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Reviews For Cullenary Coupling
Reviewer: morgan_taggart (Signed) · Date: January 18, 2009 03:00 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Seven - My Queen

hello again, you are still my by far favorite author on twilighted. :) so here goes my review: I thought that it was surprising that Bella wasn't that shocked that her entire house had been remodeled by someone she doesn't know all that well. it was sooooo sweet of him but wow, he is obviously falling in love, but he'll probably never admit it until its reciprocated. i am deffinetly going to miss Dream Edward, but i'm happy that Bella's no longer sick. I thought that jacob got exactly what he deserved, as you know i despise Jacob. I am going to be absoloutly heart broken when Edward leaves. :'( not looking forward to that. But i am still looking forward to the other half of the first part of the story. :) fantastic work.

-morgan



Author's Response:

Hi Morgan_Taggart! Thanks so much for your feedback! Dream Edward is not going anywhere. He's here batting his eyelashes at you blowing you kisses. I don't know if you've ever had pneumonia. I have. When you are recovering from it you just sleep. A lot. And when you aren't sleeping you are attempting to cough up a lung. Which is completely revolting if I recall. The fact that Bella even notices the changes in the room was phenomenal, and she is the type to quietly process and sit back and say nothing. So she certainly has thoughts about what has been done to her house. Since she's shy she's hanging onto those thoughts. Another thing to keep in mind that ranks just under her simply trying to recover is that she just found out that she's had a life-long disability that is permanent, that her parents lied to her about. She is absolutely on the ceiling irate and livid at both parents - which is why she has not attempted to contact either. THAT has her attention at present. That and trying to breathe. She's baffled at why the Cullens are taking care of her, but right now she's too sick and too hurt and too angry to really do much more.  I am not even started with the fun with Jacob. More fun with him will be had in upcoming chapters. I am delighted you are enjoying the story. Thanks so much for reviewing!  Books :)

 

Starched Shirt Edward is waving at your. :)

Reviewer: EmmBonn (Signed) · Date: January 18, 2009 10:50 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

Oh wow. I feel bad about Jacob and I also hate him for not being what Ephraim's decendant should be! This is addicting :)



Author's Response:

Hi there EmmBonn! Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm very glad that I made you pity and dislike him because that was my aim. You'll be learning more about the young Mr. Black at the beginning of the next chapter that helps explain him a bit more. I am glad that you find the story addicting and alas, will have to withhold your supply from you until I finish writing the next chapter. I am presently working on it. Again, I know it takes time to review and want to thank you for giving me your feedback. :)  Books

Reviewer: bellas shrink (Signed) · Date: January 17, 2009 09:32 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

I read the entire story - last night and today.
This is incredible. I love the intricate details and researching you have clearly done - it is a pleasure to read something of this quality.


As a psychologist - I thnk you have nicely captured many sides of Edward, Bella and the rest. This, although it is AU, fills in SO many issues I had with the books bc of the lack of explaination (I understand, of course, if she had gone into all the minutia the books would have been twice as long). This is a wonderful look at the depths of Edwards issues and it makes sense of the inconsistencies in the book (I know, that will sound like blasphemy to many - I do not mean to disrespect her series, just with my background there were issues that I had with said inconsistencies)


This is lovely, I can't wait for the next chapter - well done, indeed!



Author's Response:

Hi Bellas Shrink!

I'm laughing even more at your pen-name now.:) It's quite appropriate. And this is a site where all views are respected on the series. Truly. And you haven't offended me in the slightest with your take on SM - I had many, many issues as well, although I did like elements of the books.

So you'll have to PM me and tell me what you thought about the plot line in NM where (according to SM's website) Bella grows a self-esteem while experiencing what appeared to be a severe bout of clinical depression, PTSD, auditory hallucinations, and suicidal tendencies (or at the very least risk taking behavior). On her web site, SM argues that during all of that Bella not only grew a self-esteem but truly fell in love with Jacob Black. Which made me snort. A lot. I enjoyed the beginning of Twilight with the banter between Edward and Bella and many elements of the other books (save of course for BD with that whole pedophilia glorification). I respect everyone's right to, of course, adore all of the books and disagree with me wholeheartedly.

I'm trying to show Edward as someone who because he has never faced up to what he has done in Chicago has built intricate layers of denial upon denial. I don't think, and this was a big issue I had with the book, that you can undo 75 years of self-loathing because Bella Swan is in mortal danger or bats her doe-like eyes at you. So in my AU verse, I am trying to take on some of the issues of the Twilight Saga: that whole pesky soul issue, why he didn't want to change her (my explanation is quite different), how they fell in love, why she doubted his love, why he doubted hers...why the wolves and vamps hated each other...what made Bella special...using an entirely different plot line (hope, hope) but some of the same elements. The characters start out as mostly canon but that will change with the backstory - I wanted a stronger Bella, and I wanted a more stubborn Edward who was more fleshed out in terms of his characterization. I've just tried to change things so I'm covering the same themes without re-hashing the Saga. I also wanted to use my story to explore areas of the book plots that I considered undeveloped. I loved the idea of this lonely vampire cut off from humanity having to re-experience emotions all over again. To me the way that SM has conceptualized vampires is interesting on some levels. By losing their human memories, I argue, they lose their schema, and therefore, Edward really wouldn't know what love is when he meets Bella because he doesn't remember it. He's learned to love his family as much as he'll permit himself. But since he has no frame of reference for many emotions (such as romantic love) he wouldn't recognize it if it bit him on the backside. I also wanted to show how just because he can read minds doesn't mean he understands what is occurring with that person (Lee, for example - had thoughts that were so chaotic Edward took a bit longer than normal to ascertain what had happened). Alice is not omnipotent and I'm not making her controlling of Edward's sex life (ew).

