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Reviewer: kellybug (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 05:45 PM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy
Okay...I finally had to review this story. This is by far my favorite fanfic. Your chapters from Edward's point of view are outrageously fascinating and well written (I'm an English prof, and reading your writing is a pleasure. I wish you were one of my students!!!). Your chapters make me laugh out loud at times (Edward scaring off Jacob? Hysterical. His attempts to germ-proof Bella's house and everything in which she comes into contact? Finally someone highlights Edward's overly-compulsive tendencies!) and deeply move me at others (the whole leaking venom incident really moved me because it showed the absolute intensity of Edward's connection to Bella and its existence-altering effects for him). So many writers ignore the time period Edward existed as a human, but you bring his Victorian morality into incredible relief. Starched-Shirt Edward and the monster are a clever, effective and humorous play on Freud's id/superego. There simply is no other fanfic written in this style with this much insight into the mind of Edward. In addition, your connection of Edward to the Quileutes is a great twist. The last chapter you posted was very potent, and I felt all the hope and disappointment Edward is feeling at his humanness coming through with every start and stop of his heart. This is the grown up version of Twilight. I look forward to all future updates with bated breath.
Author's Response: Hi kellybug,
Wow! thanks so much for that amazing review. I literally was misty-eyed reading it (seriously). I saw so much in the Twilight series that to me was ripe for satire. I just decided to add drama to it with angst. I remember reading Midnight Sun the drafted version posted on her web site and feeling disappointed because I felt that she hadn't captured Edward's voice. To me he just sounded like a slightly more snarky Bella. I kept thinking of all that education that he had and how lonely in my mind I thought he would be and how formal his manners would be. I thought there would be such a big difference between what he would think in his head and how he would speak. That and my disgust with Breaking Dawn is what started me writing this fanfic. I realize that since MS was a draft that my criticism is perhaps unfair. I know that my early drafts look far different than what I end up writing in the end. I felt like with MS put on the shelf, Edward fans could never go "home" after reading BD and what she did to him. This was my response. I decided I wanted to turn Twilight on it's head and start out canon-esque and then show the story behind the story. At first I just intended on making the HOD arc a few chapters but it was all narrated without much dialogue by Edward and frankly was written like a stuffed sausage with so much in there I was the only one that would understand it. Starched Shirt Edward was literally only one line. So I expanded it and got a little carried away and decided I was having too much fun to quit. I still have the same outline, I just clearly never met a word I didn't like.
With Edward tormenting Jacob I wanted to play up the irony. Edward hates being a vampire and he uses feeding to torment Jacob. He's had many a time when he fed and felt repulsed at doing it. So I wanted to show him relishing in the blood with poor manners. Also, I wanted to deepen my characterization of Jacob and make him more human. I had a friend reading the scene who pointed out to me that this was a 100 plus year old vampire tormenting an obnoxious 15-year old. Also, I wanted to explore Jake's motivation and make it different from the books - in CC he doesn't even LIKE Bella - he's just trying to earn his father's approval. I also wanted to write Jacob having sufficient motivation that when his wolf gene kicks in he will seriously go bonkers.
I had to do the OCD plot line because the whole oops I impregnanted my wife plot line in BD was just more than I could tolerate. Edward buys his wife a missle proof car and he doesn't think to protect her from his own missiles? I literally used a handout from the EPA to write Bonkers - and found it hilarious that Edward by meticulously following the U.S. Government's intructions to the letter would freak everyone out as being unhinged. And I wanted to show him characterized through other's eyes - hence his spying on his family as they discuss him. I'll be doing more of that later.
Bella's characterization seemed inconsistent in the TS. She's on one hand characterized as self-less. Then she insists that Edward, knowing she's his singer and how hard it is for him to resist her blood be the one to turn her. And knowing how much he struggles to not physically harm her she insists that her virgin husband has to deflower her prior to becoming immortal? I understand the plot purposes, but yeesh. CC in part is trying to explore that dynamic of her being the aggressor and him being the "parent". So I came up with my own explanation for their behavior. I thought it ironic that Edward would have the venom leakage incident and literally destroy her room - and never tell her. I liked that irony. And I wanted to play with the concept of control and denial with Edward. To me, he can't just fall in love in one glance. He hates himself far too much. You don't undo 88 years of perfected self-loathing because Bella Swan bats her eyes at you. I wanted to show him dragged kicking and screaming to love. And him being so prudish and sleeping in the same bed with her? Talk about a mixed message. So I wanted to come up with an explanation for that as well which I touched on in the most recent chapter but will flesh out more in upcoming ones.
I wanted to throw the Quileutes into this story for several reasons. First, as someone with Native American roots, although I don't think she has a mean bone in her body I was disturbed that SM robbed her young men of their free will with imprinting and erased their memories after linking two to children. With Edward and the Quileutes, I remember a book I read by Walter Ong, Orality and Literacy in which he argued that "texts are inherently contumacious." He wrote about researchers going to oral cultures and recording their stories and then going back years later and recording the same stories and finding differences in them. I thought the whole telling the children about the legends and not telling them that they were real was ripe for tragedy. So I stuck Edward and Hezekiah into the mix as metaphors for each culture. I wanted to show how the Quileutes came to fear the Cullens and loathe them through no fault of the Cullens and really no fault of the Quileutes beyond their oral culture practice. I also wanted to explain what caused the phasing in the first place (haven't done that yet).
This response is beginning to be so long I'm feeling like a author stalker *snorts*. In Heartbeats and Lullabies, I wanted to show what it took to break Edward emotionally. The combination of his self-loathing and guilt with all the recent events piled on with having his heart beat again (his dream come true) and then stop into the mix not once but twice. To me that literally was more than he could bear. And I wanted to play up the irony of the situation that he's constructed where he's acting in front of his family - so he can't turn to them for social support because he's never let any of them know how much he hates being a vampire aside from outbursts when he was a newborn. I wanted the Victorian to come out in him in his initial response - and then for him to simply lose it and allow Bella to be strong for him. And I couldn't resist the irony of him in his mind lying all along to Bella and literally sobbing in her arms. That is the beginning of my explanation for why they "slept" together.
