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Reviews For Cullenary Coupling
Reviewer: Mizra (Signed) · Date: April 25, 2009 08:14 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

"I had been all over the world and found my favorite destination sitting by my side." This is very sweet and tender.... even for Scientific Edward, which is basically what he is to me. Everything is the Scientific Method to him, including his dear little singer.

I found the pot thickening here and I rather enjoy it.  It's thickening so much, actually, that my brain is starting to spin slightly. Who was Paula again? And why in the world would Billy Black want to kill Bella's grandparents and uncle over a plot of land? Is it REALLY that valuable?

Anyway, sorry it took so long to review... it was worth waiting for, I might add. :)



Author's Response:

Hey Amazing Banner Maker Genius!

 

Paula is Paula Black, Billy's sister. Charlie has been in Denver with her all this time on his annual vacation. He and Paula have been quietly dating for years. Charlie doesn't want Bella to know about it so he's been lying to her and pretending to go fishing so she won't know he's with Paula. He's afraid it would hurt her feelings seeing him with another person, the idiot.

More clues in the land issue will be uncovered in the next few chapters. All I can say is that the answer to that one is one of the biggest deals in the story. Scout's honor. :) Books

Reviewer: freckles9399 (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 10:17 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

I'm pondering systematically killing the pets in the immediate neighborhood."

this was the funniest part of anything i have ever read in my mortal life lol lol lol



Author's Response:

I had to go there. Edward is completely demented in that chapter. I wanted to show just how unthinkingly ruthless he is believing to have the moral high ground all along. He can't handle the fact that he almost slipped and killed her in more ways than one. So he's overcompensating by literally tearing down the scene of the crime and rebuilding it and making her life safer from fungii and dust mites. The OCD like behavior won't be that bad in the next chapter. :)

I'm glad you are enjoying my odd take on Edward. I do have a dark sense of humor.And thanks, freckless9399 for the review!

Best, Books :)

Reviewer: MonksMama (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 09:02 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

*pokes head up over crowd to look for another Monksmama*

 

Me?!?!?!?

Really?!?!?!?!?

I've never been in an A/N before! Aw, I feel all warm and squishy! Thank you!

I love Edward's retaliation! So perfectly Edward.

As usual - stached shirt Edward cracks me up. And all the little 'jokes' in Edward's music collection is brilliance!

I can't wait to see what is in the safe deposit box!

Sigh - another perfect chapter that makes me rabid for more!

Dena



Author's Response:

Hi there Dena,

I have greatly appreciated your feedback for the story, so that was a no-brainer to me. :)

I'm glad you liked the jokes, it seems like its common for authors to write about music (There will be no Claire de Lune in this story unless I'm burnign the CD) and I didn't want to name anything currently popular because that would make somone feel too old or too young and I didn't want to do what everybody else does so I almost cut the music section. I left it in because of the joke to show how thoroughly teasing Edward in little digs has become part of the Cullen siblings' habits - at least with Jasper and Emmett - and how Rosalie and Mary Alice are trying to stick up for Edward.

The next section is with my beta and I think I'm breaking it in half because it's over 100 pages. If I follow that plan you'll see the safe deposit box not in this upcoming chapter but the next. I've got all sorts of stuff with the red-eyed people, The Black conspiracy coming up to keep you sated. I hope.  :) Books

Reviewer: freckles9399 (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 09:00 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Four - Deviant

what a wonderful chapter !!! it is so fresh and just plain awesome thanks for the read ...now im on to the next !



Author's Response:

I'm glad you are enjoying them freckles9399, I've had a blast living in Edward's skull, poor guy. And I do loved Starched Shirt Edward - who is batting his eyelashes at you and blowing you a kiss for reviewing.

:) Books

Reviewer: prettypoodle (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 05:56 PM · On: Chapter 3: Propositions and Practice

"Mike the Monster"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

 

I LOVE IT!



Author's Response:

Hi there Prettypoodle!

"Mike the Monster," was a shout out to Twilightzoner's Midnight Desire. And I loved the idea of pervy Mike. I should warn you that torturing Mike Newton is a favorite past time of mine. :) Thanks for the review :) Books

Reviewer: prettypoodle (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 04:19 PM · On: Chapter 1 - Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet

OOC but it makes me giggle!  Go Bella!!



