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Reviews For Cullenary Coupling
Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 04, 2011 03:43 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Seventeen - When the Fur Flies

Another awesome chapter.

The image of Jasper sliding ‘down the shield looking as if he'd run face first into an unbreakable glass door' is hilarious.

Paula as a slobbering wolf seems a better romantic match for Charlie than her in human form, much less maintenance involved and it would curb their bedroom antics blessedly avoiding the risk that the contraceptives would fail and another Charlie Swan span would be unleashed on the world. They got lucky with Seth, let's not temp fate.

I am pleased that Hezekiah's body has finally been buried with his Jenny. I actually got a little teary while reading that part.

Favourite line - ‘But I was definitely keeping her away from the peerless Tanya. If those two ....never mind....it was too awful to even contemplate the corruption of my precious bottle cap at Tanya's claws...' Good thinking Edward, although the Bella/Tanya combination was hilarious it did cause a few problems. 



Author's Response:

Pauala had surgery to make darn sure she could never conceive again. Determined, that one. Glad you liked the jasper image, had to let him have fun getting surprised. I do adore the character of Hezekiah. I'm glad you liked that section. I was trying to create a parallel that Edward has formed relationships with Genevieve (of a sorts) and Hezekiah (much friendlier) and tried to "show" those relationships in how he treated their remains. 

Main Edward is still shuddering at the idea of Tanya getting anywhere near his precious Bella. *sniffs*

LOL

Thanks so much for the review and the stars, Simaril! You made my day. :)

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 03, 2011 08:47 AM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Sixteen - Can't a Century Old Vampire be a Moral Degenerate in Peace?

Another awesome chapter.

The committee is formed. One of the best things about rereading this story is anticipating the arrival of my favourite characters and events, Douglas and Grace especially.

If the O'Shea Swan family motto is ‘The spite never ends,' the Telecles motto has to be ‘The fight never ends," because those folks love nothing better than an all out brawl with vampire blades to be spun around threateningly.

Grave digging, a Cullen family bonding activity, well I guess it's cheaper than bowling.

Favourite line - "We never meant to hurt her. We didn't think it would make a difference, anyway." See that right there is your problem Charlie, you attempted to ‘think' clearly that isn't your strong suit, best leave it the people with functioning a cerebrum.



Author's Response:

I've known people who thought it "best" to pretend that their child did not have a disability. That's why I wrote that into Bella's story. I wanted to find another explanation for why she was so clumsy. Charlie thought at the time that nothing more could be done for her. Renee insisted that if Genevieve meddled medically with her daughter she'd never see her again. Both Charlie and Renee agreed that Bella should be "normal" so Genevieve's hands were tied. And you're definitely right on the Telecles family motto. Those people *really* know how to hold a grudge. 

Rolling on the floor laughing over the grave-digging line. So true. LOL.

Thanks so much, Simaril, for the review and the stars!

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 03, 2011 06:24 AM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Fifteen - Butterflies and Homecomings

Another awesome chapter.

Of all the villainous characters in this story Billy Black is my favourite, and by favourite I mean the one I'd most like to see chopped into pieces and fed to sharks. He is diabolical and manipulative and unfortunately, unlike his son, he is blessed with a modicum of intelligence which makes him all the more cunning.

The morning ritual of Edward's heart ceasing is so sad, especially as the rest of the family react with relief as it stops and he is therefore still a vampire, while Edward grieves as his hopes for a human life are snatched about from beneath him once again.

‘Bells could do a lot worse than Jake' I guess she could, although I'm struggling to find someone worse right now. Even Phoenix would be a more tolerable husband than the rubber lipped rapscallion (oh how I love that name). I like the fact Charlie is refusing to push Bella towards Jacob, I just wish he'd taken that view in Eclipse.

Woo-Hoo ‘My Little Bottlecap' I can't express how happy I was to finally see that wonderful line. I like it even more than ‘My Bella' because he calls her that when he finally realises he loves her, not too quick on the uptake are you Eddie, whereas the bottlecap pet name is cute because right now he's still clueless, thinking it is a purely Scent-antic relationship.

Favourite line - ‘But manners dictated that catching him after breaking both his legs accidentally-on-purpose was the polite thing to do. My Mother raised me right.' Ah yes, I remember that lesson. It came after sharing toys and don't run with scissors. Ah childhood memories.



Author's Response:

Oh man, I thought I answered this! Sorry for the tardiness! Thanks so much, Simaril, for the review and the stars. And the banter on Twitter. You kept me highly entertained while editing the current chapter. I liked the idea of taking someone that most people would write off due to a disability as being threatening - and making him the scariest human of them all. He might not have the use of his legs, but Billy is lethal. And I wanted to give a plausible explanation for why jacob is so messed up. In my mind, Jake has turned to Charlie as a surrogate Father, and Charlie is clueless about that - although he likes spending time with Jake. So when Bella shows up, there's this sibling rivalry vibe going on, but also Jake resents the heck out of her because a) he's not attracted to her and b) his father has made it abundantly clear that in order to have his approval he has to marry her. 

yeah, I was not a big fan of Charlie in Eclipse save one thing. He made the point that Bella dropped all of her friends, and that wasn't right. And he was totally correct on that score. 

I have to admit, breaking Mike Newton's legs was one of my favorite parts of the story. *wipes away venom tear*

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: March 02, 2011 11:51 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Thirteen - Hitchcock

So, by the time Jasper and Carlisle have 'the talk' with him... Edward has developed some means of control over his orgasmic instincts? All the runs? Okay, I get it.