Feel free to register for the forums and come and visit the thread for this story. We discuss it in depth and I post spoilers. Your review entertained me so much I'm posting one just for you. Keep in mind this is from the draft so it could change:
"Is he ok? I don't want to leave him," my singer fretted.
Mary Alice said, "Yes, dear, but he's fine now. Let's get you up shall we?"
"Do I look like a moron? Alice, I'm in bed with a hot guy who just wants to cuddle. I'm not moving. And I need my rest." My human's words made me choke at vampire pitch, a gesture observed by my nosy sister, heck, the entire house as well as they howled with glee. I growled at Mary Alice at vampire frequency as my singer pulled my leaden arm around her and cuddled against my side and immediately fell back asleep. This whole faking being asleep routine would definitely be repeated. As often as I could wheedle her into my bed.
Again, thanks so much for your review. It really did make my day. :) Books
Reviewer: elphabacy35 (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 04:52 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Ten - Heartbeats and Lullabies
I am always so blown away by this story!
Jugurtha..in a tight pair of jeans and barefoot...no words for how awesome that image is.
Looking forward to more quality singer time!
Author's Response: Jugurtha shirtless was answering a special request, and I can't claim credit for that idea. I realized that I had never really physically described Jugurtha although I certainly had spent time talking about Starched Shirt Edward's blushing cheeks and sweating face and outfit. So Jugurtha needed some love. Besides, he really helped Edward out during Jasper's vision - so I felt the need to give him a name at that point. I might find the need for him to take off his shirt from time to time since he's realized how much it disturb's the Edwards. *evil grin*
You definitely will be getting lots more quality singer time. I have to explain how he came to have the habit of sleeping with her, you know? Then there's that whole pesky Fake Girlfriend issue. ....
Thanks so much for the review elphabacy35 :) Books
Reviewer: Ksangi (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 04:51 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Ten - Heartbeats and Lullabies
Thank you for the dedication. I think maybe next time I'll shoot for something more lofty to shout about besides a dead Roman emperors prediliction for horseflesh.
I have a question. Was Carlisle channeling his inner Yoda when he told Edward, "Son, a vampire you are still." Just curious. *grin* I'm enjoying the respit from the earlier chapter fuckfest, but Jugurtha needs love too. Moving on.......
Author's Response: Ksangi, reading the message you sent me about Caligula made me howl. I had to put that in there. And I'd be happy to dedicate another chapter to you if you tell me something lofty or amusing. *grins*
When I had Carlisle say that to Edward I did not have Star Wars in mind. I just wanted to make his speech sound old and parental. And I also wanted to have the word "still" at the end of the sentence because Edward want to hear the word "not".
"Son, A vampire you are not" would have made Edward's century. I also wanted to play up the irony that Edward has been acting for over 70 years that he's fine with being immortal. So I wanted to have him not able to tell Carlisle how he felt and Carlisle still trying to comfort him without making a big deal about it.
I wrote the chapter and didn't really see room for Jugurth or Starched Shirt Edward at first. The chapter is not funny in tone. And I usually put the humor in last. That's why I had them right at the beginning with Edward arguing that they had torn him away from Bella's side. It really to me was one of the only places the humor would work. We will definitely be hearing more from Jugurtha. :) Swear.
Thanks for the review. :) Books
Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 03:17 PM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy
Yes. I noticed that he still grouped her as a possession.
But I also noticed that more and more he is having to remind himself that he is only with her for her scent. If he wants to do something nice for her, it's for her own good...and the improved access to her scent.
You show very thoroughly and effortlessly how he is coming to get to know and want her for herself, with the smell the added bonus, rather than a good game of chess now and then being the bonus. I don't quite know how to descibe the things that i noticed, but I did, nevertheless.
You have a depth like few others in your writing. Would that Meyers had had your talent for subtlety and humour. Then I might have had an actual shot at getting my mother and husband to read the books.
I have two favorite authors here. You and GiveUsaKiss. Both equal for completely different reasons. You both amaze me with your originality. But I must say, I do feel so grateful for how very long your chapters are. For even if you leave us with a horribly cliffhanger, the length of your post, (now doesn't that sound dirty) leaves me satisfied enough to happily wait for more.
~Mia
Author's Response: Oh Mia, thanks so much. If you haven't tried out Wide Awake by Angst Goddess or Innocent Vigilant Ordinary by Oxymoronic8 you definitely should. Both are exceptionally well written.
In my mind, Edward is not just going to cave in a few weeks after lurking in the shadows sniffing Bella. In my mind he's constructed this elaborate series of excuses that allows him to be around her, but he has to keep reminding himself of them because, he's in denial about being in love with her. In my mind, you don't undo 88 years of self-loathing in a heartbeat. In this chapter I literally broke him emotionally. I wanted to show what it took to make him finally throw in the towel and actually show genuine emotion and cry. And I had a friend read the story and comment that she saw Bella as weak most likely because Edward did, and that made me sit up and take notice. I have a hard time writing Bella dialogue because I don't have as good a grip on her character in my mind than I do Edward. And most Bellas in most stories don't stand out in my mind - mine included. So I wanted to do something to make her distinctive that still made her within character. I liked the banter between them in the first part of Twilight. I felt that the banter and tension kind of died off after the meadow scene. And I didn't want that to happen here. She captures his notice because she's one of the few humans to argue with him in her quiet way and that can beat him mentally at things like chess. To Edward that makes her exceptional. Bella, for her part, is thankful that he's not giving her a hard time for being too smart.
