Your donations help keep this site running,
thank you very much for the support!
Reviews For Cullenary Coupling
Reviewer: Cullen Concession (Signed) · Date: April 27, 2009 11:44 AM · On: Chapter 3: Propositions and Practice

Haha! So, Tanya is teaching Bella how to make the sex ten times better and Carlisle and company are teaching Edward how to avoid the act sex altogether, this is going to get interesting! 



Author's Response:

Hi there Cullen Concession,

I envisioned in my mind since Tanya could not arrange a grude ahem sex session with Edward that she'd arrange for Bella to do it for her by proxy - just without the walking away part. Tanya is bound and determined that Bella is going to be very well tutored so she can torture her husband in bed. It's Tanya's way of getting her pride back.

Keep in mind that what you are reading right now is the story about 3/4ths of the way through and I'm going to jump back in time in chapter 8 to give you the story behind the story so to speak that will make this section take on an entirely new meaning. I'm telling the story of how Edward and Bella fell in love using an entirely different plot.

Hope you enjoy the rest of the story. And I'm glad you like what I've done with Tanya. She's so much fun to write.

Best, Books :)

Reviewer: Cullen Concession (Signed) · Date: April 27, 2009 10:53 AM · On: Chapter 2: The Bachelor Party: Survival of the B!tchfest - Part Two

I am at work ROTFLMAO!  Great, great story!



Author's Response:

I live to make people spit all over their computer screen. You just made my day. Glad you are enjoying the story. :) Books

Reviewer: Miss Poison (Signed) · Date: April 27, 2009 10:13 AM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Fifteen - Butterflies and Homecomings

This chapter is BRILLIANT beyond words. TTYS. =)



Author's Response:

I'm wiping away a venom tear. Seriously! Two feather pillows on a silver platter from the Isle of Esme for you. :)

Thanks so much! Books :)

 

Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: April 27, 2009 09:03 AM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Fifteen - Butterflies and Homecomings

You always stun me. This chapter is no exception to that rule. Thank you, once  more. You made my day.

 

~Mia



Author's Response:

Thanks Mia!

What I can tell you is that for the next five or so chapters you are going to need a seatbelt. *evil grin*

Working on the next chapter now. :) Books

Reviewer: Cullen Concession (Signed) · Date: April 27, 2009 08:04 AM · On: Chapter 2: The Bachelor Party: Survival of the B!tchfest - Part One

Jane and Tyler, now that is funny!  Great chapter!



Author's Response:

Thanks so much for your review Cullen Concession!

You will be seeing more of them but not till far far later in the story. You know I have to get Lauren in a room with Jane. I just have to. That's comic gold. :) Books

Reviewer: Sheeijan (Signed) · Date: April 27, 2009 07:55 AM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Fifteen - Butterflies and Homecomings

It's funny to see Edward making mistakes, because he doesn't make many of them.  I hope he or one of the other Cullens put Lauren in her place because rumors are just so hurtful.  I hope Bella doesn't catch wind of them.  Of course high school shenanigans are nothing compared to the other stuff that's going on.  Charlie is just so stupid here!  And seriously how can a parent just keep dumping their child on someone else like that?  It just kills me how Charlie seems to have no issue at all with not seeing Bella for however long it's been.  I realize she's almost 18 and not a child really, but if it were me I'd be anxious to get back to her, especially considering how sick she's been lately. 

This whole thing is a family endeavoring, isn't it?  Poor Edward, someone who likes his privacy and control so much, he sure doesn't have much of it right now.  Every move he makes with his singer is scrutinized.



Author's Response:

Hi there Sheeijan,

You made several very interesting points. First, Lauren most definitely is going to feel the wrath of the Cullens within the next two chapters and I guarantee you that by the time I'm done with her you will be both laughing your keister off and firmly understanding why she loathes Bella. Second, Charlie is most definitely stupid. He established a pattern when Bella was a baby of letting other people take care of his child - his parents and uncle were her primary caregivers when she was a baby. When the divorce happened he couldn't leave his parents since they were in poor health and move to follow Renee who at the time couldn't settle on a single location. And he felt guilty. Really guilty over the accident that left his daughter with brain damage. So he dealt with it by distancing himself from her. I do promise you that you will see some character development in Charlie over the course of this story - but he will always retain a bit of bumbling cluelessness about him. Another thing to keep in mind in regards to Bella and her illness is that Charlie as some people do, having been a caretaker to his parents is frightened by people being ill. And the Cullens assure him that although they have Bella in the hospital as a precaution that she will recover. And Charlie wants to believe in his mind that she will, thats she's not all that bad. He's had pneumonia before, it just took a few days and he was fine. Right?

