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Reviewer: mscope (Signed) · Date: January 16, 2011 11:36 AM · On: Chapter 12 - Que Sera

So she is off to school.  Leaving home like that is a big day in a girl's life.  Ah, the exhilaration of the new freedom as you enter the next journey in life.

Alice made me laugh a few times in this chapter.  Why am I not surprised she has a double room to herself. 

I was glad that Edward was able to come by on moving day.  Things should be so much easier for them now but as you and I and the rest of your readers know the party won't last forever.  But I plan to enjoy every minute they have together before the shitstorm hits.

And about the E/B interaction.  Don't you know that Emmett did not miss a thing.  I have a feeling he will use that to his advantage when he talks to Rosalie again....not in a malicious sort of way of course.  I do not imagine that Alice is surprised and through her I don't know that Jasper is either. 

What does continue to surprise me is Bella's nonchalance as her relationship with Edward grows.  I don't know that I am wording this right but she is so okay with the girls in Edward's past.  If I am being honest I have had this Edward in my life.  I knew how he rolled up front and that it would never be anything more than what it was and I was cool with that.  Even after all these years I smile on that time with no regrets.

When I look at Bella I see a young woman that is fiercely loyal to her friends.  I am just glad that she is not going to let them dictate her life. I find it refreshing and admire that you have broken from the stereotype.  I love that she marches to her own drummer as she embarks upon her passage to sexual discovery.  And although I am not certain that I am ready for the drama lurking around the corner I am ready for the journey.

lothlorien ;)



Author's Response:

Yeah, Alice pretty much wrote the first part of the chapter herself.  I could just picture her hauling every last thing she'd ever owned with her.  I kind of love Alice in this.

You're right that Emmett didn't miss anything between E/B and he is going to play a much bigger role in their relationship than either of them realize.  Actually, Jasper and Alice are a bit surprised by the way Edward's acting with Bella. 

I did try very hard not to make Bella a stereotype.  I didn't want her to be needy and jealous.  Frankly, her sexual relationship with Edward has given her the final push into feeling really confident about her body and herself and she's at a point where she's fiercely eager to explore that. There's something very empowering about having a guy like Edward salivating over you and even if you know it won't mean anything more than amazing sex, sometimes that's enough.  And even if he's been with other girls before knowing that he's with you right now is all that matters. 

I am glad you like that she isn't letting her friends dictate her life, you'll see that come up again in future chapters.  Hold on tight...things are going to get interesting.

p.s.  I should have known you were lothlorien.  Pimping me out on the boards.  Love it!

Reviewer: acey (Signed) · Date: January 16, 2011 10:22 AM · On: Chapter 14 - Sex on Fire

I just love this story..you are doing a great job keeping ur readers interested and horny as hell!  GAH! xo



Author's Response:

Aww thanks!  That's what I was hoping for.  :)

Reviewer: Roonie (Signed) · Date: January 16, 2011 03:58 AM · On: Chapter 13 - Little Wonders

It's not a bad thing to wait, exactly...but I'm kind of a stickler about realism (which is a pain in my own ass, trust me) and I guess my problem is that it just doesn't seem realistic that she hasn't had a single thought yet as to why she doesn't want more from Edward...not even in response to Alice's probing. It's like I'm being intentionally left in the dark (as a reader) because you don't want to reveal something yet...and because I'm aware it's happening, it feels contrived. Does that make sense? Waiting is fine...I'm sure you have your reasons. I guess I just feel like there should be a way to hold back certain things without your readers even realizing you're doing it.

All I can suggest is that you find a subtlle way to at least hint at Bella's reasoning....or even just hint at the fact that she is unaware of her reasoning. Basically you're just removing your reader's reason for questioning anything in the first place. It doesn't have to be addressed fully, by any means...but the fact that NOBODY has thought/asked about it yet is too strange to ignore. Another option would be if Alice (for example) were to come right out and say "Would a normal relationship with Edward be so terrible?" and Bella would deny it or change the subject and refuse to think about it, THAT at least would be "hanging a latern on it" as the writing term goes. It's basically your way of saying "yes, I'm aware that Bella has issues and we'll address with them later". Even if there are no answers, at least someone has raised the question which makes it more believable.

