I'm an asthmatic and I don't do HALF the stuff Edward does for Bella.  Maybe that's why I have a round of antibiotics every spring and fall.... *contemplates*

Either way, I love this angel/devil motif you have going.  Starched Shirt Edward is so religiously endearing.  And Predator Edward is a riot.

Oh, and yes, this:

"... instead he would simply watch as often as he could from a distance when no one was aware of his presence. That struck me as unusual stalking behavior."
Way to call the kettle black, Edward.  Nice.

Author's Response:

Hey Mizra,

Me too on the ashtma. I have cousins who have it pretty bad and I modeled Bella after them. I'm glad you liked SSE and the Predator. They keep me entertained. And I love how Edward justifies all his behavior as morally right. He is after all protecting his singer. So bringing in Jacob was a lot of fun. Also, I wanted to give a different explanation to the whole Jacob/Edward/Bella delio.

I never bought the argument that SM tried to shove down our throats that oh yeah Bella didn't realize it but she really fell in love with Jacob in New Moon. So I wanted to explore an alternate explanation. Jacob doesn't love Bella. He doesn't even like her. He just wants his Father's approval. And his Father has made it abundantly clear that Jacob must marry Bella. And she for her part doesn't even know him. She recognizes who he is and all but they've grown up not speaking much to each other and if so it consisted of a simple greeting. Jacob showing up at the hospital completely freaked her out.

"I couldn't help it after all if my orgasms made the earth move."

Oh, poor Orgasward.  Or Dream Edward, I guess.  So many pet names... so litle time!

Either way, I had read one other time where the impression was made the vampire sex was more than human sex.  I forget the author at the moment, but it was something very interestingly written.  She compared it to a lightening storm and I thought that was good. With you adding the earthquake nad shattered glass, it makes an observation.  Some say "the earth moved when I met her".  Well, in Edward's case, it moved when he smelled her.

Scentfriend is going to catch on.  Just watch.  No more Bella and Edward, but Scentfriend and Huffward.  Sounds like a MTV cartoon on doing drugs.

Author's Response:

He's going to convince himself that they have a "scent"-ance rather than a romance as his next step of DenialWard. I wanted to have him using this almost proud snarky innuendo to serve as a counterpoint for the guilt he feels at nearly killing her. He didn't mean, obviously, to do what he did, but a tiny part of him feels this sense of accomplishment and he's using it to save face because he'd never boast like that with Alice and he has no intention of ever letting anyone else know. And at the beginning of CC, no one other than Alice knows about the whole pesky incident.

In my mind, Vampire sex is definitely more intense, but since it typically is among vampires, the vampires certainly have a good time - but it also explains why the legend of the succubus became so popular. Tanya and her sisters spent centuries sleeping with human men, but most of their lovers died. That will become an important plot point later.

I remember watching an interview with Bill Cosby years ago in which he was talking about one of his shows in which the character of his son buys an expensive sweater and regrets it because of the money. The whole show has characters opening the box and looking at the sweater and cringing at the price but the actual dollar amount was never mentioned. Cosby argued that the dollar amount didn't matter, it was the reaction that counted. And I thought of that when I was considering how to characterize her scent. The book describes it as freesia and frankly, I'm sick of reading paeans to Freesia. So I've never described it that way. To me, what matters is the effect it has on Edward and that he feels like it feeds his soul. Similarly, I'm not going to be writing praises of Strawberrry shampoo. I'm trying to make this a different view of the Twilighted world and hope I've managed to do that. Thanks so much for your reviews :)  Books

 

 

Ah, there he is.  Romantic Edward.  He has yet to figure out that his gestures are, indeed, romantic; but there is always the hope for tomorrow.  You also helped to prove another point made on a thread in the forum: Bella helps Edward regain his ties to humanity.  She reminds he is human, he loves her (unknowingly) because she reminds him of his humanity supposedly long lost.

More hurting on Newton?  I'm game.

Author's Response:

Hey Mizra!

I'm so stoked you're reading and enjoying the story. I've had so much fun writing it.

Bella bringing back his humanity is in my mind a central theme of this story. Edward is one that I wanted to create this tension - he exercises iron-like control over his blood lust in order to preserve human life, yet he has the lonely in the crowd feeling because he can hear thoughts of everyone - yet feels even more isolated. And how hard could it be to live surrounded by ecstatically in love couples while being able to hear all their thoughts - and be alone?In my interpretation, Edward just stopped listening to the humans around him over the years - he filtered everything through a "are they a threat to our secret" filter and ignored most everything else because it made him feel worse. So he's able to blend in with humans on the surface level, but not much more. He reads minds when he has to in order to get cues on how to behave. Hence, he both reveres, and disdains humans. And I tried to emphasize that the family, the Cullens that is, have created their own isolated world. They live among humans but keep them at a distance (save for Esme and Carlisle). They talk about humans as if they are foreign "your human" "that human girl" - and I wanted to emphasize that they reinforce with their words that Bella does not belong. She's not one of them. She's a human.