     In regards to Edward the irony that you should see (and have) is that here he is over a century old, and his parents are treating him like he's 17. They are doing this because of the role that Edward has honed to perfection over 75 years of being child-like. They are doing this because as you can see from the visions that he's been having involving his mother, he really actually WAS shy when he was alive, and Carlisle knew this. Edward was shy and socially awkward, and that really didn't change after his turning. And Edward became a control freak as response to the loss of control in his life in being turned by trying to control every aspect of his behavior. The ironic thing is that he channeled it into behaving in what he thought was a role (shy and quiet) when because he had lost his memory he didn't realize he was simply behaving normally (shy and quiet). He's convinced himself that he's giving this epic performance for 75 years when in fact he's been behaving like he did before being turned. The epic performance part is that he hasn't old anyone how much he hates being a vampire. The epic performance is that he's used iron control to not "slip" in 75 years. Beyond that, he's kind of fooled himself. As for his parents, I always found the way they were portrayed in the books as morally ambiguous to be problematic. To me, Esme because of the time period she came from and most particularly Carlisle would have very strict notions about how young ladies should behave as well as gentleman. And while Bella is under their roof, they have the added burden of ensuring that she gets out of there in one piece without being turned. Remember both of their sons (Jasper and Emmett) killed the singers that they ran into instantly. So they have every reason to be hypervigilant as far as Bella is concerned. They are very leery of their son's plan to immunize himself against her scent but notice that it does seem to be working. And they are even more leery about him sleeping next to her at night, so they compensate by sitting there and watching over them. They have another motive. The whole heart beat starting and stopping has them worried beside themselves. Carlisle has never heard of it happening and the only people he could ask are the Volturi and that would lead to awkward questions because he can't tell them about his treaty with the wolves. So they are also watching over Edward while he sleeps to track his heart and to make sure that it stops beating. In their mind, if it doesn't he's no longer immortal and no longer Edward. And they would have no idea if he would die immediately or could be turned again. So they have been frantic with worry over him. They also see that he's forming very strong feelings for Bella. Vampires usually move very quickly with each other in such situations, and that is not an appropriate model for Edward to follow with Bella since she's human - as they have pointed out to him. She's been emotinally devastated by her parents and is vulnerable. So they've been encouraging him to simply be comforting to her right now and to wait a bit before letting her know about his feelings for her. I thought it ironic that in his "acting" Edward has created the scrutiny and the reasons for it. Edward has allowed himself to be treated like a child because he's behaved as if that is appropriate, as if he has not quite matured as a vampire should. Hope that rambling makes sense. And thanks so much for the review. :) Books

Reviewer: superstarrh (Signed) · Date: April 27, 2009 03:42 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Thirteen - Hitchcock

Thank you so much for the recognition.  I really did like Edward's struggle in this chapter and the fact that he realized that he would  need to have some semblance of control if he wanted to be around her.  The portryal of him satisfying himself was believable without being over the top.  He is going to need to work some more if he hopes on keeping her alive when progressing the relationship. 

As always any moment when the woman show how strong they are too is a winner in my book.  Alice putting them in their place is something that was great to see.  It's all fun and games until the human gets killed.

Another great chapter.



Author's Response:

I don't think I could have posted this without your help, Jamie. You gave me the inspriration to know I could go there with Edward and do it in a way that from an artistic standpoint conveyed just enough information while also showing the range of emotions: the humor, the desire, the dreams of acceptance, and the despair. And you're right he is going to have to find some way to discover exactly what is causing these symptoms and how to fix the problem. It's compounded by the fact that only Mary Alice knows. He's too ashamed to tell his Father. And he'll never go to his brothers because they tease him all the time.

