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Reviews For Cullenary Coupling
Reviewer: Miss Poison (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 02:57 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

This was sweet and hilarious.

Author's Response:

Thanks so much Miss Poison! I had so much fun with Edward in this chapter. :) I think you'll like him in the next one too. :)

At least I hope.


The Predator sends a growl in your way (a nice one) as he says anyone with Poison in their name is definitely smart.


:) Books

Reviewer: siouxchef (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 02:53 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

These chapters about edward are absolutely amazing!  Your use of grammar and words is wonderful and it fits his "voice" perfectly.  Keep going please!

Oh, and I was laughing mightily at his complete obsession with allergy proofing her house (along with all the other obsessive behavior).  Vive la Starched Shirt Edward!


Author's Response:

Thanks so much SiouxChef. I have to admit I did a lot of research for this chapter on everything from windows appropriate for Forks to asbestos insulation to Saint Feast Days all in Edward's name of course. I had so much fun with the idea of him just going bonkers and continuing to freak out his family. Since I have allergies I just thought the war against dust mites considering he's this powerful predator would be fun to do and I wanted to show how he's helpless against her pull and oblivious to it as well. I am so entertained by this sojurn that we will be living in Edward's mind for quite some time. I know it takes time to review, but I really appreciate reading them, so thanks for taking the time to send me your thoughts.


Starched Shirt Edward wants me to tell you he's dedicating a rosary to you.

:)  Books

Reviewer: ciao_ama (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 02:29 AM · On: Chapter 1 - Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet

I am Really liking your story! This is soo very funny, you are are great writer.

Author's Response:

Thanks so much ciao_ama! I'm delighted that you are enjoying the story. :) Books

Reviewer: Cavriola (Signed) · Date: December 30, 2008 04:49 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward


More Dream Edward? I love Dream Edward.

Starched Shirt Edward very amusing and interesting.

Alice is gold.

Edward in the shop. Hahaha. "I felt confident as I approached the mall." Right. Like a fortress or something. And forest green is a lovely color for Bella.

I like the hydras and the saints, and Edward's struggle with modern words: it's like he has woken up after decades and finds the world full of these incomprehensible things... and suddenly it matters. By the way, I loved Rosalie's remark that they don't make cars like they used to, she sounds like a grumbling old lady. She would be pretty old though if she had aged naturally.

Red-eyed people? Hmm. So something is up again. Unless Bella has been watching horror movies. About vampires.

Author's Response:

Hi Cavriola!

I adore Dream Edward as well--so much so that he will be making another appearance - ahem - soon. And I do have a special place in my heart for Starched Shirt Edward (He's waving at you right now in between decades of his rosary). I wanted to make the scene with Alice and Edward the entire basis for their closeness because prior to then in my AU-verse he hadn't really confided in any of his siblings on any emotionally deep level at all. Not like that.

And I thought it meant more in terms of character development to show Edward actually braving the stores for his human. Poor guy. And the bra shopping - had to go there along with the package joke. :)

I have this image of Rosie the Riveter when I imagine Rosalie. And to me, based on how she feels about Bella the only reason she would work on the truck is curiousity - or sucking up to her Mother and Father.

Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator will rip my fingers off if I comment on any future plot developments. :) Thanks so much for reviewing. :) Books

Reviewer: Thefloorhatesme (Signed) · Date: December 30, 2008 05:43 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

i think edward should tell emmett about his earth-moving orgasm. It would make him green with envy. And doecn't edward realize that he makes all girls swoon at the sight. I mean . . . i'm sure if started a little strip tease in the front of everyone, all the girls would probably die and go to heaven. not to mention all the guys would be extremely jealous and come after him with torches and pitchforks and demand to castarate him with twine

Author's Response:

:) Edward will admit that certain women leer at hm. He thinks they find his vampire charms attractive NOT him.