Author's Response:

Hi there Starnani21,

You'll have to read to find out. *evil grin* But Edward does think that he has developed some control. But he also has not been entirely open with his family and Bella. That's about all I'm willing to spill. The runs he is doing at night in order to burn off energy, yes. And they are also mentally helpful to him as a stress outlet. 

Thanks for reviewing,

Books

Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: March 02, 2011 09:31 PM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Eleven - Weapons of Mass Distraction

Okay, I think I just needed to stop reading so late into the night.

I am liking how this Quileute and O'Shea-Swan powerplay is going down? Who's gonna kick Edward's but more thoroughly? Hmm. I have to go with Great Grandma on that one... but, will Great Uncle Liam make an ass kicking appearance? That would be hilarious.

It does have to be super sucky to have your greatest wish granted and revoked repeatedly. And, Jasper was right, Edward was bound to crack sooner or later.

I feel so bad for him. I mean, sure Bella was sick and is still a little frail, but Edward is dealing with a lot of heavy things that are completely changing him from the inside out. 

Okay, so her parents didn't tell her about the mild case of brain damage. But, she's known her parents were complete idiotic, self-centered, ding-bat ass holes her whole life. They've both done worse things to her than simply not being completely honest.

I wonder how Bella will learn about the Cullen's secret in this story. They have been doing an awesome job of keeping her in the dark (eating a lot of human food). Edward's spurts of humanity have really helped him on a few levels when dealing with Bella.

And, I can't help but think back to the beginning of your story here. It is so hard for me to get a clear picture of Edward's character. He is so hot and cold, sweet and devious. I've just stopped trying to assign him a label.

I shall now read on. These are just a few of my rambling thoughts jotted down.



Author's Response:

Hi there Starnani21!

Thanks so much for the review! This story can get confusing at times - late night reading or not. :) You will get to see both Genevieve and Liam in this story in their own way. Promise. You make a really good point about Edward with his greatest wish. He's got a heartbeat and blood scent, and has to breathe, but he's not human. And hearing his heart stop every morning kills him metaphorically speaking because he doesn't want it to end, but his family is terrified that it will start up again and he'll "die" a human death and they won't be able to bring him back. And Edward doesn't feel he can tell his family the truth about how he feels about being a vampire. 

And you also make an interesting point about Bella. To me she was so upset because being "clumsy" was a part of her identity - she had been told she was clumsy all her life and she blamed herself for being weak. Also, her Mother would become hysterical if Bella ever told her that she had a headache so Bella quickly learned not to tell her and to get by taking Tylenol for what was impressive pain. Now think about finding out that you were with held medical care for migraines by your parents (Charlie had no clue about the headaches, Bella never told him) - because they wanted you to be "normal." Charlie might have had good intentions, Renee certainly did not. She didn't want Bella to know that it was her fault that Bella fell. And she didn't want a reminder of it, so she basically raised her daughter not to ever mention anything dealing with her brain injury by becoming distraught over it. Bella, therefore, grew up hiding pain her whole life feeling if she told anyone that it would be bad because that was a lesson she learned early on. And Bella is also angry because her Grandparents (Genevieve was a doctor) never told her, nor did they medicate her either. So she feels like this huge part of her life was a lie. And she's beyond angry at her Mother for being - in Bella's opinion self-absorbed to let her child suffer like that so she could feel better about herself as a parent. Good point about Edward's humanity. He has body heat, so he's not cold. he breathes, etc. 

What I'm trying to "show" with Edward is how he was deeply traumatized by the death of his family and his own. He's a young man - extremely religious, who believed that vampires were mythical soulless beasts. Then he wakes up one. And he's horrified and doesn't feel he can tell Carlisle because then a) Carlisle would feel guilty for granting Edward's mother's request and b) Carlisle might leave him and Edward is terrified of being alone in the world as a vampire. Then he feels shut out when Esme shows up because Carlisle and she are ga-ga in love with one another so he leaves to give them privacy and falls off the wagon in Chicago. And he is even more traumatized after three years of feasting upon humans day and night to realize that he was, a murderer after all. That pushed all his religious buttons again. So he basically was frozen in time by multiple traumas and created this delusion in his mind - a self-made prison of sorts - that if he was the perfect vampire child, then his family would keep him. So he spent decades living on the fringe of his family. he'd go to school, come home and stay just long enough to be polite, and then leave for the night wandering the forest on his own, running, to give the family privacy. In the morning he'd return home to change and go back to school. pretty miserable existence in my mind. And then enters Bella Swan. She shakes up his whole world. You'll see over the course of this story how Edward changes in the way he sees himself, his family, and Bella. 

Hope that helps,

 

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 02, 2011 02:50 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Another awesome chapter.

"But you have absolutely no problem exposing yourself to harmless raccoons, birds, and martyred crickets while frolicking and self-fornicating through national parks. It's good to see you have some standards left. Pervert." Do you ever wish you could give Starched Shirt Edward a slap or ten? I do. Although I guess technically you can, you can write Jugurtha giving him a slap to appease your urge. Alas I cannot.

‘Emmett envisioned a Godzilla sized wolf tromping through the forest.' Patience Emmett, patience.

