Congratulations Laura on another beautifully written chapter.
My List of what I loved:
1. Those first 2 paragraphs couldn't be more achingly beautiful. My heart swells for Edward and his newfound acceptance of himself, and how proud he is of himself now. Its wonderful to see his pain leaving him.
2. That last line in paragraph 3 is my favorite in this chapter! WHEW! So evocative! Reminds me of my lovely college boyfriend when we were both 18 and learning each other. Thanks for the reminder!
3. I know you got some reviews from the last chapter about the honeymoon description being too short. That was very sweet of you to expand on it a little through Edward's reminiscent thoughts. An unexpected treat, especially that image of his 'taking care of her' under the waterfall. !!!
4. Ordering her to drink his handful of cold water in the shower!!! Yikes!!! GREAT scene.
5. "Bad vampire!" Hilarious! I know you know how good it makes him feel that she accepts what he is, without fear. Which leads me to---
6. VAMPIRE STALKING! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I even PM'd you earlier and begged for this! I LOVED this scene best! Very exciting, yet at the same time, I was touched that he dropped out of character to whisper his question if she was ok with this and that he knew he couldn't bear to truly frighten her. So Edward, so beautiful, so giving and caring. Laura, you take such wonderful emotional care of these two.
7. Yet you also make this as real as a SM vampire story could be. Edward doesn't get away with having perfect control. I'm glad you wrote that he hurt her (in small ways) as that is more realistic. But breaking from canon, its so nice to see that Edward has grown enough to keep his mouth shut and not make unilateral decisions (even though he gently dragged her into the bathroom and before handing her the mirror) and let her explain why she didn't keep her promise by telling him she was hurt. Growth, growth, growth. Probably my favorite thing you've done with these two. They've grown beautifully into wonderful (ff) versions of themselves and into this relationship.
8. Loved his wish fulfillment against the door and in her old bed. Very sweet description of how they made love in her childhood bed, saying their own kind of "goodbye" there, to her human life.
9. Intrigued by what her project may be! Reminded me of the premise of "The Notebook". Has she created a treasure map back to her human memories, in case she's worried she'll forget them all in the change?
10. Her goodbyes to Charlie had me choked up and crying. I so prefer what you've done with him here, over what's been done to him in "While You Were Gone". I so love Charlie. Reminds me of my dear, dear Dad.
11. I think my very favorite thing about this whole chapter (vampire stalking aside), may be her time with the Cullens watching movies, because she's not ready to say goodbye to the memories in that house. I think of all the great memories in the house from the books, even that horrific moment with Jasper at her birthday party, plus every wonderful, sexy, sweet memory you've written for them here, and I can see why she'd stall and just want a few more hours there, surrounded by the pure love of her mate Edward and the wonderful familial love of the Cullens. That was brilliant, Laura.
12. Oops, almost forgot the funniest moments with EMMETT!!!!! "Hey," he bellowed, "my little boy's a man now," he pretend cried. He slapped me on the back as he laughed. When he got his turn to hug Bella, he looked her over once and said, "Look at that. You're still alive!" Laura, that was PERFECT until this and was even MORE perfect: "Emmett gleefully helped me hang a new door on my bedroom that Alice had waiting in the garage". I think I've read this chapter three times and every time I get to that line I literally laugh out loud.
What I didn't like as much:
1. I wish Bella would've saved that T-shirt the Wolf Boys rolled in instead of washing it! That would've been funny for her to smell it after the change. Oh well.
2. Goodbyes are so hard. This chapter was unavoidably painful. Painful saying goodbye to her human family/friends. Painful knowing you're almost done with this story.
Laura, I hope as you're writing the last chapters, Edward and Bella behave, or don't, whatever it takes for you to write 4 more chapters instead of 2. I know every story has to come to an end, but when you tease us with idea of 4 chapters, instead of just 2, you know we're going to beg for it. Pleeeeeeaaasssse! (no pressure, of course!)
Love, Richelle