Thanks for reviewing :)

Reviewer: Thefloorhatesme (Signed) · Date: December 30, 2008 04:54 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Four - Deviant

hubba, hubba, eddie. So was that silent scream even higher than the frequency that dogs hear? 'Cause it would be fricking side-splitting if all the dogs in the neighborhood started to bark, becuses of edwards little . . . ummm . . . Problem. hehe

Author's Response:

In this case I'm for torturing glass (and characters from the Twilight saga) vs. the dogs. Assume that it simply shattered glass. Then think about how much fun I had writing about all the glass that had to be replace in the house which I'm currently doing. Drat. :) Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Thefloorhatesme (Signed) · Date: December 30, 2008 04:00 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Three - EdBargo

haha. . . . i love innuendo

Author's Response:

So do I, my dear. So do I. Although it does bother Starched Shirt Edward. He doesn't like impure thoughts. Nor would he admit to recognizing one if he heard it. Glad you like the story. :) Books

Reviewer: pixieyow (Signed) · Date: December 30, 2008 02:52 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

yay--i finaly had a chance to read:)

the bags of blood was very clever

wow!  Bella's dreams were a nice twist

 "I winced as I hoped I hadn't broken anything of my human's of sentimental value"--hehehe he so loves her-- again, i love that he doesn't realize he loves her yet!

"Dillards did not appear to carry Armani or Versace" hahaha the whole shoppign scene was cute-there were a lot of cute scenes in this chapters

Author's Response:

Hi Pixieyow,

Thanks! I wanted to show with the bags of blood that they can be practical and efficient in their eating habits. If you liked Edward in this chapter I suspect you're going to adore him in the next. :) And you are right he's completely in denial.

I had to do the shopping spree. Everyone expects Alice to do it. To me it was very brave of Edward to even venture into a store. He's shy. And he goes into the lingerie section for crying out loud for help. And having just gone shopping with my sister and seen a lingerie specialist explaining the different styles of bras and underwear they carried I was inspired. I thought it a perfect scene to torture Edward. I had so much fun writing it. :) I'm glad you like it.

Remember in terms of the name brands, his sisters are fashion fanatics - and they prefer Haute couture. And they really do spend more on their sunglasses than he spent on Bella. He really has no concept of money in this era as it relates to clothing - so he was afraid he got her shoddy clothing. :)

Reviewer: growlatme (Signed) · Date: December 30, 2008 02:51 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

Ah--I love it!  Love these twists away from the real story of Twilight.  Edward is so funny with his lack of knowledge of words lol.  But I am pining for a return to the real story line :)

Update soon :)

Author's Response:

Hi growlatme, Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm having fun torturing Edward at present. I'm not sure what you mean by "pining for a return to the real story line". Do you mean you want me to continue on with the traditional Twilight scenes? Or do you mean you want me to return to the portion of Cullenary Coupling where we began the flashback with Edward returning to the house to talk to Bella about the Thriftway incident? If it's first, I shoudl warn you that this is AU, I might take some themes from the saga, but I'm not going to be giving you an exact recreation of Twilight. If it's the second then all I can tell you is that the muses have kept singing to me on this section and although I've had it outlined and plotted from the beginning, I have expanded it from its original. We are going to be in Edward's head for a while longer. Thanks so much for your feedback. :)


I do promise to update as soon as I can. I am working on the next chapter already. :)

Reviewer: Thefloorhatesme (Signed) · Date: December 30, 2008 02:33 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Two - Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know

YEE-HAW (hey i can offically say that . . . i'm from Montana) ride her Edward! hehe. Sorry. i had like three cups of coco and i can't stop twitching.

Author's Response:

Twitch away. I'm from Texas and we say that a lot too. :) I'm guessing from the Yee-Haw that you liked the chapter. :) Starched Shirt Edward wants me to caution you about the value of chastity - I'm ignoring him as I type this. :) He says he's praying for both of us. :)

Thanks for reviewing. :) I had fun writing it.  Books

Reviewer: mercury10872 (Signed) · Date: December 29, 2008 10:50 PM · On: Chapter 7: The Webers - Flowers and Pasties for Jesus

omg, I am dying over here...Tanya is really priceless, she is certainly giving the town gossips a run for their money, lmao

Author's Response:

I'm glad you are enjoying my version of Tanya mercury10872, and thanks so much for reviewing. Tanya started out as a bit player and I just had so much fun with her that I kept writing about her. And although Tanya is not currently appearing in the HOD section of the story she will come roaring back with a vengeance once that segment is over. Expect to be highly amused by Tanya. :) Best, Books

Reviewer: Chelsea (Signed) · Date: December 29, 2008 06:37 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

I just had to post a review to let you know how much I love this fanfic. I haven't laughed this much in a long time. I have so far enjoyed all of chapter 8, especially when you have Edward making remarks such as this ..."Any reasonable vampire would do the same with his singer."  It's to funny for words. I'm hooked, and looking forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing your work with us.    :)