I was interested in the sexual dynamic that SM portrayed of Bella not respecting the boundaries that Edward had established in order to keep her alive and him having to be the "parent" in the relationship, and her ended up feeling rejected. Because they aren't communicating (and won't be for a while) things will of course spin out of control. I was also interested in "control" and the power dynamics in the relationship. SM romanticizes stalking so I wanted to play with that theme here.

I tried to show Edward in the Bonkers chapter as being so much in guilt over the unfortunate inadvertant venom leakage and denial that he all but breaks into a bout of OCD, and what amused me is that to characterize that I just used a hand-out from the EPA on what you should do to allergy proof your home. Simply following governmental regulations (as well as a few studies) makes him come across as unhinged (aside from that whole sound-proofing thing). He also probably comes across as suffering from DID, although I'm just using self-talk as a frame of reference. To me the predator (who shall soon gain a name) is the voice of the vampire urging him to give in to his instincts. Starched Shirt Edward comprises his conscience but also a mirror because he's the Edward before the transition, the highly religious naive young man who still hangs onto hope that he can get to heaven.  I'd love your feedback on whether or not I'm pulling that off convincingly from your perspective - particularly the denial part - because I argue he should be in it far longer than others might expect. So I've been having so much fun playing around in his mind that we will be there even when this story arc concludes and the back end of the narrative picks up. We will of course hear from the other characters as well, but the majority of the rest of the story will be Edward.

My original plan was for the heart of darkness arc to be short and I realized as I had written it that I was throwing so much at people so fast that I just ended up writing more. I've stopped making promises on how long this story will be, but I am promising that once the arc of Bella and Edward's backstory is done we'll leap right back into the thriftway discussion. If I do it right, as Edward is walking up the stairs to talk to her, you'll have an entirely different perspective on why they aren't communicating and what he and she both have to face. (hope, hope)

Thanks so much for your reviews - they made my day. I have a thread for this story when I'm not writing excessively long stalker-like author notes to kind reviewers on the AU forum. Please stop by and visit.

Best,

Books :)

Reviewer: lovely_penguin (Signed) · Date: January 17, 2009 07:52 AM · On: Chapter 3: Propositions and Practice

Is it wrong to find Mike'a pain so hilarious?  :)  Can't wait to read about Bella's homework.



Author's Response:

Hi There Lovely_Penguin, If you like mike suffering I'm the girl for you. I love, love, love putting Mike in humiliating situations and will continue to do so every chance I can. I should warn you that I interrupt the story in a few chapters by telling the story behind the story. You'll see one homework assignment and learn that she as another and then I have Edward having a flashback and thinking about their relationship which explains the real reason he's so hesitant to have sex, the real reason why Jacob is trying to stop the wedding, the reason the Volturi are showing up to a human wedding, etc. And I should warn you the section is long and I'm not done with it yet. Once I'm done with it, the story will pick up right where it left off and you will, if I pull this off right, have a different interpretation of elements in the front end. (fingers crossed). The first Heart of Darkness chapter will be dark and things will get lighter and funnier from there. So just wanted to give you a heads up so you don't get whiplash. But I torture Mike throughout the story and particularly in the Heart of Darkness arc. Promise.

Thanks so much for your review and I'm delighted you are enjoying the story. I had a lot of fun with the chapters. :) Books

Reviewer: bellas shrink (Signed) · Date: January 16, 2009 08:24 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Two - Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know

mesmerizing...all of it



Author's Response:

Wow!!! Thanks Bellas Shrink, you just made my day! I really had fun with that chapter, and I have a particular fondness, I must admit for that last line. I appreciate the feedback as I know reviews take time to do. Dream Edward is blowing kisses at you over Starched Shirt Edward's shoulder.

 

Best,

 

Books :)

Reviewer: bellas shrink (Signed) · Date: January 16, 2009 12:23 PM · On: Chapter 5: Indecent Exposure at the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy Part Two

OMG OMG OMG
I am still howling - I laughed out loud during the door scene with Charlie ! OMG - good thing E doesn't have a heart or a human brain - he would have either had an MI or a Stroke for sure! ROFLMAO!!!!!



Author's Response:

Thanks so much Bellas Shrink!

I had so much fun with the teasing him about his virginity part. You will find out just why that is so funny in a few chapters.

