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Reviewer: summerc79 (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 12:25 PM · On: Chapter Eleven: Undead Man Whimpering
Hello ! *waves* How is my good friend Books ? Really looking forward to reading this chapter 69…
Can I just say first that I am still mad at Twilighted for losing my incredible, amazing, out of this world (the list goes on and on… hahaha) review of chapter 68?
Here goes!
You can tell CEE was very young and naïve at the time of the flashback. It’s like in the Twi book when we learn about his past. Justifying his killing of humans by underlying that these people were criminals. It truly is over-simplifying the outcome, as we then learnt. Conscience always makes itself known, in ways you didn’t expect.
Strength in numbers. This once again proves true as the spirit(s) knock heavily on the shields, as well as when they were made to “materialize” in front of the vampires eyes. Jasper is going to have a field day!
Arria truly is growing in her role as a Mother. She will never be the “Esme kind”, but she is trying and has made tremendous progress over very little time.
The setting at Arria’s is indeed very Roman empire. The Colosseum is such a beautiful place by the way, especially at night. But I’m getting sidetracked.
Nice to see Bella standing up for herself – and CCE too.
Lucius’s attitude is so typical of one we encounter more and more these days – unfortunately. Saying one thing, then another as it suits you. Then going back on words, while using technicalities as leverage. He’s not clever enough for those vampires though. Well, ok, he is clever enough as he gets to wed Arria. But… There is always a “but” somewhere, especially as far as our dear Books is involved ;)
And so we learn more secrets that Bella held close to her chest all this time. Poor girl! Tormented by Perdiccas for weeks on end!! Fury is about to erupt. That man is probably even stupider than Lucius. *sigh* men! Lol
Bella is such a clever little one! Bringing Aro into story to make sure everything concords. Astute, really.
After the storm, comes out the sun (or something like that lol). Time for some light-hearted moments and par-tay!! Mary Alice would probably have liked to help in the planning…
That Taco thing had me laughing out loud!
Nice twist you brought to the story with Tanya giving up falling in love for the safety of her Lover’s child. It gives her more depth.
As for Gaia, her mind is quite something really! Hehehe And I really enjoyed that part of her conversation with CCE: “Take joy, Edward, where you can find it. Life is cruel. Life is suffering. You cannot protect Bella from it all. You can help her grow stronger."
Oh, and may I add I would love to know someone who could open a portal so I could find myself wherever I wished :p
At last, a bit of “private” time for our newlyweds… They remained rather cool and collected throughout the whole thing. Not sure I would have taken so nicely to being interrupted on my wedding day lol
It is very nice to see both Bella and CCE open up more to each other. And *gulp* talk. Although secrets still remain (really, CCE??? Listen to the Beast from time to time).
The part where CCE talks about his and his brothers and father’s “plan” to keep Bella alive after the wedding night is humorous. “Now I had to figure out how to protect my bride's modesty and seduce her before daylight.” Oh, CCE…
And how much had Jug to twist SSE’s arm about those distressing magazines… Naughty Boys!
Kudos for depicting beautifully the whole undressing & reaching the bedroom part. It had just the right amount of humor and snark you would expect, but it was also very sweet and you can feel the tension crescendo as you read events unfold J
This was a great 69’ers!!! lol
Author's Response: Hi there Summerc79!
Oh how you spoil me so with your epic reviews. Oh my stars! Thank you so much! And yes, I agree with you that Twilighted munching your review was annoying. I think it must have done that to other people as well because that chapter did not get nearly the number of reviews that I ordinarily get - and no one complained, either. I'm glad that Arria is growing on you. She'll never by like Esme, but in her own unique way, she does love her daughter and is trying to "show" that in a way that is healthy for Bella. Bella getting sick scared the wits out of her because she already had one child die. Glad you liked the twist with Tanya. I wanted to give a logical explanation for why she was behaving the way that she was and give her a little bit of depth. Had to have Jugurtha shock SSE with porn. Had to. Evil, I know. And I'm delighted you enjoyed the end of the chapter. That was difficult to write and get all those emotional blends in there in a way that rang true to CC and worked.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 11:02 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward
Another awesome chapter.
I love Edward's shopping excursion in this chapter. Bless him.
I know Mrs. Stanley does become a nicer character later in the story and is especially sweet to Bella but in this chapter she amuses/aggravates me. She sizes Edward up like a farmer at a cattle auction, evaluating his suitability as a husband for her daughter. I feel for the poor boy that ends up with that unfortunate fate.
Favourite line - "Here's your dime bag crackhead." I know this is Emmett's unique brand of humour but it's also a rather apt description of Edward's appreciation of Bella's scent. In Twilight he refers to Bella as his own brand of heroin and that is magnified tenfold in this story.
