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Reviews For Cullenary Coupling
Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 07, 2011 04:06 PM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Seven - Oh the Depravity! The newborns and Tyler Crowley Must Die! Not Necessarily in That Order

Another awesome chapter.

While Violet Gorgon is a genius, I'm not too sure about the evil part, sure she has a tendency to make shish kabob of her enemies when armed with a vampire blade, I like to think of her as more of a diabolical mastermind, it just sounds better. Regardless of her evil/genius status even she wouldn't be daft enough to employ the newborns.

The image of Lauren ‘coiled and rattling in her seat' is fantastic, also appropriate. There are some scenes I look forward to reading almost as much as I look forward to seeing my favourite characters arrive and Laurens attack on the all too willing Tyler is one of them, especially as it culminates in her giving Mrs. Corelli a black eye.

Edward, bless him, he may be gaining control of his wolfy powers but he still knows bugger all about women. I felt he deserved Bella's ire in this chapter as he was all too self satisfied with his handling of the Tyler situation.

DOUGLAS!!! I am beyond happy to see him at last; I did another demented cheerleader impression when he arrived.

Favourite line - "I'm straight and you are married to a fine woman. This can never be." This is one of those fine moments in which Edward is intentionally funny rather than his usual unintentional cluelessness invoked humour.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! Both Violet and Marcus have done things that you and I would sit back and drop our jaws at the sheer brutality of it. But I totally agree with you that she'd probably not use the newborns. She's too much of a snob. I did enjoy Lauren getting hers, metaphorically speaking, alas. And the chemistry between Emmett and Mrs. C was lots of fun to write. 

I wanted to use that situation to show that Edward has his limits with his abilities. He's multi-tasking so much that his ability to use sound reasoning went right out the window in regards to Bella. But also, I wanted to "show" how Bella responds to conflict. She ignores and avoids. Awkward. that. 

Douglas was actually only inteded to be in that scene. But there was such a strong reader reaction to him that I expanded his role. I liked the contrast between showing the HOD 1 Edward with this guy, who actually takes the time to sit down and converse with a squirrel. HOD 1 guy would never have deigned to notice it. Unless he was hungry. 

Best,

Books

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 07, 2011 11:25 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Six: Just So Wrong on So Many Levels

Another awesome chapter.

I love this chapter, it is frickin hilarious. Billy Black finally got what he deserved, well almost. I think he deserved to die but I'm patient I can wait. I could be argued that being forced to live as an eunuch, expelled from his tribe and seeing his sister as the alpha of the pack is a more appropriate torment.

Nearly 2000 ‘specimens', Dear Lord! How many kids was he planning to unleash upon the unfortunate citizens of La Push?

I am a little embarrassed to admit that when the newborns made their appearance I squealed and clapped my hands like a demented cheerleader. I just love seeing the familiar characters arrive, I have a mental checklist and it's always so cool to tick one off. I am anxiously awaiting Douglas' arrival, I know it's soon but I can't remember the chapter and I can't be arsed to go through them all searching for him. It can be surprise.

The chaos that ensued with the newborns arrival was awesome, although the image of the students en masse gorging on food while snogging their hormone riddled brains out is just plain disturbing.

Favourite line - ‘"Edward what in the devil is going on?" Jasper managed to sound bored. Was envy of vocal tones in response to crises a diagnosable condition? If so, I needed therapy STAT.'  I'm not sure about the vocal tone envy part but I wholeheartedly agree that Edward needs therapy, Hezekiah fills the capacity of therapist quite well but there's no harm in getting a second opinion, or a third.  



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! You know, when thinking of ways to make Billy suffer I have a vivid imagination. I really did like the idea of leaving him alive, impotent, pun intended, in more ways than one. And having the Denali sisters flounce onto the page and torment him - even better. I used the ahem, samples, as a way of showing just how mentally ill Billy was/is. 

I loved writing the newborns appearance. They were just too much fun showing up at the high school. And totally agree with you on Edward needing therapy. Lots, and lots of therapy.

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Viridis73 (Signed) · Date: March 07, 2011 09:21 AM · On: Chapter 4: Homework Was Never Supposed To Be This Much Fun

Death, and his twin, Destruction, would hone in with their unerring accuracy.

My favorite line in this chapter. Could certainly apply it in RL at times. Sadly, I actually follow B's line of thinking a lot in life. I'm deathly scared of jinxing things. I never say "it can't get any worse", things like that.

Perhaps I should up my meds? :D

Anyhow-moving on.