That's the absolute BEST I can do in explaining my thoughts. I hope they have come across somewhat coherently, lol.



Author's Response:

Thank you!  I do think I have a better idea of what you're saying.  I do know what you're saying about being intentionally left in the dark about Bella's thoughts on relationships.  Which is sort of true, but I think I could have done a better job at it. :)  (laughs) 

It's not for a few more chapters but there will be a conversation that Bell and Alice have that is basically "hanging a latern on it" (a phrase I had never heard before that I am QUITE amused by).  I think it will clarify things about without giving away what I'm trying to hold back. Perhaps it should have come earlier in the story. 

I do absolutely appreciate the time you've taken to discuss this with me, I feel like I've learned a lot from it, which is exactly what I was hoping for with the reviews!  Much appreciated.

Reviewer: Iceangel7 (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2011 11:22 PM · On: Chapter 13 - Little Wonders

Edwards past doesn't suprise me, he is a smart guy! What surprises me is Alice, does she know something about Rose she's not telling Bella? I hope she remains a true friend to Bella!



Author's Response:

Thanks for the review!  Alice will always be a true friend to Bella, no worries there.  I'm not sure I'd say that she knows something about Rose that she isn't telling Bella, but she is looking at the situation from a different perspective and is still trying to understand why Rose acted the way she did.  And she will come to a conclusion that Bella didn't, which they will discuss a bit later.

Reviewer: Roonie (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2011 10:51 PM · On: Chapter 13 - Little Wonders

See, you're telling me this because you (the omniscient writer) know your character. I'm only suggesting that these things haven't been layed out (or even hinted at, really) in the story for us mere mortals, lol. I wanted you to be aware of that and, at some point hopefully, fill your readers in on why Bella is how she is. Not through a review reply or an A/N, but actually in the story. I mean, I'm not suggesting that you spell it out in detail like you did in your reply...but somewhere (when Alice is grilling her, for example) she should at least have a passing thought that she doesn't want a "relationship" for x,y,z reasons. Or just one reason. Heck, I'd be happy with just a thought of Charlie and Renee or Rosalie's parents followed by a shudder.

I've been wondering about that for a while now, but was able to ignore it until this chapter, when Edward basically tells her that (if his pattern holds) he'll want to fool around with her for a few months and move on. It just really stands out when she doesn't so much as bat an eye at that. And even THAT wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't first-person....if we weren't in her head all the time. If it were third-person or someone else's POV, I could assume that Bella had her reasons and expect that all would be revealed later. I could even sit here and make guesses as to why she's okay with it. But like I said, we're reading this story from her perspective so we should be able to understand her better than anyone else does.

Sorry to ramble, I'm just clarifying a bit. And it occured to me that my feedback for this story has maybe come across as largely critical. I hope you know how much I love this fic as well. I hope that it's implied in every minute I spend typing out this feedback. In the care I take to explain myself and offer suggestions to make this rather perfect story just a little bit more perfect. And good heavens, please don't consider any of my suggestions as being a result of your "falings as an author". I mean, what is feedback on a work-in-progress for if not to help you gain an outside perspective as you write? In a way, we're all your betas here. In the publishing world, very few people get to contribute to the writing process and once it's out there, it's done...sink or swim. But here, you get the chance to fine-tune your writing as you go based on the perspective/feedback of other people. Or you can ignore it completely. It's the beautiful thing about fanfiction! The other beautiful thing, of course, is that I get to read a story of this quality without paying a dime, lol. But of course, I have to wait for the updates (major bummer). ;-)

REALLY looking forward to meeting Claire. I'm also excited for Bella to meet Edward's parents. Maybe they'll change her mind on wanting some kind of permanence.



Author's Response:

 am absolutely thrilled to get constructive criticism and am happy to take it in the way it was intended, as suggestions to make me a better writer.  So when I mentioned my failings as a writer I wasn't really putting myself down, merely that I still have a lot to learn.  And I know that if you didn't care about this story you wouldn't be bothering to comment/criticise.  You just wouldn't bother to continue reading, so don't worry, I love your comments.  Please, please feel free to continue.  I have a healthy ego.  :)

You are absolutely right that as readers, you can't know Bella's motivation or history.  I had hoped that Bella's conversation with Rosalie in Chapter 4 was enough to give you some idea of what is going through Bella's head.  But reading through it again I supposed it does give more insight into Rosalie's mind than Bella's.  I could have expanded more on it there.  I will say this, the further you get into the story the more it does come up.  And that's something I am struggling with as a writer.  How much do you tell right away and how much do you let unfold as the story goes? 

