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Reviews For The List
Reviewer: Carolyn81 (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 11:47 AM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

Oh my shit, if you had done that I would have panicked!  Actually, I mention this in my PBP.  That is too funny that you were compelled to do such a thing.

Okay, so here it is, my review of your chapter.  I know it took me awhile, but that was because I needed to show you how I (and so many others) do things over at FFFW.  So please check it out and feel free to leave a comment. 

http://www.freedomfanfictionwriters.com/xn/detail/3033291:Comment:271710

If you can't see it, here it is with (DOT)s instead of (.)s

http://www(DOT)freedomfanfictionwriters(DOT)com/xn/detail/3033291:Comment:271710

You are truly a phenonmenal writer, and I'm so happy that you've shared your work with us.

Reviewer: 13Secrets (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 11:23 AM · On: Chapter 8: Slight Change of Plans

Congrats on having the top favorite story! You have a staggering amount of reviews!

But here is mine. I never really liked canon shipped fics, especially E/B unless its AU/AH. But I thought that I'd give this one a shot! 

It's very nicely written and betaed, organized and plotted. I immediately understood where you were going, and how Edward would waver here and there and let some of his guards down, and how Bella would learn to express her feelings and let her confidence out... And of course, how Alice would help!

But reading, now to the 7th/8th? chapter, I kinda have to stop. I suppose I don't have to, but I can't really read this anymore.

I love smut, I write smut for the HP fandom, and critique it and review it. And I was hoping for something naughty and slightly vulgar with this fic. I was obviously disappointed. At first I was thinking that you'd build up to more detail later on, adding a little more juice here and there. But now I can see that wont happen. I could keep reading, but the E/B is enough to keep my away. 

What I mean is that whenever I'm looking forward to reading # this or that on the list happening, you have the buildup almost perfect. The touching, the desperation, the wantonness, the excitement... It was all there, and when you get to the intimacy, and the actual act... the hands and all that... it's all awesome. But EACH and EVERY time you get to this point, the actual climax is nearly invisible. Literally each and every time, I have to read the section twice to see if i missed something when, in fact, I had--the actual climax, the fulfillment wasn't even there. "I threw my head back" and "I felt myself clench" and "She screamed her orgasm, I kept moving my fingers until.." What the crap? All of that buildup for a climax for it to be, repeatedly, summed up in three words and moved aside to something else. I am frustrated and disappointed.

Don't get me wrong, I completely see why so many people would love this fic. It's clean, written nicely, and flows straight from the books. But you've maintained S. Meyer's hold onto the unwritten romance, washing over big moments in their romantic relationship in favor of leaving the reader stuck and waiting... I doubt you thought all that out, and planned it to be this way but gah! This is almost as bad as that blank space in the consummation chapter in BD. 

I'll stop now! :), 13Secrets

 



Author's Response:

Hi--thanks for taking the time to write such a lengthy and well thought out review.  I have to say I wish you'd continue to give the story a chance.  Your comment intrigued me so I went back through and read the climax moments of some of the chapters, and many of the chapters have longer, more vivid descriptions of the moment of climax, which it seems is your biggest complaint.  The whole story is a build-up, not only in how far they'll go in their relationship, but also in how explicit the language and scenes are.  At any rate, hope you find something you enjoy more.

Reviewer: syaoran7 (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 11:15 AM · On: Chapter 1: Frustrated

Just want to say that I absolutley love this fan fiction. I think you've portrayed the characters so well, and have brought so much life to them, for an older audience. Also, being from Victoria myself, I have to say that the trip that Bella and Edward took was very accurate! Well done, and I can't wait to see more from you. It really feels like this story could go on forever.

 

PS: I never read fan fiction because I always feel that the characters are so OOC, but this one changed me. Seriously. Bravo.

Reviewer: samt915 (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 10:58 AM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

I like the idea of having a book to read while she was going through the transformation.  Poor Jasper, I cant imagine going through all of that time and time again.  Alice was quite calm and willing to give in, a side to her rarelly seen, must be because Jasper couldnt handle much more at the moment.  I was surprised to see that Esme spent as much time away as she did, I though she would have been there through every step of Bella's transformation, but oh well.  I really liked it.