I'm laughing at the post comment. I did use virgin stub you know...and post for that matter when describing the unfortunate Jacob Black. *snorts*
And I certainly did a cliffe in the last chapter but didn't intend for this one to come across like a cliffe. Keep in mind since you know that they are alive and in one piece at the beginning of CC there's only so much I can do with cliffes in this part of the story. Now once we pick back up and are in the present anything is fair game. But we won't be there for a while. I still have to get Edward to admit he's fallen in love. Stubborn goat. :) Books
Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 02:15 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Ten - Heartbeats and Lullabies
Ah love, no one has quite the same way with words as you do. I thank you for them. They are beautiful and tender. Sexy and exhilarating. Tremendously funny, and terrifyingly horrendous. You don't write, you paint. For I never see the words I read of yours. I see the pictures playing out before me as though I were watching a beautiful dance in person, rather than sitting before my computer screen as though in a trance. Thank you again for your amazing way with words.
~Mia
Author's Response: Aw Mia, thanks so much. You're making me misty-eyed. *sniffs* :) I'm glad that I'm entertaining you with this story. I'm also had to see that what I was trying to convey is coming along. I wanted this chapter to have Edward on the rack so to speak at his lowest point that he's ever been. I wanted to show how over eighty eight years for at least 86 of them, he's been acting and has hidden his revulsion at being a vampire. So he can't turn to his family (especially Rosalie who would understand) in his mind when his heart stops beating. He can't let Carlisle know how anguished he feels because he does not want Carlisle to be disappointed in him. And when you heap the horror of the Jasper vision, with him recovering his memories of his human father and thinking of all he's done to blacken the Masen name, with the memory of his friends being murdered one by one, with his nearly killing Bella - and all that guilt with no place to go....and the knowledge that he could have his heart stop and start every day for eternity and still hope to be human you get Edward on his knees trying to cry soundlessly so absorbed he doesn't hear Bella get out of bed and walk over to him. I wanted to convey tenderness and strength without making it sexual. I wanted Bella since she appears through his POV to start showing strength. And notice he includes her among his cherished possessions: things not people. He's still not where he needs to be but he made a huge step. As ever thanks for your feedback. Books :)
Reviewer: historicvampirelover (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 11:55 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Ten - Heartbeats and Lullabies
Awww, Dream Edward... I missed you!
I am thoroughly shocked that Starched Shirt Edward allowed the co-sleeping.
Awesome chapter, although I had to read it twice to catch everything... love it.
Author's Response: Hi historicvampirelover!
Thanks so much for your feedback. I put a lot of clues and hints in that chapter so reading it carefully is a good thing. I'm glad you liked it - cause I don't know that I can post a 75 page chapter again. I wanted to have it start and end with Edward in bed.
My goal in the Starched Shirt Edward approving the sleeping arrangement was to emphasize that Edward at that moment is at the lowest point of his life. He absolutely loathes not only himself but every single second of being a vampire. The only joy in his life has been his family (who he has kept at a distance) and Bella (who he is starting to know although he's painfully shy and it's difficult for him). When you take Jasper's vision (all that pain magnified by Jasper's gift, throw in Edward torn between protecting Bella and chomping on her neck, add in his freaking out about control), remind him of what a miserable job he's done living up to the Masen name as he remembers his human Father at long last, and then give him half of humanity - over and over again he couldn't take it. Having his heart beat, smelling his blood, praying that this time his heart wouldn't stop was bad enough, feeling real tears on his face rather than venom reminded him all over again that despite his hope his heart would stop. He does not weep in front of people (aside from his newborn days) and the fact that he allows Bella to comfort him is HUGE. Not only that, but I threw in the Starched Shirt Edward comment to emphasize that when he was crying, he was not thinking of Bella in a sexual sense. He needed her on the purely emotional level, and Starched Shirt Edward realized that.
Towards the end you see him trying to rationalize his behavior and excuse it. But Edward in this chapter is starting to see Bella as Bella not as his singer. He's seeing her intelligence, her stubborness, her tact, and her strength. He's stil calling her his human because he's still in denial, but he just lost a big fight (or won depending on your view) with his master plan.
Thanks as ever for your feedback. :) Books
Reviewer: Disneyvampire (Signed) · Date: February 16, 2009 10:18 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Ten - Heartbeats and Lullabies
What an extraordinary story! You write so well and have such a great imagination! I just found your story and now I cannot stop reading it!
Excellent job!
Disney Vampire vv
Author's Response: Hi Disneyvampire! Thanks so much for your review. It totally made my day. I'm delighted that you are enjoying my twisted imagination. :) There's a thread for this story on the AU forum. stop by sometime.
Best,
Books :)
Reviewer: Bkwrm (Signed) · Date: February 13, 2009 08:27 PM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy
I had to go back and review this chapter.
Poor horny, repressed Edward! Living all those decades with three happy couples. The poor boy is lucky he didn't 'splode! Bella's lucky he has self-control!
Can't wait until they get married!
Author's Response: Hey Bkwrm!!!
Neither can I. :) And I hope you like the way I write their wedding. :) Thanks so much for reviewing this chapter. I look back on it and cringe as it was one of the first things I wrote, so I am very grateful you're not throwing things at me. :)
I tried to take the image of Jasper being out of control and use it not only in the Bachelor party but also with HOD arc so I wanted this chapter to foreshadow it.
And you're right about Edward and how much it had to seriously suck living with blissfully in love couples. :)
I always thought it was kind of funny in the books that she really seemed to have no understanding of how close she came to being bitten when she pushed his buttons. So I wanted to play with that in this story. His bloodlust for her will never go away in my mind. :)
Best,
Books
Reviewer: MyBrownEyes (Signed) · Date: February 10, 2009 09:53 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
Hi Books!
I'm finally able to read this chapter! Real life got little hectic with school.
First off wanted to say thanks for the birthday wishes! You sent exactly what I wished for Edward singng to me and not only Edward but Dream Edward, Starched Shirt Edward, and the Predator also! *sigh* What more could a girl ask for (well besides actually sending me Robert Pattinson, but guess that would be a little difficult)...LOL. And thanks for the lovely compliments!