Author's Response:

Bella is indeed slightly OOC at the beginning she's been working on being more assertive - this is a stronger Bella than SM wrote. And I was bored with the whole, "She's so better looking than me," storyline that always happens with Tanya. So I wanted to make a Bella that was a bit different. The book describes her as quiet. I've gone a step further and portrayed her as shy. Edward too. And you'll see that more in later chapters. This story starts in the present and then jumps back to the backstory in Chapter 8 which will lead us back to the present. If I do it right, you'll look at the first few chapters with a new appreciation. I have different explanations for some of the issues that SM wanted to explore in the series.

I hope you like Tanya. I had so much fun with her ego. :)

Thanks for your review and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Best, Books :)

Reviewer: freckles9399 (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 03:58 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part One - Pride and Tribulation

Thank you for taking the time to do this amazing work you have done .I adore your work and it feeds my twilight addiction ,i really wanted to know about Edward and his "family "since they first metioned how they came to be i wanted to know it all .I love it



Author's Response:

Thanks for your review freckles9399,

If you want to know about the Cullen family - this is the story for you. I'm showing how Edward came to hate himself in the chapter you reviewed, the rest of this arc shows how he expressed that self hatred - by building a self-delusion of being the perfect vampire - and how Bella blew all of that to bits when she entered his life. I hope you continue to enjoy the story :)

Books

Reviewer: Miss Poison (Signed) · Date: April 23, 2009 11:57 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

I had to really take my time reading this. Fabulous chapter. =)



Author's Response:

Oh Miss Poison thanks so much for your review!

I'm hoping when you say you had to take your time that it wasn't because I was unclear in something. I've had stories that I had to read more than once because whatever the author wrote didn't make sense until the second time I looked at a passage when I went "Oh, that's what he/she meant." If something was unclear give me a holler. :)

 

Killing Genevieve, Liam and Jericho was hard, I must admit as they have been growing on me. So I'll probably have to write her doing something outrageous her or one of them out of writer's guilt. I'm having fun imaging her in a room with SSE.

I was afraid I was stuffing too much at people at once and will happily admit that the plot is complicated...the wolves....Genevieve.....Bella....Charlie....that whole pesky love thing that Edward is fighting every step of the way. I've already sent the next chapter off to my cruel beta to see what she thinks. If she likes it, I'll get it posted as fast as my fingers can fly. Promise.  :) Books

Reviewer: twilightmomct (Signed) · Date: April 23, 2009 11:38 AM · On: Chapter 3: Propositions and Practice

Just an FYI, but Emmett's last name is McCarty not McCarthy. The part about Mike was pretty funny



Author's Response:

Pesky typo's many thanks for catching that for me twilightmomct! I adore torturing Mike, just so you know. Jacob too. It's a vice of mine. Thanks so much for your review. :) Books

Reviewer: moniqueepooh (Signed) · Date: April 23, 2009 11:36 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Thirteen - Hitchcock

I was soo into this story in the beginning....but honestly, I just can't see this story ending anytime soon (its already so long) and its so way off track with the story line from the beginning that I don't see how or when you'll get back to it.  I enjoyed the beginning, but towards the middle not to much...I have to put the story down now though there isn't enough action, dialogue or plot....nothings going on...



Author's Response:

Hi there Moniqueepooh,

 

I'm sorry that you feel this way, and respect your right to do so. The story is NOT off track, however, as it is setting everything else up. I have to explain how Bella and Edward feel in love and I'm halfway there. They have sexual communication issues, which Hitchcock set up, which explains just why Edward doesn't want Bella touching him - he never told her about that whole pesky earth shattering nearly killed her part. And the most recent chapter that I posted had quite a lot of dialogue that shows Edward and Bella starting to trust each other, key to that whole pesky falling in love process. I don't write at the typical fan-fiction pace, as I'm using a novel format, which is most likely the source of your issue with my pacing. My suggestion to you is to wait a month and give the story one more try. I think you'll find plenty happens in that time. Regardless, thanks for reading as long as you did.

Peace, Books

Reviewer: freckles9399 (Signed) · Date: April 23, 2009 08:58 AM · On: Chapter 5: Indecent Exposure at the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy Part One

Awesome !! i will never get the image of mike withering screaming "mike the monster "out of my head thanks for the mental images "hugs"lmao



Author's Response:

Hi there freckles9399!