 

 



Author's Response:

You know a lot of cultures have a tradition that boasting about something brings on the evil eye. i don't think you are alone in that. :) Thanks for the review!

 

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 07, 2011 04:44 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Five: Technically I Did Not Sleep With Her on the First Date

Another awesome chapter.

Like Edward I wonder how different things would have been if Bella had been able to live with Liam as a child. She's have been protected from her mother's own unique brand of parenting and Charlie may be been compelled (by Liam's foot repeatedly making contact with his butt) to spend time with her. Edward would not have been able to initiate his scent-antic relationship with her though and that would have been a shame.

I love Edward's mental ‘here have a flower' musings, his years spent as a elective mute have denied his family many hours of hilarity.

I got a little weepy when reading Edward's vision of Carlisle first meeting with Grandmother Grace. That turned to all out blubbering when reading Edward's last human moments

Favourite line - ‘"Liam was kind of crazy about taking pictures." The words "Liam" and "crazy" definitely belonged in the same sentence.' Crazy he may be, ok no may be about it he's bonkers, but you can't deny the man was a genius.



Author's Response:

I would like to think, had Bella lived with Liam, because they had so much in common personality wise, that she would have flourished. She turned out okay, I think. But she grew up having emotionally remote relationships with both Charlie and Renee. So finding out that everyone had been lying to her to that extent, to me, that is something that gives you trust issues for life. 

And yes, you are totally right on Edward. I enjoyed writing about his family "discovering" his sense of humor (sort of) in this story. They still don't quite buy that he has one. Because he doesn't consistently show it. 

And I do love Edward's snark. Especially when sniffing that other people are more bonkers than he is. LOL.

thanks so much for the review and the stars!

 

Books

Reviewer: Viridis73 (Signed) · Date: March 07, 2011 04:12 AM · On: Chapter 3: Propositions and Practice

Bleck, Bella's so accident prone-what with her balance issues-that she could've taken care of that hymenectomy at some point on her own. It's not really all that unusual for that to happen.

I was noticing bits of Kate's thoughts that I hadn't before-are they new bits as well. Find myself liking Kate quite a bit.

Parody Newton is great. I've probably said that before. Love the wave and and the lip twitching (Freak!).

 



Author's Response:

Hi there Viridis73!

You know, you make a really good point there. I was chatting with a friend of mine who is an ob/gyn nurse about the plot and going over any potential holes. Several people that I had talked to about the gist of the Vulcan Nerve Pinch plot had said, "But wouldn't Bella be able to tell..." for various reasons. And on one hand, I wanted the plan to NOT be perfect but on the other hand I wanted the guys (and Edward) to reasonably think that they had a chance of it being perfect. And the biggest objection was that she'd a) bleed or b) be sore. Since she takes pain killer every day for her migraines that took care of one issue. But my friend pointed out to me that not all women actually have hymens or ones that are thick enough to matter. So I decided to add that in. 

Hope that babbling made sense. And I have way too much fun with pervy Mike Newton. Way, too much. *sigh* good times.

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 06, 2011 05:02 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Four - What Could Possibly Go Wrong With a Miscreant Immortal Having an Un-chaperoned First Date?

Another awesome chapter.

Just when you are about to shrug Mrs. Stanley off as a featherbrained nitwit she does something to surprise you, such as share (not that she's aware of it) a sad but tender memory of herself Bella at the graves of her recently deceased relatives.

I love the trip to the O'Shea farm as it gives us some wonderful bewildered Edward moments courtesy of Liam and his genius (and a little insane) security and Bella's secretive banking practices, knowledge, her career plans as a botanist and let's not forget the stash of vampire blades. Yep, all in all it was a very informative trip.

You have to marvel at the Cullens dedication to linguistics: ‘Vano, a nearly extinct language spoken by 5 geriatric mortals in the Solomon Islands,' while impressive it does make you wonder why none of them, save Edward, have learnt Quileute, seeing as it's the language of their friends/enemies depending on the day of the week and the individual.

Favourite line - ‘Liam was brilliant. Liam was crazy. Liam was scary.' That just about sums it up although he forgot to mention the fact that Liam is also an abysmal poet, but he was under a great deal of strain at the time having been bamboozled by his little bottlecap a time or ten.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

I'm glad you liked the scene with Mrs. Stanley. I wanted to offer an explanation for why Jessica is so hostile towards Bella - deep down inside she knows that her Mother has been comparins her to Bella and finding her lacking. And Jessica does have a conscience so it does bug her that she feels that way. And I do so love throwing Edward out of his element. 