Aww! Edward has a "scent-ance" with Bella...you had me seriously laughing in that paragraph. But I love how Edward is still in denial about him actually falling in love with Bella. He's even researching on how to court her. And Jacob and Billy, such a disgrace that even Sitting Bull mocks them...wow. But Jacob...seriously needs to stop everything his crazy father believes...imprint on Bella, HAH! But at least Alice and Edward were kind enough to leave him clothes...and lol his virgin stub! So I'm thinking that the Clearwaters have something to do with the Blacks downfall...am I right? And Paula having a child and now trying to get pregnant but not. Interesting...
And now Edward has Hezekiah's powers...wow! This story just keeps getting more and more interesting! And it seems Bella has some powers that perhaps come from her grandmother and that necklace...hmm..you've left me perplexed on this. And is Edward becoming more human or something since he has these powers now?
And I seriously love the Predator in this chapter. His name choices are hilarious. And its even funnier how Starched Shirt Edward and original Edward are the ones who decide what his name will be. I can't wait to find out where this all leads!
Author's Response: Hi MyBrownEyes! You went to Las Vegas for your birthday right? I hope you had a fantastic time and didn't do anything Starched Shirt Edward would chide you for - or if you did you had a darn good time anyway. :) I'm afraid I can send the Edwards to serenade you but alas multiple restraining orders prevent me from contacting young Mr. Pattinson. That and burly bodyguards.
I'd delighted you are enjoying Edward's latest battle in denial. Jacob had a relatively happy childhood, but his mother died young and his Father from the first moment he can recall him has been training him for his role to "marry the Swan girl". That's all Jacob knows. It's not a matter of him just telling his Dad to back off, unfortunately. He loves his Dad. And his Dad has made winning the Swan girl a condition of his approval. So Jacob, considering he doesn't even like Bella, is truly in hell since Edward's little chat. I thought the baby wipes was a charming touch, myself. :)
The virgin stub I cannot claim credit to. If you read the thread you'll see how that happened. I cannot comment on tribal politics except to say much more will be explained in the chapter I'm currently writing. Swear. What I will say is that not only did Edward get Hezekiah's powers, he also inherited the powers of every single shamen in Hezekiah's line. And Hezekiah comes from an unbroken line of shamens. Our dear Edward just picked up mutiple generations of mojo. I will address a few of your questions in the opening pages of the next chapter, I hope, to your satisfaction.
The name choices - many of them - were suggested by posters. I planned on naming him in this chapter but the tone - just doesn't seem right but he will get named soon. I think you'll like his eventual name although the word Predator will always appear by it.
Thanks so much for supporting this story and for your kind words. Good luck with school! Study hard! :) Books
Reviewer: superstarrh (Signed) · Date: February 09, 2009 07:40 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
I really don't know where to begin with my review. So much stuff happened in this chapter. You have put so much thought into getting your characters to where they are today. It is mind boggling and a credit to your committment to the story.
Anything great job and I'm interested to see how you get him from where he is in this section to his state of mind at the beginning of the story. He is obviously losing the battle with himself in regards to her only attraction being her scent.
Can't wait for more.
Jaime
Author's Response: Hey Jaime,
Yeah, I bit off a lot when I started this, I know. Thanks so much for the review. :) Keep in mind that the first arc is written in 3rd person but not 3rd person Omni. So you sort of know his state of mind but I didn't include SSE and the Predator because I wanted to save them for this arc. When this is finished in a bazillion words, *snorts* we'll resume with him walking up the stairs to chat with Bella - and he will of course be accompanied by SSE and the Predator and any other voice I decide to give him. What you definitely should notice in the first arc is his feeling of gratitude for her presence in his life combined with trepidation because he does not want to push her and he can see that she's fragile.
Currently in HOD, he is definitely losing the battle but he is still fighting the good fight. Rock stubborn our dear Edward is. Notice his references to marriage in the chapter. :) Another hint that he's constructing elaborate explanations for keeping her around. In his mind, marriage is not for love, although if she loves him that certainly would help speed matters along. Marriage means 24/7 access to her scent....and perhaps some earth trembling sex....but her scent....and that earth trembling. Drat.
I've got the current chapter written. I'm just whittling it down and polishing it. I don't know when I'll have it up because it does not feel "done". Again, thanks so much for your support of this story. Best, Books :)
Reviewer: Ksangi (Signed) · Date: February 06, 2009 01:27 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
"The Predator", sounds like a Chevy SUV. Hmm. Loved the Caligula suggestion, but I think SSE would explode if Edward suddenly began to have cravings for intercourse with horses. *clears throat*
What does The Predator's character embody? Strength, power, sensuality, control...heh heh heh. Call him Hef. Nah. Little Eddie, Hm. No. E2, naw sounds like a cruise ship. Well, shit. If he is an aspect of Edwards personality, call him Edward. Yeah.
Author's Response: Ksangi dear heart,
Oh my sweet baby Jesus you literally made me laugh out loud at work and it's a good thing I have my office door closed. I totally forgot about the bestiality thing. Ksangi, I'm putting that in the next chapter and crediting you with it. Oh dear Lord, SSE is going to totally freak out. I'll have the Predator try to insist on the name and argue the good points about Caligula. Ohhhh
the fun I'll have with that. And it's all your fault. :)
The character of the Predator definitely embodies strength, power, and sensuality, but also involves control.
I've already named the guy, what people have been doing is giving me names that he can suggest that the Edwards can reject such as Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I don't have the chapter finished but I think I'l name him in the next one. I've been trying to flesh him out a bit because I was paying more attention to SSE than him.