Thanks so much for your review. I have a vice of torturing secondary Twilight characters - ok, Bella and Edward, too. But Mike is a particular favorite of mine. I see him as just a typical pervy high school guy. If you like what I did to him, you'll be all kinds of excited about what is going to happen with Jacob. :) Books

Reviewer: sarapride (Signed) · Date: April 21, 2009 03:06 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Oh I can't wait for the next chapter! I did notice though in the section where Edward says they can stay in the house with epi pens, it says set food outside the house. just FYI.



Author's Response:

Thanks for letting me know. Dang typos. I'll have to flay my beta and myself alive. :) I'm glad that you are enjoying the chapter Sarapride. :) I've been having so much fun lurking in Edward's head. Imagine how bonkers he's going to go when Bella goes home, like really soon. :) Books

Reviewer: chloe9 (Signed) · Date: April 21, 2009 01:05 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Thirteen - Hitchcock

OK, I obviously have a price. :)
First of all, I love Mary Alice, her anger, and her standing up for Edward. It was amazing that she even scolded Jasper - harshly. Normally, I wouldn't expect to read that in a believable way, but you really pulled it off.
Edward's "experimentation" in the forest was well written. It wasn't at all vulgar, and he repeatedly thought of things in a rather clinical manner. While he did get enjoyment out of it, he was very controlled in his thoughts, and thought constantly about why he was doing it. I think it fit his character perfectly.
The part with Edward and Hitchcock made me think of Edward as a deranged Snow White, which brought a smile to my face. And I'm glad that Hezekiah is cutting Edward some slack. Poor vampire has a lot going on right now!
If you don't mind my asking, which part did you have the most trouble with in this chapter? It flowed together very well and all the parts fit together well.

Author's Response:

Jugurtha is changing as we speak. Do you want his hair done in a certain manner? I haven't even described his hair yet. :) Thanks for your feedback on that chapter. I was worried about it for several reasons. First, Although this story is NC-17 I have been very careful with the way that sexual content has been portrayed. Tanya wakes up after having a threesome - but I'm not writing the threesome scene, she kisses Jake goodbye standing naked at the doorway mentally cringing at what she had to do to get him to talk but I didn't write the scene with Quileute Thunder punking out on him.

 

So this was by far the most explicit in terms of sexual content that I've presented thus far and I had a few things I wanted to keep in mind. This Edward is repressed. To me it would not make sense for him to suddenly start screaming obscenities or using terms that by his normative times are vulgar in fantasizing about Bella. Also, I don't think that he would even be able to mentally verbalize some of it, which is why I had the sentences breaking off in parts.

And it was very difficult for him to get enjoyment out of it. He had to go over 100 miles away from the house, he scanned the environment to make sure humans weren't around AND he leapt over a hedge that completely hid him from view to masturbate behind a tree. It's like hiding, hiding, and hiding - and even then he could only think about her in his mind while thinking about her as his wife in order to be able to complete his, ahem, research. So he had to talk himself into it the entire time. He had to justify it in the name of research as being morally appropriate - which ironically given the circumstances it kind of is. So what I was worried about was getting the right tone. Obviously it has sexual content and that is very difficult to write. If you do it well, everyone is all happy. If you do it poorly (Breaking Dawn anyone?) then you have satire fodder. So to me it had to show his shame, his excitement, his arrogance, and ultimately his despair...all the while somehow being funny. And THAT is why I had such a hard time with this chapter. Throwing in all those elements - to some readers the scene could come across (if I didn't do it right) as schizophrenic.

That's why I had arrogant Edward being abused by animals. That's why I show him standing around exposed without realizing it, which considering he's leaping over hedges to get some privacy struck me as funny. And I didn't want to end it on a downward note, so I had his unrealistic ideas about sex kicking right back in at the end as he runs away. For all he's been through, he's trying to be optimistic in thinking about his "one day" with his future bride. he's not sure how he'll get there yet is all.