I adore putting Edward in mortifying situations and will continue to do so, and Bella, and of course Mike Newton. And Charlie is just so clueless but he tries, bless his heart. And the mere idea of him thinking the Cullens are strippers - with Jasper's pouty lips - just too funny.

Glad you enjoyed it. The next sections are going to have humor it'll just be a different type.

Best,

Books :)

Reviewer: bellas shrink (Signed) · Date: January 16, 2009 10:19 AM · On: Chapter 2: The Bachelor Party: Survival of the B!tchfest - Part Two

Wow...that Tanya. OMG! LOL



Author's Response:

I'm glad you are enjoying Tanya. She started out as a bit character and I just fell in love with her. I felt like she was just too much fun to only have in one or two scenes. So she will be a big part of this story but at the beginning and at the end.

And I liked portraying her as a sex therapist with her own issues. In my mind she just can't get over that Edward doesn't want her and is forced to do so in this story because of scheming on Edward's part. And I love how unapologetic she is about her behavior. :)

 

Thanks for your review!

 

Books :)

Reviewer: bellas shrink (Signed) · Date: January 16, 2009 09:38 AM · On: Chapter 1 - Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet

This is great! I can't wait for the rest of it! I LOVE Bella this way - she is SO strong and confident. Way to treat the lady!

 

Off to read the next chapter...



Author's Response:

Hi there Bella's Shrink, that is a hilarious pen-name that I am now officially jealous of....drat.....:)

I am so happy that you are liking Bella this way. I wanted to make her stronger than book Bella. I just want to give you a heads up so you don't get whiplash that starting on the chapters that are called Heart of Darkness we are going to get into Edward's backstory - and it will be a long backstory but it is going to show you the story behind the section that you are reading right now. It will show you how they fell in love (I'm doing an AU version - not spitting the book back at you) and it will show you how both of them came to be where they are at the beginning of the story. Once I'm done with that we will pick up with the rest of the story. Some of it will be dark but there will be lots of humor in it as well. And my goal is to show you HOW she became strong and confident and why...My goal is to show you why she's in a dynamic with Edward where she pushes his limits sexually and he pulls back and she feels rejected..My goal is to also show you in that section that the couple really has not been communicating on some key issues....why Jacob is so single minded about her at the beginning of the story....and some other fun stuff. So thanks for reviewing...there's some Mike Newton fun up ahead that I hope you enjoy.

 

Best,  Books :)

Reviewer: xxIsabellaCullenxx (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2009 11:27 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

I love this fic, and I absolutely love all this Edward POV about the beginning of everything. Can't wait for the next chap.

PS: I just have one question, I was wondering if you're gonna continue the story in this way (EPOV), or are you going to retrieve at some point to the original timeline with the whole Bella thing with the Denali sisters and the whole seduction-bet thing?



Author's Response:

Hi there xxIsabellaCullenxx! Thanks so much for your review. You can ask as many questions as you like...I may not be able to answer some for plot purposes but I'll always answer the ones I can. :) And this one I can. We will be in Edward's point of view for most of the rest of the story. We will have moment where we will switch to other characters when the back arc of the story picks up, but for the most part it's Edward all along. We will be hearing from Bella from time to time mind you...the seduction part wouldn't be nearly as funny without her input. But Edward narrates the entire honeymoon. And of course we will finish the whole betting part of the story. The entire purpose for this section is to set up the "real story" of what is behind all the behavior in the front end of the story. For example, Edward never told Bella about what happened in her bedroom with the unfortunate incident of inadvertent venom leakage. So when she pressures him for more sexual contact, it presses all of his buttons and freaks him out and she ends up feeling rejected (and we haven't even finished that explanation yet- there's more to it.) In the something fetid chapter - you learn part of the reason why the wolves (and Jacob) hate the Cullens, you'll learn more about why Jacob's family in particular hates them and wants to stop the wedding very soon. So if I do this right the backstory will set up the rest of the wedding and the bets and make them take on new meaning. Thanks so much for reviewing and for reading the story. Best, Books :)

Reviewer: Gattina (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2009 09:44 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

Aw, poor Dream Edward, I'll leave a review! I must admit (and apologize) that the title of the story threw me off from reading at first, but I am VERY happy to have read your work, it's brilliant! The Heart of Darkness part of this story is amazing in how you characterized Edward and I especially enjoy the word choice you use when he speaks because I feel that although SM alludes to the fact that he speaks like someone from another time period it was not really evident in her works. This story arc on the other hand is wonderful and just the way he phrases things and not knowing the vernacular of modern day to me is priceless! (and adorable *nods to the package usage.. *cough*) I could go on, but alas, I'll save that for future reviews! I just wanted to let you know that I love the way Edward speaks, it's so proper and is truly one of my favorite parts of reading this story.