Thanks so much for reviewing and making me laugh Ksangi. You win at life. :) Books
Reviewer: changed_by_edward (Signed) · Date: February 05, 2009 08:37 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
Hi books! Another glorious chapter! I loved it! I hate to say this, but, erm, the Predator is becoming my favorite. He is starting to take on a whole new personality and it's hilarious! I still, of course, LOVE Starched Shirt Edward and hope that he will say several Hail Marys and Our Fathers for me!
Should he ask again, please remind him that my name "changed_by_edward" embodies the spirits of all three Edwards whom we have all come to know and love via your wonderful portrayal of their tale! That should satisfy his pondering!
Sorry to hear that RL is so busy for you. I certainly know the feeling! I hope that you catch a breather soon and can regale us with further adventures of The Predator (name him, please), Starched Shirt Edward, and of course, Dream Edward.
Edward is sleeping? Curiouser and curiouser! Can't wait to read the next installment!
*blows kisses at The Predator, SSE, and DE* (and of course, you my love!)
Author's Response: Hey Changed_by_Edward! I'll take love beamed at the Predator any day. I realized when I was writing that I was giving far too much attention to SSE in comparison to the Predator and that I needed to give him more to do. He has already been named by me, but I have been taking suggestions for names to reject and worked them into the current chapter. I plan on naming him in the next chapter. I love the comment about what your name represents and the Predator and Dream Edward are both beaming at you.
RL has me busy so I'm not having much time to write at present - I probably won't have anything up this weekend, maybe next week sometime although I have the draft written. It's just not ready yet. Edward's condition will be the first thing addressed in the next chapter. Swear.
Starched Shirt Edward is winking at you. Books :)
Reviewer: Cavriola (Signed) · Date: February 04, 2009 04:42 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
Hey Books,
woot! My name! In the author's note! :)
Lovely Edward, I like it how he recognizes the species when mentioning trees and other living things. Quasimodo the Quileute Sulker is a wonderful combination of nicknames. Virgin post is just win. "Captured my apathy" is, too.
Nice ghost. With a tie.
I think that Edward and Jasper ruling the world together (with Alice's help) is a very good idea. They could do it as a hobby. It reminds me of the avatar (circa: What shall we do tonight, Jasper? - Why, the same thing as every night, Edward. Try to take over the world.)
I liked the Predator's remark about Bella being an unusual kind of prey. He's pretty insightful at times, really, isn't he? Perhaps even more so than Edward.
So now even the voices in Edward's head know he's in denial about Bella, while Edward himself revels in having fooled Emmett. Hah.
I did not think Edward died at the end of the chapter. Sleeping is probably one of the shaman superpowers. I guess. Since there's no way Edward is becoming human permanently, either. So what I think is happening is Hezekiah will be able to communicate with Edward through Bella now, and will do so in Edward's dreams.
But a heartbeat? Really? Huh.
I guess a little intrigue is always good. Will have to wait and see.
I am a little Internet-challenged at the moment (by the way, love Edward's inner feminist), so may disappear and appear rather unpredictably.
Love,
Cavriola.
Author's Response: Hi Cavriola!
Hey Cavriola!!!
Your name was definitely in the author's note because of your invaluable assistance :)
I must admit I am a bit taken with the Quileute Sulker nickname as it is a play upon the words Quileute Stalker. But I liked Quileute Catnip too. Hezekiah was wearing a tie because he was murdered in that outfit. I wanted to make the Predator's character have a bit more to do in these chapters because I realized that I had been giving much more attention to Starched Shirt Edward. But the predator said, "At least one of us is not in denial," meaning that he is the only one who has figured out that they are in love. Starched Shirt Edward says that he "spiritually adores" their little one. But he has not said he loves her.
I would not kill Edward - and could not kill Edward - as he is undead and well at the beginning of the story. I do think you are right on the predator being insightful. Actually the sleeping in this case was not a superpower. But I'll explain it in the next chapter.I liked the idea of a heartbeat - I'll try to explain that as well. :) when I post the next chapter.
I loved Edward the femininst sniping about how he wouldn't "allow" those Italians near Bella with a push-up bra. Such irony there. Ihope that your internet issues are soon resolved. Take care and thanks so much for the review. :) Books
Reviewer: Camilla (Signed) · Date: February 03, 2009 02:15 PM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy
I have finally catched up with the story. I am still trying to understand this Edward. His main reason for not changing Bella seems to be (as he tells himself and others) that he does not want to lose her scent, so delicious for him (for the same reason he does not want to drink her dry or kill her.. He seems not to have any of the angst of Canon Edward, like "I do not want her to be a monster like me, I don't want to give her this eternal dim half-life, I don't want to damn her immortal soul etc etc". His approach seems to be quite egoistical, but then the issue of his killing a lot of people in his rebellious years, and keeping it a secret, and feeling very guilty about it is not completerly coherent. In a word, has he a conscience or not? Well, I wait passionately for the rest and in the meanwhile I'll read Innocent, Vigilant, Ordinary.
Author's Response:
Hi Camilla!
I think you are definitely on the right track to understanding CC Edward because he is a man of contradictions. He is a brilliant actor who has behaved shy for so long it becomes second nature. He hates himself and feels unloveable yet stays on the fringes of the Cullens because he's afraid if he truly opens his heart to them that he'd be hurt. His entire life, if you re-read HOD Chapter One is all about angst. He hates every single second of his existence.