I enjoyed reading the Clearwater family's visit. It was nice to see them all together, happy, before the brown stuff hits the fan in the near future.

A museum dedicated to squirrels? We must tell Douglas.

Favourite line - ‘Jasper had not wanted to peruse them without my permission, a sentiment which I respected on his part. It wouldn't do for him to invade her privacy without my consent.' Umm, well, huh, that's various kinds of screwed up thinking from Edward.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! I do find SSE's sniping occasionally to be hilarious. And yes, I can't beat him all that I want. (pun not intended). In my mind, it was important to "show" that Bella did have people that cared about her, but that she had been emotionally distant from them. She and Leah were quite close and then Leah discovered Sam and basically dropped Bella to hang out with her boyfriend and stopped calling Bella to hang out with her boyfriend. Seth was busy being a blooming teenager and he spent what time he could with Bella - and then the kids got sick and the vampires too Bella and life got interesting for the Clearwaters. 

And you caught me, I do have entirely too much fun pointing out the hypocrisy of Edward's actions when he accuses others of misbehaving or horning in on his territory. It's not like he's even told her he's interested. Yanno?

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 02, 2011 09:47 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Thirteen - Hitchcock

Another awesome chapter.


I know I have ranted about this before but… HOW DARN STUPID CAN THEY BE‽ What a cruel trick to play on Edward. I can see why they’d find it amusing and I guess Emmett can be partially excused on account of the grizzly inflicted brain damage but Jasper at least has a functioning brain, they should know better. Luckily Alice is the master of guilt trips and when you add in Carlisle and Esme they are a crack team of guilt.


I do enjoy Hezekiah’s little chats, he is endlessly amusing. I can’t wait till the committee get in on the act too.


Favourite line – “I think I have a grasp on Genevieve's personality.” The words bat-shit crazy spring to mind when thinking of her.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

You raise a really good point here in your review. I wanted to "show" that they were not thinking due to the stress of everything just building up. Jasper when in his right mind, would not dream of doing something like that to Edward. He's still a little brain fried from that vision. And Emmett, too. Both should know better. I wanted to create a situation that really "showed" Edward just how much he could trust Mary Alice while also kind of muddying up Mary Alice's character in the process. She's lying to the entire family by omission in order to keep her word to Edward. She cannot read the future exactly because Edward inteferes with her gift so she can't excuse her behavior by saying she knew it would all work out in the end. That means that she risked Bella's life. And she also put the family at risk in the event that Edward went bonkers. Now that, on one hand you could argue is sisterly devotion, but on the other side, you see the price she paid for it. 

I'm smirking at your comments about Genevieve. It's hard trying to write a relationship existing between a ghost that is mostly off page and Edward. Especially when that ghost is sending unclear messages. 

 

Best,

 

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 02, 2011 07:52 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Twelve - Bless me Father for I am Most Definitely Going to Sin

Another awesome chapter.

I love the way you describe Starched Shirt Edward's behaviour ‘attentive like a rabbit, nose twitching' it is a very strong visual not to mention frickin' hilarious.  

I think Alice and Rosalie have a little too much fun teasing Bella about her fever induced antics. Shameless shrews. However their teasing does allow Bella's musings to befuddle Edward for a while, which I always enjoy.

Favourite line - "But I need equipment." Bless his little Ossified heart, he's so cute when he's clueless, which lucky for us is a common occurrence.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! You're seriously making my week here. I look forward to seeing what you think about each chapter. Starched Shirt Edward to me reminds me of a whining younger sibling - irritating because just sometimes he nails a truth that you are trying to hide from. And yes, I think that the sisters Cullen had a bit too much fun with Bella. Notice they didn't get much information out of her, though. Talker, she is not. I do have lots of fun writing Edward as clueless. 

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: March 01, 2011 10:41 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy

WHAT... THE... HECK... DID... I... JUST... READ?!?!?!

REALLY?!?!

GREEN LIGHT???



Author's Response:

Hi there Starnani21!

Yep. Green light. If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer them. :) thanks so much for reading and reviewing.

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 01, 2011 03:23 PM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Eleven - Weapons of Mass Distraction

Another awesome chapter.


I know Genevieve is bonkers but what was she trying to convey with those visions? And why for the love all that sparkles can she not give them a sensible message for once instead of all that cryptic crap?


Favourite line – ‘“You have just started to smell kind of tasty lately if you know what I mean." Emmett assured me laughing pounding my back. How marvelous! Now I had to worry not only about my family eating my singer but them lusting after my blood as well.’ Them’s the breaks.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

I owe you a boatload of review responses! Wow! You've astounded me today. And spoiled me so. :) Thanks so much! In Genevieve's mind she thinks that she is being perfectly clear and the Cullens are idiots. Her skills at communication are at best crude, and highly frustrating to her. 

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 01, 2011 01:29 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Ten - Heartbeats and Lullabies

Another awesome chapter.

So Grace was Hezekiah's pet/friend/protector before Edward? Huh, I never picked up that before, this re-reading lark is very informative.

"Don't let her fool you; she's a lot like her Grandmother." Which one? Genevieve; the insane, cryptic crone that likes screwing around with IVF, the even more insane Vivinna whose spirit will shortly be visiting Bella resulting in cardiac arrest or Great Grandmother Gaia who has an interesting take on housekeeping (Guano anyone?) and an even more interesting take on offspring discipline - a millennium of misery Vs a spanking, hmm decisions, decisions.