Author's Response:

Thanks Chelsea,

I'm so glad to hear that you are enjoying Edward. I'm having so much fun with him at present. If you liked that line the next chapter should definitely be highly entertaining. That's all I'm saying because Starched Shirt Edward is threatening to rap my knuckes with a wooden rular if I spill plot details, the weasel. :) Best, Books

Reviewer: chloe9 (Signed) · Date: December 29, 2008 01:42 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

The last sentence was brilliant.  And Starched Shirt Edward always makes my day.  There's something about him calling Edward a deviant that just cracks me up. 

Author's Response:

Thanks Chloe9 for your review! I started a trend with the last lines, one I hope I can continue. :)

And I just adore Starched Shirt Edward. He reminds me of someone I went to college with, so I have so much fun writing his voice. I kind of liked Edward's response to Starched Shirt's criticism about the bedroom scene. Poor guy will be praying his little knees off for the next decade. :) *snorts*

And it totally makes my day when you review, so again, thanks so much for your feedback. :) Books

Reviewer: the shrew (Signed) · Date: December 29, 2008 03:18 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

Oh!  So the Earth really did move.  *smacks forhead*  Got it. 

I like the intrigue in this chapter.  Her grandmother warned her about the red-eyed people?  She has always had dreams about them, and now Edward protects her?  Different and intriguing.  I am so curious how you are going to draw this all together.  I love this, but I feel like this is an entirely separate story from the earlier chapters.  That's not a bad thing, but I don't see how you are going to draw it all together with the earlier stuff?  I'll stick with this as I still adore reading it, but I have to let you know what I'm thinking as I read it.  I think maybe you intend for us to be confused about that right now so that you can surprise us later, right?

Edward is adorable shopping for Bella.  He can appear rather haughty in this story, at least on the surface, but I still find him hopelessly endearing in his cluelessness concerning his feelings towards Bella.  He is such a good liar; he cannot even tell when he is lying to himself!  Stupid, lovesick vampire!  :D

Oh yeah,  assonance is living right on the edge!  But remember what they say in Educating Rita, "Assonance means getting the rhyme wrong!" Ha!  I love that line! :)  Assonance is good, but alliterations rock my socks.

Author's Response:

Hello oh Shrewish one! I had to make the Earth move. It's Edward freaking Cullen. I am taking the 5th on the plot developments. Starched Shirt Edward will break my fingers and hand me over to the Predator if I spill. I do understand the concern that it comes across as an entirely different story from the earlier chapters. And thanks for the feedback on that. At this point you should be confused. I aim to clear that up bit by bit in the next few chapters although not every question will be answered immediately.

I had to do the Edward shopping after going shopping with my sister and witnessing something similar. And the idea of repressed Edward actualy handling her garments and putting them in a bag to go to the store - mixing the practical with the cluelessness - was just too good to resist.

I loved Educating Rita. I still remember the scene with the woman walking in with the picture of the late Princess Diana and saying she wanted to look just like that. Awesome movie. :) I threw in the Sheepheaded Stalker line to bring you joy. :) I also thought it funny having a stalker calling out (mentally) another stalker.

Reviewer: Thefloorhatesme (Signed) · Date: December 29, 2008 02:40 AM · On: Chapter 2: The Bachelor Party: Survival of the B!tchfest - Part Two

Haha, What is Aro going to do with the pasties O____o

Author's Response:

I could tell you that, but then, alas, I'd have to turn you. :)

Thanks for reviewing :)

Reviewer: rindycella (Signed) · Date: December 29, 2008 01:57 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

Lovely as always. The shopping trip was perfect, as was the extended "package" joke.

Interesting with the Clearwaters also getting the pneumonia. Something in the broken pot?

Edward seems to be increasingly tolerant of the "misconceptions" that he and Bella are romantically involved...

Author's Response:

The misconceptions allow him to have greater access to his singer. He has, after all, reached his quota for breaking the bones of irritating humans for the decade. :) I went shopping with my sister yesterday - and just had to add in the shopping trip after what I observed. He probably touched her clothing from her dresser like it was the Shroud of Turin, Poor Edward. More on her illness (and the Clearwaters) will be revealed next chapter. :)

With the package joke, I just had to go there. I wanted to show how he thinks he knows everything and clearly he doesn't. And even in the face of his ignorance, he's still arrogant about it. Can you imagine what would have happened if he had asked Emmett?