Author's Response: Hi there Simaril!
I loved writing that scene. I'm glad you enjoyed it and the chapter! Thanks so much for the review and the stars! I wanted to "show" just how much of a sacrifice that Edward was making by going into a human clothing store for the first time in decades. By himself and trying to help Bella. Mrs. Stanley is a dingbat, yes. And I loved satirizing the way some mothers look at young men like horseflesh so you totally got that joke. LOL.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 05:31 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Four - Deviant
Another awesome chapter.
The image of Jugurtha waving his Zippo in the air, making like he's at a Bon Jovi concert was endlessly amusing as for the ‘Giddyup' exclamation well that made me laugh so hard I spat coffee over the desk. I find it ironic that Edward is all but ignorant of pop culture whereas Jugurtha seems pretty clued in even though he is an extension of Edward's psyche.
Favourite line - "She's in need of medication at present, not a makeover. Try to exercise some self control. We need to get her to the emergency room." Focus Mary Alice, her very scent is at risk!
Author's Response: Ah Simaril, you have no idea how much joy it brings to me know that someone spat all over their computer from reading my work. Good times. *sighs* LOL. I wanted to "show" how ignorant Edward was of idioms as yet another way of showing how disconnected he was from this generation (the one before it, too). He only paid attention to the ones that dealt with their safety, all others he tuned out because it hurt him too much to be inside the minds of humans and be seeing their hopes and dreams, things he never could have.
Had to mock the shop-a-holic version of Alice that exists in the fandom. That;s why I had other people do the shopping in this story.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 03:37 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Three - EdBargo
Another awesome chapter.
Jasper's allusion to Rosalie as The Wicked Witch of the West ‘I'll get you and your little dog, too,' is inspired, and also quite accurate. Rosalie takes such offence at Edward courting a human and I'm pretty certain that is less to do with her fear of their secret being revealed as it is the fact Bella, as a human considered cattle, has temped Edward more than she with her enchanting beauty ever managed. It would be like being refused a date as your beloved because he prefers a Jersey cow. That is a serious blow to the ego.
The first evidence of the demented dingbat that is Charlie Swan in this chapter, he never had Bella checked for asthma! Although we shouldn't really be surprised between him and Renee we should be grateful Bella survived her infancy, however she didn't come out of it unscathed.
Gianni wandering hands is truly repulsive, but I guess as Newton-No-Brain is incapacitated, someone has to fill the role of resident pervert of Forks High School.
Favourite line - "It's much more convenient to carry a one ounce bottle cap around than a 110 pound human with me all day long when they both smell the same. I'd say I'm smart." That line has me in hysterics every time.
Author's Response: Hi Simaril!
I wanted to show this divide in the Cullen household - a cultural one - where they looked upon humans as "other" even while refusing to drink from them. And Edward to a great part was responsible for that with the other Cullen "children" because they followed his lead of being aloof and barely interacting. And in this case I wanted to deviate from canon. Rosalie is horrified at first that the family could get killed if the secret gets out. She's very protective of the family, obviously. But she also as a psychiatrist, is disturbed by her brother's behavior. That's why when he starts a fight for the first time in his time in the family he pulled no punches. And THAT floored Rosalie even more. Emmett in CC, had no idea that Rose had been changed in the hopes that she'd be Edward's mate. So Edward basically put a grenade in the room and walked out. The question Emmett had was "why the secret?"
I loved mocking Gianni. Too much fun. LOL.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2011 04:52 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Two - Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know
Another awesome chapter.
Poor Edward. He really is convinced the family would banish him at any moment. Although it does not excuse his rather douchey behaviour it does make me sympathetic to his plight. He does not mean to hurt Bella or the family by pretending to love her, he is just trying to give them something else to focus on.
I know Edward says much later in the story that he thinks they mated on the night of the truck crash but is that right? Maybe I'm foolishly hopeful but when he is observing her as she reads in the garden he seems to be focusing on something other than her scent for a change, is this a sign of him changing feelings oblivious as he is or is he just enjoying the view?
We get our first glimpse of Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward in this chapter, yippee. I adore Jugurtha, he is hilarious when dealing with Starched Shirt Edward and still manages to be menacing while acting as Edward's secretary. As for Starched Shirt Edward, well he's just plain cute, not to mention endlessly amusing.
I know Jugurtha was created in Edward's vigilante years to aid him in his pursuit of evil humans and Starched Shirt Edward is his human persona but I have to ask is it an accurate portrayal? Was he that much of a twerp as a human? If so I can totally understand why he never found a suitable wife in his human years, I think the bachelorettes of Chicago circa 1918 are also hugely grateful for that fact.