My heart break for Edward in this chapter. Not only does he have to horror of listening to his own heartbeat slow and stop but he has the disappointment, which he cannot allow the family to see, of having his dreams of a second chance at a human live dashed.

I have to say Rubber-mouthed Rapscallion is my all-time favourite moniker for Jacob. As a confirmed hater of the creep leg humper I have spend endless happy hours coming up with new ones yet you surpassed all of my efforts.

Favourite line - ‘I eagerly anticipated informing the elders that I had been granted tribal sacred powers by their long dead shaman. Clearly, they would be overwhelmed with gratitude. I envisioned them hopping about with glee, throwing rose petals in my wake.' Hmm yeah that could happen. Not.  



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Grace was indeed working with Hezekiah - although she did not make a bond with him anywhere near like she made with Edward. She had to sit back and watch what happened to Hezekiah because he ordered her to do nothing. So let's just say that Grace has been sitting on a lot of pent up anger at watching what happened when the Cullens left. Gaia would like to remind you that if you read the One-Shot Bella and the priestess you'll see that she was forced to hand down that punishment/offer to Marcus in order that he get some of his children back. She suffered every bit as much as he did because she, too, was separated from her mate for 1,000 years. 

I am fond of rubber-mouthed rapscallion. I'm also fond of calling him a moronic mushroom muncher. Yeah, I was not a big fan of Book Jacob. AT ALL. And I could not get over how it was clearly obvious in BD that SM lost Edward's voice and fell in love with Jacob's character. She gave him a third of the book when it would have been much more interesting in EPOV. *sigh*

I'm going to stop now before I rant.

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 01, 2011 09:08 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy

Another awesome chapter.

Just when you're starting to understand Edward's actions and even feel sympathy for him he ruins it: ‘Mouth contact; although tempting, would be imprudent due to that whole venom stealing her soul issue - not to mention the infinitely more important venom stealing her scent conundrum.' Yep, that some impressive prioritising Edward. You should feel so proud.

TweedleEmo, TweedleBlunt, and TweedleShrew. Just when you think he's a berk with a stick the size of Douglas' tree up his butt he comes up with something like that. Genius.

Confession: I skipped most of Jasper's vision, I know I am a coward but it takes a few episodes of Teletubbies to pull myself out of the depressive funk after reading that section so I made like an ostrich and examined the sand.  

Favourite line - "What's the downside?" My eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You have to find my replacement." Hezekiah totally has his fingers crossed behind his back.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Something to keep in mind about attitudes is that when we say them to ourselves, often times we say them the most when we are the most unsure. It's a way of reminding ourselves of what we believe in. So Edward when he does that is fighting his feelings, and trying to come up with a rational explanation for his world. I'm glad you liked the Tweedle joke. Tweedledum and dumber just didn't have a unique ring to it. 

Actually Hezekiah had no idea when he offered those powers to Edward that they would have the side effects that they did. Honest. 

*blinks*

Best,

Books

Reviewer: vanessa118377 (Signed) · Date: March 01, 2011 04:40 AM · On: Chapter Eleven: Undead Man Whimpering

OMG!!!

So I added this story to my favorites well over a year ago when I was dying to get my hands on good fan fic.  For some reason, life happened and I stopped reading all together.  A few weeks ago I found my way back to this site and started going thru the stories I had favorited.

I can not believe I didn't read this sooner!!  I freakin' LOVE what you've done with the story line and the characters.  I absolutely love your style of writing.  It's the perfect blend for me.  The twists and turns you added have kept me reading several chapters on a daily basis to get caught up.  I guess the only good thing that came out of me putting off reading for a year is the fact that I had more of the story to read and I didn't have to wait to read this much of it!!  haha!

I can't wait to see what you do with them from here on out.  I'm going to feel like a crack addict waiting for the next chapter to be posted!

Awesome job!!  Keep it up!



Author's Response:

Well, hello there vanessa118377!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! And I'm delighted that you are enjoying Cullenary Coupling and my sick and twisted mind. Main Edward is preening at your kind words. Jugurtha has puffed out his chest, and SSE is praying in joy to the Blessed Mother on your behalf. I am going to be sending you the teaser through the Twilighted PM system. If you do not get it within the hour, please tweet me 

@bookishqua

and I'll find another way to get it to you. Thanks so much for reading and supporting my story. Your review made my day.

Best,

Books

Jugurtha is leering at you. *leers*

 

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 01, 2011 02:19 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

Another awesome chapter.

I love this chapter as we get our first glimpse of the wonderful Hezekiah. Unfortunately it comes at a price as we also have the scheming scoundrel Gregory Clearwater.

The death of Lee's family was understandable and predictable. You would almost feel pity for him if it hadn't been for the fact he proceeded to frame the Cullens, even going so far as to literally munch on their bodies. Their deaths were an accident, his using them as a chew toy however wasn't and is essentially repugnant.

Favourite line - "Our examination of your family's banking records indicates your father has been hoarding your college fund" Not to worry though, your insignificant intellect would not enable you to utilize it anyway.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

You know, it's hard to put myself in the mind of Lee Quill. To me he was enraged by the wolf powers, and not rational when he attacked his family and then he panicked and in a knee jerk reaction did what he did to his family and when he saw his brother John he stopped. He just cracked mentally. I wanted to "show" how through gossip and misunderstanding that something so awful could happen by a young disturbed man. I also wanted to "show" how the Quileutes kept their knowledge oral, with lots of secrets and did not write them down. When Hezekiah died, so too, did a huge repository of knowledge because the elders that were left just stopped talking. 