Again, Thanks so much for your opinion - I really do appreciate it. Best, Books

Reviewer: chloe9 (Signed) · Date: April 21, 2009 11:11 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Yikes! I hadn't even had a chance to review your last chapter, and now this one is up. You're like a writing ninja. :)
The thing I liked most about this chapter was the Edward/Bella interaction. While I understand that the last few chapters had to set certain things up, I was really missing them having time together. Starched Shirt Edward was wonderful as always, and I'm happy that Jugurtha Predator has not only clothes (well, I'd take him without clothes, but that's beside the point), but furniture too. Now I don't have to continue him and SSE perched on boulders when they visit. I've always envisioned JP in a black t-shirt, faded black jeans, and motorcycle boots though.
Does Bella have any feelings of sadness about her pretend vacations? Hmm, pretend vacations, pretend boyfriend, now I'm getting the sad vibe about her. Although I see them as a means of escapism for her, and even though Edward may think its sad, I can understand the fun in looking up the places one would like to be able to visit.
As always, I'm anxiously awaiting your next chapter, I'm sure that most of the questions I have will be answered then. Like how Bella knows about Billy Black. From a dream? From her Grandmother? No other fan fic sticks with me and leaves me trying to dissect it the way this one does.

Author's Response:

Hi there Chloe9,

No worries about reviewing - although I would be absolutely delighted if you would tell me what you thought about the Hitchcock chapter because that one was I think the hardest one I've ever written and I know you'll be honest with me. :)

I don't know if you'd find this helpful, but I posted a timeline on the thread for the story so folks can see how much "time" has passed in the story so far.

You will increasingly see more Edward and Bella interaction from now on. We've gone into the arc of the story where you are seeing how their interaction fueled the relationship. And the next chapter begins with them in bed talking about the Billy Black situation so those questions will, I promise be answered. And I will definitely have Jugurtha change into the outfit of your choice in the next chapter as a bribe for you to review Hitchcock - deal? I never saw Jugurtha and SSE on boulders. What in my mind has been going on in their little universe is that they are in a room with wooden floors - on one side of the room is the door to the library. The room itself is like a little parlour and it has a prayer bench in a corner in front of an icon that SSE likes to use. And the room almost is split in half because the outdoors starts without there being any wall. On that side is Jugurtha's cave. So there are two parts of his mind - the wilderness and the parlour/library. Does that make sense? I've never really bothered to flesh that out.

I wanted to do something with the vacations that was creative that showed Bella's ability to try to make the best of a situation without being PollyAnna. I can see Bella spending hours planning these trips for the sheer beauty of the act because she gets to learn more about the world - the world that so far she hasn't had a chance to see. And I also was kind of touched because Leah and Seth came up with the idea as a way to distract her from her grief. They kept her so busy and it turned into a game. And I thought it ironic that you have Edward who's been sulking around the globe for 100 years hating the earth, and Bella who would love to travel to all the places he's been. Not to mention here's Edward who hates himself, commenting on how sad her life is.

As ever, you win at life for reviewing Chloe9! Best, Books :)

Reviewer: amylynnat (Signed) · Date: April 20, 2009 03:06 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part One - Pride and Tribulation

This might be one of the most devistatingly beautiful chapter of Fan fiction that I have ever read.  I am truly awed and inspired by your spiritual understanding of Carslile and his relationship with God and existence.  He is trying to show that understanding to Edward, but he's so convinced of his own sin soaked existence...it was simply remarkable and lovely.  I have enjoyed this story so much thus far, but this chapter has truly done the rest to shame.  You are a gift and amazing writer.

 



Author's Response:

Wow amylynnat! I am humbled. Seriously humbled by your review. Thanks so much for your kind words.

To me Edward has selective perception. He hears Carlisle but he doesn't really "listen" at first and the HOD arc is his attempt to do so.

When I first posted this chapter people thought I was nuts. The rest of the Heart of Darkness arc will be showing how Edward came to hate himself and deal with that hatred by being the perfect vampire - until of course that pesky Swann girl shows up. I always felt like the characters in Twilight had these attitude shifts that were 180 and came out of nowhere (You're right Jacob, I really DO love you after all-Gah!, I'll change you myself....says Edward all of a sudden). I wanted to show that Edward falling in love was not easy. And I wanted to do it with a different plot and different characterization of Edward than SM used. On the surface he behaves Edwardly - inside his head? Not so much. I had a lot of fun with chapter two of this story and hope you do as well. I'm particularly misty-eyed over the last three lines.

To me Edward has to struggle with the idea of the soul and I felt that was a rich plot line that was completely abandoned. Keep in mind that Edward at that point in CC when he and Carlisle have their conversation had not confessed about the rebellious years. He had made it seem through lying by ommission that his slip had been recent. And they never discussed it again which reinforced his shame and guilt. And to me the idea of Bella falling in love with a serial killer - that had to be explored. And Edward has to deal with it in some way as well as figuring out whether or not he has a soul before he can truly understand what love means.