Obviously you aren't understanding her motivation, so there is more I could have done as a writer, but I am curious (asking more because I want clarification than because I think I'm right), is waiting until further into the story to understand her motivations necessarily a bad thing?  And if it is, why is it a bad thing?  (seriously, please explain, I want to understand).

I absolutely know what you mean about it being more important to know because the story is from her POV.  BUT, I can also argue that at 18, I did things and felt a certain way about things without really understanding my own motivation for why I did them or thought those things.  That's probably one of the biggest things I am trying to explore in the story, the idea that at that age things are constantly in flux.  You are exploring the world and yourself and your interactions with others in order to learn about yourself better.  So yeah, Bella doesn't 100% know why she is doing the things she's doing.  She's going to have to learn it as she goes. Ultimately, Bella is going to have a big fat epiphany about why she's acting the way she is (about a lot of things) and until she reaches that point, she is going to be kind of making dumb decisions and seeming a little dense about her own motivation because she doesn't really know herself yet.  This story is her attempt at growing up and understanding herself.

BUT, perhaps I should make it more clear to the readers why Bella's initial instinct is to shy away from a serious relationship.  I don't want it to be something that is distraction to the reader.

Hopefully this isn't too spoilery, but yes, she will meet Edward's parents but unfortunately they don't change her mind on wanting permanence (it's a brief meeting, not because they aren't a wonderful example of a good relationship). 

And I can't wait for you to meet Claire!

 

 

 

 

Reviewer: millefiori (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2011 06:47 PM · On: Chapter 13 - Little Wonders

Lovely lemon and great dialogue as usual! I love how honestly they are communicating - the key to any successful relationship. Hmm...could they turn from friends with benefits to something more? I like them together!



Author's Response:

Aww, thanks!  Yes, they are communicating very well.  They are really going to struggle with communication as their feelings develop though!  I am glad you like them together so much, that means a lot to me!

Reviewer: twihardfan722 (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2011 05:07 PM · On: Chapter 13 - Little Wonders

Another good chapter! Bella is very open minded where Edward concerned. I love that she doesn't seem jealous when Edward mentions other girls. He seems to really like her from what Alice and Jasper said. Can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work and update soon!



Author's Response:

Thanks!  I am glad you like how secure Bella is.  And yes, he does like her and is simulatenously thrilled and confused by the fact that she isn't like most girls. 

Reviewer: Roonie (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2011 03:22 PM · On: Chapter 13 - Little Wonders

It's....difficult for me to swallow the fact that Bella is so uninterested in a "real" relationship with Edward. I might expect that from someone with years of sexual experience....someone jaded, perhaps. But being totally okay with a non-relationship consisting of great sex? I mean, I get that it's fun and maybe I'm just being a prude...but people ususally want more than that. I get that she doesn't think Edward wants that (he's made it pretty clear), but I guess it just seems weird that it's never even occurred to her. We are in her head, after all, with first person POV. And the fact that she's never really considered wanting more, if only to discard the thought immediately....it seems odd.

I suppose you could argue that she's in denial about it, but again, with us being in her head so much...I mean even denial requires SOME sort of conscious thought, right? Well, maybe not. I don't know. Maybe she is just a "different" kind of girl like Edward said....and Bella is undeniably different....I guess I just didn't see her as being different in this kind of way.

But there's a lot of story left to tell and a whole new character to introduce, which is where things will get really interesting, I imagine. Can't wait to meet her!



Author's Response:

I read your review right after you posted it and I've been mulling over my response.  I am so glad you posted this, I love to hear concerns people have with the characters.  I hope it wasn't my failing as an author that made this difficult for you.  From my perspective, it makes perfect sense with Bella's history/personality, but I may not have conveyed the properly.