Loved that snarky line about college. Main Edward is tapping me on the shoulder and pointing out that their family replenished a college fund for jacob. Not that they needed to. Paula had one for him started up. But still. *sniffs*

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 02:44 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Seven - My Queen

Another awesome chapter.

Knowing Jacob was going to make an appearance in this chapter filled me with conflicting emotions, apprehension, because let's face it any time that twerp opens him mouth we all lose IQ points, and glee because I knew his marginal mind was going to be thoroughly trounced by Edward's. Good times. I have to admit I did enjoy his posturing amongst so many witnesses, anyone in Forks who was unaware of what a Pillock he was before have now witnessed a stellar demonstration of his slow mind and lacking social skills.

"I've been ordered by the tribal elders to bring you home. You can sleep on our couch, or bunk with me. But you're coming with me and that's final. You can help out around the house and keep an eye on Dad during the day to earn your keep." Dear lord, can you imagine the horrendous things Billy could have orchestrated if he had managed to get Bella to stay with him and Scrappy Doo! Ugh, I shudder to think.

Favourite line - ‘This honesty thing occasionally was refreshing.' And only occasionally used.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review! You know I did find writing jacob to be a challenge. Because I wanted to show him acting like a complete jerk and then "show" why he behaved the way he did without letting him off the hook for his behavior. Jacob has poor social skills. His father rejected him at birth and raised him to believe that he had to follow the plan if he wanted to have Billy's approval. So Jacob turned to paula and charlie for affection (although Charlie honestly had no clue just how much Jake looked up to him). So Bella in his mind, is someone that he resents. She's the brass ring that he doesn't want. But Dad says he has to marry her. And when she moved to town, that meant he spent considerably less time with Charlie because Charlie was busy. So yeah, that's why you see such antagonism coming out in Jake.

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 01:16 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

Another awesome chapter.

Poor Edward, he completely loses his mind when faced with the risk of allergens. ‘She could fall into the shrimp vats or slip and land in a pile of lettuce.' Yes Edward, that is a very real risk... NOT! Mocking aside it is funny and quite sweet the amount of thought he puts into the Bella's health.

The Swan house overhaul should have been filmed; it would make an awesome show Extreme Makeover Neurotic Vampire Edition has quite the ring to it.

‘Besides, we doubted he could play chess, either' I think Jacob is still learning the ropes of Connect Four so chess is a little beyond him for now.

Favourite line - "I'm glad. Tell me about your Grandmother. Is she the smart one you mentioned to me?" Nope, she is the barking mad one with a tendency to give cryptic messages. You'll love her!  



Author's Response:

Hi Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! I'm fallling out of my chair laughing at your TV pilot idea. Two thumbs up. I think Jake could barely play Go Fish. But that's just me.

Best,

 

Books

Reviewer: summerc79 (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 12:25 PM · On: Chapter Eleven: Undead Man Whimpering

Hello ! *waves* How is my good friend Books ? Really looking forward to reading this chapter 69…

Can I just say first that I am still mad at Twilighted for losing my incredible, amazing, out of this world (the list goes on and on… hahaha) review of chapter 68?

Here goes!

 

You can tell CEE was very young and naïve at the time of the flashback. It’s like in the Twi book when we learn about his past. Justifying his killing of humans by underlying that these people were criminals. It truly is over-simplifying the outcome, as we then learnt. Conscience always makes itself known, in ways you didn’t expect.

 

Strength in numbers. This once again proves true as the spirit(s) knock heavily on the shields, as well as when they were made to “materialize” in front of the vampires eyes. Jasper is going to have a field day!

 

Arria truly is growing in her role as a Mother. She will never be the “Esme kind”, but she is trying and has made tremendous progress over very little time.

 

The setting at Arria’s is indeed very Roman empire. The Colosseum is such a beautiful place by the way, especially at night. But I’m getting sidetracked.

Nice to see Bella standing up for herself – and CCE too.

Lucius’s attitude is so typical of one we encounter more and more these days – unfortunately. Saying one thing, then another as it suits you. Then going back on words, while using technicalities as leverage. He’s not clever enough for those vampires though. Well, ok, he is clever enough as he gets to wed Arria. But… There is always a “but” somewhere, especially as far as our dear Books is involved ;)

 

And so we learn more secrets that Bella held close to her chest all this time. Poor girl! Tormented by Perdiccas for weeks on end!! Fury is about to erupt. That man is probably even stupider than Lucius. *sigh* men! Lol

 

Bella is such a clever little one! Bringing Aro into story to make sure everything concords. Astute, really.

 

After the storm, comes out the sun (or something like that lol). Time for some light-hearted moments and par-tay!! Mary Alice would probably have liked to help in the planning…

That Taco thing had me laughing out loud!

 

Nice twist you brought to the story with Tanya giving up falling in love for the safety of her Lover’s child. It gives her more depth.

As for Gaia, her mind is quite something really! Hehehe And I really enjoyed that part of her conversation with CCE: “Take joy, Edward, where you can find it. Life is cruel. Life is suffering. You cannot protect Bella from it all. You can help her grow stronger."