 

I make it clear later on in the story that several of the Cullens have picked up on Quileute - but the whole point of speaking in remote languages is to make sure that no one - and they mean no one (esp. local) understands what they are saying. That's why they aren't speaking to each other in Quileute. 

Liam was/is quite the character, 

Thanks so much for the review!

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 06, 2011 02:43 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Three: Family Trees and First Dates

Another awesome chapter.

The image of Harry chasing Sam with a rolled up newspaper was hilarious.

Denial-gate was brilliant! It's about time that dunderhead realised what a crap job he has been doing as a parent. Although I have to admit I felt a small pang of sympathy for him when he cried.   

Favourite line - ‘Nooooo they couldn't take this sample from my collection? I had to keep my tokens of affect-....wait. Scratch that. "Of course, I'll change right now."' Poor Edward, his scent-antic specimen acquisitions are being compromised by his family's pesky research. How much can one man be expected to sacrifice? It is truly unfair.

Just realised I reviewed last chapter under Hecta instead of Simaril, that screws with my rereading/re-reviewing thing, but for once I'm gonna let it slide.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! I had to put in the line token as a play on the serial killer dealio. And calling it tokens of affection just made me laugh harder. Sick, twisted, human being that I am. And I'm glad you liked Harry chasing Sam with a newspaper. A shotgun would have been too typical and obvious. LOL.

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Viridis73 (Signed) · Date: March 06, 2011 05:45 AM · On: Chapter 2: The Bachelor Party: Survival of the B!tchfest - Part Two

Ye gods, Douglas on a pole. Perfect!!

I've always love the way that Edward handles Tanya in this chapter. The extra bits are excellent as well. They tie everything together.

As always - Marcas rocks!

And if you do ever write this bit with the greek chorus included, I'm not sure I'd survive the laughter. But, I'd certainly enjoy trying.

 

 



Author's Response:

Hi there Viridis73!

I promised ages ago that I would post that chapter with the Greek chorus included. So yeah, when CC  is officially done, expect that to go up. Haven't written it yet, but it's been floating around in my head for two years. I found that picture of a squirrel and nearly fell out of my chair. I'm glad you liked the way Edward handled Tanya. I didn't want him to be overbearing. 

And totes agree with you on Marcus. thanks so much for making my day!

 

Hugs,

Books

Reviewer: Hecta (Signed) · Date: March 06, 2011 05:41 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty Two - "Scent"-antic Shenanigans

Another awesome chapter.

The Fitz Flock have arrived! Although it is unfortunate that their arrival has Bella glowing like a supernatural strobe light, not to mention the blinding pain, I am thrilled to see them.  

The newly stench-sploding wolves amuse me endlessly, especially their ‘who has the most mournful sounding howl competition.' That line cracks me up.   

Favourite line - ‘Seeing as she'd given her blessing, I momentarily fretted over which would work better to divert the tribe's attention, telling them Leah Clearwater was with child, or that both Sam Uley and John Quill rivaled Paula for being the alpha of the pack. To protect my singer's welfare in saving her half brother's life and wolfly reputation, I sacrificed my dignity and accidentally-on-purpose blurted all that salacious news.' Face palm moment. It's times like that this that Edward really should embrace his usually taciturn nature.   



Author's Response:

Hi there Hecta/Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review! I never knew the FitzFlock (or Douglas) would get as popular as they did. That floored me. And I wanted to "show" Edward acting OOC for him by him doing things like emailing all of Paula and Billy's personal email to Harry and Charlie and a few others without a second thought. And him outling Leah to me fell right along that path. He did it. For his singer. For moral purposes. Of course. LOL

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Viridis73 (Signed) · Date: March 06, 2011 05:03 AM · On: Chapter 2: The Bachelor Party: Survival of the B!tchfest - Part One

Ah, bathing my psyche in snark really is the perfect way to start the day. I especially loved the list of Edward's crimes at the beginning.



Author's Response:

Hi there Viridis73!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! My stars! Life without snark is not worth living. I'm delighted that you are spoiling me so. I had way too much fun coming up with the list of Edward's crimes. I was up way too late last night putting the final edits on this chapter to get it out, and just got up to drown in the rain, I mean walk my dog. I'm crawling back in for a nap, but wanted to thank you for making my morning. :) You put a smile on my face. 

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Viridis73 (Signed) · Date: March 06, 2011 04:45 AM · On: Chapter 1 - Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet

I love the pictures! I seem to always forget just how funny this chapter is. I adore what's going on in all of their minds. Thou shalt not smack the human still makes me giggle.