Again, your review literally made my day. There's a thread for this story on the AU forum. Stop by sometime, and let me know if you have time, what you think of the rest of the arc. Thanks so much! Books :)

Reviewer: silly sad sarah twilighted (Signed) · Date: April 20, 2009 08:23 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Squeal!!!

That was a beautifully long chapter took me a while to finish it!  I loved every bit of it and even more curious as to whats going on Bellas head!

Post again soon I look forward to it getting back to the present but I don't predict that in the near future to much shady past needs to be sorted first!

Look forward to the next chapter so don't delay post ASAP



Author's Response:

Hi there silly sad sarah twilighted!

Thanks so much for your review. I'm delighted that you enjoyed the chapter. I don't know that I'll be posting 100 page chapters again, but I am working on the next one as we speak. RL has reared it's ugly head and I have the week from hell. I will try to get something up by the weekend. Scout's honor.

I can also promise that the next chapter begins with the rest of that conversation. So you will be learning a bit more about Bella and you will definitely see more Bella and Edward. Charlie will be coming home and since he and Paula both had their phones off and were not checking emails they are going to be a wee bit caught off guard.

I just want to warn you that we won't be in the present any time soon. I still have lots of ground to cover to explain Bella's twisted family, the red-eyed people, her relationship with Edward etc. Once that is out of the way we will definitely move to the present time. I have loads of fun planned in that section as well.

:) Books

Reviewer: witchykitty (Signed) · Date: April 19, 2009 11:11 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Love it! I love the banter between Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha. I'm hoping for more Bella and Edward, though. Can't wait for the next chapter!!!!



Author's Response:

Hi there witchykitty! Thanks so much for your review! I can definitely promise you that next chapter starts right off with Edward and Bella in bed talking. You will most definitely see more of them as now that she's awake and now that she's better (or getting there) Edward is now going to have to face the very unpleasant reality that quality singer pressed against his flesh time is difficult to recreate once she goes back to her Father's house. And he's going to find that highly unfair. The world plots against our favorite clueless vampire. How can he convince his Fake Girlfriend that he rarely speaks to unless under extenuating circumstances that she should allow him into her bed every night at her father's house? Flowers? Chocolate? Scratch Chocolate, he's already banned that from her diet....

 

I've been having so much fun with the banter with SSE and Jugurtha. You will most definitely see more of that in future chapters as well. Particularly since Edward is so clueless right now.

I'll try to have the next chapter posted by the weekend but this week is crazy busy at work. But I'll try. :) Thanks so much for your feedback. I've posted some spoilers for the story on the thread on the AU forum. Best, Books :)

Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: April 19, 2009 08:08 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

In spite of all the elogent and eloquent words you just presented us with, the only one I have to describe my feelings for this chapter is: Daaaayamn. Not even a word. Sigh.

 

Truly beautiful. Thank you again.

 

~Mia



Author's Response:

Hi there Mia, I'll take that as high praise, thank you very much dear lady. If I were you, I would most definitely read that chapter a few times. You'll get more insight into the Edward and Bella relationship by thinking about what she's seeing.

Think of how much Edward is going to squirm when I send her back to school. That's next. Poor guy can't ask her to be his Real Girlfriend. What is he going to do when he doesn't have her by his side at night with quality singer pressed against his flesh time? Egads!

 

Books :)

Reviewer: Eidelweiss (Signed) · Date: April 19, 2009 06:39 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows

I love this story --- I love Edward's "modest" take on the precautions that he is taking to help Bella and her allergies. I love Starched Shirt Edward and his religious musings (I am a Catholic church organist and the line where they should sing the "let all mortal flesh keep silence" actually had me in tears from laughing so hard) and I just love the way the story flows. Great job, I am enjoying this immensely!



Author's Response:

Hi there Eidelweiss!

Thanks so much for your review. You are the only person who got the "let all mortal flesh take silence" joke. You win at life!

I always found that song to be particularly dreary. So of course, I had to use it. I wanted Edward to be highly religious and picked Catholicism because I am. I didn't feel comfortable writing jokes about another religion, you know? And I know enough about Catholicism and canon law that I feel I can comfortably include it in the story. You'll find plenty of Catholic debates coming up in the next few chapters. SSE is most definitely going to have a loud voice.