Oh, and may I add I would love to know someone who could open a portal so I could find myself wherever I wished :p

 

At last, a bit of “private” time for our newlyweds… They remained rather cool and collected throughout the whole thing. Not sure I would have taken so nicely to being interrupted on my wedding day lol

It is very nice to see both Bella and CCE open up more to each other. And *gulp* talk. Although secrets still remain (really, CCE??? Listen to the Beast from time to time).

 

The part where CCE talks about his and his brothers and father’s “plan” to keep Bella alive after the wedding night is humorous. “Now I had to figure out how to protect my bride's modesty and seduce her before daylight.” Oh, CCE…

And how much had Jug to twist SSE’s arm about those distressing magazines… Naughty Boys!

 

Kudos for depicting beautifully the whole undressing & reaching the bedroom part. It had just the right amount of humor and snark you would expect, but it was also very sweet and you can feel the tension crescendo as you read events unfold J

 

This was a great 69’ers!!! lol

 



Author's Response:

Hi there Summerc79!

Oh how you spoil me so with your epic reviews. Oh my stars! Thank you so much! And yes, I agree with you that Twilighted munching your review was annoying. I think it must have done that to other people as well because that chapter did not get nearly the number of reviews that I ordinarily get - and no one complained, either. I'm glad that Arria is growing on you. She'll never by like Esme, but in her own unique way, she does love her daughter and is trying to "show" that in a way that is healthy for Bella. Bella getting sick scared the wits out of her because she already had one child die. Glad you liked the twist with Tanya. I wanted to give a logical explanation for why she was behaving the way that she was and give her a little bit of depth. Had to have Jugurtha shock SSE with porn. Had to. Evil, I know. And I'm delighted you enjoyed the end of the chapter. That was difficult to write and get all those emotional blends in there in a way that rang true to CC and worked. 

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 11:02 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

Another awesome chapter.

I love Edward's shopping excursion in this chapter. Bless him.

I know Mrs. Stanley does become a nicer character later in the story and is especially sweet to Bella but in this chapter she amuses/aggravates me. She sizes Edward up like a farmer at a cattle auction, evaluating his suitability as a husband for her daughter. I feel for the poor boy that ends up with that unfortunate fate.  

Favourite line - "Here's your dime bag crackhead." I know this is Emmett's unique brand of humour but it's also a rather apt description of Edward's appreciation of Bella's scent. In Twilight he refers to Bella as his own brand of heroin and that is magnified tenfold in this story.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

I loved writing that scene. I'm glad you enjoyed it and the chapter! Thanks so much for the review and the stars! I wanted to "show" just how much of a sacrifice that Edward was making by going into a human clothing store for the first time in decades. By himself and trying to help Bella. Mrs. Stanley is a dingbat, yes. And I loved satirizing the way some mothers look at young men like horseflesh so you totally got that joke. LOL. 

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 05:31 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Four - Deviant

Another awesome chapter.

The image of Jugurtha waving his Zippo in the air, making like he's at a Bon Jovi concert was endlessly amusing as for the ‘Giddyup' exclamation well that made me laugh so hard I spat coffee over the desk. I find it ironic that Edward is all but ignorant of pop culture whereas Jugurtha seems pretty clued in even though he is an extension of Edward's psyche.

 Favourite line - "She's in need of medication at present, not a makeover. Try to exercise some self control. We need to get her to the emergency room." Focus Mary Alice, her very scent is at risk!



Author's Response:

Ah Simaril, you have no idea how much joy it brings to me know that someone spat all over their computer from reading my work. Good times. *sighs* LOL. I wanted to "show" how ignorant Edward was of idioms as yet another way of showing how disconnected he was from this generation (the one before it, too). He only paid attention to the ones that dealt with their safety, all others he tuned out because it hurt him too much to be inside the minds of humans and be seeing their hopes and dreams, things he never could have. 

Had to mock the shop-a-holic version of Alice that exists in the fandom. That;s why I had other people do the shopping in this story.

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 03:37 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Three - EdBargo

Another awesome chapter.

Jasper's allusion to Rosalie as The Wicked Witch of the West ‘I'll get you and your little dog, too,' is inspired, and also quite accurate. Rosalie takes such offence at Edward courting a human and I'm pretty certain that is less to do with her fear of their secret being revealed as it is the fact Bella, as a human considered cattle, has temped Edward more than she with her enchanting beauty ever managed. It would be like being refused a date as your beloved because he prefers a Jersey cow. That is a serious blow to the ego.

The first evidence of the demented dingbat that is Charlie Swan in this chapter, he never had Bella checked for asthma! Although we shouldn't really be surprised between him and Renee we should be grateful Bella survived her infancy, however she didn't come out of it unscathed.

Gianni wandering hands is truly repulsive, but I guess as Newton-No-Brain is incapacitated, someone has to fill the role of resident pervert of Forks High School.

Favourite line - "It's much more convenient to carry a one ounce bottle cap around than a 110 pound human with me all day long when they both smell the same. I'd say I'm smart." That line has me in hysterics every time.

 



Author's Response:

Hi Simaril!

I wanted to show this divide in the Cullen household - a cultural one - where they looked upon humans as "other" even while refusing to drink from them. And Edward to a great part was responsible for that with the other Cullen "children" because they followed his lead of being aloof and barely interacting. And in this case I wanted to deviate from canon. Rosalie is horrified at first that the family could get killed if the secret gets out. She's very protective of the family, obviously. But she also as a psychiatrist, is disturbed by her brother's behavior. That's why when he starts a fight for the first time in his time in the family he pulled no punches. And THAT floored Rosalie even more. Emmett in CC, had no idea that Rose had been changed in the hopes that she'd be Edward's mate. So Edward basically put a grenade in the room and walked out. The question Emmett had was "why the secret?"