Author's Response:

Hi there Viridis73!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! I am excited that, knowing what you know, you're taking a look at the first arc. It's been heavily edited, and I added in the pictures a few months back. I had fun finding them. I'm glad you like them. :)

Thou shalt not smack the human was a new edit. I'm glad you liked it. 

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Viridis73 (Signed) · Date: March 06, 2011 04:26 AM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy

What does this make? Re-read number 7? 8? Ah, poor Edward. Gotta love him though.



Author's Response:

Seven? Oh my stars! I am slack-jawed and beyond honored. thanks so much, Viridis73, for supporting my story all this time. 

You have seriously made my day. Thanks for the reviews and the stars!

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 06, 2011 03:53 AM · On: Chapter Eight: Part Twenty-One - Mammoth Sized Mongrels Stench-Sploding in the Night

Another awesome chapter.


If Leah married Simon Drinkwater her surname would be a health warning: Leah Drink water – Clear water, sound advice indeed.


‘"Or worse, he could make them cease functioning forever." Moving before I could, he slapped his own palm over his mouth, widened his eyes, and blanched at that idea.’ Starched Shirt Edward blanched. Simaril laughed.


Billy should have been turned into a wolf, at least for a day, so we could enjoy seeing him sitting on the ground and stinking while bemoaning the unfairness of it all.


It is taking all my will power not to skedaddle off and read the new chapter now. I am determined to read it when I have read all of the old chapters but it is tempting to skip ahead. Luckily my OCD tendencies mean I prefer reading (and almost everything else) to be done in order, that should hold me off, for now…


Favourite line – I had no idea what to say to make her feel better. "You're pretty even when regurgitating last night's dinner," somehow did not sound quite the thing to say. Neither did, "From observing your vomit you should eat more green vegetables." Or, "Isn't it great my sister is holding your hair so it doesn't get covered in vomit or dunked in the commode that your father recently desecrated and, by the way, I'm bigger?" Nor did, "Don't worry about the splatter on my pants, I have 78 other pairs and I don't need to breathe." Jugurtha told me I definitely could not say to her, "Even your vomit smells delicious, but we have to change your nightgown now since regurgitated corn does not work with your coloring." This is less of a favourite line and more of a favourite paragraph but it made me laugh so hard I had to make a mercy dash to the WC.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review! To the best of my knowledge after studying maps of the area, SM got some of her names from looking at nearby cities, lakes, etc. Clearwater being one of them. I did momentarily think of turning Billy into a wolf. But I really liked the idea of him not having the gene at all because it's matrilineal. To me that was even more torture for him. 

Oh go ahead and read the new chapter. 'cmon, you know you want to. *leers* These will still be here when you're done. 

I'm laughing while reading your favorite paragraph. I have to start writing more of Edward's almost lines in chapters. I kind of fell away from doing that, I think. The even your vomit smells delicious squicked some people out. Which made me laugh. But Main Edward says it's true. *sniffs*

Sorry about the dashing to the WC. I've also been known to cause people to spit whatever they were drinking on their computer monitor and/or keyboards. It's a gift.

LOL

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 05, 2011 02:17 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty - Mementos Long Forgotten

Another awesome chapter.


Jugurtha should consider a career as a motivational speaker, ‘At present it is in potentiality. You have the power to change that, you know.’ Pretty impressive stuff.


The image of hundreds of thousands of vampires fighting to the death, twirling vampire blades about like batons is scary, yet awesome. It makes the battle-that-was-never-actually-fought from Breaking Dawn look like a playground tiff.


I loved Jasper’s musings on ‘Bella is simply a human girl with an unusual trait that might possibly make her an interesting vampire.’ Oh Jasper, you have no idea…


Favourite line – ‘I feared he'd be able to crawl inside my mind: which was wrong. It was my mind and private, thank you very much. He didn't need to know how I felt about anything,’ *cough* HYPOCRITE! *cough*



Author's Response:

I've been scanning my mind to see if I ever used the phrase "dry sob" in this story. I don't think so. *hope. Hope*

I love playing with Jugurtha - because the ID is that drive that is like a kid in a candy store yelling "Mine" or "I want!" at everything it sees - consequences be damned. So to me it was hilarious to have the Id being the one dictating Edward's actions and being the one who sometimes has the wisest advice on restraint. To Jugurtha it's all about getting what you want in the end and strategizing. 

And I dropped a hint in the Bella and the Priestess one-shot, but many people didn't pick up on it. *evil smile*

Jasper really does have no idea.