Author's Response:

Hi Gattina! There's no need to apologize! Fetid - as in foul - was used in the title to refer to the stench that the werewolves feel comes from the vampires and that the vampires feels comes from the werewolves. I wanted to play up how both of them literally can barely tolerate to be in one another's presence. Thanks so much for your kind words in regards to Edward and his characterization. I had a hilarious review on fanfiction.net the other day in which the person complained that I had made him/her have to use the dictionary. It made me laugh. I felt it was very important to make Edward sound intelligent. I felt it was very important to use his vocabulary to emphasize how disconnected he is from the current generation of humanity. It makes his romance/scentance with Bella difficult because he literally doesn't know the things her generation values. It's almost like he's been living in a foreign country all this time with only learning enough of the language to pass as polite but not much more. SM in her books had the problem that because it's from Bella POV you could have Bella "dumbing" down what he said, OR you could have Edward (her Edward) using the language of the day to blend in (better than I have him doing). When I read the draft of Midnight Sun, I have to admit I was a little disappointed, although I don't know how fair that is being considering it was a draft - that Edward didn't sound in his thoughts as smart as I thought he should given he has multiple graduate degrees.

 

I did the package joke first because I'm evil with a filthy mind. Second, because I wanted to show how Edward just doesn't understand humanity but thinks he does. One of Edward's biggest flaws in this story is that because he can read people's minds he thinks he understands them. Part of what I was trying to do with the Lee story is show how just because he can read someone's mind does not mean, necessarily that he understands that person. It took him a while to figure out what Lee had done because Lee's thoughts were so fragmented and emotional and jumbled that Edward initially ignored them.

And throwing out the idea of doing future reviews - you tease you. :) Many, many thanks!

Dream Edward is not going anywhere - but he is blowing kisses at you...

Best,

Books

Reviewer: changed_by_edward (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2009 09:42 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

Books!  You've done it again!  Another great chapter with my two favorite Edwards!  DE and SSE are completely fantastic!  Heck, I'm even starting to like "The Predator".  (LOL @ the quotation marks!)  I really like the story.  I loved that Jacob soiled himself.  That nitwit needs to be managed in just such a manner!  I will certainly pay homage to Oxymoronic for the contribution! 

Please give Dream Edward and Starched Shirt Edward my best regards, and blow all three of them kisses.  Assure SSE that I did not break any of his rules regarding blown kisses when I did so!



Author's Response:

Hi Changed_By_Edward, Starched Shirt Edward wants to know why you haven't changed your pen-name to Changed_By_SSE

or at least cosidered the notion since he argues that he would be better for your soul. The "Predator" will be fleshed out in future chapters - I already have named him but have asked people on the thread for the story to give me names that Edward and Starched Shirt Edward can reject that are suggested by the Predator - Starched Shirt Edward and Edward have to vote on his name. So far the suggestions have been highly entertaining (and I plan on using them). If you like what we did to Jacob in the chapter - just you wait, much more torture is in store for our dear Mr. Black, esquire. And if you haven't had the chance to check Oxymoronic8's story out, run, run, run to read it. It's that good. :)

Dream Edward is blowing kisses at you which is making SSE fret that he needs to compete, so HE is going to be praying for you for three hours to "beat" the kisses thrown by that shameless man. He'd like to think that praying for your soul is the ultimate in spirtual kisses.

 

:) Thanks so much for the feedback. It made my day. Books

Reviewer: fanpire-4-life (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2009 06:44 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

still love it.

i also still don't quite get how these two parts of the story go together. it kind of seems like two completely different stories...



Author's Response:

Hi fanpire-4-life, I now have pen-name envy...:)

Thanks so much for your review and I am so happy that you liked the chapter. What I am trying to do in this section is give you the story behind the story of the first part. Remember how rejected Bella felt when Edward insisted on enforcing physical boundaries so that they would not have sex? Well, now does Edward's behavior make sense? He never told her what happened in her bedroom with the whole inadvertent venom leakage incident.

The wolf story in this chapter will make sense in several ways. First, it is going to partially explain why the current wolves loathe the Cullens. The story of Lee became twisted by Clearwater and retold to the children with the Cullens as the bad guys that caused Lee and all the other wolves to phase in the first place. Also, there's that whole angle of Jacob being raised from birth to believe he's going to marry Bella - does his behavior at the beginning of the story take on a new light? He does not love Bella. He's been told from birth that she's going to fall for him. If you think of how the Cullens first found Ephraim in the woods and how that encounter went and then think of how Edward hauls Jacob off to the woods and how that encounter went, you see the connection between the two. And it's sad. Edward literally dragged a 15 year old kid into the woods and scared him to the point he lost control of his bowels because he is single-minded in his determination that Bella is his and his alone. and Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator agree.

 

So I've bitten off a lot, and fingers crossed hope I can accomplish it. Thanks so much for your interest in the story. Reviews totally make my day, and I sincerely appreciate your feedback.

Reviewer: historicvampirelover (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2009 02:42 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Seven - My Queen

Egad, I have to retype my review... the internet stole it.

Dream Edward may have this review, as long as he's okay with me running away with Starched Shirt Edward.  There's always hope for a fallen angel Edward... tee hee.

I love that Edward took care of Jacob handily here, and am looking forward to the ultimate dismissal of that stupid wolf.

Edward's POV is just so amusing and funny... I love it so much.  I'm glad the home renovations went well, and that Edward is taking care of Bella, and that she isn't fighting him on it.