I loved mocking Gianni. Too much fun. LOL. 

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2011 04:52 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Two - Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know

Another awesome chapter.

Poor Edward. He really is convinced the family would banish him at any moment. Although it does not excuse his rather douchey behaviour it does make me sympathetic to his plight. He does not mean to hurt Bella or the family by pretending to love her, he is just trying to give them something else to focus on.

I know Edward says much later in the story that he thinks they mated on the night of the truck crash but is that right? Maybe I'm foolishly hopeful but when he is observing her as she reads in the garden he seems to be focusing on something other than her scent for a change, is this a sign of him changing feelings oblivious as he is or is he just enjoying the view?

We get our first glimpse of Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward in this chapter, yippee. I adore Jugurtha, he is hilarious when dealing with Starched Shirt Edward and still manages to be menacing while acting as Edward's secretary. As for Starched Shirt Edward, well he's just plain cute, not to mention endlessly amusing.

I know Jugurtha was created in Edward's vigilante years to aid him in his pursuit of evil humans and Starched Shirt Edward is his human persona but I have to ask is it an accurate portrayal? Was he that much of a twerp as a human? If so I can totally understand why he never found a suitable wife in his human years, I think the bachelorettes of Chicago circa 1918 are also hugely grateful for that fact.

Favourite line - "We were hunting deer to drink their blood when this amazing smelling girl hit a patch of ice, and nearly inconvenienced my sister. She was awfully mad at having to use her dinner to make it look like an accident. And she chipped her fingernail polish which really has her fuming. By the way, I'm your friendly neighbourhood vampire." Rosalie is a real piece of work. She bemoans the waste of a deer but she was the silly bint that punted her across the road, almost killing her, in the first place.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! Honestly, in this part of the story, at least this chapter, Edward is telling himself that he could not care less about hurting Bella's feelings. This is being done for his family. To give them something scandalous to fixate on - and also make his Mother happy. In my mind, in order for two vampires to mate, they both have to feel love for another - in order to plant the seed. If you go back and re-read the crash, look at it through the lens of love being shown through sacrifice. Jugurtha is a parody of the Id - Freud's notion of the part of the psyche that wants, craves, and doesn't really care about the consequences of those cravings. SSE is a parody of the super-ego, which ponders the right or wrongness of actions. I thought it would be hilarious, nerd that I am, to put the Id in charge of organizing Edward's life and showing discipline. Because Jugurtha is saying that Edward can have what he "wants" if he goes about it in a clever organized way. 

Edward was not a self-righteous fist shaking kind of guy verbally during his life. He had Horatio and a few other friends that he grew up with and he usually sat back and let them do all the talking. He had a very happy childhood. So he's not really - as a human - like SSE except for the naive part. That, he most definitely was in many ways. 

Hope that helps,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2011 06:10 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part One - Pride and Tribulation

Awesome chapter as always.

This is my third time reading through the story. I reviewed on this site before as Hecta but I changed my name so that it is the same as my fanfiction.net penname. I read the first arc of the story recently to catch up with the alterations before reading the latest chapters (mushroom munching moron) so I'm skipping straight to the Heart Of Darkness arc. I'm looking forward to seeing what details I missed the first couple of times.

One of the things that always amazes me with your writing is the fact that your Edward is for want of a better word a total douche. He aggravates me to the point of exasperation almost continuously and has me baying for his blood at time and yet he is still enchanting. This story includes so many elements that I would ordinarily find abhorrent in a story, original characters, large influence of the wolves, a weakened Edward, and yet I am thoroughly addicted. It is a testament to your writing that you make me bypass my usual preferences in a story (and I am a stubborn bugger) and devour each chapter like Tanya and an unsuspecting school boy. I find it amusing to read my reviews from the first time I read this story on fanfiction.net when I was so determined that all of Edward nefarious behavior should be revealed to the family and he should suffer the consequences but that is not the point of this story, it is about learning from mistakes and appreciating the people in your life.

Edward's thoughts in this chapter are heartbreaking. I don't think I ever gave much thought before to how he must have felt upon awakening as a vampire and only having Carlisle as a companion. The rest of the family, excepting Alice and she at least had her vision, awoke with a family that could support them and explain the nuances of their new life.

Favorite line - ‘It seemed the young man in the starched shirt truly had died in every way in Chicago.' Don't be so sure, you may come to wish Starched Shirt Edward had remained in Chicago before long.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril/Hecta!

third? Wow. I am beyond flattered that you read one chapter, much less the entire story thus far. And to hear that you have started on the third time? Oh my stars. Hon, that made my day. :) Thanks so much for the review and the stars. 

