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Reviews For Cullenary Coupling
Reviewer: superstarrh (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2009 07:44 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

Ha...everyone should be so lucky to have someone like Edward shop for them!  So considerate, that he is.  I love how much she needs him and his reaction to it.

Only one chapter to go but I see that there will be another one coming soon!

Can't wait.

Jaime

Reviewer: superstarrh (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2009 07:44 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

Ha...everyone should be so lucky to have someone like Edward shop for them!  So considerate, that he is.  I love how much she needs him and his reaction to it.

Only one chapter to go but I see that there will be another one coming soon!

Can't wait.

Jaime



Author's Response:

I had gone shopping with my sister that day and had seen a very similar scene of a gentleman wandering throught the store looking bewildered. I had to go there. :) Thanks for reviewing :) Books

Reviewer: superstarrh (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2009 06:47 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Four - Deviant

Bella seems to be in the hospital more than she is in her own home. 

And breaking glass??  Good thing Esme doesn't know about this or else she would have never let them use her home for the honeymoon.

Once again great mixture of humor into this story!  Only two more chapters to go!

 

Jaime



Author's Response:

Hey Jaime,

Thanks for reviewing, and I am so happy that you are enjoying this. I've had so much fun frolicking through Edward's brain. Yes Bella is in the hospital far too often. The reason (brain damage from an accident as a toddler that impacted her balance) for her tendency to be accident prone will be explained in the next few chapters at least to her. Now that you know about the whole breaking glass deal does Edward's desire for privacy on a deserted island make a little more sense? Glad you are enjoying the story and uh, I just posted another chapter in the queue. :)  Books

Reviewer: superstarrh (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2009 04:20 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Three - EdBargo

I'm really enjoying this insight into Edward.  Slowly but surely I will make it through these chapters before you add more.

Great job, you would think I could come up with something more original to say but alas I cannot at this time.  Just know that I am enjoying this!

Jaime



Author's Response:

Jaime,

I am ecstatic that you are enjoying the story :) Thanks so much for reviewing, it totally makes my day. :) Books

Reviewer: superstarrh (Signed) · Date: January 05, 2009 11:41 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Two - Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know

That Mike he never does learn does he?  I like seeing how Edward comes out of his shell as he gets to know Bella.  Great job as always.



Author's Response:

Thanks so much! Given that he broke Mike's legs because Mike was "thinking" about seducing Bella in HOD part 2 - I thought Edward's reaction in the Thriftway chapters showed heroic self control. :)

I'm having so much fun with Edward at present. He's a hoot. :) Thanks for reviewing. It totally makes my day. :) Books

Reviewer: superstarrh (Signed) · Date: January 04, 2009 08:03 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part One - Pride and Tribulation

Amazing.  You put such thought into his background and it shows.  Your writing gives such a clear picture and I can see it all in my mind as I'm reading it.  Well done and I can't wait to read what's next.

Jaime



Author's Response:

Aw Jaime, Thanks so much! Considering I am such a huge fan of Human Experience - I'm really flattered that you are enjoying the story. I am working on the next chapter already. Swear. I'm editing it now. Starched Shirt Edward is waving at you and I think I just saw him blow a kiss in your direction. :)  Books

Reviewer: TotallyKawaii (Signed) · Date: January 04, 2009 10:15 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

This is a wonderful story and I can't wait to read the rest of it! Am eagerly waiting for Dream Edward and Starched Shirt Edward's next appearances. (... okay, maybe not so much from Starched Shirt Edward and a little more from Dream Edward. He seems more into admitting his verra obvious love for Bella!)



Author's Response:

Hi TotallyKawaii!

Thanks so much for reviewing and I am just bowled over at the response to this story. Reviews totally make my day. :) I know they take time to write so again, thanks for giving me your feedback. I love me some Dream Edward and will be scheming to bring him back into the story - no worries there. Starched Shirt Edward is supposed to annoy you - he's Edward's conscience. And he bugs the heck out of Edward.

