitely going to have his F-ups with the whole Bella thing. It's not his fault though, a person would be pretty effed up if he went 80+ years without any of the softer,gentler emotions that relationships bring...
Thank you for your kind words on the 'journal' days, I was concerned about them... Hope to 'hear' from you soon, too...
Reviewer: bellas shrink (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2009 10:28 AM · On: Chapter 7
I really liked this one - the "journal" quality to describe his feelings - you were able to whip through several weeks without it seeming "rushed" or unbelievable. Nice choice!
It is very interesting that although he FOUND the Cullens (or so he/we assume) but his adoration for B took over and he "forgot" to follow them - begin to do his work for V.
Nicely written, am enjoying this. It is very different than anything else I have read here.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I thought the 'journal' component might be lazy/too quick, but in the end I toyed with writing each of the days out and it just felt sooooo "Nicholas Sparks' you know? Not that there's anything wrong with Nicholas Sparks, I was all up in the Notebook. I just didn't want us to be in Edward's head too much. So I'm really quite happy that you liked it.
Edward and the Cullens are coming up for the next few chapters. I hope that they work into the story well...
Thank you for the compliment, I'm glad you're enjoying it. I look forward to hearing from you!
Reviewer: Saymi (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2009 08:54 AM · On: Chapter 7
Yay 2 whole chapters! awesome ones at that. I love how Edward and Bella's relaitonship is shown growing day by day. Sigh Poor Edward i love how pefectedly tortured he is. I hope he won't be able to stay away long. The 4 vampires were the cullens warning Bella about Edward im guessing? Please come back soooooonn! Can't wait for more.
Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, actually it took a few weeks to get the first two chapters validated... So I have a few of 'em saved up in the only computer-brain-box. And man, if you think Edward is tortured now? Wait until you read the next few chapters... Poor fella. I pretty much post these chapters one day after the other, so it shouldn't be too long before the next one. Thank you so so much, again!
Reviewer: brain candy (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2009 08:14 AM · On: Chapter 7
great chapter
Author's Response: Thank you! I worried about this one a bit, actually... And the next one, too.. Oye.
Reviewer: truthordare (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2009 07:23 AM · On: Chapter 7
this story is on a fast track to becoming one of my favorite stories!! i so badly wanna know what his history is and what will happen when he/she meets the Cullens and just .. wow there is so much to this story !!!!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I'm trying to make it not-crappy! I'll be spending more time getting into his history and his involvement with the cullens in the upcoming chapters... I hope they don't disappoint...! See you in Chapter 8!
Reviewer: peygan (Signed) · Date: February 18, 2009 10:20 PM · On: Chapter 6
I'm enjoying the switch and look forward to reading more. Good Work
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm expecting a few more twists and turns, I think... So hopefully you'll enjoy those too.
Reviewer: bells123 (Signed) · Date: February 18, 2009 11:47 AM · On: Chapter 6
I am really enjoying this story. I love the uniqueness of it and the interactions between Bella and Edward so far. Thank you for adding more to the first chapter - it cleared things up a bit more. I am so looking forward to how this all plays out.
Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I got quite a few "Wait.. What is happening?" type of comments, so I think in the future I'll just chant "clarity..clarity..clarity..." in my head as I'm writing. Haha. I hope the rest of the story holds your attention! Thanks again for reviewing.
Reviewer: Camilla (Signed) · Date: February 17, 2009 12:28 PM · On: Chapter 6
Here I am back again, and now it will go to favourites, so I get notice of updates (With Twilighted net I feel that I am going back in time, when people read Dumas, or our Italian Salgari, in chapters, week after week. Funny.)
Anyway, I wanted to say that now that is clearer, it is really a lovely story. Edward is different from the one in Twilight, because he never had a loving, if vampiric, family, and never had somebody teaching him manners. He has still the same soul (oh yes), but he had a different upbringing. Well done!
Author's Response: I'm so glad that you're back to visit! I agree with you about the complications of this website though... It took me a few tries to upload the story for the first time!
I'm glad that my additions to the story have made it a bit clearer, I think re-adding the section to the first chapter helps to clarify who Edward is and where he comes from... Thank you so much for reading and reviewing (I find your reviews to be particularly interesting... What with references to Dumas and all!), I hope I'll hear from you soon!
