Books,
great great chapter. The thongs--and Edward thinks shoes. I laughed so hard my eyes shut. (Hard to read that way.)
And I don't remember lunch ever being that exciting in high school. The newborns are stupidly hilarious.
And Edward--so clueless. ...................................................................................................................//.

Author's Response:

Hi there pclo!

Thanks so much for the humor appreciation! My lunches at school were never that entertaining either. Clearly we attended the wrong ones. I have to admit, making Edward clueless and snarky was not easy in this chapter. I did have a line in an early CC chapter where Bella meets Tanya where she tries to talk herself into going downstairs and facing her by saying she "survived the newborns". And I did promise folks that the first section would take on an entirely new meaning. I'd like to think there isn't another fanfiction out there that portrays the newborns in this manner. I liked the idea of them causing chaos, sensorial chaos and being stupid - yet somehow smart enough to stay off the Volturi radar and keep moving. And I really liked the idea of Tanya being able to show them up with her clothes on. We will be seeing more of the newborns because they are too fun to kill off. :)

Thanks so much for your support of this story. You made my night. :) Best, Books

Something wicked this way comes, and I feel like it's coming very, very soon (not next, but maybe after)?  While I find their antics hilarious, I admit I am a little confused by the arrival/shenanigans of the red headed sluts (wait, was the shot named after them?) but I am quite certain that their purpose will be made clear soon.  You have more than earned my trust as an author.  I also love that you introduced conflict into Edward and Bella's still kinda fake-ish but not really relationship.  Perhaps now they will realize, because we did a long time ago!  The paragraph where he admits that she has brought him to his knees - perfect!

I also took note of the line where he refers to "how many lives I drank".  Your use of the word "drank" is very interesting.  It would have been easy to say took or ended, but using drank was quite telling.

He's cracking.  He's getting sloppy.  I hope he can hold out...

Got to give some love to the Imelda Marcos shout out.  How many kids had to go look that up on wikipedia!  Also pops to the near use of jugs, not that SSE would admit that's what he was thinking.  I knew he was a boyshort kinda guy.

Great chapter as always!

Author's Response:

Hi there June!

As ever, you delight me with your reviews. :) When I started writing this story, I asked myself how I could take canon and twist it on its head. I don't know if you remember the scene where Bella is talking herself into going down the staircase to meet Tanya face-to-face. She tells herself that she survived, James, Victoria and the newborns, so she can survive this. So I had to have the newborns make an appearance. And I made other references to the chaos they caused, so I wanted to see how I could have a group of vampires come in and completely create mayhem but in a funny/scary kind of way. And uber-paranoid Jasper of course would wonder if this was a ploy. I liked the irony of it.

The thing about Bella and Edward is that I've had conflict in there all along, I've just been trying to build it up. We have the EdBargo - which they never sat down and talked about as they should but instead tried to act like it didin't happen. Then we have him wanting to spend more time with her and her not being in any emotional shape to perceive or even handle it when she was in the hospital having just found out about her parents lifetime's worth of lies. But it started to kick up a notch when he told everyone that she was his girlfriend at the hospital and five minutes later in the parking lot told her he didn't really mean it. And later asked her if he could be her Fake Boyfriend. What's a girl like Bella supposed to think? He's been sending all sorts of mixed cues, and she's non-confrontational. So this had to be something that developed over time - that's been simmering. Bella has only just now figured out that he kinda sorta actually really does like her - which is why she was so hurt over Tylergate.

I went back and re-read that sentence about the newborns. I have to admit, I just typed what I thought at the time, but when I re-read the sentence, I liked the contrast between how many lives he drank (at the time) - turning humans into simply beverages - but contrasting it with the lives the newborns had ruined. I liked the play on language. To Edward, they are full of hubris, and he could see how he had gone down that path as well. Not that he's not full of hubris at present. but still. :)

I did not want his powers to be these nifty things that worked like a charm that he had instant mastery over. I wanted them to be unpredictable, yet powerful, yet painful because power requires sacrifice is a central theme of the story. I remember the stories about Imelda Marcos and her shoe collection so had to throw it in. I can't always do pop culture references with him - but I try if I can find one in the past. I have had people PM me about how they had to wiki terms - it makes me smile.

I had fun with the language in this chapter, although it was one of the more difficult ones to write. The newborns and Tanya were tricky to capture.