Hurray for this!



Author's Response:

Hi Historicvampirelover!

Sneaky internet...I've had it steal posts before too. It's frustrating. So double thank you for double reviewing :)

Starched Shirt Edward might consider running away with you provided you two were chaparoned at all times by a Carmelite nun holding a wooden ruler to ensure he keeps an appropriate distance from you at all times. :) He is delighted that you are choosing him over that ...that...that man Dream Edward that their dear little one talks about in her sleep.

If you like what Edward does with Jacob in this chapter, then the next should make you quite happy. I'm not done with Jacob by far. I like tormenting my characters - can't you tell by all that I've done to Mike Newton?

Edward is over-reacting and literally tearing down and rebuilding the scene of the "crime" because he's deep down inside absolutely ashamed and terrified that he nearly killed her in a split second. The fact that he was turned on at the time only adds to his anguish. So he's trying to protect Bella from every OTHER threat than himself. Because he's in denial. He's not a threat to her. He's perfectly in control. He needs her, his human.

I've had pneumonia before. It just sucks. Bella is not in any shape to fight him. Coming off of the infection is also pretty gross because you sit around coughing your lungs up, and I've written her doing that. Bella is just going to want to sleep.

She has not energy to fight him. Yet.

Thanks for reviewing

 

Books

Reviewer: tomboy54 (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2009 12:39 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

These Heart of Darkness chaps just keep getting better and better! I loved Ed's little 'discussion' with Jacob. Very nice.

BTW, any idea how long it will be before we get back to where we left off before the Heart of Darkness chapters? Just curious.

Update soon please please please please!



Author's Response:

Hi Tomboy54! Thanks so much for your review and I am delighted that you enjoyed this chapter. I sat on it for a while until it felt "right" and just kind of crossed my fingers hoping it would be well-received. You can credit Oxymoronic8 with being the reason why that scene was so awesome - she helped me with the dialog. And I really did have so much fun toying with the idea of Edward simply eating in front of Jacob to scare the body fluids out of him. And Tomboy54, you know how I love to torture characters. I haven't even begun toying with Jacob. Edward has big plans for him. Special attention, if you will. Nobody plans on marrying his human. It would interfere with the Scentance.

 

It terms of how long it's going to take to get out of the flashbacks honestly, I have stopped trying to predict. I have an outline, I have lots more written and I keep expanding it. The scene with the wolves for example was originally three paragraphs and told in past tense summarized by Edward. See what I mean? The whole point of this backstory is to set up the first arc in terms of conflict. For example, we learned a few chapters ago why Edward is terrified to have sex (partly). He never told Bella what happened in the bedroom. He was too ashamed. So at the beginning of CC she's feeling rejected by him and he's flat out terrified he's going to kill her. The HOD arc gave more meaning to that part of the conflict (and will be adding even more in upcoming chapters). Jacob gets scolded by the pack for his behavior towards Bella. By the time you are done with the next chapter that scene is going to take on (if I do it right) even more meaning. And you will also understand a bit more of why he's so desperate -even against pack orders to stop the wedding. So I still have a lot of territory left to cover. We will be covering their romance and there will be a few LARGE bumps along that way that have to be detailed in this section. So I am delighted that you are enjoying the story, and thanks for reading it. When we are done with the HOD arc, we will still stay in Edward's brain for a while - it'll just be titled differently to reflect the theme of that section of the story.

I have RL work that is going to be thrown at me in the next few days - so it will be highly unlikely I can post anything for at least a week. I do promise that to make up for it, I'll post a really long chapter. Deal?

Dream Edward thanks you and is batting his eyelashes at you.

 

Books :)

Reviewer: PaisleyCrighton (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2009 10:29 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

When I see you have updated, it make me smile! Granted if my boss new this I am sure she would curse whenever you update, because for some reason, I don't get much accomplished when you update -- imagine that.

Another great chapter -- I can't wait to see what "the predator" is renamed. Sorry I don't have any suggestions, but I am more than willing to keep Dream Edward company whenever he needs it!



Author's Response:

Hi PaisleyCrighton, Your reviews make me smile so we're even. Thanks so much! I've posted a request for suggestions on the thread for this story on the AU forum and so far I've had several that are definitely going on the list. I already know what I'm going to name him. What I asked people to do is come up with fierce sounding names that Edward and Starched Shirt Edward would quibble over. They are going to decide the Predator's name - sick I know.

 

Dream Edward is looking at you longingly blowing you a kiss. :)

Books

Reviewer: Sophiegirl (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2009 01:49 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

OMG! Dude! That was Fantastic! I am going to read it agin, because it was so awesome!

Author's Response:

Sophiegirl, Dudette! You just made my day. I'm glad you liked it! Thanks so much for reviewing! :) Books

Reviewer: siouxchef (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2009 07:26 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

First, I do so love your long chapters.  They're very fulfilling.

He's still in such denial!  Making excuses as to why he feels certain things, blaming on her scent (scentantic is a great word by the way). 