I wrote Edward's reaction in Bonkers that way in order to show how he feels so guilty at almost having a) slipped and b) had sex with a sick vulnerable unconscious female that he literally destroys and rebuilds the scene of the crime. He's not in a mind frame where he's willing to admit that HE is a danger to her. No, instead it's fungii and dust mites that must be destroyed. And his plan to eradicate animals....? Competely sick and St. Francis would roll over in his grave, but I wanted to use it to show just how amoral he is and ruthless in terms of seeing to his singer's comfort whether she wants him to or not is irrelevant. What I'm trying to get across in these chapters is how you see Edward move from the guy who saves Bella's life and bruises her face in the process deliberately to keep their secret.....to the guy who is ever so slowly falling in love with her.

:) Books

Reviewer: siouxchef (Signed) · Date: April 19, 2009 04:47 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Sorry I've been neglectful!!!  RL and all.

This is just gettingt thicker and thicker!  Edward is seriously going to flip out once Charlie gets back and Bella goes home.  I can't wait. 

Thanks for the update today!!!



Author's Response:

I totally forgive you Siouxchef! Your observations in the past have been so helpful (and continue to be with this review). I'm grateful you took the time to leave feedback :)

 

The plot for this story is pretty complicated, I must admit. And I'm revealing things a bit at a time and dropping hints here and there that once you read future chapters will make you slap yourself. Maybe. If I do it right. Charlie is most definitely going to put Edward into orbit. If you notice on those sections where they are going to bed together, they don't "talk" much about it at all. They just crawl into bed and hold each other. And Edward brilliant communication genius that he is NOT is not going to be able to figure out how to say, "Hey since we're sleeping together and all, why not continue this at your place?"

 

Think of the fun I'm going to have tormenting him in the next few chapters. Decisions....decisions.... :)

Reviewer: blue2185 (Signed) · Date: April 19, 2009 02:58 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

All hells broke loose now lol. Wonder what else Bella knows... Great job!! Cant wait for more!



Author's Response:

Hi there blue2185,

I am already working on the next chapter. Thanks so much for your review and support of this story. :) Books

Reviewer: Sheeijan (Signed) · Date: April 19, 2009 01:11 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Edward's so devious.  But I'm surprised that the others figured out the revenge that Edward concocted on the guys.  I wonder if they will figure it out or if they simply continue to think he's the stuffy one. 

Billy's crimes are heinous and just keep getting worse and worse.  A day of reckoning is surely coming to him.

It was nice to see the Clearwaters being so nice to the Cullens. 

I love reading your story!



Author's Response:

Hi there Sheeijan!

 

I think given how territorial Edward is in regards to his singer that his parents could easily figure out that he was toying with them - and this also to me shows that his parents are coming to realize that Edward has untapped depths and they are acknowledging them privately so that the other siblings don't hear. Edward didn't yell at Emmett and Jasper. And that is Edward's miscalculation. He's a devious bastard, alright, but that doesn't mean that to a certain extent people can't figure him out due to behavioral inconsistencies on his part. Edward doesn't understand what "love" means, and he has no idea that he is really falling in love. Edward's big flaw - besides that whole pesky self-delusional world he's created out of guilt - is his arrogance. You'll learn more about Billy in the next chapter. He's definitely got issues. :)

The Clearwaters are in a very tough spot. They love Bella as if she were their own. And since her Grandparents' death they have increasingly taken on more of a parental role in her life because Charlie has all but abandoned it to them. They also know that the Cullens have all the power in this situation. They have no wolf army to throw at them if anything happens to Bella. And they know the Cullens could grab her and vanish in the night with no one the wiser. And they are baffled that the Cullens saved the life of their children. Finding out that his father was a quadruple murderer has also made Harry question everything he ever heard about the Cullens in the first place. He saw the murders in his mind and his father admitted them. So poor Harry is trying to take it one crises at a time. Sue, for her part is feeling like because Renee was such a horrible mother, that she "chose" Seth and Leah over Bella when they all got ill, and that is really doing a number on her. It's easier in her mind, for her to convince herself that the Cullens are really nice people and Edward is so in love with Bella. That way (not mind you that they aren't nice people and Edward isn't on his way to being in love with Bella) Sue can still think of herself as a good person and Mother and think that everything worked out for the best. Does that make sense?

I'm glad you are enjoying the story. I've already got the next chapter written. I'll post it in a few days.