This Edward still has the key elements of canon Edward. Fundamentally Canon Edward loathes being a vampire and would never want to turn someone. What you should realize is that this Edward is deeply, deeply in denial of loving her. Look at his actions, at the care he shows for her. He hates himself so much that he does not feel worthy of anyone's love. Also, he is convincing himself that since she makes him feel so good that he's doing the moral thing in caring for her because no one else in her life is caring for her at present. He keeps coming up with excuses and absurd rationalizations for his presence. Like Canon Edward he's stalking her - and she's unaware. The main difference I am aiming at is I genuinely think that someone that hates himself that much would struggle more with falling in love than we saw. And he is definitely feeling angst if you read the vision section. Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator both act as his conscience. Starched Shirt Edward represents the Edward before his transition, the youthful sincere kind man who always wants to do the right thing but is also very human and capable of making mistakes. If he did not have a conscience, Camilla then why would he even give his rebellious years a second thought? He's been punishing himself for decades because of his rebellious years. He was so ashamed of what he did that he lied by omission to his parents for fear that they would reject him and literally spent 75 years fighting every single day to be the perfect Cullen to justify them keeping him. It is because of his conscience that you see him behaving the way that he is - which mind you is unhealthy. It is because of his stinging conscience that he refuses to kill Bella - he can't go back to being that monster. He's afraid if he kills her that he'll never stop killing. And you are definitely right in saying that he has an ego. His ego and his belief that he is right is his greatest flaw. And that is right in line with canon. SM on her website argued that NM Edward thought he knew everything he needed to know about humanity which is why he left Bella. CC Edward has a love/hate relationship with humanity. He longs to belong to them but at the same time feels lonely and that he never could belong so he does his best to blend in and shut them out as much as he can. When Bella comes around she really does wake him up and make him realize bit by by that he has a lot to learn. And up ahead you will definitely see angst. Promise. Thanks so much for your review and if I haven't answered any of your questions please feel free to ask me on the thread. Best, Books
Reviewer: siouxchef (Signed) · Date: February 03, 2009 02:02 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
BOOOKS!!!!
Yesterday was such a shit day, so needless to say I was peeing my pants seeing your update.
I too am baffled by the powers, but that's to be expected. He fell asleep though, which is interesting. I can only assume that Hezekiah wants to talk, and now that the power is inside of Edward, he has the connection to do so. He made Jacob pass out, so looks like he can do the same with Edward.
Jasper's vision was completely heartbreaking, but I liked that Edward was exposed to the powerful and unconditional love between Jasper and Alice (with her helping him after the vision ended). I still can't quite figure out how Bella makes these visions happen, because he didn't have any physical contact with her.
Paula Black and Billy Black, contraceptives and fertility drugs. Billy paying for fertility and Paula filling her contraceptive meds in another city. Jacob being compared to the lunatic. I think Jacob is the son of Paula and Billy, and I think Billy is trying to get her to conceive another progeny, but she loves Charlie and doesn't want to.
Edward singing, no one ever hearing him sing before. Gawd, he's really deluded. Everyone else sees him loving her, and he just doesn't. He thinks he's deceiving them, and he's deceiving himself, and it's quite comical.
I thought our lovely predator was going to get a name in this segment? I did love the suggestions!!!!
Thanks for making my shitty day better. Hope you can do it again soon!
Author's Response: Siouxchef!!! I'm so sorry to hear you had a bad day. I'm happy to hear that you liked the story and I hope all your days in the future are good ones. :) More will be revealed about Hezekiah and the powers in the next chapter.
I'm glad that Jasper's vision sparked that reaction in you - that's what I was aiming for. I will try to flesh out the visions in the next few chapters. You are not supposed to know at this point. :) What I wanted to do with Jasper's vision was show how qualitatively it was so much worse than all the others, not just in content, but because of Jasper's power combined with the sensorial nature of the visions. I wanted to show that Edward really did "get" how much Jasper suffered. I also wanted people to realize just how painful Edward's transition to being a vampire was. Edward as a vampire will never ever do the mind over matter and magically "get over" the scent of Bella's blood. So I wanted to emphasize that too and show his reasoning for not killing her but also the emotions that he feels in that second of vulnerability. He's still clueless but he's getting closer. Also, I wanted Jasper to get another look at how protective Edward is of Bella - and he certainly got a look. Last but not least I wanted to show Edward seeing Jasper unconditionally loved by his mate. It makes him do a lot of thinking.
Your theory on Jacob is interesting, but alas, I can confidently say not accurate. I didn't think it made sense for Edward if he's been mopey all these years to be singing. And he certainly wouldn't be singing in front of his family. And to me what made the scene so powerful is that he again, is drawing on the example of comforting behavior from another and trying to apply it to Bella. In the school in the Hallway he had the vision of his Mother and then he took her in his arms when she cried. Now he's remembering part of that time that involved her singing to him when he was dying and using that to comfort Bella. He doesn't even think about the fact that his family has never heard him sing. I don't know about you, but I know people who can't sing who won't do it in public. Edward doesn't have many of his human memories. He had no idea that he could sing. He just knew that he needed to. It's not that he's been holding out on his family - (although you and I both know he has on multiple levels) it's that he hasn't ever been happy enough to try to sing or had a reason to sing. And this time his reason is to comfort Bella and he's desperate so he draws back upon a comforting memory and goes from there.
I'm glad you appreciate the irony of Edward being completely clueless about falling in love. I wanted to play up the idea of how someone so booksmart could be so emotinally moronic but also combine it with a genuine psychological reasoning.
I did not promise to name him in this chapter. I only promised to try....He will be getting named though. Don't you think he earned it talking Edward out of chomping on Bella. Even his inner predator realizes he's in love with her and can't eat her and Edward is oblivious.
I have the next chapter in rough draft form but no idea when I'll post it. RL has me busy. :) But I'll do my best to make it worth your wait.
Thanks so much for your continued support of this story. It totally makes my day. Books :)
Reviewer: chloe9 (Signed) · Date: February 03, 2009 11:52 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
I squealed like a school girl when I saw that a new chapter was up. Actually, I sounded a little more like the elves in Elf Bowling. But I digress. You used "virgin post"!! That made my month. :)
"I mean proper sex with my properly married, suitably conscious, prepared with appropriately tender and passionate foreplay, chanting my name in ecstasy wife." made me laugh out loud at work.
"Pop culture is filth! And our tongue will stay off our dear little one's flesh until we marry in the Church in a proper ceremony uniting our souls before God. Then we can tongue her all we like." made me laugh even louder.