Favourite line - "We were hunting deer to drink their blood when this amazing smelling girl hit a patch of ice, and nearly inconvenienced my sister. She was awfully mad at having to use her dinner to make it look like an accident. And she chipped her fingernail polish which really has her fuming. By the way, I'm your friendly neighbourhood vampire." Rosalie is a real piece of work. She bemoans the waste of a deer but she was the silly bint that punted her across the road, almost killing her, in the first place.
Author's Response: Hi there Simaril!
Thanks so much for the review and the stars! Honestly, in this part of the story, at least this chapter, Edward is telling himself that he could not care less about hurting Bella's feelings. This is being done for his family. To give them something scandalous to fixate on - and also make his Mother happy. In my mind, in order for two vampires to mate, they both have to feel love for another - in order to plant the seed. If you go back and re-read the crash, look at it through the lens of love being shown through sacrifice. Jugurtha is a parody of the Id - Freud's notion of the part of the psyche that wants, craves, and doesn't really care about the consequences of those cravings. SSE is a parody of the super-ego, which ponders the right or wrongness of actions. I thought it would be hilarious, nerd that I am, to put the Id in charge of organizing Edward's life and showing discipline. Because Jugurtha is saying that Edward can have what he "wants" if he goes about it in a clever organized way.
Edward was not a self-righteous fist shaking kind of guy verbally during his life. He had Horatio and a few other friends that he grew up with and he usually sat back and let them do all the talking. He had a very happy childhood. So he's not really - as a human - like SSE except for the naive part. That, he most definitely was in many ways.
Hope that helps,
Books
Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2011 06:10 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part One - Pride and Tribulation
Awesome chapter as always.
This is my third time reading through the story. I reviewed on this site before as Hecta but I changed my name so that it is the same as my fanfiction.net penname. I read the first arc of the story recently to catch up with the alterations before reading the latest chapters (mushroom munching moron) so I'm skipping straight to the Heart Of Darkness arc. I'm looking forward to seeing what details I missed the first couple of times.
One of the things that always amazes me with your writing is the fact that your Edward is for want of a better word a total douche. He aggravates me to the point of exasperation almost continuously and has me baying for his blood at time and yet he is still enchanting. This story includes so many elements that I would ordinarily find abhorrent in a story, original characters, large influence of the wolves, a weakened Edward, and yet I am thoroughly addicted. It is a testament to your writing that you make me bypass my usual preferences in a story (and I am a stubborn bugger) and devour each chapter like Tanya and an unsuspecting school boy. I find it amusing to read my reviews from the first time I read this story on fanfiction.net when I was so determined that all of Edward nefarious behavior should be revealed to the family and he should suffer the consequences but that is not the point of this story, it is about learning from mistakes and appreciating the people in your life.
Edward's thoughts in this chapter are heartbreaking. I don't think I ever gave much thought before to how he must have felt upon awakening as a vampire and only having Carlisle as a companion. The rest of the family, excepting Alice and she at least had her vision, awoke with a family that could support them and explain the nuances of their new life.
Favorite line - ‘It seemed the young man in the starched shirt truly had died in every way in Chicago.' Don't be so sure, you may come to wish Starched Shirt Edward had remained in Chicago before long.
Author's Response: Hi there Simaril/Hecta!
third? Wow. I am beyond flattered that you read one chapter, much less the entire story thus far. And to hear that you have started on the third time? Oh my stars. Hon, that made my day. :) Thanks so much for the review and the stars.
I don't disagree with you that Edward's character is definitely a complicated one. And his behavior in much of the HOD arc is self-serving at best. And I am honored that you can look past (while NOT excusing his behavior) to also see the other sides of him because I see him like a multi-faceted jewel. There are dark spots there. But there are also bright spots when the light catches it just so. And since many fanfiction stories follow similar memes, I completely understand your earlier reviews asking for his family to find out and yell at him. I think Enthralled did it best in Sacrifices (you can find it on my favorites on my profile at ff.net) - and I did not want to go where so many other authors had gone with my plot. I thought it would be far more interesting for Edward, because of his shyness and pride and most importantly, fear, to have to figure it out on his own. As a writer, to me it was a challenge to see if I could "show" him doing such cold-hearted (pun intended) things and also "show" him growing at what I considered to be a realistic rate, given his psychological state due to the consequences of his actions.