Dream Edward remember is Bella's way of seeing Edward. It's her idealized version of him, the way she sees him in her mind. He is not, for example talking to Edward in HIS mind like Starched Shirt Edward is. I make that distinction because when Bella talks to Dream Edward she is being completely vulnerable - and honest - and Edward just doesn't know what to do with it because he just thinks she's out of her mind with fever. He's deeply in denial. Part of him is delighted, wants to jump over the moon when he hears her cry for Dream Edward to hold her. But the other part of him cringes because he thinks to himself as he caresses her hair when she's delerious that once she's better she'll never let him touch her. So he both loves and hates Dream Edward. Does that make sense?

 

Again, thanks so much for reviewing. :) Books

Reviewer: paigecullen (Signed) · Date: January 03, 2009 10:13 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

Long but great story can't wait for more



Author's Response:

Hi Paigecullen,

 

I can't seem to write chapters that are less than 11,000 words at this point because I'm trying to stuff so much at you in terms of character development. I'm glad you are enjoying it. My hope is that you see Edward who has gone from shy, who rarely speaks, to all of a sudden speaking in complete and might I add long sentences in front of his family, fighting with them, fighting with humans, freaking out over his singer's illness despite being a doctor and having a clear understanding/objectivity with other patients, and then going completely OCD over her house. To me, his behavior was out of guilt as well. He wanted to demolish the scene of the "crime" by literally re-doing her room. So I am presently working on the next section but it might take me another week to get it up. I do promise to do my best to make it interesting and entertaining. Thanks so much for your feedback. Stop by the thread on the AU forum for this story sometime. We have lots of fun. :)  Books

Reviewer: thisistami (Signed) · Date: January 03, 2009 06:21 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Two - Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know

um.. this was a different sort of read...



Author's Response:

Hi Thisistami,

that was the general thing I was aiming for. :) It's Edward's backstory and explains why he's behaving the odd way he is in the front part of the story...Bella too.

Thanks for reviewing :) Books

Reviewer: morgan_taggart (Signed) · Date: January 03, 2009 03:07 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

wow, again flawless. now i can kinda understand the eye color and the visions.  its not confusing anymore at least. :) i absoloutly love the battle of startched shirt edward and the predator. so adorable. i can't believe Bella heard them at vampire pitch, so peculiar. and how is she already having dreams of the Volturi? or non vegetarians should I say?

always thoutful Edward, buying her all that stuff. I can't stand Lauren or her mother for that matter. I wish you woul have some even more evil fun, weird thing is i never remember lauren actually being in the books but i see her in fanfics alot. "Clearly stupidity was genetic. Their family tree did not fork. The women were nitwits." that was one of the lines that made me laugh. oh and this one, "I couldn't help it after all if my orgasms made the earth move. "

sorry it took me so long to review. i blame the holidays. :) awesome update, and happy belated New Years. :D



Author's Response:

Hi Morgan_Taggert!

Thanks so much for reviewing and seriously don't apologize for taking your time. I'm just glad you reviewed and gave me your feedback. I'm not picky about when I get it. :)

In terms of the visions that they have been having with her the only thing I can say cruel writer that I am is that is a plot line that will be developed over the next few chapters. And she said she dreamt of the red-eye people - why are you automatically thinking Volturi?

I had to have Edward go shopping as a sign of just how much he cares for her. He braves a shopping center for the first time in 50 years - a department store that is - to buy clothes. And of course, I wanted to show him having a hard time with it because he's so out of touch with the world. I thought it funny having him "caught" with lingerie in a bag in a department store by the town gossips. Edward rarely speaks at school other than in class or to his family - and now he's trapped like a rat. I thought it funny him being the big bad predator and all who could easily kill these women being terrorized by them.

glad you liked the humor. I've now become addicted to trying to have funny last lines - don't know how long I can keep that up but I'll try. Again, thanks for your feedback! It delights me to read it.

Best,

 

Books

Reviewer: PaisleyCrighton (Signed) · Date: January 03, 2009 11:34 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

The first have of this story was great - I loved the interaction with Tanya, Bella and Edward. However, the Heart of Darkeness parts have been fantastic. This is a wonderful and insightful look into Edward and has become a compelling story in and of itself. Please keep with this story line a long as possible. I just love this look at Edward and Starched Shirt Edward and the Monster. It is just brilliant!

PS - I love the long chapters!