I believe that Bella has no idea what a relationship can offer.  Her mother left when she was young, Rosalie's parents are a mess...she has seen Alice's parents and the Clearwaters as positive role models, but out of the four couples she might look up to, half of those relationships have been failures. Her father never moved on after her mother left.  He has spent the majority of Bella's life grieving for the loss of a relationship.  Bella hasn't seen him move on, find someone else and be happy again.

She doesn't really understand the things she could gain from a relationship.  She hasn't completely discounted the idea, but her parents were married young and her mother left (something that will come up a bit more later in the story) so it's something she knows she doesn't want to rush into. To her, rushing into a relationship too young equals regret.  So in her mind she's pushed it off into the distant future.  Something to want EVENTUALLY, but not now.  She has the physical desire for sex, so she has the desire to pursue that but she doesn't have the emotional maturity or background to understand that a relationship can offer her more. Does that help you understand her perspective at all? 

I am not sure I would say that she's in denial, merely young and inexperienced.  And yes, things will get very interesting once Claire is introduced.  I will give you somewhat of a timetable for that.  Bella won't meet her until after Christmas and it is now late August.  :)  The story ends the following July.

Reviewer: Twijules (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2011 01:45 PM · On: Chapter 13 - Little Wonders

I thought that Bella accdepted the info about his past with little concern, since in her mind, her and Edward are only about Sex, not a relationship.  When things begin to change, his past may resurface in her mind and Bella may start to display some insecurities....but I'm hoping a more possessive Edward emerges.



Author's Response:

You will get a bit more possessive Edward, but Bella's not fan :)

Reviewer: Robsten87 (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2011 09:47 AM · On: Chapter 13 - Little Wonders

nice chapter!



Author's Response:

Thanks!  Glad you're enjoying it.

Reviewer: Iceangel7 (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2011 10:57 PM · On: Chapter 12 - Que Sera

I am glad they are moving on even if they don't want a serious relationship. They fit together well!



Author's Response:

Thanks for the review!  Glad you like the way they fit together and are happy with the direction they're heading!

Reviewer: Iceangel7 (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2011 10:31 PM · On: Chapter 11 - I Need To Say Goodbye

I believe she did the right thing moving on because Rose may never forgive her.  Alice saying its also because it was in Rose's house that makes sense because now she must feel disrespected by Bella who is supposed to be her best friend! Great update!



Author's Response:

I am glad you are starting to understand some of Rose's reasoning for what she did, even if it is irrational and that you think Bella made the right choice.  Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Twijules (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2011 08:13 PM · On: Chapter 12 - Que Sera

 I loved the chapter.  I'm not sure how comitted Edward is, but i truly enjoyed reading this chapter



Author's Response:

Thanks!  At this point, he's committed to enjoying his time with Bella, it'll take a while before he's ready for a relationship.

Reviewer: Twijules (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2011 07:49 PM · On: Chapter 11 - I Need To Say Goodbye

 glad Bella changed her mind and what a great chapter it was!



Author's Response:

Thanks for the review!  I was hoping you guys didn't think she caved too fast.

Reviewer: mscope (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2011 05:05 PM · On: Chapter 11 - I Need To Say Goodbye

Oh Bella.  The Bella/Alice convo really hits home.  I like how you got the point across here.  Bottom line Bella knows Rosalie, she knows how she is with "her guys".  And I finally get it, like really get it (I think!).  Hooking up with Edward was one thing but disrespecting her in her home was a slap in the face.  Irrational as it sounds it is what it is.  (I love that phrase.)   Too bad the gossipers lurk around every corner, behind every tree.  Bella will never be able to move past this unless she moves away or something bigger and better comes along.  To top it all off Rosalie leaves like a thief in the night without so much as a kiss my ass. That's odd.  All of a sudden, as in at this moment odd, I can see that the gossipers have made Rosalie the victim.  How can she possibly save face in this wake.  What a fine howdy doody this is.  Is there a term that tops clusterfuck to the nth degree?

I was happy that Bella threw caution to the wind and agreed to meet Edward.  I don't know that Bella fully grasps that they share something special but I think he does.  When she tells him she is on the pill and has not been with anyone else it comes as no surprise.   However when he says the same the old eyebrow goes up and we realize just how much she affects him.  