Best,

Books :)

Reviewer: Alyssa Cullen (Signed) · Date: April 19, 2009 10:07 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

so i really am likeing this whole unique back story that we missed in the first place...it's really original, but its hard seeing Edward as SO repressed and SO jittery. In character, though...

are there many more chapters of "Heart of Darkness"? I'm literally dying for the wedding and honeymoon !

Alyssa Cullen



Author's Response:

Hi there Alyssa Cullen! Thanks so much for your review!

Honestly, I'm not predicting how many chapters because the way that I write, I have this large file that has about over 300 pages in it right now. I carve off a section and start checking it to make sure it flows with the plot lines that I've establish and then tweak it a bit here and there and maybe expand a section or two. So it still follows the outline but it could expand. I had one section, for example that ended up being divided into six chapters. What I can say is that we will have several more chapters in the HOD arc. I don't want to put an exact number in case I expand a section cause that might leave everyone confused or worse, thinking I'm jerking them around.

 

What I can say is by the time we reach the honeymoon that will be in the tail arc of the story. And we will indeed have quite some time devoted to the honeymoon. But I have to finish explaining to you how they fell in love and stumbled upon the way or thte honeymoon won't make sense. :) Books

Reviewer: elphabacy35 (Signed) · Date: April 19, 2009 09:51 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Thanks for this amazing, long chapter! Less than a week after the last one...I could get used to that!

One of my favourite parts had to be Edward doing laundry, and being so proud to have learned the proper way. I was wondering why he didn't already know, do they not normally use the washer and dryer? Or is is Esme's job? Or does Alice just provide them with new clothes every day (like in Breaking Dawn)? But then I think you kind of answered that later in the chapter.

Also, Edward dusting and disinfecting the kitchen kind of turned me on. I can't believe I just admitted that.

When did Edward start referring to his bed as "our" bed? Was it just this chapter, or am I forgetting? In any case, I love it.

I am very curious as to what the safety deposit box holds...

See ya on the forum!

--Stacy



Author's Response:

Hi Stacy,

I thought the idea of Alice making them wear brand new outfits every day was silly. And in bonkers I showed that Edward didn't really know anything about human clothing - so he kept himself purposely in the dark about things like oh modern day shopping and laundry. But I did put in this chapter that he has been helping Esme with chores without being asked for years. So in my mind they were chores that did not include laundry. If Edward wanted to be the perfect child - and he's been playing that role for years, then he would want to be as helpful as possible. So I can see her having him help Rosalie on the car work. I can see her having him help Emmett on the house repair things. I can see her having him help with gardening, things like that. I can even see her having him help with dusting. But I also can see him volunteering to do things like that when his siblings are off on their own so that they didn't know he was doing it to the extent that he was. Since I characterized Edward as living on the fringes of the family, I had in my mind the sibling couples going out for a night of dancing and Edward happily choosing to stay behind - and helping out with chores. I saw Esme and doing the laundry because of the time period that she came from where housework was considered to be a sign of a good wife much more so than I think it is today. And in the bonkers chapter remember she took him to the grocery store and he used his chemistry degrees to find the strongest disinfectant he could use on our dear little one's house. He felt like he was playing Russian roulette, the poor guy. So some of that has been brought back to their house because with Bella in there, Esme knew that Edward when he got nervous would start a cleaning frenzy to protect his dear little one's lungs.

 

I've slipped the our bed in at random times, to be honest. He's basically been doing it in this chapter to justify in his mind that she's his, and it's only a matter of time before they are married. Of course, he hasn't figure out quite how to do the talking to get to them at that point. But still. He has honorable intentions. One of the safety deposit boxes will be opened next chapter. (there are more). :) Books

Reviewer: Hollywood_678 (Signed) · Date: April 18, 2009 10:28 AM · On: Chapter 5: Indecent Exposure at the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy Part One

I have never laughed so much at fan-fiction as I did at the end of this chapter. Brilliant!



Author's Response:

Thanks so much Hollywood_678! I'd delighted you liked the chapter. I'm partial to the second and third parts of that particular section so I do hope you enjoy those as well. I wanted to give you a heads up that starting in chapter 8 the backstory of Edward and Bella will start and it's from EPOV and the tone is a bit dark at first. Give it a shot and it lightens up considerably as the chapters progress. Because I have lots more humor in this story. Dark humor mind you, but hey, I love torturing secondary Twilight characters. :) Books

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