I thought of Edward's life before Bella as him living in misery but unaware of the extent of it. And Bella being around her starts waking him up bit by bit - but he's in complete denial about it. To me Edward hates himself so much he had to create his fake love campaign to be able to justify his presence and behavior.

And I'm all for torturing Mike Newton. :)

Wow.  I mean, really.  Wow.

I've read some dark Edward work.  But this one definitely ranks right up there. And the fact that you see religion playing such a part in his life like this is very interesting.  I always felt it would be a bit like this anyway.  Carlisle would definitely believe wholeheartedly in God, Jesus... the whole nine yards.

Edward, on the other hand, is a tortured man.  It's like a monk with self-inflicted torture over past sins.  That whole "Go and sin no more thing"?  Edward took that to heart and used it to build up a superior amount of self-control.  Amazing.

Thank you for writing this and in such exquisite detail.  Makes the story that much more rather than just a mere light-hearted comedy before their marriage.

Author's Response:

Thanks so much! I wanted to do Edward as dark but for people to understand how he became that way. In my mind, it didn't really matter what religion he was, just as long as it was a religion that had a concept of a soul, and the idea of forgiveness.

And in CC, Carlisle definitely does believe in God and is very faithful - he's also very quiet about his devotion. But it's in his every act. And you are right on the self control issue. In my mind Edward had it all along and THAT is what made him so tortured about his rebellious years. He deliberately threw control out the window and was never a slave to bloodlust. He chose it. He loved it. He felt all along that he was morally right in what he had done. Until the night he runs into Sister Claire and gets a smiting from above. I also wanted to show how ashamed he is to the point where he literally has built his own prison of lies that he is trapped in. He's terrified if his family finds out that they'll kick him out. It's irrational, but it stems from his guilt. And it fuels his every move. And after seventy plus years of thinking that way it's ingrained.

I also wanted to show how much he hated being a vampire. In my mind I was interested in SM's argument that vampires forget their human lives. To me that means Edward can't remember some of his human emotions. Most particularly Edward has no frame of reference for romantic love. If you couldn't remember what loving someone romantically felt like (or was supposed to) how then would you know you were in love? And when you throw in a whole boatload of self-loathing then I think you have an interesting figure.

Again, thanks so much for your reviews. :) Books

I have unsuccesfully tried to stop laughing the past five minutes.  No avail.

I can picture thewhole scene now: Bella beinding over for the syrup and Edward quickly ripping off the pasty, only to find that her left jean pocket (and part of the bottom of the pant) was missing.  Bella blushing from head to toe and Edward nearly shaking with both fury and embarrassment.

I needed this.  Definitely needed this.  Thank you!

Author's Response:

Hi Mizra,

I'm glad you liked that section. I wanted to go for humilations galore. And the idea of uptight Edward inadvertently stripping Bella naked on the one day she wears naughty lingerie in her life - too much fun to resist. Keep in mind the Edward freezing is definitely happening, but at vampire speed. So to the humans he looks like he reacts immediately. But for him it feels like an eternity as it does to the Volturi watching in horror.

Again, thanks so much for reviewing, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story. :) Books

Aro and pasties just DO NOT belong in the same sentence! LOL

I'm cracking up every second.  Your Edward sounds like an old prude (even though I know him not to be).  This is fantastic!  I have to keep going!

Author's Response:

I had so much fun with Aro, and will continue to do so. :) I'm delighted that you are enjoying the story. Be prepared for whiplash when you get to the Heart of Darkness arc up ahead because I'm going to do their backstory there. Edward IS an old prude because of the generation that he grew up, but he's a prude desperately wanting to break out of being a prude. :) Books

I'm back to reading after being sick and not able to properly concentrate.

I've missed reading this for the past couple of days. Another amazing chapter.

Author's Response:

Re-Re hon, I'm so sorry that you're sick. I hope you feel better soon. :) Thanks so much for your feedback and I hope you continue to enjoy the story. I loved the last line in that one. :)

Best,

Books

You had mentioned this version of Twilight in EPOV is Midnight Sun-ish....not by a long shot.  It's a HELLUVA lot better.  Waaaaaaaaaaay better.

I loved the whole scene with Edward carrying Bella in his coat...I also love the way in this chapter, and in ones previous how you depict Bella.  The little mental image you gave us of Bella's "shaking hands counting out the saved change and worn dollar bills" for flowers is very endearing.  