I'm glad you liked the section on Alice. I didn't want her to be over the top, and I wanted her, Rosalie and Esme to all have a say. But I also wanted to show that in doing what she did, Alice didn't quite have the moral high ground. She lied by omission to her family in order to keep Edward's secret as she had promised. And the problem with that is her visions aren't working accurately so she really took a chance with Bella's life. Alice is not perfect in this story, so I enjoyed writing that in. Also, she's not all powerful seeing everything from my perspective, so I wanted to show how she only caught it just in time when she realized what Jasper had planned.

as ever thanks so much for your support. I posted a new chapter toinght. :) Books

Reviewer: Mizra (Signed) · Date: April 25, 2009 08:14 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

"I had been all over the world and found my favorite destination sitting by my side." This is very sweet and tender.... even for Scientific Edward, which is basically what he is to me. Everything is the Scientific Method to him, including his dear little singer.

I found the pot thickening here and I rather enjoy it.  It's thickening so much, actually, that my brain is starting to spin slightly. Who was Paula again? And why in the world would Billy Black want to kill Bella's grandparents and uncle over a plot of land? Is it REALLY that valuable?

Anyway, sorry it took so long to review... it was worth waiting for, I might add. :)



Author's Response:

Hey Amazing Banner Maker Genius!

 

Paula is Paula Black, Billy's sister. Charlie has been in Denver with her all this time on his annual vacation. He and Paula have been quietly dating for years. Charlie doesn't want Bella to know about it so he's been lying to her and pretending to go fishing so she won't know he's with Paula. He's afraid it would hurt her feelings seeing him with another person, the idiot.

More clues in the land issue will be uncovered in the next few chapters. All I can say is that the answer to that one is one of the biggest deals in the story. Scout's honor. :) Books

Reviewer: freckles9399 (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 10:17 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part Six - Bonkers

I'm pondering systematically killing the pets in the immediate neighborhood."

this was the funniest part of anything i have ever read in my mortal life lol lol lol



Author's Response:

I had to go there. Edward is completely demented in that chapter. I wanted to show just how unthinkingly ruthless he is believing to have the moral high ground all along. He can't handle the fact that he almost slipped and killed her in more ways than one. So he's overcompensating by literally tearing down the scene of the crime and rebuilding it and making her life safer from fungii and dust mites. The OCD like behavior won't be that bad in the next chapter. :)

I'm glad you are enjoying my odd take on Edward. I do have a dark sense of humor.And thanks, freckless9399 for the review!

Best, Books :)

Reviewer: MonksMama (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 09:02 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

*pokes head up over crowd to look for another Monksmama*

 

Me?!?!?!?

Really?!?!?!?!?

I've never been in an A/N before! Aw, I feel all warm and squishy! Thank you!

I love Edward's retaliation! So perfectly Edward.

As usual - stached shirt Edward cracks me up. And all the little 'jokes' in Edward's music collection is brilliance!

I can't wait to see what is in the safe deposit box!

Sigh - another perfect chapter that makes me rabid for more!

Dena



Author's Response:

Hi there Dena,

I have greatly appreciated your feedback for the story, so that was a no-brainer to me. :)

I'm glad you liked the jokes, it seems like its common for authors to write about music (There will be no Claire de Lune in this story unless I'm burnign the CD) and I didn't want to name anything currently popular because that would make somone feel too old or too young and I didn't want to do what everybody else does so I almost cut the music section. I left it in because of the joke to show how thoroughly teasing Edward in little digs has become part of the Cullen siblings' habits - at least with Jasper and Emmett - and how Rosalie and Mary Alice are trying to stick up for Edward.

The next section is with my beta and I think I'm breaking it in half because it's over 100 pages. If I follow that plan you'll see the safe deposit box not in this upcoming chapter but the next. I've got all sorts of stuff with the red-eyed people, The Black conspiracy coming up to keep you sated. I hope.  :) Books

Reviewer: freckles9399 (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 09:00 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Four - Deviant

what a wonderful chapter !!! it is so fresh and just plain awesome thanks for the read ...now im on to the next !



Author's Response:

I'm glad you are enjoying them freckles9399, I've had a blast living in Edward's skull, poor guy. And I do loved Starched Shirt Edward - who is batting his eyelashes at you and blowing you a kiss for reviewing.

:) Books

Reviewer: prettypoodle (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 05:56 PM · On: Chapter 3: Propositions and Practice

"Mike the Monster"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

 

I LOVE IT!



Author's Response:

Hi there Prettypoodle!