As ever thanks so much for reviewing. It totally makes my day. :) Books

Reviewer: historicvampirelover (Signed) · Date: December 28, 2008 11:18 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

Oh Dream Edward!  He's just too perfect for Bella, even sick, sad, tired Bella.

I'm glad her fever finally broke, and that Edward stayed so strong around her while she was so sick.

I'm surprised though, that with the telepathy he doesn't understand more idioms... it seems to me that he'd be the first to pick up on them, no?

Looking forward to more :)  Excellent chapter!

Author's Response:

I love Dream Edward. :) Can't we all have one?

In regards to the idioms there is a method to my madness. Pardon me if I go all geeky on you. Research indicates that when we communicate with idioms we do so to show other people that they are included. For example my nickname Books - if someone uses it they are showing me that they really know me. Edward is not included. He has isolated himself. That's why he does not know the idioms.

The way I reasoned it, Edward selectively listens to people. He mainly follows the idioms that are related to vampires - blood suckers, leeches, etc. The rest he tunes out because he keeps people at a distance. From the way I see him, he both loves and hates being able to read minds. He loves being able to protect his family and frankly it stokes is ego. He hates it because it just serves to remind him that he's not "normal". Also, some of the things he hears are quite painful from the minds of others. He has become accustomed to just not listening over the years. And now he's in the uncomfortable position of having to figure out what everything means without confessing his ignorance. I've also been using it as a device to show how he thinks he knows it all, and well, doesn't. In his mind, he's been living in a different generation. Now because of his human he's having to figure out this one and be able to communicate.

I'm glad that you are enjoying the story. :) Thanks so much for your review. :) Have a happy new year! Books

Reviewer: Miss Poison (Signed) · Date: December 28, 2008 10:52 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

Interesting turn of events. Good update. =)

Author's Response:

Aw thanks Miss Poison :) Glad I'm keeping you entertained. This creative stuff is hard. :) Thanks so much for reviewing, I know it takes time and I appreciate hearing from you. Have a happy new year! Books

Reviewer: MyBrownEyes (Signed) · Date: December 28, 2008 09:48 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

I love your story! Its so cute how Bella keeps saying Dream Edward. I'm intrigued by the tid bits in here...why is Bella dreaming about red-eyed people and why Edward, Alice and now Esme get visions of their human lives when they touch her. Can't wait to find out where all that goes. I'm addicted to your story so please update soon!

Author's Response:

I loved the Dream Edward - face it, I can't decide on a damn name for the guy so I keep making up new ones. Kidding. Not.

I wanted to show her vulnerable but actually telling him what she really felt. Of course he's convinced that since she has a high fever he's not taking her too seriously. Moron. :)

The red eyed people will have to wait. But will be answered within a few chapters. Maybe. I think. :) As for the rest, for once I'm keeping my mouth shut. Starched Shirt Edward and the predator have threatened to break my fingers if I type any more...

Thanks for your feedback and I'm so glad you are enjoying the story. :) Books

Reviewer: schleprock (Signed) · Date: December 28, 2008 07:47 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

it's ridicules how much i look foward to this story being updated. that having been said,update soon please!!!!

Author's Response:

Hi Schleprock! Thanks so much for reviewing. :)

I am delighted to hear that you are enjoying the story! The next chapter is about 50% written. I'll try to get it up as soon as I can. I do post teasers on the thread for this story. Stop by and say hello sometime. :) Books

Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: December 28, 2008 07:17 PM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to that. I tried to join the forums here, but I picked a bad time apparently. Regardless, I haven't visited your string yet. Working on it.


The puppy thing? You want to use that crappy line? Snort. Be my guest. You don't have to credit me with it or anything. Really. Go ahead. I'm certainly nat claiming it. Then again, if anyone could make that line seriously funny, it'd be you. Or starched shirt Edward.


Can't tell you how much enjoyment I get at his expense. That was just the best idea ever.


I am also beyond intrigued at the new gifts and how they tie together. Never even heard mention of someone thinking about something even similar to this.


Watch out though Babe. If ever there was a story that people would want to steal for the sake of having their name attached to something really good, it's yours.