I felt a little sad when he admitted to not speaking at all for 3 months.  Seems that he is living in fear of the family turning him out and wallowing in his guilt over his "lost years".  It gives a new twist on how isolated and withdrawn he is.  It also makes my heart break to think that Edward believes he doesn't deserve love.  He consistently tries to find ways to make his presence in the family needed, to make his Father "keep him" (the birth of the twins and his thoughts to go to med school).

I was confused by his conversation with Emmett "don't you think his thoughts are interesting".  Emmett can't read minds, or can he?  I'd love it if you could set me straight on that one, because I read that part like 10 times and something isn't seeping in.

I was howling with laughter when Edward is musing on Jacob's obsession with Bella and how he called it "positively unhealthy".  Like he's not equally obsessed!

I can't wait for all of his justifications to come crashing down around him when he realizes he's in love with her.  I'm also super excited to see all the chapters it's going to take to get there. 

Thank you for your perserverance, your 16,000 word chapters and your wonderful imagination.  I'm enjoying them all!

 



Author's Response:

Wow Siouxchef!!!!! That was just an amazing review - thanks so much. And you were so helpful. Let me explain why...

I'm afraid that by doing a flashback within a flashback that I might be confusing the audience. The scene with the initial encounter with the wolves takes place literally just a few years after Edward has returned from his rebellious years. Remember that since that time Rosalie and Emmett have both joined the family. But neither one of them know about Chicago because it's a family secret. And remember his parents don't know what happened because Edward lied by ommision. He told them he slipped, he didn't say he slipped every night for three years. So Edward at that point in time is feeling just awed that his Father and Mother let him walk through the door again. But also NOW he has competition for attention. And Edward takes a unique twist to sibling rivalry. On one hand, he's delighted to have others join the family. He's lonely. He hates being a vampire and now he has Rosalie that he can secretly share that trait in common. But also he is happy to have siblings because they occupy Esme and Carlisle attention and allow Edward to fade into the background. Emmett with his newborn year and his superstrength and powerful emotions had them all busy. So Edward is looking for every opportunity he can to prove over and over his value to his family without talking or communicating unless he absolutly has to. He's so afraid that he doesn't speak for fear that he'll offend someone and they'll ask him to leave - that's how afraid he is. So Edward thinks that if he "acts" shy that the family will leave him be, and he can stay with them and not be rejected. That's where he is at that point in the story.

"Don't you think his thoughts are interesting" is where you first start to see the sneaky side of Edward. He is pretending in front of the wolves that they ALL can read minds. Emmett is smart enough to pick up on it - my Emmett is one of the most perceptive in the family especially when it comes to reading Edward. So Emmett turns to the crowd and starts lying. Does that make sense? I really had a hard time writing that section - so it's not you it's my bad writing there that is making it confusing

I wanted to show how all the legends about them were started - and how the Cullens inadvertantly played a role in it. So when they come back into town the wolves absolutely hate them. They expected dislike but not that amount of loathing - more on that in the next chapter.

I'm a big fan of irony can't you tell...so I had to have Edward tsking over Jacob's poor stalking behavior completely unconscious about HIS stalking behavior, He is doing reserach now on human-vampire ahem chemistry yeah that's it...so he has a reason for holding his singer while she sleeps and drools on him, or reading all her emails or rifling through her ob/gyn files (he did do that).

I do want to warn you that he's going to be in denial for quite some time, probably longer than you would expect. I don't want the audience to feel like I'm drawing this out too long - but in my mind you don't undo that kind of self-loathing in a few weeks. You just don't. And in my mind Edward is going to have to be dragged kicking and screaming the entire way to the realization that he's in love with Bella and what that means. The signs that you should look for are in his behavior and in how he refers to her. Right now, she's moved from my human - to my Queen - which is progress. Queens are valued, treasured, royal, respected. Dear little one is also big. But at the same time he refuses to change her because THAT would deprive him of her scent. So he's still selfish. And in denial.

RL is going to be cracking the whip soon so I made the chapter extra long because I don't know when I'll next update. It probably won't be next week at all, so I felt you all deserved and extra long chapter.

 

Again, I know that reviews take time to do and can be a pain, but I sincerely appreciate them. Thanks so much for reading my story, and thanks for helping me understand what is working and where I need to improve. That really does make my day.

Best,

Books

Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2009 05:07 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

You amaze me. Such detail. Just spectacular. My best part of the week is seeing an update from you.

 

~Mia



Author's Response:

Aww thanks Mia! That just made my day. Did you see that I used a puppy reference in the story there? That was for you. :) for one of your hilarious reviews. That was dedicated to you, dear. RL is going to keep me pretty busy so I warn I might not be able to post next week. :) Books

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Reviewer: silly sad sarah twilighted (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2009 04:03 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

I like the story I am looking forward it getting back to presnt day and the betting and everything I like the history lesson its enlightening!  I love that you had Jacob crap himself that was priceless!  AWESOME!  Post again real soon!



Author's Response:

Hi Silly Sad Sarah Twilighted! Thanks so much for your review. I am very happy to that you enjoyed the chapter. I do so adore tormenting Jacob and have to give credit to Oxymoronic to helping facilitate that because the scene as originally written wasn't very good and she helped make it, I think, work with her advice.