"Mike the Monster," was a shout out to Twilightzoner's Midnight Desire. And I loved the idea of pervy Mike. I should warn you that torturing Mike Newton is a favorite past time of mine. :) Thanks for the review :) Books

Reviewer: prettypoodle (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 04:19 PM · On: Chapter 1 - Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet

OOC but it makes me giggle!  Go Bella!!



Author's Response:

Bella is indeed slightly OOC at the beginning she's been working on being more assertive - this is a stronger Bella than SM wrote. And I was bored with the whole, "She's so better looking than me," storyline that always happens with Tanya. So I wanted to make a Bella that was a bit different. The book describes her as quiet. I've gone a step further and portrayed her as shy. Edward too. And you'll see that more in later chapters. This story starts in the present and then jumps back to the backstory in Chapter 8 which will lead us back to the present. If I do it right, you'll look at the first few chapters with a new appreciation. I have different explanations for some of the issues that SM wanted to explore in the series.

I hope you like Tanya. I had so much fun with her ego. :)

Thanks for your review and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Best, Books :)

Reviewer: freckles9399 (Signed) · Date: April 24, 2009 03:58 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part One - Pride and Tribulation

Thank you for taking the time to do this amazing work you have done .I adore your work and it feeds my twilight addiction ,i really wanted to know about Edward and his "family "since they first metioned how they came to be i wanted to know it all .I love it



Author's Response:

Thanks for your review freckles9399,

If you want to know about the Cullen family - this is the story for you. I'm showing how Edward came to hate himself in the chapter you reviewed, the rest of this arc shows how he expressed that self hatred - by building a self-delusion of being the perfect vampire - and how Bella blew all of that to bits when she entered his life. I hope you continue to enjoy the story :)

Books

Reviewer: Miss Poison (Signed) · Date: April 23, 2009 11:57 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

I had to really take my time reading this. Fabulous chapter. =)



Author's Response:

Oh Miss Poison thanks so much for your review!

I'm hoping when you say you had to take your time that it wasn't because I was unclear in something. I've had stories that I had to read more than once because whatever the author wrote didn't make sense until the second time I looked at a passage when I went "Oh, that's what he/she meant." If something was unclear give me a holler. :)

 

Killing Genevieve, Liam and Jericho was hard, I must admit as they have been growing on me. So I'll probably have to write her doing something outrageous her or one of them out of writer's guilt. I'm having fun imaging her in a room with SSE.

I was afraid I was stuffing too much at people at once and will happily admit that the plot is complicated...the wolves....Genevieve.....Bella....Charlie....that whole pesky love thing that Edward is fighting every step of the way. I've already sent the next chapter off to my cruel beta to see what she thinks. If she likes it, I'll get it posted as fast as my fingers can fly. Promise.  :) Books

Reviewer: twilightmomct (Signed) · Date: April 23, 2009 11:38 AM · On: Chapter 3: Propositions and Practice

Just an FYI, but Emmett's last name is McCarty not McCarthy. The part about Mike was pretty funny



Author's Response:

Pesky typo's many thanks for catching that for me twilightmomct! I adore torturing Mike, just so you know. Jacob too. It's a vice of mine. Thanks so much for your review. :) Books

Reviewer: moniqueepooh (Signed) · Date: April 23, 2009 11:36 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Thirteen - Hitchcock

I was soo into this story in the beginning....but honestly, I just can't see this story ending anytime soon (its already so long) and its so way off track with the story line from the beginning that I don't see how or when you'll get back to it.  I enjoyed the beginning, but towards the middle not to much...I have to put the story down now though there isn't enough action, dialogue or plot....nothings going on...



Author's Response:

Hi there Moniqueepooh,

 

I'm sorry that you feel this way, and respect your right to do so. The story is NOT off track, however, as it is setting everything else up. I have to explain how Bella and Edward feel in love and I'm halfway there. They have sexual communication issues, which Hitchcock set up, which explains just why Edward doesn't want Bella touching him - he never told her about that whole pesky earth shattering nearly killed her part. And the most recent chapter that I posted had quite a lot of dialogue that shows Edward and Bella starting to trust each other, key to that whole pesky falling in love process. I don't write at the typical fan-fiction pace, as I'm using a novel format, which is most likely the source of your issue with my pacing. My suggestion to you is to wait a month and give the story one more try. I think you'll find plenty happens in that time. Regardless, thanks for reading as long as you did.