Author's Response:

Hi PaisleyCrighton!

Thanks so much for your review. I am glad that you have been enjoying the story. I felt like I took a big risk inserting his backstory in the middle of the story but I wanted to do something creative. If I do it right, then you will be able to re-read the first half and go "ooooh" with new eyes. For example, after reading the first five chapters of the HOD section do you now have a different appreciation of why Edward is running so much at night and leaving Bella's side? Why he's so rigidly enforcing their boundaries when they kiss? Especially in the Cullen house? And does his desire to take her someplace isolated now make a little more sense in regards to their honeymoon? I have had so much fun with this section that I will be doing it until I feel like his backstory is done and then moving on where we left off. Since being in his head is just so much fun we'll be there for a while, but there are large sections of the rest of Cullenary Coupling post HOD that will be from his POV. Like, oh, the honeymoon.

Thanks so much for your feedback, and I am just delighted at the response that this section has received. Starched Shirt Edward wants you to know that he is praying for your soul. The Predator would like you to know that he is upset that no one has given him a specific name yet and he is lobbying for something fierce sounding as Edward doesn't like calling him Godzilla. :)

I'm glad you like long chapters because that's they way it's been working these days. Expect another long one when I post the next section. :) Books

 

Reviewer: tomboy54 (Signed) · Date: January 03, 2009 11:09 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Three - EdBargo

Alrighty, its not my favorite to read and very differnet from the first half of the story, but I will say, these chapters are extremely well written.

I will ask though, are we going to go back to what was happening before these Heart of Darkness chapters started? I want to know what happened from before. I think Ed (I like calling him Ed. Adds more humor to his serious self) was on his way to his room or something to seduce Bella I believe. I really would like to know what was going to happen.

I know there is more chapters after this, but for the ones after this, Update soon pretty please!



Author's Response:

Hi there Tomboy54,

When I initially started the heart of darkness chapters, honestly, I planned on something like the Thriftway section with just a few parts. My muses started singing and I realized that if I did it the way I originally intended, it wouldn't have worked because I would have been throwing so much at you at one time that I'm not sure it would have made sense. So I expanded it and it has grown, obviously, far from what i originally intended. My goal in the Heart of Darkness section is to give you Edward's backstory (as well as that of Bella from his POV) so that you can go a re-read the first part of the story with new eyes. If I do it right, you will then once we pick up with him walking up the stairs to talk to Bella, have a better understanding of the dynamic that has been going on with them. You will know obviously why he set such rigid boundaries and kept them fanatically. You will know why Bella deep down inside fears that she's going to wake up on her wedding day and find the Cullens have skipped town without a word. So we have to get through this section before I can finish the story. I initially said, oh it'll just be XX (insert number here) and it's expanded to the point where I'm now saying that as soon as I feel Edward has adequately explained himself the Heart of Darkness section will finish and we'll DEFINITELY move on with the last part of Cullenary Coupling. Thanks for hanging in there. What I can promise you is that the honeymoon will make you cry. With laughter.

Thanks so much for your review. :) Books

Reviewer: thisistami (Signed) · Date: January 03, 2009 09:20 AM · On: Chapter 4: Homework Was Never Supposed To Be This Much Fun

I've not laughed so hard since I read "The Talk" by nothingleft on fanfiction.net.  I love it when Edward is put in humiliating situations...



Author's Response:

Hi Thisistami, Thanks so much for the review and I am delighted that you are enjoying the story. You should know I am ALL for humiliating characters. So I am hoping you find the Thriftway chapters entertaining. And thanks for the recommendation on The Talk. I will have to go check it out.

 

Best,

 

Books :)

Reviewer: historicvampirelover (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 08:38 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

I think that this chapter was fabulous, and I'm glad that all the Edward's are around.  Books dear, this story makes me smile.

Looking forward to more :)



Author's Response:

Aw Thanks historicvampirelover! I tried really hard with this one and was afraid people would not like it as much since Edward really does go kind of crazy. I will continue to listen to my muse. :) I really do appreciate the feedback, so thank so much for reviewing.

Starched Shirt Edward wants to know if you'll consider picking him as your favorite Edward since everyone else is attracted to that hussy Dream Edward. deviant.