In my mind, Edward as a young man was deeply religious. And the notion of vampires - was that of soullness eternally damned beasts. So to me, him waking up to find that he is a vampire had to be his worst nightmare. Now add onto that the death of his family in one fell swoop and having to leave everything he knew behind. I wanted to break from canon to 'show" that Edward felt he could not express this revulsion at being a vampire (beyond newborn hysterics) to Carlisle out of fear that a) he'd make him feel guilty and b) then he'd abandon Edward. I wanted to "show" that due to his shyness, Carlisle honestly did not have a clue just how bad Edward suffered. He thought it was the vampire nature taking the exceptional part of someone and making it stronger - that aside from Marcus - Edward was the quietest vampire of them all.
The rest of the family could support each other because they talked about it. Edward never felt that he could "show" in any way that he did not enjoy being a vampire. That's the difference. Not only is it shyness, but it's unresolved trauma driving him. when you add Chicago to that? And all that guilt? It forced him to run screaming from what he had done after having a moment where his conscience struct him due to Sister Claire. Now, he's a real mess after seven decades of hiding from himself. He's constructed his own prison living the life of the perfect immortal teenager. And then comes Bella Swan who blows that illusion to Hades.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: lilmissnaomi (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2011 02:09 PM · On: Chapter Eleven: Undead Man Whimpering
I can't even say how much I love CC. In my mind this is how the real Twilight should have been. The characters have so much more depth. I will weep like a baby when it ends. I vote it goes on forever. I don't know how you e-mail the one shot to people, and I don't know how to check pm's and I'm not on the message board. Could you please e-mail it to me at naomianne2 at g mail dot com (I don't know if they allow e-mail addresses on here or not). Anyway CC is the only reason I hang around twilighted anymore. Very few of the other stories I've read have been able to capture my attention like CC, and those that come close are rarely if ever updated (seriously, 8 updates in like a year and a half? what's up with that). Thanks for writing such a brilliant story and for updating fairly regularly. As much as I'd like to make you my personal writing slave I know you must have a life outside of CC and since most of your updates are huge I figure you work really hard. So thanks again!
Author's Response: Hi there lilmissnaomi!
Thanks so much for the review and the stars! It delights me to hear that you are enjoying this story. I've poured a lot of work into it, and it takes a patient person to put up with me posting for two years. I'm honored by your review. Thanks for making my day. I also post CC at ff.net using the pen name bookishqua. I have emailed you the teaser. If you do not receive it, please tweet me @bookishqua
and I'll try again. :)
Best,
Books
Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2011 11:50 PM · On: Chapter 5: Indecent Exposure at the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy Part One
How do you keep up with all the little details that you have weaving in and out of the chapters??
The stripper pole that Rosalie and Emmett ordered? The things that happened at the bachelor party? The Denali's quiet concern? Jasper's gay moment?
WOW!!! I was literally choking on my laughter at one point!!!
And, Edward and Bella hiding something from each other?! Honesty is always the best policy, right?
You truly are the Queen of masterful sub-plots!!! Amazing! I feel like I'm reading 3 or more stories!
Author's Response: Hi Starnani21!
How do i keep track of the plot? Well, I'm a nerd. And I had these files that would make my computer cry when I would open there where I created charts keeping track of everything. Yes, the entire point of this section is to present something that comes across as Post-Eclipse that sets up conflict with Edward and Bella and lets you know that both of them are hiding things frome each other and not communicating like an engaged couple should. If you think things are complicated now, wait til you hit the backstory. Our Edward has been keeping quite a lot of secrets. *shakes head*
Thanks for the review!
Edward is winking at you.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2011 11:03 PM · On: Chapter 4: Homework Was Never Supposed To Be This Much Fun
!!!! What the hell did he do??!!!! The entire cheek??!!!! Ahhhhh!!!! I would be absolutely mortified!!!! And, it took him way too long to react if Mike was able to see her blushing ass!!!!!!!! Ahhhhh!!!! I can't get this smile off my face! Really! Too funny!
Author's Response: Hi there Starnani21!
Yes, he ripped off the entire left buttock of her jeans. And yes, I would be too. And just because he's a vampire doesn't mean that he's going to react to everything in immortal time. He was stunned at what had happened. I'll let you in on a little secret about me. I have a sick, twisted sense of humor. So thinking up this chapter I pondered the notion: How can I get Edward stripping Bella (partially) in public without her being in physical danger (like on fire) in a way where he thinks he has the moral high ground? Hmmmmmm And I dreamed this up. I liked the idea because Tanya's joke was intended to be on Edward. On him walking around and freaking out that a) he looked at that part of Bella, and b) that he was in the store with Tanya's costume winking at him from Bella's pants. Tanya thought, Edward being Edward that he'd rip off his coat and cover Bella up. She never dreamed he'd tear her clothes off. She's shaking her head in wonder at the stupidity of the boy. Really *tsks*
Glad you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks so much for the review!