Peace, Books

Reviewer: freckles9399 (Signed) · Date: April 23, 2009 08:58 AM · On: Chapter 5: Indecent Exposure at the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy Part One

Awesome !! i will never get the image of mike withering screaming "mike the monster "out of my head thanks for the mental images "hugs"lmao



Author's Response:

Hi there freckles9399!

Thanks so much for your review. I have a vice of torturing secondary Twilight characters - ok, Bella and Edward, too. But Mike is a particular favorite of mine. I see him as just a typical pervy high school guy. If you like what I did to him, you'll be all kinds of excited about what is going to happen with Jacob. :) Books

Reviewer: sarapride (Signed) · Date: April 21, 2009 03:06 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Oh I can't wait for the next chapter! I did notice though in the section where Edward says they can stay in the house with epi pens, it says set food outside the house. just FYI.



Author's Response:

Thanks for letting me know. Dang typos. I'll have to flay my beta and myself alive. :) I'm glad that you are enjoying the chapter Sarapride. :) I've been having so much fun lurking in Edward's head. Imagine how bonkers he's going to go when Bella goes home, like really soon. :) Books

Reviewer: chloe9 (Signed) · Date: April 21, 2009 01:05 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Thirteen - Hitchcock

OK, I obviously have a price. :)
First of all, I love Mary Alice, her anger, and her standing up for Edward. It was amazing that she even scolded Jasper - harshly. Normally, I wouldn't expect to read that in a believable way, but you really pulled it off.
Edward's "experimentation" in the forest was well written. It wasn't at all vulgar, and he repeatedly thought of things in a rather clinical manner. While he did get enjoyment out of it, he was very controlled in his thoughts, and thought constantly about why he was doing it. I think it fit his character perfectly.
The part with Edward and Hitchcock made me think of Edward as a deranged Snow White, which brought a smile to my face. And I'm glad that Hezekiah is cutting Edward some slack. Poor vampire has a lot going on right now!
If you don't mind my asking, which part did you have the most trouble with in this chapter? It flowed together very well and all the parts fit together well.

Author's Response:

Jugurtha is changing as we speak. Do you want his hair done in a certain manner? I haven't even described his hair yet. :) Thanks for your feedback on that chapter. I was worried about it for several reasons. First, Although this story is NC-17 I have been very careful with the way that sexual content has been portrayed. Tanya wakes up after having a threesome - but I'm not writing the threesome scene, she kisses Jake goodbye standing naked at the doorway mentally cringing at what she had to do to get him to talk but I didn't write the scene with Quileute Thunder punking out on him.

 

So this was by far the most explicit in terms of sexual content that I've presented thus far and I had a few things I wanted to keep in mind. This Edward is repressed. To me it would not make sense for him to suddenly start screaming obscenities or using terms that by his normative times are vulgar in fantasizing about Bella. Also, I don't think that he would even be able to mentally verbalize some of it, which is why I had the sentences breaking off in parts.

And it was very difficult for him to get enjoyment out of it. He had to go over 100 miles away from the house, he scanned the environment to make sure humans weren't around AND he leapt over a hedge that completely hid him from view to masturbate behind a tree. It's like hiding, hiding, and hiding - and even then he could only think about her in his mind while thinking about her as his wife in order to be able to complete his, ahem, research. So he had to talk himself into it the entire time. He had to justify it in the name of research as being morally appropriate - which ironically given the circumstances it kind of is. So what I was worried about was getting the right tone. Obviously it has sexual content and that is very difficult to write. If you do it well, everyone is all happy. If you do it poorly (Breaking Dawn anyone?) then you have satire fodder. So to me it had to show his shame, his excitement, his arrogance, and ultimately his despair...all the while somehow being funny. And THAT is why I had such a hard time with this chapter. Throwing in all those elements - to some readers the scene could come across (if I didn't do it right) as schizophrenic.

That's why I had arrogant Edward being abused by animals. That's why I show him standing around exposed without realizing it, which considering he's leaping over hedges to get some privacy struck me as funny. And I didn't want to end it on a downward note, so I had his unrealistic ideas about sex kicking right back in at the end as he runs away. For all he's been through, he's trying to be optimistic in thinking about his "one day" with his future bride. he's not sure how he'll get there yet is all.