 

I've read stories before that the pacing frustrated me and I kind of felt jerked around by the author. I want to make it very clear to you that I have a lot of ground left to cover. In the next few chapters you're going to understand, for example why in the beginning of the story Jacob is desperate to stop the wedding. Edward and Bella's relationship has only just begun he still is in denial - so we're going to be in this arc for quite some time. I'm not even guessing at the number of chapters - but to keep those who are eager for me to return to the present day I've been posting 16,000 word chapters. So I do want you to know that I really do appreciate your perspective - and I don't want you to feel that I'm being needlessly cruel. There are several very good reasons that will become apparent in the next few chapters why we are here. You have, for example 2/3rd of the knowledge now for why the tribe loathes the Cullens. More on that will be upcoming. All this will impact, of course, the wedding. The next few chapters will start moving forward in time. Promise. We will not be at the Thriftway section for quite some time and I want to be clear about it. I hope that you can be patient with me and I hope that I make it worth your wait. If I jumped into the Thriftway section right now - the chapter wouldn't make sense.

 

I can definitely promise you that I am going to do things to Jacob that will make you squee in the chapters ahead. Swear.

Thanks so much for your feedback. Starched Shirt Edward is delighted you enjoyed his lecture of the heathen. He is waving his fingers at you. :) Books

Reviewer: elphabacy35 (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2009 03:13 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

So many good lines...

"He could go swallow mud", "quality singer time", "scentaholic"...

literally lols the whole time.

And yes, the "predator" does need a name...he has needs..I could help him may-be?



Author's Response:

Suggest a potential name. I already know what I'm going to name him but it's going to be a negotiation. So I am completely open to potential names for him to propose if that strikes your fancy. Seriously. I'm delighted elphabacy35 that you liked the chapter. I sat on it for quite some time fretting over it. And I wanted to show how Edward's denial is growing. Now he's convinced he's an addict to her scent and thinking of them "scentanticaly" rather than romanticaly. I just love toying with his mind.

 

Again, I know it can be a pain to review, and I thank you for taking the time to do it. Your feedback really does help and of course totally makes my day. The Predator is looking at you longingly saying, "Name me, Mistress"....now he's giving you puppy dog eyes.

:) Books

Reviewer: Bkwrm (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2009 03:08 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

It's here!

Uh...  ewwww...  eating one's family? Yikes!

What happened to the Black family? Ephraim was a good guy; now the Clearwaters are in charge? Not that I don't adore Seth, and Leah seems ok in this. (Only one scene, admittedly.)

So... does the reason Billy wants Bella for Jake have anything to do with the red-eyed people? Or the reason the Volturi want Edward and Bella married?



Author's Response:

I'm holding onto the upcoming plot like Starched Shirt Edward clings to his virtue. I wanted to show the backstory of the tribe to show why they hate the Cullens. You have about 2/3rds of the story in that chapter. There definitely is a power struggle that they end up exacerbating - so they leave. I also wanted to illustrate how by being an oral culture that passed down their traditions vocally and NOT writing them down, the story morphed over time. Now we have a problem with tribal secrets AND power struggles. Poor Lee literally had no idea what was happening when he phased for the first time. He had heard the stories, sure, but he didn't think they were true. His Father did what he could to protect his son - but never told him what was happening or what to expect. Hence we had the tragedy which was fueled by Gregory Clearwater's lies that he spread around the tribe at the time of the treaty negotiations. Lee is in my mind a symbol of what happens when miscommunication and secrets and lies explode.

 

And you are right at present the Clearwaters are in charge and I will be addressing why in upcoming chapters. I cannot say at this point why Billy wants Bella for Jake - sorry. I can say that he is single-minded in his determination to the point where Jake has been "conditioned" to believe that this will happen or Daddy will no longer love him. So Jake has just had his world rocked literally by Edward in formally claiming Bella as a member of his family. Daddy will definitely not be pleased. And I can spill that Daddy is going to find out soon. I also can say the whole red-eyed people deal will definitely be addressed in upcoming chapters - I don't think the next one but the one after if I do it right. :) Thanks so much for your review. It made my day. :) Books

Reviewer: lag0725 (Signed) · Date: January 11, 2009 06:03 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

i feel like i've stumbled into a completely different story..



Author's Response:

Hi lago725,

I'm not sure if you are referring to the Heart of Darkness story arc or to this chapter in particular. If if is in regards to the Heart of Darkness story arc, in a way you have. I am taking you back to Edward's story so you can understand why he hates himself, how his relationship with Bella was formed, and why both of them are freaking out before they get married. It will all become important because you will not understand the rest of the story without this knowledge. Because we shifted points of view to EPOV rather than 3rd person - you should feel disconnected. For example, after reading the scene in the bedroom where he ahem, shatters glass for a mile, do you now understand why he so ridigly enforces their physical boundaries? He never told Bella what happened. She has no idea. And she keeps pressuring him physically for sex in the front part of Cullenary Coupling. Once we finish this arc, you'll understand a lot more about their relationship.