Best,
Books
Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2011 12:09 AM · On: Chapter 2: The Bachelor Party: Survival of the B!tchfest - Part Two
That was too funny!!!
Author's Response: Hi Starnani21!
Thanks so much! It makes me smile that you are enjoying my sick, depraved sense of humor. :) LOL.
There's more. Much more.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: February 22, 2011 11:01 PM · On: Chapter 1 - Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet
You were not exaggerating about these early chapters being funny as all hell!
Bella is quite a peach.
Tany is wonderful.
But, to have your wedding be the talk of the vampire world is a bit too much. I don't like crowds very much. Especially ones that are staring at me and that I know are talking about me.
(shivers)
Author's Response: Hi there Starnai21!
Thanks so much for the review! I'm delighted that you are enjoying the story. I really enjoyed writing the front chapters in particular. So many fanfictions use Tanya as the evil wench trying to seduce Edward and make her a cardboard character. Don't get me wrong, in this story she's trying to do that as a bet, but not because she sincerely feels anything for him. She just doesn't understand how he could tell her "no" and *gasp* mean it. She is outright hysterical in the rest of the story once you hit the Heart of Darkness arc.
And because of the Volturi being invited, yeah, Edward and Bella's wedding is the talk of the vampire world and Bella and Edward both are cringing at the idea. I've written both of them as extremely shy characters. I'd be shivering right along with you.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: February 22, 2011 09:38 AM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy
I got it. And now I love you even more you devious, wretched wench.
~Mia
Author's Response: Ah, but I bet my love for you is stronger. LOL! You are, after all, my muse for naming characters. If you go to the story thread, I posted another teaser at A Different Forest, and I left the link to it on the thread. I will, of course, post something later specifically for Twilighted, too.
FitzCarrion is winking at you.
Books
Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: February 22, 2011 07:54 AM · On: Chapter Eleven: Undead Man Whimpering
You, my dear, darling woman, kick serious ass. A lot. A lot, a lot. I have been forlorn without easy access to internet as of late. Especially when missing your most entertaining prose. Thank you for this. I am biting my fingers in anticipation.
~Mia
Author's Response: Hi there Mia!
Thanks so much for the review! I am sorry to hear that you haven't had Internet access lately. Jugurtha and the FitzFlock have missed you! I will be sending you your teaser through the Twilighted PM system. If you do not get it within the hour, please tweet me
@bookishqua
Hugs,
Books
Reviewer: shifterwriterpixie (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2011 12:36 PM · On: Chapter 5: Indecent Exposure at the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy Part Three
As I've said before, you're story and writing enthrall me. If given a choice between reading the original series or reading your rewrite, I'd pick your everytime. It's more imaginitive and holds my attention better than the original and that's saying something because a year ago I would have told you that Stehpanie Meyer's Twilight series were my most favorite books ever... that is until I stumbled upon your fanfiction. Love your writing.
Cassie
Cassie@cassieblack.com
www.cassieblack.com
Author's Response: Hi Cassie,
thanks so much for the review and the stars! I am delighted that you are enjoying Cullenary Coupling. I have had so much fun writing it. :) I do think that when it comes to fanfiction that people who write it do have an advantage over the author in that they can take the original source material and add more to it. The author's work is sealed in time on a printed page.
I'm reading Cate Tiernan's Sweep series. You might want to check it out.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: akemi (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2011 09:48 PM · On: Chapter Eleven: Undead Man Whimpering
there's so much to touch on. i wish i could sit here and type it out but i can't. i neglected my hw to read this chapter. will the honeymoon plan work or will edward actually penterate bella??? awesome chapter.
Author's Response: Hi there akemi!
Thanks so much for the review and the stars! You can always PM me if you have a question that you don't have time to ask right now. I understand you have some homework waiting for you *wags finger* LOL! School comes first! Remember that.
And you know me well enough to know that I never spill future plot secrets any other question about the story is fair game. I will, however, be delighted to send you a teaser for the next chapter. It is going to come through the Twilighted PM system. If you don't get it within the hour please tweet me
@bookishqua
Best,
Books
Reviewer: akemi (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2011 03:37 PM · On: Chapter Ten: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Bold
aww hell!!!
Author's Response: Hi there akemi!
Thanks so much for the review and the stars! Keep reading. You'll thank me later. mwa-hah-hah.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: TraceyJ (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2011 03:18 PM · On: Chapter Eleven: Undead Man Whimpering
Can't wait for more....... Wheew. My head is still spinning.
Author's Response: Hi there TraceyJ!