This story gets more and more brilliant with every chapter. :)
Author's Response: Aw Thanks Chloe9 - and thanks for the inspiration. Ya'll on the thread have me laughing so hard so of course I have to incorporate the humor as shout outs to you. I was rather fond of the proper sex line - Edward on one hand is just smug because he thinks he's the cat's meow now that he's actually had an orgasm but at the same time he feels really guilty about that whole nearly killing her part - so the humor and smugness is used to show that denial. And the Starched Shirt Edward tongue line I literally added in at the last minute. I do think we will be exploring his attraction to our dear little one in the future.
Brilliant *blushes* I'm just glad ya'll are reading it, but thanks so much for complimenting my writing. It helps to know in a review what people like and yours was very helpful in that for me. Now I know I can include run on sentences of EdwardSpeak in the future. :)
RL has me busy I don't know if I'll be able to post another chapter that long, but I might compromise and post shorter chapters more often. We'll see how the writing goes. Glad I could make you laugh at work - cause if you can laugh while working the day goes faster. Books :)
Starched Shirt Edward is confused by virgin and post being in the same sentence and is praying for Jacob Black. He could not find in his research a patron saint for men with small penises. So he's decided to pray to St. Jude the one you pray to with lost causes.
Dream Edward is blowing kisses at you.
Reviewer: Sheeijan (Signed) · Date: February 03, 2009 08:11 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
Wow, I totally wasn't expecting the last bit. Of course. I guess that's what the ghost meant though. I bet the Cullens are busy freaking right now. But this could be a good thing... if I weren't so confused I'd probably write more but I'm too stuck on the whole heart beating thing. But loved the chapter of course, and I had actually reread several chapters the night before just because I wanted to.
Author's Response: Hi Sheeijan!
See the thing about doing the story the way that I have is that I can only do modified cliff hangers at this point. You know he's alive at the beginning of the story - as is Bella so to quote the Princess Bride there's dead and all dead and I can't make Edward all undead so to speak. You should be confused as to his powers that part was written intentionally because even Hezekiah didn't know what all the powers were because they were so hard on his system. Also you have to add into the mix that Edward as a vampire might not "mesh" with the powers like the shamans did. They might be easier on his system to wield, but since his brain is different at this point he has no idea what he can and cannot do.The other thing that I had in mind is that the situation is so panicked, and despite the fact that Edward has a superior brain - panic can make your ability to perceive slow down. He's so panicked at the end of the chapter about Bella (that whole pesky nearly chomping on her neck, taking her virtue, stealing her scent, oh and her being scarred for life by Jasper) that he is literally tuning out members of his family. For example he flashes to see what's going on with Alice only once or twice and listens for the rest of his family but does not track their thoughts like he would normally do - because he's absolutely focused on not killing (and protecting) Bella.
In part, that is why the last section can come across as confusing. I didn't think it would make sense for Edward to be able to recount everything perfectly in that morning. When I look back on scary things that happened in my life I certainly don't have perfect recall of every thing that happened. :)
And you are definitely right, the Cullens are completely freaking out at present.
Don't laugh, but I have to re-read the chapters too before I write. I forget things I did - so it's good to know others are doing the same. :) I can tell you that there are a few chapters that are definitely worth re-reading several times in order to have the rest of the story make sense. Lies Dreams and Schemes is one of them. This one too.
Thanks so much for your kind words and your feedback. It is heart-warming to read such kind things. And it inspires me to want to write more. :) Books
Reviewer: silly sad sarah twilighted (Signed) · Date: February 03, 2009 06:13 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
SQUEAL!!!! man RL sucks I like my fantasy world that your pulled me into!!! What is gonna happen he can sleep? Squeal so much I can't wait for the next chapter but with you I am blessed! You give very long chapters so much detail adn wow breath taking!!!
Author's Response: Hi Silly sad sarah Twilighted! I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter. I sat on it for over a week trying to get it just right. As for Edward's ability to sleep what I CAN say is that as the chapter ends he definitely is sleeping with Bella in his arms. I will get the next chapter out as soon as I can. RL definitely has me hopping. Can't they understand my need to write fanfiction? Sigh. Gotta pay the bills to support my fanfiction habit. :)
Thanks for the review and breath-taking writing *blushes*. I am really stoked at the response this chapter is receiving.
Books
Reviewer: PaisleyCrighton (Signed) · Date: February 03, 2009 05:17 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
Another wonderful chapter - I am so happy when you update - it just makes my day. This story is getting very complex and I just love it. When you finish with the the Heart of Darkness part - I would recommend posting it as its own story. It is just incredible. One of the best stories I have read on this site.
Author's Response: Hi PaisleyCrighton!
This story is indeed getting very complex and that will all work back into the first arc. For example, now you know a bit more about why Edward is so freaked out about the wedding night (he never told anyone, including Bella about that whole nearly killing her episode) and you know a bit more about why Jacob is so insistent on stopping the wedding. When we end the HOD arc you will see all that complexity put right into the completion of the story (if I do this right). I do appreciate how it could be considered a separate story, but in order for the rest of CC to make sense did it this way with the flashback.
And I am overjoyed that you are liking the story. My favorite on this site is Innocent, Vigilant, Ordinary which you should check out if you haven't and Hiding in Plain Sight. Thanks so much for your feedback - it really does make my day.
Books :)
Reviewer: ChulaB (Signed) · Date: February 03, 2009 04:45 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
Holy cheese & crackers Batman!!! that was one wild chapter and OMG is Edward sleeping..
ok will be waitin on the next one!!!
Author's Response: Edward is indeed sleeping. I am laughing at the Holy cheese & Crackers comment. *snorts* I love your pen name chula.
is it for "que chula?"