Reviewer: brain candy (Signed) · Date: February 17, 2009 12:02 PM · On: Chapter 6
great story!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Reviewer: Anazarel (Signed) · Date: February 17, 2009 10:35 AM · On: Chapter 6
This Edward is more polite or, at least, less rude. I think he's beginning to fall for Bella, but he doesn't know it yet. Poor and innocent Edward...
I like the way Bella smiles amused each time Edward is rude, and how he doesn't know why she do it. It's very cute.
As I said in my last review, I love this fic and I can't wait for more chapters!
By the way, I'm glad you responded to my review. Thanks you very much, Audeamus-Amor!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yeah, he got hit over the head with the love stick. But he'll come back to his senses soon.... I think. And it's my pleasure to respond to your reviews, I really do think about them as I'm writing... ! I look forward to hearing what you think about the next few chapters, he'll have a couple changes of heart...
Reviewer: alicecullenx3 (Signed) · Date: February 17, 2009 08:32 AM · On: Chapter 6
Hate to say it, but I think I'm liking your version of Twilight better then Stephs. She made it to.. Fluffy. Anything with vampires should be at least a little sadistic, they shouldn't be all good liked her Edward was. Yours is darker, and I like him. [:
Author's Response: Wow, thank you! Hmmm, there might be some 'fluff' in the future though? I'm not going to lie. But maybe you won't consider it fluff... Romance? Is that the same as fluff? Edward is staying emotionally stunted though, he's probably going to end up doing all the wrong things (the way that men often do).... And yeah, I'm trying to walk that fine line between dark-suspense and light-romance... It's hard!
Reviewer: truthordare (Signed) · Date: February 17, 2009 03:56 AM · On: Chapter 6
like it, love it, mean it!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Reviewer: firemoon_dragon (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 09:54 PM · On: Chapter 1
oohhh...i really like the addition you made to the chapter!
Author's Response: thank you! I really kind of considered cutting it, it seemed so wrought ... but in the end I think it was added something to the chapter. See you in the next chapter, hm?
Reviewer: firemoon_dragon (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 09:40 PM · On: Chapter 6
Im loving the interaction between Bella and Edward...he seems so lost a couple of times, its adorable. i cant wait for the next update!
Author's Response: Haha, yeah.. I really do think that he shouldn't be so sure of how to deal with her... One would assume that a self-loathing, mercenary-Vampire would be less than adept at wooing the girls. Wait till you read the next chapter, he'll be F-ing up all over the place. Thank you reading and reviewing!
Reviewer: bellas shrink (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 06:46 PM · On: Chapter 6
I really like this Bella - she is more independent more honest, less frightened. I like that she is taking a chance with a stranger. AND she seems to have more self esteem ( I am thrilled there isn't any self talk about not being up to his standards physically) You have also nicely given her a LIFE (yeah!) She has friends and isn't just caught up in Edward - great sense of humor...I like her - she isn't totally snarky and bitchy, just fun, happy and a self source of happiness - it resides within her, not outside of her (great idea!). So IF she becomes involved with him (or anyone else) she will be a COMPLETE person before she gets involved - much healthier than the Bella of the books (don't get me wrong, I loved them but as a shrink it pissed me off that she had Edward...and the Cullens and that was pretty much it. She didn't have enough spunk to allow herself to BE herself, or find herself before she gave herself up totally for him.
Nicely written, love the dialogue, and am looking forward to you updating (although take your time, your sense of rythm is great, I don't want to pressure you to rush the process you have in place!
Wil be awaiting to see how she grows individually, and if she and E become a thing...how she will emerge as a completed human seeking a completed,um, non-human! LOL!
I am sure you are swamped with reviews, bt please be aware, as a professional, I like seeing THIS emotionally strong, mentally healthy Bella. I hope she isn't ging to crash and burn once he is in the picture - THAT would be OOC for this story (BUT don't look at that as a threat, or disrespectful to your process...you are on a journey, stay there...we will all follow ... good wrters are hard to find!
Namaste,
Kah (aka Bellas Shrink)
Author's Response: This review made my night! I was a bit concerned that people were going to hate what I did to the characters, but I did it anyway. Sigh, A preternatural inclination to shirk off the expected? Maybe, maybe not. In either case, I wanted this Bella to be the kind of person that would stand up for what she believed was right, I like to believe that her goodness comes from a strong moral compass... And how could one have such a strong moral compass if they were so ready to accept everything else from another person. I love the 'fall in love entirely' aspect of the book, and intend on keeping that in this story, but with Bella as stronger female with her own identiy. (Wow, Betty Friedan really DID make an impact on my life)...