Thanks so much for the review! I have the chapter (next one) open right now and am working on it. I am going to send you the teaser through the Twilighted PM system. If you do not get it within the hour, please tweet me @bookishqua
And I don't have a lot of experience writing love scenes, so thanks for the feedback. :) I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: missscarlettbelle (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2011 07:48 AM · On: Chapter Eleven: Undead Man Whimpering
It feels like I have been reading this story forever. I don't know how you manage to top yourself chapter after chapter. I love how detailed your writing is. I admit I rarely review stories and even when authors promise teasers and such I still don't. But I'm so hungry to read more of this story that I am breking my silence. Thanks for another wonderful chapter!!!!
Author's Response: Well, hello there, misscarlettbelle!
Thanks so much for the review and the stars! And since it has been a little over two years since I first started posting, I completely understand the "feels like forever" sensation. It feels like I've been writing it forever, too. :) We are, however, coming to the last section of the story. I am honored that you came out of lurkdom to review my chapter. As a writer, it really helps me understand if the ideas that I wanted to get across were interpreted in the manner that I hoped. And even leaving me a :) lets me know that I am on the right track. I will be PMing you the teaser through the Twilighted PM system. If you do not get it within the hour, please tweet me @bookishqua
I understand the reluctance to review, really, I do. I have had some authors that went bonkers when I left them a review because they weren't open to constructive criticism - even if the review had praise as well. So I tend to review on smaller stories. Or I scan through the review responses at Twilighted to see how an author treats her/his readers. Your voice matters. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Best,
Books
Jugurtha is leering at you.
Reviewer: shifterwriterpixie (Signed) · Date: February 18, 2011 09:43 PM · On: Chapter 6: Lies, Dreams, and Schemes
I'm rereading this story for the fourth time in a row. I actually like it more than the originals--and that's saying something because I'm one of SM's number one fan girls. It's because of her I want to try writing young adult as well as paranormal romance. Anyway, another great chapter, I can't wait to get to the end. Hopefully the next chapter will be up by the time I reach the end again.
Author's Response: Hi there shifterwriterpixie!
Oh hon, you totally made my day. I am beyond flattered that you find my story interesting enough to read more than once, much less four times. Oh my stars. :) I don't know when the last time you read the story, but I did a lot of editing on the front end. I rewrote three chapters and I added in some scenes to the HOD one chapter that had dialog because I had a reader suggest that it would improve the chapter (and I agreed). I have added about 2k to the current chapter although I dont' have a goal in mind for how long it will be. I'll be writing this weekend and you do have my word that I will get the chapter posted as soon as I can, although I don't see it going up for at least a week if not slightly longer. To me, this is the most crucial section of the plot, so I want to make sure I get it right.
Thanks for making my day! I look forward to your feedback.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: Hecta (Signed) · Date: February 18, 2011 08:29 AM · On: Chapter Eleven: Undead Man Whimpering
Another awesome chapter.
I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the maternal side of Arria. I think most mothers would agree that threatening castration is an appropriate way to convey displeasure with the enemies of your offspring.
So Lucius got him a Telecles female after all, I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for, Arria as she is stuck with him for eternity or Edward who now has him as a father-in-law!
I know I have voiced my opinion on the Vulcan nerve pinch plan numerous times but thinking about it wasn't half as disturbing as actually reading it. Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett perched in the bushes giving Edward mental pointers (Emmett) and doing an impression of a countdown timer (Jasper and Carlisle) was disturbing beyond measure. Although as always it was written in such a way that you can't help but want to read more. As with Edward, if this story was written by any other author we would have quit reading the first time Bella was referred to as ‘My Human', let's face it Edward was a total douche for most of the HOD arc and I'm sure I wasn't the only person hoping to see him smacked around a little, but you wrote it. Something about your writing and the abundance of snark makes it so much fun to read.
Favourite line - ‘My brothers and Father were literally going to lurk in the shrubbery like perverts and make sure I did not kill my bride' Oh yeah, there are no words for how disturbing that image is.
Author's Response: Hi there Hecta!
Thanks so much for the review and the stars! Arria is definitely got some maternal instincts buried deep down inside of her. They just come out in ways that surprise Edward. She also has, off page, been spending more time with Esme in order to learn about modern parenting. Not that her throwing Lucius to the ground had anything to do with Esme's influence - let's be clear - although Edward does have a point in that Esme would not disagree with those actions. Don't feel sorry for Arria at all. If Lucius steps out of line or irritates her, she can always kill him herself. Lucius has been welcomed into the family but not welcomed into the family by King Larce. He's going to have to work his backside off to earn the good graces of the Telecles family.