If you are referring to this particular chapter in terms of wandering into a different story you should feel disconnected. Edward feels so terrible about what happened in her bedroom and he's so frightened about her health that he completely freaks out and over-reacts. You should be reading that chapter and shaking your head because Edward is completely out of control.

Thanks so much for your feedback. :) Books

Reviewer: Marjojo (Signed) · Date: January 11, 2009 01:33 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Four - Deviant

For some reason, this chapter made me think of these videos...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLnJFykb6G0



Author's Response:

Oh my sweet baby Jesus, that made me laugh. Seriously laugh. And you're not the only one with a filthy mind. :)

That just made my day. I left you a note on my thread. Thanks for reviewing.  Books :)

Reviewer: morgan_taggart (Signed) · Date: January 11, 2009 10:42 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

haha, a very good last line makes another appearence. I love those. I found it very humourous that edward didn't know what the word bonkers meant. I think Edward went waaaaay overboard on protecting her from all of her allergens, but then again the chapter ened notes cleared that up from me. I find it kinda shocking that  he and Alice are just now getting close. I had thought that they were always the closest. Oh, and to answer your question of why i immediatly thought of the volturi when the red eyed people were mentioned is because I thought Bella was having visions and jumped to the conclusion of future visions.  I really like how your digging up alice's past. Not digging but revealing more of it. I was always so curious because i'm from biloxi and i just thought that was very cool. :)

I will definetly miss the honesty from Dream Edward but i'll get over it. great chapter! I have to catch up and read the next one now so toodles. :D

-morgan



Author's Response:

Hi there Morgan_Taggart! It's wonderful to hear from you! Thanks so much for your review. :)

And yes, Edward did go way overboard. He's feeling guilty and tearing down her house is symbolically his way of compensating for it because he just is so confused right now. Remember that the way that I'm characterizing Edward is that he has been painfully shy with his family since returning from Chicago. They justified it because when he was with Carlisle and Esme he was a volitile newborn - and didn't talk much anyway. Alice does not show up with Jasper until 1950. Edward is firmly into shy mode because he feels so guilty about his rebellious years - he's terrified if he upsets anyone they will ask him to leave the family. So he lives on the fringes of the family. He does not fight with them, rarely speaks, and behaves like the perfect child with iron discipline. I used the unfortunate incident in the bedroom as a way of forcing Edward to turn to a family member and let Alice start to break through that shell. So to me this is the beginning of their closeness and it will expand as the story continues.

I liked putting in Alice's past. I wondered how she would talk since I'm from the south, too. Would she still have an accent? Would it come out only when she's excited or upset? I decided she and Jasper use standard accents when they speak but their drawls come out when they are particularly emotional. :)

Dream Edward still lives. Have faith. Books :)

Reviewer: Cavriola (Signed) · Date: January 11, 2009 09:24 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Seven - My Queen

Hiya,

Nothing funny to add. As usually, I liked it very, very much. There are so many little things that make me laugh in this story, mostly Edward's choice of words. Moron magnet (very precise), minions (hahahaha), ruffian (just a good word), snorting incense (hilarious), and the "And I was a doctor. Twice. Professional." <- the latter just cracks me up every time. Oh, and "defenestration" made my day. Completely and utterly.

Edward tuning in and eavesdropping on his family discussing him was win.

Public displays of affection to bother Jacob were much fun, too.

Soon I will be able to decrease my own denial, because Edward is becoming sweeter (squee) with every chapter, so eventually he will actually be sweet and I won't have to imagine it anymore.

Cheers,

Cavriola



Author's Response:

Hi Cavriola!

I just love your feedback. Your reviews are so insightful and helpful to my writing, and I can't thank you enough. I squee when you post one like a fangirl. Seriously. :) I did the moron magnet as a parody of the "danger magnet" line from the books.

I had to add minions as a in-joke to OxyMoronic8's Innocent Vigilant Ordinary - I've named her fans OxyMinions and if you get a chance you should read her story - it's amazing.

I'm glad you liked the Doctor. Twice. Profession line because he will use it several times and I didn't want it to get repetitive.

Defenestration - was suggested by my brother and I adore the word. The snorting incense line was done to show his increasing loathing of her parents. In his mind, he's a far better protector of her than they ever were. You'll find out more on that in the next chapter which I'm still working on but close to posting.

I wanted to find a way to show the audience just how alarmed Edward's family is so that's why I did the eavesdropping. He's going to be doing more of it in future chapters.

Edward, I should warn you, is rock stubborn. He has loathed himself for 75 years. And you don't undo that kind of self-hatred in a few weeks. His process of realizing his feelings is going to be in baby steps.

What I liked about the whole PDA thing is that Edward is "acting" and it's a safe way for him to experiment with touching her in a romantic way while giving him an "out" if she is offended. He was just trying to help her. He didn't mean anything by it. He thinks she likes him, but being obtuse has no idea what that means as will be shown later.

Stop by the thread sometime when you can. If posting makes you uncomfortable you can always PM me.  :)  Books

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