Again, Thanks so much for your opinion - I really do appreciate it. Best, Books

Reviewer: chloe9 (Signed) · Date: April 21, 2009 11:11 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Yikes! I hadn't even had a chance to review your last chapter, and now this one is up. You're like a writing ninja. :)
The thing I liked most about this chapter was the Edward/Bella interaction. While I understand that the last few chapters had to set certain things up, I was really missing them having time together. Starched Shirt Edward was wonderful as always, and I'm happy that Jugurtha Predator has not only clothes (well, I'd take him without clothes, but that's beside the point), but furniture too. Now I don't have to continue him and SSE perched on boulders when they visit. I've always envisioned JP in a black t-shirt, faded black jeans, and motorcycle boots though.
Does Bella have any feelings of sadness about her pretend vacations? Hmm, pretend vacations, pretend boyfriend, now I'm getting the sad vibe about her. Although I see them as a means of escapism for her, and even though Edward may think its sad, I can understand the fun in looking up the places one would like to be able to visit.
As always, I'm anxiously awaiting your next chapter, I'm sure that most of the questions I have will be answered then. Like how Bella knows about Billy Black. From a dream? From her Grandmother? No other fan fic sticks with me and leaves me trying to dissect it the way this one does.

Author's Response:

Hi there Chloe9,

No worries about reviewing - although I would be absolutely delighted if you would tell me what you thought about the Hitchcock chapter because that one was I think the hardest one I've ever written and I know you'll be honest with me. :)

I don't know if you'd find this helpful, but I posted a timeline on the thread for the story so folks can see how much "time" has passed in the story so far.

You will increasingly see more Edward and Bella interaction from now on. We've gone into the arc of the story where you are seeing how their interaction fueled the relationship. And the next chapter begins with them in bed talking about the Billy Black situation so those questions will, I promise be answered. And I will definitely have Jugurtha change into the outfit of your choice in the next chapter as a bribe for you to review Hitchcock - deal? I never saw Jugurtha and SSE on boulders. What in my mind has been going on in their little universe is that they are in a room with wooden floors - on one side of the room is the door to the library. The room itself is like a little parlour and it has a prayer bench in a corner in front of an icon that SSE likes to use. And the room almost is split in half because the outdoors starts without there being any wall. On that side is Jugurtha's cave. So there are two parts of his mind - the wilderness and the parlour/library. Does that make sense? I've never really bothered to flesh that out.

I wanted to do something with the vacations that was creative that showed Bella's ability to try to make the best of a situation without being PollyAnna. I can see Bella spending hours planning these trips for the sheer beauty of the act because she gets to learn more about the world - the world that so far she hasn't had a chance to see. And I also was kind of touched because Leah and Seth came up with the idea as a way to distract her from her grief. They kept her so busy and it turned into a game. And I thought it ironic that you have Edward who's been sulking around the globe for 100 years hating the earth, and Bella who would love to travel to all the places he's been. Not to mention here's Edward who hates himself, commenting on how sad her life is.

As ever, you win at life for reviewing Chloe9! Best, Books :)

Reviewer: amylynnat (Signed) · Date: April 20, 2009 03:06 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness Part One - Pride and Tribulation

This might be one of the most devistatingly beautiful chapter of Fan fiction that I have ever read.  I am truly awed and inspired by your spiritual understanding of Carslile and his relationship with God and existence.  He is trying to show that understanding to Edward, but he's so convinced of his own sin soaked existence...it was simply remarkable and lovely.  I have enjoyed this story so much thus far, but this chapter has truly done the rest to shame.  You are a gift and amazing writer.

 



Author's Response:

Wow amylynnat! I am humbled. Seriously humbled by your review. Thanks so much for your kind words.

To me Edward has selective perception. He hears Carlisle but he doesn't really "listen" at first and the HOD arc is his attempt to do so.

When I first posted this chapter people thought I was nuts. The rest of the Heart of Darkness arc will be showing how Edward came to hate himself and deal with that hatred by being the perfect vampire - until of course that pesky Swann girl shows up. I always felt like the characters in Twilight had these attitude shifts that were 180 and came out of nowhere (You're right Jacob, I really DO love you after all-Gah!, I'll change you myself....says Edward all of a sudden). I wanted to show that Edward falling in love was not easy. And I wanted to do it with a different plot and different characterization of Edward than SM used. On the surface he behaves Edwardly - inside his head? Not so much. I had a lot of fun with chapter two of this story and hope you do as well. I'm particularly misty-eyed over the last three lines.