I don't disagree with you that Edward's character is definitely a complicated one. And his behavior in much of the HOD arc is self-serving at best. And I am honored that you can look past (while NOT excusing his behavior) to also see the other sides of him because I see him like a multi-faceted jewel. There are dark spots there. But there are also bright spots when the light catches it just so. And since many fanfiction stories follow similar memes, I completely understand your earlier reviews asking for his family to find out and yell at him. I think Enthralled did it best in Sacrifices (you can find it on my favorites on my profile at ff.net) - and I did not want to go where so many other authors had gone with my plot. I thought it would be far more interesting for Edward, because of his shyness and pride and most importantly, fear, to have to figure it out on his own. As a writer, to me it was a challenge to see if I could "show" him doing such cold-hearted (pun intended) things and also "show" him growing at what I considered to be a realistic rate, given his psychological state due to the consequences of his actions. 

In my mind, Edward as a young man was deeply religious. And the notion of vampires - was that of soullness eternally damned beasts. So to me, him waking up to find that he is a vampire had to be his worst nightmare. Now add onto that the death of his family in one fell swoop and having to leave everything he knew behind. I wanted to break from canon to 'show" that Edward felt he could not express this revulsion at being a vampire (beyond newborn hysterics) to Carlisle out of fear that a) he'd make him feel guilty and b) then he'd abandon Edward. I wanted to "show" that due to his shyness, Carlisle honestly did not have a clue just how bad Edward suffered. He thought it was the vampire nature taking the exceptional part of someone and making it stronger - that aside from Marcus - Edward was the quietest vampire of them all. 

The rest of the family could support each other because they talked about it. Edward never felt that he could "show" in any way that he did not enjoy being a vampire. That's the difference. Not only is it shyness, but it's unresolved trauma driving him. when you add Chicago to that? And all that guilt? It forced him to run screaming from what he had done after having a moment where his conscience struct him due to Sister Claire. Now, he's a real mess after seven decades of hiding from himself. He's constructed his own prison living the life of the perfect immortal teenager. And then comes Bella Swan who blows that illusion to Hades.

Best,

 

Books

Reviewer: lilmissnaomi (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2011 02:09 PM · On: Chapter Eleven: Undead Man Whimpering

I can't even say how much I love CC. In my mind this is how the real Twilight should have been. The characters have so much more depth. I will weep like a baby when it ends. I vote it goes on forever. I don't know how you e-mail the one shot to people, and I don't know how to check pm's and I'm not on the message board. Could you please e-mail it to me at naomianne2 at g mail dot com (I don't know if they allow e-mail addresses on here or not). Anyway CC is the only reason I hang around twilighted anymore. Very few of the other stories I've read have been able to capture my attention like CC, and those that come close are rarely if ever updated (seriously, 8 updates in like a year and a half? what's up with that). Thanks for writing such a brilliant story and for updating fairly regularly. As much as I'd like to make you my personal writing slave I know you must have a life outside of CC and since most of your updates are huge I figure you work really hard. So thanks again!



Author's Response:

Hi there lilmissnaomi!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! It delights me to hear that you are enjoying this story. I've poured a lot of work into it, and it takes a patient person to put up with me posting for two years. I'm honored by your review. Thanks for making my day. I also post CC at ff.net using the pen name bookishqua. I have emailed you the teaser. If you do not receive it, please tweet me @bookishqua

and I'll try again. :)

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2011 11:50 PM · On: Chapter 5: Indecent Exposure at the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy Part One

How do you keep up with all the little details that you have weaving in and out of the chapters??

The stripper pole that Rosalie and Emmett ordered? The things that happened at the bachelor party? The Denali's quiet concern? Jasper's gay moment?

WOW!!! I was literally choking on my laughter at one point!!!

And, Edward and Bella hiding something from each other?! Honesty is always the best policy, right?

You truly are the Queen of masterful sub-plots!!! Amazing! I feel like I'm reading 3 or more stories!



Author's Response:

Hi Starnani21!

How do i keep track of the plot? Well, I'm a nerd. And I had these files that would make my computer cry when I would open there where I created charts keeping track of everything. Yes, the entire point of this section is to present something that comes across as Post-Eclipse that sets up conflict with Edward and Bella and lets you know that both of them are hiding things frome each other and not communicating like an engaged couple should. If you think things are complicated now, wait til you hit the backstory. Our Edward has been keeping quite a lot of secrets. *shakes head* 

Thanks for the review!

Edward is winking at you.

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2011 11:03 PM · On: Chapter 4: Homework Was Never Supposed To Be This Much Fun

!!!! What the hell did he do??!!!! The entire cheek??!!!! Ahhhhh!!!! I would be absolutely mortified!!!! And, it took him way too long to react if Mike was able to see her blushing ass!!!!!!!! Ahhhhh!!!! I can't get this smile off my face! Really! Too funny!



Author's Response:

Hi there Starnani21!

Yes, he ripped off the entire left buttock of her jeans. And yes, I would be too. And just because he's a vampire doesn't mean that he's going to react to everything in immortal time. He was stunned at what had happened. I'll let you in on a little secret about me. I have a sick, twisted sense of humor. So thinking up this chapter I pondered the notion: How can I get Edward stripping Bella (partially) in public without her being in physical danger (like on fire) in a way where he thinks he has the moral high ground? Hmmmmmm And I dreamed this up. I liked the idea because Tanya's joke was intended to be on Edward. On him walking around and freaking out that a) he looked at that part of Bella, and b) that he was in the store with Tanya's costume winking at him from Bella's pants. Tanya thought, Edward being Edward that he'd rip off his coat and cover Bella up. She never dreamed he'd tear her clothes off. She's shaking her head in wonder at the stupidity of the boy. Really *tsks*

Glad you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks so much for the review!

Best,

Books

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