 

:) Books

Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 07:25 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

I spent almost the entire time reading this shaking my head and muttering Oh my Gosh or chuckling to myself. And...this may make me slow on the uptake, but I think your Edward is possessed. Not just with the 2 extra voices, and not just obsessed. But crazy, abnormal, hilariously possessed. I am at a loss for words to discribe how much fun I had reading this wacky chapter. I loved every strange little word of it.

 

~Mia



Author's Response:

Hi Mia! Thanks so much! When I first posted this chapter I honestly was afraid people would think I was taking the joke too far, or worse, boring them to tears. All the facts and statistics that are cited in there really are true. And I found it hilarious that Edward was truly following an EPA handout meticulously and it made him look completely unhinged. I also wanted to show how his family is taking several steps back and metaphorically reaching for the straightjacket - hence Emmett's reaction during the housing inspection when he has Edward call their parents and Esme come rushing over. I loved the irony of the big bad deathly predator that is Edward Cullen feeling impotent because of fungi, and dust mites. Just you wait till he decides the Cullen mansion must be cleaned so that Bella's precious lungs aren't hurt. :)  Books

Reviewer: schleprock (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 06:42 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

wonderful as always! update soon.



Author's Response:

I'm so happy that you enjoyed it Schleprock. Thanks so much for reviewing. I have about the next 10 chapters roughly written but need to fine tune them before I put them up. I don't expect to post for another couple of days. But I will as soon as I can. Swear. The Predator sends you his love.

 

Books :)

Reviewer: chloe9 (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 06:26 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

As always, Starched Shirt Edward brings me joy.  I picture him dressed as an altar boy.

There were too many excellent lines and passages for me to quote what I particularly enjoyed, you created another excellent chapter.



Author's Response:

Thanks Chloe9, I'm so glad that Starched Shirt Edward brings you joy. I'm afraid he's going to have a wee bit of a temper tantrum in the next chapter that I hope you find entertaining. He has needs, you know.

The way I envision him is Edward dressed in his Sunday best suit going to church at that time. It's the suit he wore a few days before his death in my mind - the Edward that existed pre-Vampire. But an altar boy outfit isn't bad either. I can see SSE as an alter boy. He'd be fussy in insisting that his vestments not be any of that modern nonsense, they wear now though. Too plain.

And he'd probably insist on using the Pope's tailor for his. He has standards you know.

I'm delighted that you loved the chapter. I was afraid I was throwing too many "facts' which all were real by the way at people and that it would pull down the narrative. Glad to see you liked it. Thanks so much for reviewing. It means the world to me. Seriously.

 

Starched Shirt Edward is pondering burning some incense and lighting a candle in your name. :)

 

Best,

 

Books

Reviewer: EmmBonn (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 05:27 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

He's so loving! And so thorough hahaha! I love it. Oh, and "a raging case of vague illness-itis" still has me cracking up.



Author's Response:

Hi EmmBonn, Thanks so much for your review. I'm glad that you are enjoying Edward. He has me highly entertained at present. He's going to continue to go a little crazy in the next chapter. If you like the raging case of vague-illness-itis line all I can say is I have another one that depending how I divide it will come up in the next two chapters that you will enjoy. All I can say on that line is that you will know exactly what I'm talking about when you read it. :)

I loved his attention to detail, and him freaking out he hadn't been detailed enough. I'm of course going to have to write about him insisting that the Cullen house be similarly examined. Imagine Rosalie's reaction. :)

Thanks for the review. :) They really do inspire me to write more. Best, Books

Reviewer: Cavriola (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 05:23 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

Dear Trinity of Edwards.

And Books.

I absolutely adored this chapter.

It's once again highly amusing. My favorite parts: "featherbrained flibbertigibbets", the Lent passage, and Edward's OCD-ish reaction to the allergy test results. His "we" also never fails to crack me up. "We might be a bastard but at least we knew her birthday." And how he outvoted Jacob. Edward would really know everything about normal stalker behavior. By the way, I sense trouble for Jacob coming up as soon as Edward has spare time. It's hard not to.

I wonder what the grandmother's message might mean. I have no idea.

I'm glad the matter of Bella's clumsiness was resolved.

