I'm new to Twilight fanfiction but I think you've done an excellent job.  I can't wait to read what else you have written.  Keep up the great work!

Two words: Loved it! <3

-Haugaard

Freakin' fabulous!  I just loved it!  It's a great idea, and I really enjoyed how you wrote it.  Including Emmett and Jasper was a great touch.  Very funny. :)

There was a brief silence, before Esme admitted, “I’m confused.”

“Apparently so are Bella and Edward,” Jasper chuckled.

 

I actually laughed out loud at that.

I just thought you should know that I created my account, just now, specifically so that I could review this story. I enjoyed it, a lot. :)

Author's Response: Wow!  You created the account to respond!  I'm delighted.  And flattered!  Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! :o)

I LOVED this story.  You did a great job with the characters.  It was very romantic yet playful.  Il was captivated.  It was a wonderful moment between them.  And I laughed out loud at the end, with Emmett.  I can completely see him saying that!  Great job!

Ok, this story was Fabulous! Equal parts romance, seduction, and humor. So don't take the next thing I say personally, because I loved the whole story, but... DAMN! Jasper and Emmett took the cake for me on this one.

Jasper and Emmett were downstairs, playing a massive chess game they'd put together using nine regular game boards and the pieces from fifteen different chess sets, which allowed them entire cavalry units and to introduce reinforcements throughout the game. Jasper loved a good cavalry. And that meshed nicely with Emmett's ‘Go big or go home' philosophy towards everything in life, especially anything competitive. The game had been going on for three days and was nowhere near over. I could hear them trash talking each other loudly in the living room. 

 I heard the shocked silence of my brothers downstairs - even their minds were briefly quiet. Then Emmett and Jasper started laughing uproariously. Emmett and Jasper started speculating as to where Bella had bitten me.

It was Jasper who answered her. "Not much. Emmett's losing badly. His strategy sucks and over time he actually seems to be getting worse. Oh, and Bella bit Edward," he threw in casually as an afterthought.

"What?" Esme gasped.
"Edward bit Bella?" Carlisle demanded, concerned.
Emmett laughed, "No, Bella bit Edward."
There was a brief silence, before Esme admitted, "I'm confused."
"Apparently so are Bella and Edward," Jasper chuckled.
Emmett's booming laugh reverberated through the house. "What we'd like to know is: what bit of Edward did Bella bite?"
Jasper choked a laugh. "I bet you can't say that a hundred times fast."
Not one to ever turn down a challenge, Emmett started to rattle off his question over and over.

Oh, I just about died laughing reading their little inserts. Elbowed their way in, the just straight took over, but I loved it!

But it really was beautiful. I especially liked a couple of Bella's lines.

This one made me giggle, "Well, of the two of us, you didn't think I was the one with any willpower, did you?" she retorted defensively. I can just picture her sitting there, are crossed, lower lip sticking out in a pout.

And this one was just so beautiful, She smiled a knowing smile and said, "See? God knew what he was doing when he made you a vampire first. The other way around would have been simply disastrous." So sweet and simple, very Bella.

You have a wonderful voice. Your writing is elegant and refined, but it doesn't carry that heavy, introspective, slow moving quality that so many writers seem to have when weaving together their elaborate pros. This was well done and had an excellent pace. And even though Jasper and Emmett may have stolen the show, their humor didn't take over and Bella and Edward's scenes were still powerful and moving. A fabulous balance woven into a wonderfully story.

 Could you tell I liked it? ;)

 

Author's Response:

Can I tell you how great you've made me feel?  I'm so delighted you liked the story this much!  I had so much fun writing it too.  Thank you so much for letting me know I done good! LOL :o)

That was great! Thank you

That was absolutely brilliant! I love that she bit him, I think Bella needs to do more shocking things. As for Emmett and Jasper, I have always loved the ribbing that they give poor Eddie. They are def typical brother. I have 5 brothers....shouldnt have that many but for some reason my Mom had 3 all at once. Triplets...Poor woman its no wonders she is half crazy. Me....I stopped at 2.

Oh! Ohohoh! I like. I like alot!

This is exactly the kind of fluffy goodness I enjoy the most--a little bit thoughtful, a little bit fluff, and me with a big goofy smile on my face at the end.

Well done and well written!

Haha. That was cute. =)

 Bella biting Edward? Never seen that used before. 

 Good job on your first. Pretty damn good start.

Haha I really liked this. A clever piece of fluff, and I'm a fan of fluff. Good job!

haha i loved this it was great

Funny