To me Edward has to struggle with the idea of the soul and I felt that was a rich plot line that was completely abandoned. Keep in mind that Edward at that point in CC when he and Carlisle have their conversation had not confessed about the rebellious years. He had made it seem through lying by ommission that his slip had been recent. And they never discussed it again which reinforced his shame and guilt. And to me the idea of Bella falling in love with a serial killer - that had to be explored. And Edward has to deal with it in some way as well as figuring out whether or not he has a soul before he can truly understand what love means.

Again, your review literally made my day. There's a thread for this story on the AU forum. Stop by sometime, and let me know if you have time, what you think of the rest of the arc. Thanks so much! Books :)

Reviewer: silly sad sarah twilighted (Signed) · Date: April 20, 2009 08:23 AM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Squeal!!!

That was a beautifully long chapter took me a while to finish it!  I loved every bit of it and even more curious as to whats going on Bellas head!

Post again soon I look forward to it getting back to the present but I don't predict that in the near future to much shady past needs to be sorted first!

Look forward to the next chapter so don't delay post ASAP



Author's Response:

Hi there silly sad sarah twilighted!

Thanks so much for your review. I'm delighted that you enjoyed the chapter. I don't know that I'll be posting 100 page chapters again, but I am working on the next one as we speak. RL has reared it's ugly head and I have the week from hell. I will try to get something up by the weekend. Scout's honor.

I can also promise that the next chapter begins with the rest of that conversation. So you will be learning a bit more about Bella and you will definitely see more Bella and Edward. Charlie will be coming home and since he and Paula both had their phones off and were not checking emails they are going to be a wee bit caught off guard.

I just want to warn you that we won't be in the present any time soon. I still have lots of ground to cover to explain Bella's twisted family, the red-eyed people, her relationship with Edward etc. Once that is out of the way we will definitely move to the present time. I have loads of fun planned in that section as well.

:) Books

Reviewer: witchykitty (Signed) · Date: April 19, 2009 11:11 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

Love it! I love the banter between Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha. I'm hoping for more Bella and Edward, though. Can't wait for the next chapter!!!!



Author's Response:

Hi there witchykitty! Thanks so much for your review! I can definitely promise you that next chapter starts right off with Edward and Bella in bed talking. You will most definitely see more of them as now that she's awake and now that she's better (or getting there) Edward is now going to have to face the very unpleasant reality that quality singer pressed against his flesh time is difficult to recreate once she goes back to her Father's house. And he's going to find that highly unfair. The world plots against our favorite clueless vampire. How can he convince his Fake Girlfriend that he rarely speaks to unless under extenuating circumstances that she should allow him into her bed every night at her father's house? Flowers? Chocolate? Scratch Chocolate, he's already banned that from her diet....

 

I've been having so much fun with the banter with SSE and Jugurtha. You will most definitely see more of that in future chapters as well. Particularly since Edward is so clueless right now.

I'll try to have the next chapter posted by the weekend but this week is crazy busy at work. But I'll try. :) Thanks so much for your feedback. I've posted some spoilers for the story on the thread on the AU forum. Best, Books :)

Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: April 19, 2009 08:08 PM · On: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Fourteen - Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies

In spite of all the elogent and eloquent words you just presented us with, the only one I have to describe my feelings for this chapter is: Daaaayamn. Not even a word. Sigh.

 

Truly beautiful. Thank you again.

 

~Mia



Author's Response:

Hi there Mia, I'll take that as high praise, thank you very much dear lady. If I were you, I would most definitely read that chapter a few times. You'll get more insight into the Edward and Bella relationship by thinking about what she's seeing.

Think of how much Edward is going to squirm when I send her back to school. That's next. Poor guy can't ask her to be his Real Girlfriend. What is he going to do when he doesn't have her by his side at night with quality singer pressed against his flesh time? Egads!

 

Books :)

You must login (register) to review.




Share/Save/Bookmark


© 2008, 2009 Twilighted Enterprises, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Unauthorized duplication is a violation of applicable laws.
Privacy Policy | Terms of Service

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.