Thanks for the review!

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 05, 2011 10:22 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nineteen - Be Still My Beating Heart

Another awesome chapter.

I loved Violet Gorgon's debut, although in hindsight it's probably not a good idea to mentally bitch slap your future grandmother-in-law at the first meeting, doesn't give the right impression. However using your granddaughters body as a sock puppet risking her life (and scent) in the process doesn't strike me as a genius plan either.

No matter how many times I read it the shower scene with Charlie and Edward (boy that's sounds bad, not to mention extremely disturbing) makes me laugh like a demented sea-lion every time.

Favourite line - ‘Jasper had been continuously blasting Charlie with waves of good will since he left the front door to the point where he was having difficulty thinking.' Nothing new there then.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Ah how you spoil me so. Thanks so much for the shout out on Twitter and the review and the stars. :) I have tried, in various places in this story to mock either overdone scenes in fanfiction (Alice cockblocking) or typical genric scenes in comedies (Father walking in on young couple). For me the challenge was to mock them without "doing" (pun not intended) the typical scene. So Alice walks in after everything is over. Charlie walks in to find Edward in the bathroom. Edward strips naked without giving a second thought despite the fact that no one has seen him naked. Except for Carlisle during his change and that totally does not count, so says Main Edward. Carlisle is a vampire. Professional. 

And I also wanted to give Carlisle and Esme and opportunity to show that they have a great sense of humor and healthy sex life. And considering he's been smacked around in this story, I really liked the idea of jasper having Genevieve's baby boy at the mercy of his gift. I wanted to "show" his restraint - because he's angry enough at her that he really could have done serious damage to her son at any time. To me it shows Jasper is the better man. 

Hope all that babbling made sense.

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 05, 2011 07:52 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eighteen - Stomping Through the Sword Ferns and Twinkling in the Night

Another awesome chapter.


Poor Alice, it must be awful for her t have been given a brief glimpse of her family and human life but not to be able to remember more. There is a saying ‘you can’t miss what you never had’ that seems quite apt for Alice’s dilemma, she had no human memories before Genevieve sent her the vision so she did not know what she was missing, now she has one memory she wants more. The guilt she feels for secretly wishing that she will get another vision by touching Bella is needless, I don’t believe Bella would begrudge her desire, in fact I think if she was aware of it I imagine she would do all she could to assist her; she has proven in the later chapters that she is selfless to a fault.


I loved Emmett’s Genevieve directed rant, she needed someone to call her out on her cryptic crap.  


Favourite line – ‘No one stalked my human, skeevy, or otherwise awake or unconscious.’ No one but Edward anyway.   



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! I did want to show the closeness between Alice and Edward growing in that she shares her secrets with him, too. And you're right, Bella most likely would not begrudge her. And yeah, Emmett was all kinds of awesome in letting Bella's Grandma have it. What she did to Jasper was beyond cruel, although it wasn't entirely her intent. She really did need Jasper to know that information. Her timing just sucked. Big time.

And I do so love showing the hypocrisy of Edward on the stalking issue. Makes me giggle.

Thanks for making me smile.

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 04, 2011 03:43 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Seventeen - When the Fur Flies

Another awesome chapter.

The image of Jasper sliding ‘down the shield looking as if he'd run face first into an unbreakable glass door' is hilarious.

Paula as a slobbering wolf seems a better romantic match for Charlie than her in human form, much less maintenance involved and it would curb their bedroom antics blessedly avoiding the risk that the contraceptives would fail and another Charlie Swan span would be unleashed on the world. They got lucky with Seth, let's not temp fate.

I am pleased that Hezekiah's body has finally been buried with his Jenny. I actually got a little teary while reading that part.

Favourite line - ‘But I was definitely keeping her away from the peerless Tanya. If those two ....never mind....it was too awful to even contemplate the corruption of my precious bottle cap at Tanya's claws...' Good thinking Edward, although the Bella/Tanya combination was hilarious it did cause a few problems. 



Author's Response:

Pauala had surgery to make darn sure she could never conceive again. Determined, that one. Glad you liked the jasper image, had to let him have fun getting surprised. I do adore the character of Hezekiah. I'm glad you liked that section. I was trying to create a parallel that Edward has formed relationships with Genevieve (of a sorts) and Hezekiah (much friendlier) and tried to "show" those relationships in how he treated their remains. 