All of a sudden I am ready for the story to move forward.  At the same time I am apprehensive of Bella's journey to self discovery.  Not many stories have this affect on me and I applaud you for that.

Sandra

 

 

 

 



Author's Response:

I've been anxiously awaiting your review!  I am so glad you liked the Alice and Bella conversation and that it cleared up at least a few questions.  You definitely get it!  There's more, because...well....Rosalie is complicated as fuck and not really thinking rationally, but you absolutely got everything I was hinting at.  No one but Rosalie really understands the rest (although you'll get a hint as Alice starts to figure it out in later chapters).  And yes, somehow to Rosalie it happening in her house made it that much more of a betrayal. 

Thankfully, Bella will be moving to Seattle soon to start school, so she can finally step away from the gossip, because it has been really hard on her.  At this point, Bella no longer really cares what the town thinks, she's focused on moving ahead,  Saving face, or getting her side of the story known isn't as important anymore.  But yeah, you aren't kidding about the clusterfuck to the nth degree.  It's one hell of a mess.  Rosalie managed to spin the story in her favor and has left with her pride intact, even though it was at the expense of her best friend.

It's going to take Bella a really fucking long time to realize just how special things are with Edward.  You are probably going to want to throw things at me for how slow she is to realize it.  And throw things for how long it takes Edward to get his shit together.  Because yes, he's starting to realize just how much she matters, but he's not going to have a clue how to tell her that. The fact that he hasn't moved on to someone else shocks both Bella and Edward, he's not quite sure what to make of it. I really hope you can be patient, there is a long period of happy lemony goodness as their feelings for each other deepen, but they are going to take quite a while to realize it and figure out how to make it work.

Bella's journey will be brutal, but necessary and I LOVE that you are so invested in this.  It's extraordinarily flattering to hear that.

Reviewer: raighn-on-me (Signed) · Date: January 12, 2011 03:13 PM · On: Chapter 11 - I Need To Say Goodbye

 Another great chapter. Obviously i'm pleased they started meeting up scenes were as great as expected but i was kinda surprised by bella's sudden lose of resolve! looking forward to seeing this develop, will she tell alice? Also just to say i re-read chapter one and i absolutely love the prologue i dont think i appreciated it at the time but yeah< you really are a good writer x



Author's Response:

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you.  I hadn't gotten many reviews for this chapter and I was kind of freaking out about how it went over with you guys. 

I am glad you enjoyed the meeting up scene.  I hope Bella caving in didn't come across as too out of character for her.  She was devastated by Rosalie leaving and looking for solace.  Edward is who she turns to now for comfort and between the physical need to be with him, now there's an emotional one as well.  Also, I think a tiny part of her is pissed at Rosalie and in unconsciously using this is a way to get back at her. 

She will tell Alice about hooking up with Edward again, although not immediately.

I love that you re-read the prologue and that it really resonates with you.  There is a point further into the story where it fits in, and I will mention that when we get there. 

Thanks for all of the compliments, they mean so much to me.

Reviewer: mayi (Signed) · Date: January 08, 2011 05:31 PM · On: Chapter 11 - I Need To Say Goodbye

wow it so it begins that they started meeting each other, i knew she couldn't stay away for long specially after the pictures, who would?? lol



Author's Response:

I'm pretty sure naked pictures of Edward would have made me forget all about my resolve to not hurt Rosalie. :)  Clearly Bella is much tougher than we are!

Reviewer: millefiori (Signed) · Date: January 08, 2011 02:41 PM · On: Chapter 11 - I Need To Say Goodbye

Oh. My. God. That was so hot! I'm so glad E&B got to get it on again so soon! I thought I was going to have to wait even longer ;)

I am not surprised in the least that Rosalie left. Fuck her, indeed. She made her choice and Bella made hers accordingly. I hope they make up later but for now, whatever.

YUM! Great job once again (pant, pant).

P.S. You've given me the courage to submit my first E&B story (which is also slash). I have been working on it for a while but I have been nervous about it because it's so different from my usual. Thanks for the inspiration!



Author's Response:

(laughs) I knew you guys would be excited that you didn't have to wait!  Glad you liked it so much.  ;)

 

I'll keep an eye out for your story!  I am so glad this story inspired you to post yours!