I don't disagree with you on how disturbing the Vulcan pinch nerve plan is. I meant for it to be interpreted that way. What Edward is doing is wrong. In the chapter you read, he's starting to back out of it bit-by-bit by making concessions that in his mind make it easier for him to justify what he's doing: not letting his family see Bella naked, keeping her on the staircase to properly kiss her, and then blocking the family from hearing, not opening the curtains wider, etc. Edward feels that he has no option. So the question I have for you - put yourself in the shoes of an extremely shy repressed male from his era. And remember, this is Edward so you have to keep him in character with what I've established. What else could you see him doing given the situation? He has blinders on formed by his attitudes and views, and he perceives the world through them. And I do agree with you on Edward's behavior in much of the HOD arc: the whole point of it was to show his evolution. Don't make the mistake of thinking that when the arc ended that Edward had learned everything he needed to learn. heh heh.
Thanks so much for trusting me on this and not running screaming into the woods. I am sending you the teaser on the Twilighted PM system. If you do not get it within the hour, please tweet me @bookishqua
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Reviewer: Hecta (Signed) · Date: February 18, 2011 05:24 AM · On: Chapter Ten: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Bold
Another awesome chapter.
Holy Hamburgers I wasn't expecting that end to a chapter! I am so glad I don't have to wait to read the next chapter as I think the suspense of that cliffy would have finished me off.
Gaia is the master of revenge. I half hoped that everyone would see the crone version if Tanya but the reactions would have made the lesson redundant as she would have holed up in a cave somewhere to avoid the screams.
I loved it when Jugurtha aped the ‘Twice. Professional' line. It is guaranteed to make me laugh and groan simultaneously whenever Edward says that and to have Jugurtha use it was brilliant.
Favourite line - ‘My cousin really was demented. Or stupid. Or both.' My vote is for both.
Author's Response: Hi there Hecta!
Thanks for the review and the stars! See you make an excellent point about Gaia's revenge. If I had everyone else see Tanya in the crone form, then Tanya would just run away and hide. And yes that would bother her to no end, but her punishment would be muted. This way is so much more fun. because everyone else can see Tanya on the outside as her lovely slightly sagging in one boob self - except Tanya. Tanya for the record is just so horrified and emotionally numb that it will probably take a few weeks for what she went through to process. But Gaia has Tanya over a barrell for eternity. If Tanya EVER screws up again, she's going to have that punishment forever. Don't think Tanya doesn't know that Gaia means business. I also liked Gaia pointing out to Tanya that she's wasted years of her immortality being shallow. Tanya would like to think of herself as bringing knowledge to the masses and Gaia yanks that image right out from under her feet. I also liked that in the confrontation with Arria and the Gorgon, they also held Kate and Irina accountable for not interfering and stopping Tanya. I have a group of readers that just love the Doctor. Twice. Professional line, And it's been challenging to find new ways to use it without beating a dead horse, so to speak. So I'm glad you liked me having Jugurtha use it in this chapter. I do so love Edward's mental snarky commentary about the abilities of others - particularly Tanya. Glad you do, too. :)
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Reviewer: Hecta (Signed) · Date: February 18, 2011 04:22 AM · On: Chapter Nine: Married With Issues: Hair Pulling Has Never Been This Much Fun
Another awesome chapter.
I'm very excited to be read the new chapters, it took longer than I planned to re-read the front arc and although it was fun it is good to be reading new material.
Dear Lord Tanya is an idiot. She is about to be reduced to ash by a VERY pissed off ancient yet she's griping about not being in the ‘Edward is all kinds of gifted and can turn into a giant Wolfpire, no seriously, don't piss him off' loop. She and Jacob would make a great couple if they could get over the stench. They are equally stupid.
A well deserved round of applause for Great Grandmother Gaia for her impeccable timing and dramatic flair in snatching Tanya from the Gorgons grasp and spiriting her away to her cave of gloom. I can only hope she has managed to have her land in a huge pile a excrement upon her arrival. What can I say, I'm petty that way.
Favourite line - "Yellow-hair laughing mean slut fights poor." Not only has her English improved but her character definitions are pretty impressive too. I hope she doesn't stop calling Bella Sweet Girl though, I love that.
Author's Response: Hi there Hecta!