Author's Response:

Oh RowanMoon (cool pen name by the way)!

Thanks so much. I'm so happy to hear you are enjoying the story. I wanted to show how Edward despite his mental stalking of Bella could possibly only see what he wants to see. Hence her shaking hands in one part of the story had one meaning and after talking to Jasper took on an entirely other meaning. I wanted to characterize her as someone who didn't have a lot material wise but when she gave something she gave with all her heart.

I just loved the whole coat scene. I liked the idea of Rosalie being able to engineer clothing that helped them "pass" as human in the cold. I liked the idea of Edward trying to apologize her to again and her standing up to him but also just being kind of stunned by him. So I had a lot of fun with that scene. I also liked how he basically calls out to the whole school nonverbally that she's his. The whole school sees what's going on but both Edward and Bella are clueless. :)

Thanks so much for reviewing. I hope you continue to enjoy the story. :) Books

I'm on the third paragraph of this chapter and I have to stop here to say that your portrayal of Edward and the beautiful prose in which you weave his tortured character is...EXQUISITE.   Words like "Hagiographic image" are truly delicious.

 

 

Author's Response:

Thank you so much! I'm happy to hear that you are enjoying the imagery that I've been using. I wanted to play up the religious side because in my mind CC Edward at the time he was turned was extremely religious - and I know that his time period was one in which people were very much into their piety. So I wanted to capture the despair that he feels at being a vampire but also the irony of it all with religious imagery.

Again, thanks for your review RowanMoon!

Books

sorry for not reviewing the last few chapters but i did read and liked all of them and am still enjoying your great story. hope we get a little e/b lip action soon sqwee! look forward to an update.

Author's Response:

Hi Schleprock!

No need to apologize, hon seriously! I'm just glad to know that you have continued to enjoye the story. As for the lip action I hold tight to that plot line. I CAN say that you will eventually see major lip action in this story. :)  Books

First and foremost:  SQUEEEEEE!!!  Thank you for your AN.  I was bouncing around like a fangirl.

We’re seeing a more emotional Edward, although he continues to deny it.  We see more emotional reactions from him in this chapter.  I love it!

SETH!  I totally didn’t see that one coming.  I can only imagine that he will be the next shaman.  Harry clearwater is the clear choice (well, clear for me anyway), but I’m not sure if he’s going to live in your story. 

The heartbeating/almost human thing seems to break down some barriers for E.  It allows him to let his guard down around Bella and she takes the strong and comforting role.  He’s growing more attached to her as a person and not just as a scent, but he’s still in denial.  He still thinks her incapable of loving him unconditionally and therefore continues his facade.  I do think a major hurdle was reached, as he refers to her more as a person “she/her” and less like an object “my singer/my human”.  He’s also contemplating kissing her, and it appears that her physical touching has shaken him loose a bit.
And what a snoop “her bank account didn’t show any recent activity”.  So controlling.

how the hell did charlie not know that paula had a baby?!?!?  and how did he miss the fact that it was his?  Is he seriously that clueless?  That's just astounding.  I can't wait to see how she was able to hide it.

Jugurtha:  nice!  Very fitting.  Tenacious little monster.  And I fully admit to having to Wiki that one.

The new pet:  Grandmother swan? It appears that grammie swan can hear Edwards thoughts (the whole harridan thing), and Hezekiah said they would share the same mind, so she's my best guess for the new pet.  I see she's still feeling him out, I can only assume she's not sure of his intentions.

I can’t tell if Mary Alice meant the title Fake Girlfriend is brilliant, or that the Fake Girlfriend as a person is brilliant?  It could fit both ways.....

Thank you again for another brilliant chapter.  Can't wait to see what comes next!!!!

Author's Response:

I'm always happy to dedicate a chapter to you Siouxchef! Your comments and reviews have been very helpful to me. :)

I was very worried about writing that last part of the chapter because I feared an emotional Edward in the way I had characterized him might be off-putting for some. So far the comments have just been amazing. The Shaman storyline will not be solved right away, and I'm glad that I surprised you with Seth. As for the future plot all I can see is remember that there are some things I might echo, but I do intend on telling Twilight as it were with a different plot in as many ways as I can.