Reviewer: twihardfan722 (Signed) · Date: January 08, 2011 11:15 AM · On: Chapter 11 - I Need To Say Goodbye

Yeah! They finally hooked up again. If I was Bella that's exactly what I would have done if I found out my best friend left town without telling me. I'm still completely confused with Rosalie's reaction to Bella. Especially if they've been best friends for years. Did what those girls say (the ones Bella heard at work) have any truth behind it? Can't wait to read the next chapter! I love this story!

P.S. Charlie totally reminds me of my dad. I used to sneak out all the time and he never caught on. And I had many close encounters like Bella did.;)



Author's Response:

I thought you guys would be happy that they hooked up!  What do you mean about what the girls said?  That Bella seduced Edward?  No, she didn't, it's just the way rumors get twisted around.  If you mean did Rose leave town?  Yes, she did.  She had always planned to go to NYU.

I ADORE Charlie in the movies and there are some scenes later in this story that I think you'll get a kick out of.  I totally got caught sneaking back in the house once and I did lie and say I'd had a bad dream when I'd actually snuck out to meet a guy.  :)

Thanks for the review! Glad you're enjoying the story so much.

Reviewer: acey (Signed) · Date: January 08, 2011 11:02 AM · On: Chapter 11 - I Need To Say Goodbye

Just perfect!!!  Glad Bella came to her senses about Rose..that biatch!  Great chap..u were right, very quick update, was sooo happy to see it..waiting for me to read it! xo



Author's Response:

Thanks! I am glad you enjoyed it. 

Reviewer: Iceangel7 (Signed) · Date: January 07, 2011 10:10 PM · On: Chapter 10 - Bad Boyfriend

While I understand her loyalty to Rose I just want to shake Bella and tell her to move on whether it is with Edward or someone else.  I don"t think Rose will forgive her anytime soon, she is so wrapped up in herself and her own problems.  I don't think Bella can rssist Edward much longer, I would have given in a long time ago!!!



Author's Response:

Thanks for the review!  And you're right, she won't be able to resist for long!

Reviewer: Natalina (Signed) · Date: January 07, 2011 07:14 PM · On: Chapter 10 - Bad Boyfriend

holy fuck hotness.... Yes fuck hot.... the ipedemy of hot



Author's Response:

Thanks!  Glad you enjoyed it so much!

Reviewer: Twijules (Signed) · Date: January 07, 2011 05:08 AM · On: Chapter 10 - Bad Boyfriend

What an awesome chapter, besides the phone sex, I love the conversations between Edward and Bella of course.  I have no idea what bella's breaking point will be, but I'm hoping they do meet up in Seattle.  I would imagine that they will be sneaking around (so hot)!!!!!  I'm still confused by Rosalie's reaction and they way she has treated Bella.  Why she refuses to talk to her. Maybe Alice and her ever loving involvement will shed some light on the situation between Bella and Rosalie.



Author's Response:

I am glad you like their conversations so much!  It won't be too much longer before they give in!  Glad you're enjoying it and thanks for the review!

Reviewer: twihardfan722 (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2011 05:46 PM · On: Chapter 10 - Bad Boyfriend

Another awesome chapter! I think Bella and Edward should do what they want. Screw Rosalie. I mean Bella has tried to talk to Rose several times. She's told her she was sorry. If Rose isn't grownup enough to even talk to Bella than Bella should just follow her instincts where Edward is concerned. I know I said I was confused with the whole Rose situation, but that's what makes a story interesting. (Burning questions) Looking forward to your next update. Keep up the good work!



Author's Response:

Thank you.  I agree that Rosalie is being incredibly immature.  But I suppose that happens when you're 18... I am glad you are finding the unanswered questions so interesting.  I was hoping it was interesting rather than irritating.  (laughs).  Thanks for the review, I love it!

Reviewer: Twilightrocks1984 (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2011 05:42 PM · On: Chapter 10 - Bad Boyfriend

that was an amazing chapter. I can not wait to see what the next chapter has to bring wow !!!!!!!!



Author's Response:

Aww thanks!  You won't have to wait long, the next chapter is in the validation queue.

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