Thanks so much for reading the new chapters! And the review and the stars! I was a little worried when I noticed that they weren't getting the hits that they usually do on this site. They did fine over at ff.net. I wanted to "show" how Tanya, by her own biases, landed herself in this situation. She and her sisters refused to allow just about everyone except Carlisle and Eleazar and Carmen (if they had a really good reason) to ever mention the Volturi around them because a) they are still angry at how their Mother was executed, and b) They had the attitude that their rage would cool if they didn't have to hear about the Volturi. But in so doing, they cut themselves out of key information that they needed. They did not know about Bella's ancestry which all the immortal world was buzzing about because no one was willing to risk their wrath to tell them - except their other coven members and blithely Tanya was not returning Eleazar's phone calls because she was busy trying to clean up the damage that Phoenix had caused - in part to avoid having the Volturi pay them a visit. Ironic, eh? So it's her own fault she wasn't in the information loop about Edward. Had Tanya any idea who Bella really was, she never in a million years would have played the joke on her and Edward that she did. Okay fine, that's horse hockey - she would have played a joke, but it would have been less mean and done in private. I wanted to "show" with their reaction to Tanya's prank that the Telecles clan stands up for Bella. I wanted to "show" Arria caring about her daughter's emotional needs even if she has an odd way of doing that. and I just love Great-Grandmother Gaia. She's so much fun. Tanya only knows that Marcus' Mother is reputed to be some deranged priestess. She has no idea who she really is.
And Grace - yeah I will never have her stop calling Bella Sweet Girl. Her English will always be rough. I have fun thinking of lines for her to say since she rarely speaks aloud to Edward.
Best,
Books
Reviewer: Hecta (Signed) · Date: February 18, 2011 03:09 AM · On: Chapter 7: The Webers - Flowers and Pasties for Jesus
Another awesome chapter.
I laughed my ass off from the moment Emmett opened his mouth to Tanya's declaration that she's a born-again Christian. At that point I fell off my chair I was laughing so hard. My neighbours probably thought there was a Sea-lion loose in my house with the noise I was making.
Favourite line - ‘Oh fuuuhhhh-" he bit off an oath, "um, sorry Rose. I mean shit. I mean...." He stopped talking as his mate put her fingers on his lips. "I'll be a good boy," emerged muffled from him.' As eloquent as ever Emmett.
Author's Response: Hi there Hecta!
Thanks so much for the review and the stars! I had entirely too much fun with Emmett and Tanya in this chapter. I'm delighted that you enjoyed it. I liked the irony of Tanya trying to pull the wool over the Webers' eyes and them seeing right through her.
And Emmett is always a joy to write. :)
Best,
Books
Reviewer: Hecta (Signed) · Date: February 18, 2011 02:40 AM · On: Chapter 6: Lies, Dreams, and Schemes
Another awesome chapter.
I had wondered when the mushrooms were introduced whether this chapter would be hugely different. I loved the reactions of the Pak when I read this chapter the first time and I was worried that the amnesia effects would negate the opportunity to see their horrified puppy faces. Also I was worried I wouldn't get to hear my all time favourite line - ‘I'm going to need therapy for life. Quill hold me.' God Bless Seth.
Author's Response: Hi there Hecta!
Thanks so much for the reviews and the stars! And I cannot thank you enough for re-reading the chapters to give me your impression now that you've finished the HOD arc. I had intended on revealing once the HOD arc that Jake had been influenced by drugs, but felt upon further consideration, that it should be introduced earlier. I did not want to change the way people reacted to his behavior. The pack doesn't have experience with the muchrooms that Jake was on, so they suspected he was high but didn't know for sure until Edward confirmed it. So I had no intention of cutting Seth's snarky lines. I felt like there needed to be a stronger support from the beginning as to why Jacob was acting like such a jerk. He doesn't really love Bella. And when his father passed, it secretly relieved him because it got the pressure that Billy had been putting on him off his back. But children always long for the approval of the parent that rejects them - and Jake when drugged reverted back to channeling the hogwash that Billy fed him. I would hazard to guess that if Jake actually did carry out his plan while drugged and managed somehow to succeed that he'd be every bit as horrified as everyone else. Because he really is just not that into Bella. He doesn't hate her, but he resents her because they have a sibling rivalry vibe going on - Bella coming into town meant that Jake saw less of Charlie. But Bella coming into town also meant that Billy would pressure Jake and Jake took out his anger internally on Bella rather than Billy. Hope all that made sense. :)
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Books
Reviewer: cin4lotr (Signed) · Date: February 17, 2011 06:59 PM · On: Chapter 7: The Webers - Flowers and Pasties for Jesus
this just keeps getting funnier & funnier!!!
Author's Response: Hi there cin4lotr!
You've reached the end of the first arc of the story. Now we're getting ready to head into Edward's point of view with the Heart of Darkness arc. Here's what I can promise you. A) Edward is a little mopey at first, but he'll get highly snarky and entertaining soon. and B) If you liked the first arc, you ain't seen nothing yet in terms of humor. You have my word. Thanks so much for reviewing!
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