I'm so happy the pacing hasn't made you want to kill me... I know that it's going a bit slow in terms of plot, all things considered. I'm going for a 'slow burn' rather than a 'hit you over the head' sort of explosion in plot... But there is action and drama to be had in the forthcoming chapters and as I said before, this review made my night, so your thoughts in the future are welcomed with open arms.
Namaste indeed, AA
Reviewer: Shamatt (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 06:33 PM · On: Chapter 6
I think it is absolutely wonderful. I really really like this story.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was concerned that everyone would kind of hate it, so your comments go a long way in pushing me forward to further chapters. I hope you'll stick with it, I think it'll get better? Onto Chapter 7 we go!
Reviewer: demeterloves2 (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 06:15 PM · On: Chapter 1
Hmmm...Interesting. I like the way you write. I am eager to see what you do with this! :)
Author's Response: I'll take that 'Hmmm... Interesting as in 'interesting enough to read on', rather than interesting as in 'what the hell did you do to our Edward'. Haha. Thank you for the kind words... I hope you'll keep reading!
Reviewer: hus8 (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 06:06 PM · On: Chapter 6
This is an interesting approach to Bella and Edward. I'm looking forward to how things develop with the Cullens.
Author's Response: Yeah, the Cullens/Volturi sections are really the parts I'm looking forward to writing. I hope you'll stick around! Thank you for reviewing.
Reviewer: kellybug (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 05:23 PM · On: Chapter 1
Love it, LOVE IT!! I especially like stories that delve into Edward's mind, and this one is fascinating. I am anxious to see what happens when he interacts with the Cullens as you foreshadowed a bit when you included that Caius said the Volturi would lose Edward forever if he went on the mission. I'm also very interested to see how he continues to deal with his increasing pull to Bella. Please update soon!
Author's Response: Yeeeeeah, I'm really excited for the Cullen family part.. It's a whole other dimension of characters to write and play with. I am concerned with the whole idea of 'too much too fast', but I think that I've teased you readers long enough with back story. I should be updating pretty regularly, I've got some chapters stored up so every couple days or so there should be something new. Thank you for reviewing! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the next chapters..
Reviewer: Lizzie (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 04:27 PM · On: Chapter 6
I always like an Edward that is drawn with the contrast between his darker side (due to what he is) and the the sweet and tender side (what he wants to be, and likely what he was before he was turned) - as you seem to be doing here. I think your ff summary was a little more clear about what was going on. I actually ended up reading some of your reviews to get an idea of what was unique about your story beyond just "Edward loves Bella". I'm glad I did as now I am interested to see what will happen next. I hope you update soon. Thanks.
Author's Response: At the very heart of this story, I wanted it to be a 'boy loves girl/ girl loves boy' story, but I wanted it to be more complex than that. And I love a suspense story... Mystery and drama and all that is really my weakness. And i agree with you about the summary, Haha, lots of people seem to be pointing that out to me... But I swear, if I knew what else to write.. I would do it. The actual writing of the chapters is SO much easier than writing the summary... Or putting titles on the chapters?! God, that was another beast entirely.. Thus, 'Chapter 1...2...3" etc. I'll try messing with it again, maybe i'll come up with a summary that isn't complete and total crap. Thank you so much for your input, I really do take it to heart... If you have thought on the upcoming chapters, I'd love to hear those too. Thank you!
Reviewer: k8ew8e (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 04:15 PM · On: Chapter 6
This was a great chapter! I cannot wait for her to find out whar he is and such! And for him to realize that he loves her! Oh shucks!
Author's Response: Ohh... it's coming. The Love Parade is marching down the main street in Forks and, let me tell you, it's not taking any prisoners. See you in chapter 7? Thanks!
Reviewer: Saymi (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 12:21 PM · On: Chapter 1
Wow i went back to re-read the first chapter. I repeat Wow! you write beautifully, I feel Edward's loneliness from the bottom of my heart, and i can almost empathize with his nothing to lose attitude with the way you've written it. Beautiful stuff here.
Author's Response: Awww, thank you! Sometimes I feel like I'm going more description of what's going on rather than actual telling of what's going on, but I'm working on that in the coming chapters. Hopefully, this thing will turn into more of an suspense-romance rather than some 'pining silently' type of thing... And an 'empty save for rage' Edward is EXACTLY what I was going for, so I'm glad you got that vibe! Thank you for reviewing and reading on!
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