I am working on the next one at present but have a little bit of research I have to add in to make it work. Expect another really wild one if I do my job right. Thanks so much for commenting and giving your feedback, ChulaB it really does make my day and I am positively over the moon that people are enjoying the story.
Best,
Books :)
Reviewer: verlore (Signed) · Date: February 02, 2009 10:36 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
Wow... seems to be all I can say.
So much happened in this chapter, so many amazing things, I'm simply awestruck.
Please update again as soon as you can, you have me entirely enthralled.
Author's Response: Hi Verlore,
I am working on the next chapter at present. I don't think I have every had anyone tell me they were awstruck by my writing. I am blushing. Seriously. Thanks so much for your kind words. Reviews really do inspire me to work harder on my writing. I don't think I ever met a word I didn't like as you can see from the length of my chapters. I spent quite some time on this one trying to "fix" the conversation with Alice because in the first draft she sounded "off".
When I first started posting this story, I swear I thought the only person that would read it would be me checking it for typos. I am absolutely delighted that people are reading and enjoying this and hope I can keep entertaining you in the future as this story plays out.
Again, thanks so much for your feedback, Books :)
Reviewer: EclipsedbyJacob (Signed) · Date: February 02, 2009 10:15 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
Amazing like the rest of them, but you have me more curious than ever. What is with these visions? Is it Edward or Bella or a combination? And what in the heck does Bella's grandma have to do with it? Update soon!
Author's Response: Hi EclipsedbyJacob!
I can tell you that I will be answering your questions within the next few chapters. I can tell you that the visions are from Bella and that they are sensorial experiences so everything that you see, taste, touch, feel in the vision you feel in real life. And everything that Edward, for example, felt when he was talking with his Father or with his Mother, he recalls with perfect accuracy during the vision (and now forever more with him vampire memory). That alone makes Bella priceless to Edward - every bit as priceless as her scent. And with Jasper added into the mix today you had all the feelings of everyone magnified. So really in this chapter it was Bella influencing Jasper who influenced everyone else who in turn rebounded on Jasper (hope that makes sense).
I have not clarified what effect Edward had on the vision in this chapter - but will flesh that out ahead. I will also be addressing the Grandmother question ahead as well. Swear. Thanks so much for your review. :)
Reviewer: xxIsabellaCullenxx (Signed) · Date: February 02, 2009 10:12 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
I'm loving this fic more and more as chapters go by... And this one was so full of supernatural stuff that made me grin stupidly the whole while! Edward's new acquired power, the Clearwaters calling Bella a "Swan", the Jasper horrid vision and the pendant with the Genevieve O'Shea relation........... the plot is thickening in an overly delicious way! please update sooooonn!
Author's Response: Hi xxIsabellaCullenxx! Thanks so much for your review. I look back on the early chapters and find mistakes and cringe so I am very happy to hear that you are enjoying the current writing. I will update as soon as I can but RL has me busy. :)
I know they take a while to write, but they really do inspire the muses, so thanks so much for your feedback and your kind words.
You will definitely see more supernatural stuff happening in future chapters. That is not going away.
:) Books
Reviewer: Camilla (Signed) · Date: February 02, 2009 10:05 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward
Hi, is is now morning in Rome and yesterday night I had to stop here. Fine, so I have a treat for when I get home in the afternoon. Now I have morewcomments. I am entrapted, but still afraid t o crash at the end. One thing I have to say now: if really Edward is going with Jasper plan (making Bella believe they have made love when it is not true) he really will be a monster past redemption. No relationship could survive such a lie. For me he has 2 alternatives: try and then, in case, stop (even when shattering glass he had control), or manfully own up the truth "I am too scared, so I can't". In truth those other writers of naughty stories where they take baby steps at intimacy have it right, I think. But in any case the point is if Edward will grow up and became a man at the end of the story, instead of remaining a very old and high strung teen ager. In Stephenie Mayer books there are some clear moments of growth: for instance in Eclipse, when he brings back Jacob, after the terrible night in the tent, and Jacob triks Bella into kissing him. Edward takes this in his stride, sure of Bella, sure of himself and capable to cope. Then in BD, when he says good bye to Jacob calling him "my brother, my son" (I cried). He finally is a man, ready to fight, ready to die, but at peace with himself. Well, more to read, cheers
Author's Response: I'm jealous of you Camilla. I lived in Rome for a time and found it lovely. :) The whole point of this story is about secrets and lies and Edward and Bella learning how to honestly communicate with one another. Bella has been pushing him and pushing him on their sexual boundaries even though she knows she could literally kill herself. Edward, for his part has not been honest with her at the beginning of CC and has not told her about that whole glass shattering nearly killing her episode.
I can not tell you what is going to happen down the road with the honeymoon. I do have a question for you though to ponder, and feel free to stop by the thread and send me your answer because I do enjoy your opinions :)
Edward spent three years killing men every night in Chicago. He has never told his family and he certainly has not told Bella at the beginning of CC. So you could argue that his entire relationship with his family is based on a lie - as well as his entire relationship with Bella (in multiple ways). Which makes him more repugnant in your eyes: that or his desperate attempt to not kill his wife? And what would it take in your opinion if you were the author writing this to redeem him?
Characters are fun in fiction because we make them flawed in order to have them work through their issues and hopefully come out on the other side having learned. I can promise you that this will be a E x B story where both of them will do a lot of learning and growing.And I totally agree with you on the end of Eclipse. Edward was remarkably mature. Bella, not so much. :)
Best, Books
Reviewer: blazefury (Signed) · Date: February 02, 2009 09:46 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nine - Legacy
AMAZING chapter. It was definitely worth the wait! Thanks for such a brilliant piece of writing. Funny and amazing all at once.
Can't wait!
Author's Response: Stop! You're arousing me. Kidding. Not. :)
I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter blazefury! Thanks so much for your feedback. It really does inspire the muses.I'm delighted that you enjoy my twisted sense of humor.
The Predator is blowing kisses at you.
Books
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