Main Edward is still shuddering at the idea of Tanya getting anywhere near his precious Bella. *sniffs*

LOL

Thanks so much for the review and the stars, Simaril! You made my day. :)

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 03, 2011 08:47 AM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Sixteen - Can't a Century Old Vampire be a Moral Degenerate in Peace?

Another awesome chapter.

The committee is formed. One of the best things about rereading this story is anticipating the arrival of my favourite characters and events, Douglas and Grace especially.

If the O'Shea Swan family motto is ‘The spite never ends,' the Telecles motto has to be ‘The fight never ends," because those folks love nothing better than an all out brawl with vampire blades to be spun around threateningly.

Grave digging, a Cullen family bonding activity, well I guess it's cheaper than bowling.

Favourite line - "We never meant to hurt her. We didn't think it would make a difference, anyway." See that right there is your problem Charlie, you attempted to ‘think' clearly that isn't your strong suit, best leave it the people with functioning a cerebrum.



Author's Response:

I've known people who thought it "best" to pretend that their child did not have a disability. That's why I wrote that into Bella's story. I wanted to find another explanation for why she was so clumsy. Charlie thought at the time that nothing more could be done for her. Renee insisted that if Genevieve meddled medically with her daughter she'd never see her again. Both Charlie and Renee agreed that Bella should be "normal" so Genevieve's hands were tied. And you're definitely right on the Telecles family motto. Those people *really* know how to hold a grudge. 

Rolling on the floor laughing over the grave-digging line. So true. LOL.

Thanks so much, Simaril, for the review and the stars!

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 03, 2011 06:24 AM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Fifteen - Butterflies and Homecomings

Another awesome chapter.

Of all the villainous characters in this story Billy Black is my favourite, and by favourite I mean the one I'd most like to see chopped into pieces and fed to sharks. He is diabolical and manipulative and unfortunately, unlike his son, he is blessed with a modicum of intelligence which makes him all the more cunning.

The morning ritual of Edward's heart ceasing is so sad, especially as the rest of the family react with relief as it stops and he is therefore still a vampire, while Edward grieves as his hopes for a human life are snatched about from beneath him once again.

‘Bells could do a lot worse than Jake' I guess she could, although I'm struggling to find someone worse right now. Even Phoenix would be a more tolerable husband than the rubber lipped rapscallion (oh how I love that name). I like the fact Charlie is refusing to push Bella towards Jacob, I just wish he'd taken that view in Eclipse.

Woo-Hoo ‘My Little Bottlecap' I can't express how happy I was to finally see that wonderful line. I like it even more than ‘My Bella' because he calls her that when he finally realises he loves her, not too quick on the uptake are you Eddie, whereas the bottlecap pet name is cute because right now he's still clueless, thinking it is a purely Scent-antic relationship.

Favourite line - ‘But manners dictated that catching him after breaking both his legs accidentally-on-purpose was the polite thing to do. My Mother raised me right.' Ah yes, I remember that lesson. It came after sharing toys and don't run with scissors. Ah childhood memories.



Author's Response:

Oh man, I thought I answered this! Sorry for the tardiness! Thanks so much, Simaril, for the review and the stars. And the banter on Twitter. You kept me highly entertained while editing the current chapter. I liked the idea of taking someone that most people would write off due to a disability as being threatening - and making him the scariest human of them all. He might not have the use of his legs, but Billy is lethal. And I wanted to give a plausible explanation for why jacob is so messed up. In my mind, Jake has turned to Charlie as a surrogate Father, and Charlie is clueless about that - although he likes spending time with Jake. So when Bella shows up, there's this sibling rivalry vibe going on, but also Jake resents the heck out of her because a) he's not attracted to her and b) his father has made it abundantly clear that in order to have his approval he has to marry her. 

yeah, I was not a big fan of Charlie in Eclipse save one thing. He made the point that Bella dropped all of her friends, and that wasn't right. And he was totally correct on that score. 

I have to admit, breaking Mike Newton's legs was one of my favorite parts of the story. *wipes away venom tear*

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: March 02, 2011 11:51 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Thirteen - Hitchcock

So, by the time Jasper and Carlisle have 'the talk' with him... Edward has developed some means of control over his orgasmic instincts? All the runs? Okay, I get it.



Author's Response:

Hi there Starnani21,

You'll have to read to find out. *evil grin* But Edward does think that he has developed some control. But he also has not been entirely open with his family and Bella. That's about all I'm willing to spill. The runs he is doing at night in order to burn off energy, yes. And they are also mentally helpful to him as a stress outlet. 

Thanks for reviewing,

Books

Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: March 02, 2011 09:31 PM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Eleven - Weapons of Mass Distraction

Okay, I think I just needed to stop reading so late into the night.