Author's Response:

I'm not sure what trouble you were having joining the forums. They have a separate registration process and you have to have a different password which is a little confusing. Once I got through that, it was ok. It was the Holy Hecate line I really liked. :)

I have been having so much fun with starched shirt Edward. I am going to try to expand the predator a bit because he's feeling neglected. And there is another one lurking around in Edward's mind that might come out to play. Maybe.

I've read many NM AU pieces that gave Bella all sorts of powers - some of them completely silly that made me want to laugh hysterically while reading. I wanted to make her "special" as a human but in such a way that she's not really aware of it.

In terms of stealing stories, I'm not too worried. That's a risk you take when you put something up for the public to read. And if I were going to steal a story idea (and let's be clear I'm not) I can think of many many other ones that I'd take before mine. :)

But thanks for the compliment. :)

And in the very unlikely event that someone actually did try to claim what I've written as their own. Oh my. I'd have fun. I'm a little spiteful you see. :)

Reviewer: mercury10872 (Signed) · Date: December 28, 2008 04:55 PM · On: Chapter 3: Propositions and Practice

omg, lol. that was even more priceless!

Author's Response:

I'm really glad you are enjoying the story so far. Thanks so much for reviewing :) I think the first one is the most low key chapter so put your seat belt on, Tanya will be making an appearance soon. :)

Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: December 28, 2008 04:47 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

Holy Hectate, woman! You are always surprising and delightful. No one writes like you do. And I love you for it. Love you, want to marry you, have your babies, etc. This just keeps getting more and more consumingly awesome. (Please do not read that in a Keanu Reeves voice. Would totally ruin it.) I can't believe how high you have set the bar for the quality of this story.

You make me feel like a golden retriever puppy every time this updates. I feel like bouncing around, giggling and wetting myself with happiness. Whatever. I'm not ashamed of it. Okay, maybe a little. But incredibly enthralling. None of your other readers would blame me, I daresay.



Author's Response:

Now you've just given me a phrase I'm going to have to work into the next chapter damn you. :) I am so glad you liked this chapter. I sat on it for a few extra days because it didn't feel "done" and the inspiration for the conversation with Marcia the sales girl hit after my sister and I went shopping. I purposely have gone out of my way to make Edward be the one doing the shopping in this story rather than Alice - and I wanted to also show how clueless he was/is. And I added a bit to his conversation with Alice. I wanted to show why he's closer to her than any other sibling. He wasn't before - he wasn't really close to any of them - but he sure is now. She seems to "get" him. And I also wanted to show how he has isolated himself in his own family and is bit by bit starting to come out of that shell. I am working on the next chapter but it's going to take a while for me to get it out - perfectionist that I am. I do hope you like it. Edward at least in part of it, is going to decide he needs to improve his communication skills with human women. :) Books

Reviewer: silly sad sarah twilighted (Signed) · Date: December 28, 2008 04:29 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

EEEKKK that was a nice long totally AWESOME chapter I feel totally satisfied!  But like all good addictes i hope for more I crave more.  But since your drug was so good and fufilling I will be patient!  I wait refreshing every few minutes to see an update in my favorite stories!  Happy new year if you don't post before then.  I love the way you got so detailed.  You had information on there that sent my head into a tail spin.  Either you did alot of research for this chapter or you really know how to tell one hell of a story! 

Author's Response:

Hi silly sad sarah twilighted, Thanks so much! I am glad that you are enjoying this story so much :) I will probably not be posting before the new year but I CAN promise you that the next chapter if I pull it off right should make you weep - in a good way (at least part of it). Edward is going to work on his communication skills. I'm not sure what information I put in there that seemed more detailed but I must confess I have looked up the oddest things lately - from the weather on certain days in history in that area to the types of trees that grow there to the school mascot of their high school. That's me the data stalker. :)

Again thanks so much for reviewing. It totally made my day. :) Books

Reviewer: mercury10872 (Signed) · Date: December 28, 2008 04:17 PM · On: Chapter 2: The Bachelor Party: Survival of the B!tchfest - Part One

lmao..this chapter is priceless..I do not know which is better, Lauren getting what she deserves or the fact that Jane dragged Tyler off, lmao...great job!

Author's Response:

I really am having a lot of fun with Jane and Tyler. At first I wanted to make it a one time event but I ended up expanding it. I hope you like what I've done with them. :) Thanks so much for reviewing. :)

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