You're really educating. Like Jules Verne. This chapter must have taken a lot of research.

Edward not having paid taxes in years: huh. I thought the Cullens would pay their taxes meticulously in order to blend in. Carlisle works, so no-one would think he was dead (undead), would they?

I think some sentences could use a couple more commas. Like this one (especially the second half): "We died at 17 and did not appear to be a senior citizen observing the rituals regardless he would contend set a good example of our Faith." I had to read it several times before I understood what exactly was going on.

All in all, I think it's one of the best chapters yet, and that means something.

Love,

Cavriola

 

 



Author's Response:

Wow Cavriola! Thanks so much! I saw you lurking on the boards the other day, but didn't want to make you feel singled out on my thread by posting a message asking you to de-lurk. Stop by some time when you feel comfortable, eh?

I love the word flibbertigibbets. and have had lots of people asking me to continue the insulting so have been racking my brain trying to come up with new ones that are appropriate but still using language of the era. I don't know how long I can keep doing that, but heck I'll try. I thought the idea of Edward thinking he was being "fair" in voting on the issue of Jacob, to me, was just hilarious. And he does not see his behavior as stalking but is bewildered by Jacob's. A traditional stalker in Edward's mind, not mind you that HE is one, would pore over information about Bella. Jacob doesn't care. He just believes that Bella is his. And Edward finds that odd. He doesn't flat out want to kill Jacob like he did Mike because at least Jacob in his mind is planning on doing the decent thing and proposing to Bella - not mind you that Edward will allow that - but still.

Grandmother's message will become clearer in the next few chapters is all I can say. Bella's clumsiness is still not resolved but I'm glad that you liked how I handled it. I figured I had thown so much information at people that if I wrote a complicated medical scene at that point people would spew. They never really specifically adressed her headaches or her passing out, so I have to answer that somewhere up ahead so people don't complain. I always thought the whole fainting thing and coordination thing in the books was poorly handled.

 

I have never spent so much time researching a story nor had that much fun. I had to look up everthing fromthe R value on windows to asbestos insulation - and the hazards - to research on allergies and asthma. Every study and ever fact cited really did exist and is a real fact - I probably should put that in an author's note now that I think about it....The funny thing is that the list of things he did to her house - most of it came from teh EPA. As in regards to Edward paying taxes, since he's been pretending to be a student all these years and not working, why would he? All the rest of their accounts are off-shore in my mind. Carlisle does pay taxes as does Esme. Edward just doesn't interact enough with the "real" world that he has had to yet.  Thanks so much for warning me on the commas. I'll take a look at it. I was tired when I posted it. I usually change the chapter like 8 or 9 times with little tweaks after I post it. :)

And I'm honored that you liked the chapter, your comments mean the world to me. When I wrote it initially I feared people would complain I was either boring them or taking the joke and running too far with it. Thanks so much for your review.

Best, Books

Reviewer: Ksangi (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 01:30 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

Ok.  I NOW finally understand Edwards motives for leaving "for Bellas own good"  he's a control freak.  SM never really explained his motives, therefore creating legions of women who wanted to kick his marble ass.

 

 



Author's Response:

Hi Ksangi, In SM verse Edward thought he knew everything about humans becaue he could read their minds. And he hated himself so he thought that leaving Bella was for her own good. Keep in mind that in my AU verse I may or may not use some of those themes but I'll do them in different ways. My intention is to NOT regurgitate Twilight badk to you.

In the books Edward's main problem was that he decided that he needed, wthout consulting Bella, to leave her. Not a good pattern of communication you know? He just boom and dumped her.

 

My Edward is very much of a control freak but he's been hiding it for 75 years. His family is just now starting to see that side of him. remember Alice made the comment in the bedroom scene that he had talked to her more in one paragraph than in the entire first decade they lived together. So look for evolution with him AND Bella. Thanks so much for reviewing. :)

Reviewer: Ksangi (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 12:54 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward

"I couldn't help it after all if my orgasms made the earth move."  Scoffing.  Oh Puhleeze Eddiepuss don't let that go to your little head. 