I am liking how this Quileute and O'Shea-Swan powerplay is going down? Who's gonna kick Edward's but more thoroughly? Hmm. I have to go with Great Grandma on that one... but, will Great Uncle Liam make an ass kicking appearance? That would be hilarious.

It does have to be super sucky to have your greatest wish granted and revoked repeatedly. And, Jasper was right, Edward was bound to crack sooner or later.

I feel so bad for him. I mean, sure Bella was sick and is still a little frail, but Edward is dealing with a lot of heavy things that are completely changing him from the inside out. 

Okay, so her parents didn't tell her about the mild case of brain damage. But, she's known her parents were complete idiotic, self-centered, ding-bat ass holes her whole life. They've both done worse things to her than simply not being completely honest.

I wonder how Bella will learn about the Cullen's secret in this story. They have been doing an awesome job of keeping her in the dark (eating a lot of human food). Edward's spurts of humanity have really helped him on a few levels when dealing with Bella.

And, I can't help but think back to the beginning of your story here. It is so hard for me to get a clear picture of Edward's character. He is so hot and cold, sweet and devious. I've just stopped trying to assign him a label.

I shall now read on. These are just a few of my rambling thoughts jotted down.



Author's Response:

Hi there Starnani21!

Thanks so much for the review! This story can get confusing at times - late night reading or not. :) You will get to see both Genevieve and Liam in this story in their own way. Promise. You make a really good point about Edward with his greatest wish. He's got a heartbeat and blood scent, and has to breathe, but he's not human. And hearing his heart stop every morning kills him metaphorically speaking because he doesn't want it to end, but his family is terrified that it will start up again and he'll "die" a human death and they won't be able to bring him back. And Edward doesn't feel he can tell his family the truth about how he feels about being a vampire. 

And you also make an interesting point about Bella. To me she was so upset because being "clumsy" was a part of her identity - she had been told she was clumsy all her life and she blamed herself for being weak. Also, her Mother would become hysterical if Bella ever told her that she had a headache so Bella quickly learned not to tell her and to get by taking Tylenol for what was impressive pain. Now think about finding out that you were with held medical care for migraines by your parents (Charlie had no clue about the headaches, Bella never told him) - because they wanted you to be "normal." Charlie might have had good intentions, Renee certainly did not. She didn't want Bella to know that it was her fault that Bella fell. And she didn't want a reminder of it, so she basically raised her daughter not to ever mention anything dealing with her brain injury by becoming distraught over it. Bella, therefore, grew up hiding pain her whole life feeling if she told anyone that it would be bad because that was a lesson she learned early on. And Bella is also angry because her Grandparents (Genevieve was a doctor) never told her, nor did they medicate her either. So she feels like this huge part of her life was a lie. And she's beyond angry at her Mother for being - in Bella's opinion self-absorbed to let her child suffer like that so she could feel better about herself as a parent. Good point about Edward's humanity. He has body heat, so he's not cold. he breathes, etc. 

What I'm trying to "show" with Edward is how he was deeply traumatized by the death of his family and his own. He's a young man - extremely religious, who believed that vampires were mythical soulless beasts. Then he wakes up one. And he's horrified and doesn't feel he can tell Carlisle because then a) Carlisle would feel guilty for granting Edward's mother's request and b) Carlisle might leave him and Edward is terrified of being alone in the world as a vampire. Then he feels shut out when Esme shows up because Carlisle and she are ga-ga in love with one another so he leaves to give them privacy and falls off the wagon in Chicago. And he is even more traumatized after three years of feasting upon humans day and night to realize that he was, a murderer after all. That pushed all his religious buttons again. So he basically was frozen in time by multiple traumas and created this delusion in his mind - a self-made prison of sorts - that if he was the perfect vampire child, then his family would keep him. So he spent decades living on the fringe of his family. he'd go to school, come home and stay just long enough to be polite, and then leave for the night wandering the forest on his own, running, to give the family privacy. In the morning he'd return home to change and go back to school. pretty miserable existence in my mind. And then enters Bella Swan. She shakes up his whole world. You'll see over the course of this story how Edward changes in the way he sees himself, his family, and Bella. 

Hope that helps,

 

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Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 02, 2011 02:50 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Another awesome chapter.

"But you have absolutely no problem exposing yourself to harmless raccoons, birds, and martyred crickets while frolicking and self-fornicating through national parks. It's good to see you have some standards left. Pervert." Do you ever wish you could give Starched Shirt Edward a slap or ten? I do. Although I guess technically you can, you can write Jugurtha giving him a slap to appease your urge. Alas I cannot.