To me the heartbeat was very symbolic of everything that Edward desired being granted and yanked away over and over again. It also raised the issue of Hope. SSE exists because deep down inside crumbs of Edward hope that he has a chance at salvation. And I did write a line in an earlier chapter that SSE had gradually become clearer to him as time progressed. And you are dead on accurate that Edward does not think that Bella could love him unconditionally. He's judged her without any evidence. He's simply decided that since she's human she couldn't possibly understand - but in a way he's been just as unfair to her as he has to his own family. They're vampires - but he doesn't think they could possibly understand either. You are very observant in noting the change in his language. All I can say is that I will keep Edward in denail for far longer than most would expect because I don't think he undoes 88 years of perfected self-loathing in a few weeks because of Bella. I do believe that loving someone can change you - the process NOT the someone. And yes, he is contemplating kissing her, but also remember that he uses thinking about her sexually as a means of furthering his denial. He's thinking about her, but remember all his discussions with Alice and his musings about how he'd like to marry her, but has to ask her out on a romantic outing first - Mary Alice said not to rush things. Edward is still really really clueless.

Dead on accurate as well about her bank account. But also realize that he did NOT catch her schoolwork. Edward looks for only what Edward wants to see. He doesn't look at her with an open mind.

The Charlie/Paula storyline will be fleshed out in the next few chapters. I do promise that when I am done you will understand how precisely all that happened. Right now I just want you to think about the irony that Edward pointed out how Charlie could be oblivious about the daughter that lived UNDER his own roof while also oblivious about his own son who he sees regularly as he and Harry are best friends.

Glad you liked the name. My brother thought of it so I can't take credit. :) Glad you liked the touch with Grandma Swan. All I will say on her at this moment is that she certainly appears to be a character...and that you will be learning more about her as the story progresses.

 

Mary Alice adores Bella. Absolutely adores her. She wants what is best for both Edward and Bella but she also knows that Edward could very easily spook. And remember that Mary Alice did not see Hezekiah visiting Edward - she couldn't predict it. In my mind she is significantly blind at the moment in regards to her brother - she has just elected to not make a big deal about it in her thoughts and words because she doesn't want to frighten him any more than he already is. When she said the Fake Girlfriend is brilliant - reread her conversation with Edward after his encounter with Jacob when they talk about kissing and her encouragement with him over Bella. You could interpret what she said as her saying, "As a ploy that is a great idea as a way of getting to know her and spend more time with her because you are shy." At the same time, to me it is equally relevant to argue that you could say she is commenting on Bella's intelligence. I don't see why it has to be one or the other. Both work for me. I do want to emphasize that although I am characterizing Bella as highly intelligent - I do not intend to characterize her as some kind of super genius. In my mind, being a vampire means that you have a brain that is wired differently than ordinary humans - they can use more of their brains (we use very little precentage wise of our brains) - to me vampires have the ability to use more of their memory functions than humans do - but that doesn't make them smarter. They can just access more data quicker - but it doesn't necessarily make them better thinkers overall. You can have a photographic memory and still be stupid you know? Edward's cluelessness to me shows that. :)

Will be working on the next chapter over the next week. :) Books

This was an amazing chapter and I couldn't tear myself away from it. Aside from the side splitting laughter during some of the previous ones, I found this one to be the best of what you have written so far. The profoundness of it blew me completely away. I swore I was going to bed early, since I'm sick as a dog, but you had me hanging on your every word.

Your ending authors notes have me completely intrigued by all of the questions that you asked and I do look forward to exploring those answers....tomorrow. I can't wait to get started on the next chapter. Until then.   

Author's Response:

I am so sorry that you are sick Re-Re and hope you feel better soon. I had to write a long author's note because when I first posted HOD chapter one my readers thought I was insane. ;) I'm trying to establish that Edward canon Edward inside is an entirely different animal than we all thought. I'm arguing that because of his rebellious years - all that killing for all those nights - he created a role to play - the perfect son - and imprisoned himself for over 70 years as the perfect vampire son living on the fringes of his family. He never told his parents what he did, just implied that he slipped up. They don't know and they of course, valuing his privacy never told his siblings when they joined the family. So it's a big family secret so to speak - Edward's been keeping it from everyone and desperately trying to atone. But he's never faced up to what he did in terms of that pesky last part of atonement: he's never acknowledged responsibility for his behavior with his family. So he lives a truly miserable existence. He loves them, but is afraid to let them in for fear that if they knew him, really knew him they would ask him to leave. So enter Bella Swan - who smells amazing. She's a threat to his miserable existence but because he's fought so hard for all those years to maintain a clean record (not a single slip) - he can't touch her. Or can he?

Feel better soon, and I hope you enjoy the arc. We're going to be in this section until I finish their backstory. Edward has some 'splaining to do.

Starched Shirt Edward is blowing kisses at you and praying to Our Lady of Lourdes that you feel better. :) Books

I've been laughing out loud all day long. Too funny!

Such a good story.

Author's Response:

I'm glad it's entertaining you. Tanya started out as a bit character and I got a little carried away. I think she gets a raw deal in many fanfictions so wanted to do something different with her. Thanks for your feedback. :) Books