Starched Shirt Edward should hang out with "The Monster" from "Midnight Desire".  Talk about doing Novenas, SSE will probably move to the catacombs under the Vatican and never return.



Author's Response:

Hi Ksangi! Thanks so much for reviewing. Starched Shirt Edward is waving at you shyly from over my shoulder and whispering the rosary in Latin in your honor. Six times. Swear.

I had to write Edward as self-loathing but smug at the same time. It made sense to me that he's totally in denial but chortling at times really inappropriately then going right back into denial. I think if you got the Monster from MD and SSE in the same room it would be the 4th sign of the apocalypse, personally. SSE would faint. The monster would totally own him. At least at this point in the story.

As for the earth moving line, I had to have him throwing that in to show the combination of shame and odd pride he feels. Dude just took out a mile of forks he he didn't really have to deflower anyone himself included. Who knew? He's horrified at almost killing her and because he's an asshole is kind of excited that he can do something that no one else can and holding the knowledge that if his brothers ever knew his ahem inadvertant venom leakage problem trembled the earth - they'd never get over it. They'd sulk for decades. Jasper would weep. Emmett would have anxiety issues.

 

Thanks for reviewing :)  Books

Reviewer: peanutmachiela (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 12:14 AM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy

It's so odd to see your pov of Edward when he and Bella are getting to know eachother. Don't get me wrong I truely enjoy it.... It just is a little creepy as he keeps refering to her as his human or his singer and it almost seems like he refuses to use her name. Is he in love with her yet and just doesn't know it? or is he truely just lying to everyone and falls in love with her later? What does it take to convince him that he is in love with Bella??? AH! sorry I have so many questions I just can't wait to read more! I am telling all my friends who read fanfiction about your story! They also enjoy it!!!



Author's Response:

Hi Peanutmachiela! I'm glad that you are enjoying the story and thank you so much for recommending it to others as well as reviewing it and giving me feedback. It helps me know what is working with the writing. Edward calls Bella "my human" for a few reasons. First if you notice when his family first discusses the problem Edward refers to her as "the human girl", and the idea here is that they the vegetarian vampires are making a distinction that she, the singer is NOT a vampire. She is not part of their group. That's why they keep calling her the human. Vegetarian vampires walk among humans but really don't interact with them much so it creates this culture of seeing humans as this strange group that they have to pretend to belong to. They don't have human friends, they don't spend time with humans outside of school...so the only way they have to learn about humans aside from school is by reading and watching television or listening to music or the internet - not through direction interaction.

 

Second, Edward hears his family referring to his singer as "his human" and he really actually likes it. He's been lonely for so long and all of a sudden there is this human out there that Nature designed to appeal just to him. And he can't kill her because that is the only good thing aside from his family that has ever happened to him. He has to keep his record clean.

And you are right he is refusing to use her name unless absolutely forced to by circumstances and that IS kind of creepy. He is very deeply in denial. Think of it this way, he's had his memories of humanity almost virtually erased. If you didn't know what romantic love felt like then how would you know if you fell in love? If you had no memories of friends or what a friendship was, then how if you became a vampire would you know who a friend was and who a friend  wasn't and how to behave with one?Those tingly sensations that Edward feels, those sparks of attraction when he touches her, he does not realize that is what it is and explains it all away as her odd brain.

 

And if Edward ever does fall in love he will be dragged to it kicking, screaming, biting, wailing, protesting, fighting, every step of the way. He hates himself that much. So when you hate yourself, truly hate yourself, how is it that you can give yourself unconditionally to another? That is what I'm looking at in this story. Thanks so much for reviewing. Best, Books :)

Reviewer: changed_by_edward (Signed) · Date: January 02, 2009 12:07 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

Wow!  I have just sat here for 5 hours reading this absolutely tantalizing piece of fanfic!  I LOVE Starched Shirt Edward!  How utterly hilarious he is!  I can just see the disdain on his face when Edward had his 'accident' in Bella's bedroom!  You are writing an amazing story!  I will be doing my best to keep up with it!  I have to say that I don't think I have ever laughed so hard while reading as I have at several of your chapters!  The Tanya/Jake thing totally slayed me! 

I can't wait to see what will happen next!  I really like the plot about Edward and 'my singer/my human'.  It makes perfect sense! 