‘Emmett envisioned a Godzilla sized wolf tromping through the forest.' Patience Emmett, patience.

I enjoyed reading the Clearwater family's visit. It was nice to see them all together, happy, before the brown stuff hits the fan in the near future.

A museum dedicated to squirrels? We must tell Douglas.

Favourite line - ‘Jasper had not wanted to peruse them without my permission, a sentiment which I respected on his part. It wouldn't do for him to invade her privacy without my consent.' Umm, well, huh, that's various kinds of screwed up thinking from Edward.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! I do find SSE's sniping occasionally to be hilarious. And yes, I can't beat him all that I want. (pun not intended). In my mind, it was important to "show" that Bella did have people that cared about her, but that she had been emotionally distant from them. She and Leah were quite close and then Leah discovered Sam and basically dropped Bella to hang out with her boyfriend and stopped calling Bella to hang out with her boyfriend. Seth was busy being a blooming teenager and he spent what time he could with Bella - and then the kids got sick and the vampires too Bella and life got interesting for the Clearwaters. 

And you caught me, I do have entirely too much fun pointing out the hypocrisy of Edward's actions when he accuses others of misbehaving or horning in on his territory. It's not like he's even told her he's interested. Yanno?

Best,

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Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 02, 2011 09:47 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Thirteen - Hitchcock

Another awesome chapter.


I know I have ranted about this before but… HOW DARN STUPID CAN THEY BE‽ What a cruel trick to play on Edward. I can see why they’d find it amusing and I guess Emmett can be partially excused on account of the grizzly inflicted brain damage but Jasper at least has a functioning brain, they should know better. Luckily Alice is the master of guilt trips and when you add in Carlisle and Esme they are a crack team of guilt.


I do enjoy Hezekiah’s little chats, he is endlessly amusing. I can’t wait till the committee get in on the act too.


Favourite line – “I think I have a grasp on Genevieve's personality.” The words bat-shit crazy spring to mind when thinking of her.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

You raise a really good point here in your review. I wanted to "show" that they were not thinking due to the stress of everything just building up. Jasper when in his right mind, would not dream of doing something like that to Edward. He's still a little brain fried from that vision. And Emmett, too. Both should know better. I wanted to create a situation that really "showed" Edward just how much he could trust Mary Alice while also kind of muddying up Mary Alice's character in the process. She's lying to the entire family by omission in order to keep her word to Edward. She cannot read the future exactly because Edward inteferes with her gift so she can't excuse her behavior by saying she knew it would all work out in the end. That means that she risked Bella's life. And she also put the family at risk in the event that Edward went bonkers. Now that, on one hand you could argue is sisterly devotion, but on the other side, you see the price she paid for it. 

I'm smirking at your comments about Genevieve. It's hard trying to write a relationship existing between a ghost that is mostly off page and Edward. Especially when that ghost is sending unclear messages. 

 

Best,

 

Books

Reviewer: Simaril (Signed) · Date: March 02, 2011 07:52 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Twelve - Bless me Father for I am Most Definitely Going to Sin

Another awesome chapter.

I love the way you describe Starched Shirt Edward's behaviour ‘attentive like a rabbit, nose twitching' it is a very strong visual not to mention frickin' hilarious.  

I think Alice and Rosalie have a little too much fun teasing Bella about her fever induced antics. Shameless shrews. However their teasing does allow Bella's musings to befuddle Edward for a while, which I always enjoy.

Favourite line - "But I need equipment." Bless his little Ossified heart, he's so cute when he's clueless, which lucky for us is a common occurrence.



Author's Response:

Hi there Simaril!

Thanks so much for the review and the stars! You're seriously making my week here. I look forward to seeing what you think about each chapter. Starched Shirt Edward to me reminds me of a whining younger sibling - irritating because just sometimes he nails a truth that you are trying to hide from. And yes, I think that the sisters Cullen had a bit too much fun with Bella. Notice they didn't get much information out of her, though. Talker, she is not. I do have lots of fun writing Edward as clueless. 

Best,

Books

Reviewer: Starnani21 (Signed) · Date: March 01, 2011 10:41 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy

WHAT... THE... HECK... DID... I... JUST... READ?!?!?!

REALLY?!?!

GREEN LIGHT???



Author's Response:

Hi there Starnani21!

Yep. Green light. If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer them. :) thanks so much for reading and reviewing.

Best,

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