Reviewer: pril (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 10:06 AM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

OMG!  This is how it should have been in Breaking Dawn.  THIS is how Bella was supposed to be changed.  I love this story so very much; I'm dying for the next chapter!

Reviewer: tiffaninichole (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 09:16 AM · On: Chapter 12: Words and Letters

LOL! Emmet is such an ass! Can't wait to read more!

Reviewer: welshcakes68 (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 09:05 AM · On: Chapter 1: Frustrated

The reasoning was so good in the AN I had to review so I guuess it served its purpose =]  Really good so far.  Im just wondering whether Edward will indulge her at all or whether...uh...it will be all her?  Let's read on. *WC68*

Reviewer: tneb2009 (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 08:02 AM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

Amazing, as always, can't wait to see Bella wake up and get started on the lists again :)

Reviewer: Cosmikou (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 06:53 AM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

oh so sweet...love is everywhere in this chapter

you are really talented goddamnit !

this is the one story i can't help checking...almost every day even if I know once a week is certainly enough and sane...:p

So I am addicted.... hum... I LOVE YOUR STORY ! can't wait for some new born action and emotion maybe vixen bella please??????

Do you have a strory of yours somewhere, not a fanfiction i mean?

congrats again !

Reviewer: pomme_de_terre (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 06:17 AM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

Another great chapter! I love her journal entries! So well thought out! Thanks for sharing!

Reviewer: vamppy (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 04:49 AM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

lol wow u and your darn cliffhangers :) but again totally an awsome chapter cant wait for the next chapter:)

Reviewer: Noa (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 03:45 AM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

-Brilliant, as always.

Reviewer: Marianne_Northman_Cullen (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 03:14 AM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

WOW!!!!!!!! ur story is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it took me 4 freaking days to finish but just WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: SenoritaDeLosMuertos (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 02:33 AM · On: Chapter 12: Words and Letters

Hahaha, what an Emmett. But my favourite part was the letter, that was SO Edward, it seemed very in-character. Well done!

Reviewer: Alcarinquatari (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 01:02 AM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

Simply superb! Can hardly wait for the next chapter! Thanks for all your hard work!

Reviewer: lynsrob (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 12:34 AM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

I really enjoyed this chapter, the emotions you dealt with for Edward and Jaspar were incredible. I also loved that Bella had a journal for Edward to read (these 2 characters love each other so much), and you actually show their feelings to us. Anxiously awaiting the next chapter in this love story.

Reviewer: missfoy (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 11:47 PM · On: Chapter 18: 13 Days

So sweet near the end. I love these small moments you create between Bella and Edward

Reviewer: SenoritaDeLosMuertos (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 11:12 PM · On: Chapter 8: Slight Change of Plans

Super hot! Love the unique location (the club! and the parking lot...brings back a lot of memories for me ;) ) Oh and I totally had to google those dresses - Sexy!

Reviewer: missfoy (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 10:40 PM · On: Chapter 16: The Weekend, Part II

I love it that Edward realizes Bella's strengths in this chapter. Well played. :)

 

Reviewer: an_edward_chick (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 10:26 PM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

This chapter was phenomenal.  Definitely one of the best, if not the best, Bella change chapters in fanfiction. 

Reviewer: I Punch Werewolves 4 Fun (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 10:21 PM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

I have to say that was beyond amazing........ absolutly loved it

Reviewer: WakingSky (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 08:40 PM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

So I have to tell you that I check in every other day to see if the next chapter has posted.  Tonight, when I saw that ch.25 was here I almost exploded myself!!!  This is the best storyline!  Thank you, thank you and PLEASE don't make us wait long!!!

Reviewer: lia47 (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 08:19 PM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

I love Bella's words to Edward through her change that was a wonderful thing

and Jasper being able to help her is awesome, I totally can't wait until she wakes up and why can't the story continue with Edward's list?  I don't want it to end :(  Love your writing! and please hurry!

Reviewer: Susan Hails (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 07:03 PM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

As always amazing x

Reviewer: arfalcon (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 06:52 PM · On: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

It was perfect.  And Bella's missive to Edward was wonderful.  I'm so glad Jasper was able to tell them that the morphine didn't work, so that he and Edward could try to do as much as they could to help.  And I'm so glad Edward didn't let Alice put Bella in an evening gown!!  I thought that was so weird in BD when SM did it.

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