Keep up the good work and show Dream Edward and Starched Shirt Edward the kisses I'm blowing to them!  XXXXX  (I'm sure that Starched Shirt Edward will be appalled and have to pray to the Blessed Mother for my soul!)

THANK YOU for making my day!



Author's Response:

Hi there changed_by_Edward, Starched Shirt Edward would like to know if you would consider changing your name to changed_by_Starched_Shirt_Edward as he thinks since he is more spiritual that he is therefore more handsome. He is delighted you have enjoyed the tale of his poor soul and wants you to know he is going to say five rosaries in your honor to the Blessed Mother Queen of Angels.

I had to put Tanya and Jake together because it just seemed sooo wrong that he would lose his virginity to a vampire given that they literally can't stand the stench of each other. And him underperforming with Quilete Thunder and his entire pack including Leah of course getting detailed visions----just increased the ick factor for me. I have a lot of fun torturing secondary characters in case you can't tell.

I am delighted that you are enjoying the story. I will be working on it for quite some time so rest assured, we will be living in denial land for many more chapters before we pick up with the rest of the story.

I'm glad you like the my singer/my human - I was trying to show that he does not see her as a person without quite making him come across as a complete sociopath.

Starched Shirt Edward is not averse to air kisses so long as a Benedictine nun is present chaperoning the two of you with a wooden rular. He wants after all to protect your virtue. From him. And Dream Edward. The deviant.

 

Many thanks,  :)   Books

Reviewer: the shrew (Signed) · Date: January 01, 2009 11:13 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

Edward has MAJOR OCD here!  He reminds me of Kim and Aggie from How Clean Is Your House?  with his clipboard and testing kit for the Swan home.

I think it's frickin adorable all of the things you have him doing for Bella, simply so he can enjoy her scent!  ROFL!!!! :D



Author's Response:

I'm glad you liked it. I was afraid people would think I had just gone "bonkers" with him. I have never seen "how clean is your house." But I have done studies when I was in high school on stuff like doorknobs and tested the bacteria I found with antibiotics so I used some of that for inspiration for his research. The truly funny thing is that most of the things Edward did came from a list I downloaded from the EPA. I just had him do EVERYTHING the EPA suggested.

The studies I cited really were studies. And the figures were real as well. I kind of went OCD on the research. I wanted to show how frighteningly bright he is, yet how he also is completely blind to his emotional state. Hence he crushes the clipboard and Emmett freaks out and has him call both their parents while Edward is completely oblivious.

 

Best, Books :)

Reviewer: LaurenCullen (Signed) · Date: January 01, 2009 10:53 PM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy

Each time I read a new chapter I am in awe.  Tonight I sat and reread the wholw story (it took me an hour!)

I had to go back and reread the beginning just to remind myself how we go to Edward's flashback per se.

I am enjoying the backstoty tremendously.  I always wondered about vampires being "smarter" or being able to think differently than humans, or at least think about more that one thing.  I think you have done a great job in showing that side of them with Edward's thoughts.  Not only from his planning and researching but Starched Shirt Edward as well.  He is so detailed and hopelessly funny!  I think the last few chapters have caputered a side to Edward that even Stephanie missed.  Thank you for that!!!



Author's Response:

Hi LaurenCullen, Wow! Thanks so much! I have been having so much fun with the backstory that I've decided that I'm staying in it until I feel like Edward has told his story enough to ensure that the wedding "deal" and honeymoon make sense. Give, for example the fact that he nearly killed her in the last chapter, does that make his distance from Bella that she's noticed in the first part of the story make sense? She has no idea what happened. He never told her. And Alice never told the family. So now does the prologue take on a different meaning when Edward finds out that Alice knew about the "talk" that they planned? If so, then I did my job right.

Research shows we only use a fraction of our brain's capacity. In my mind, vampires utilize all the brain compared to humans.  I wanted to show if I could just how intricate their thinking was, but also just why Edward hates himself and the extent of his deception. I wanted to do it in such a way that you are revolted and yet feel sorry for the guy because he's cute in a creepy kind of way. Thanks so much for your kind words. Reviews really do make my day and inspire me to write. Best, Books :)

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