Thanks so much for your feedback and your support of the story. I love hearing your take on the chapters. :)

Best,

Books

Hi books, Thank God you updated I was starting to go through withdraw !!! I need it my fixs. I love the line that Edward thought,"And once I get you in my clutches, I'll never let you leave my lair that I intend on dragging you to and holding you captive for evermore." I love your snarky sense of humor;) So excited for next chapter ,can't wait to see what happens! I AM SO HAVIN AN ALICE MOMENT!!! B ouncing up and down impatiently awaiting!!!  poor starch shirt Edward had a rough time with all the improper behavour in this chapter, it wasvery exciting!!

                                    ttyl,oncebitten

Author's Response:

Hey there oncebitten!

Sorry about the withdrawal. I moved to another state and started a new job. Unpacking my computer and chasing down the muses took some work. RL has me hopping but the muses are shrieking so I'm definitely trying to get back in the groove of things. I am delighted that my sick depraved sense of humor is something that we share. :) It's good to know there are more people out there than just me laughing. :)

Poor Starched Shirt Edward - I should have written him as fainting, but he's already done that. He's scarred for life, I'm afraid.

I'm delighted that you enjoyed the chapter. As ever, thanks so much for your kind words and your support of this story. :)

Books

Jugurtha is leering at you.

Totally Awesome. I cant wait for the next chapter!! You had me over here on edge with Edward. I kept saying "WHEN IS HE GOING TO ASK HER OUT ALREADY?!!!!!" His family and even the Spirits have been getting on him about it and he seemed as though he was just too dumb to comprehend what they were saying. Although I know he is far from it. He is going thru this for the first time and he really has no clue. And I do agree with you about Bella being partial to blame for the conflict. She could have very well said something to him,given him a hint or even possibly asked Rose or Alice but she didn't. I kind of wish his family would lighten up on him a little since he does have so much on his shoulders with trying to protect them and all. Plus they can see how much he truly does love Bella even though she is a human and all. I think they should at least try and help a little more with the courting part by getting Bella to open up about wanting Edward as a REAL BOYFRIEND and not a FAKE one. I am actually anxious to see the transformation from this earlier shy Bella to the confident Bella we saw in the beginning. Please keep up the good work.

Just so you know, I have taken to rereading your story as I wait for updates. It's just that GOOD! You know what they say about it being hard to put a good book down!! I am finding things that I either forgot the first time around or overlooked somehow. Your writing is awesome and I would definitely support if you published your work. I love the way put things together and your are so thorough. Some people just throw things out there and leave you wondering about it but you manage to tie it all together, even if it happens a few pages later. Oh, that reminds me of one question I have for you. I know the wedding has not even taken place yet as the story opens, and I am not sure how much you planned to write or how much you plan to give away. But, will Edward and Bella reproduce? I ask because of Edward's daydreams of children with Bella. Given his way of thinking about humans, I was actually happy that he was able to view Bella as a mother to HIS children even. Will he confide in Carlisle? What is it that makes him imagine her carrying his seed even though he sees himself as soul less? I know you will most likely explain it later but I am so impatient!! You are dealing with someone who read all 4 SM books within 2 days!!!

Author's Response:

Hi there Jaijaimays!

Thanks for the awesome review! The thing for me with Edward is that not only does he have selective perception (as do we all) - he frames reality differently than we do on an extreme level. So you have this man who has blinders on, who is stubborn, yet fearful. Prideful, yet desperate. And talking to Bella really does make him nervous. He has all these things planned out to say to her and forgets his lines when he looks in her eyes. Bella's problem with conflict is that her family history is that they don't discuss conflict. At all. So she doesn't really have a model to follow except simply avoid it unless her back is against the wall and she has no choice. The classic conflict between dating couples is where one gets mad, the other tries to find out what is wrong, and the mad party withdraws further. That's Bella.

I can appreciate your point about Edward's family. In my portrayal of them I wanted to start the HOD arc showing how Edward had by design created this relationship with his family where they infantized him. They don't treat him like a 100 plus year old mature vampire. They treat him like a 17 year old shy kid who needs protecting from social interaction. And that only reinforces that he doesn't talk to people and does not get practice so does not get better communicating with others. And keep in mind, Edward has spent most of the past 7 decades not saying a word. All this talking on his part is new territory for his family. They've never seen him communicate this month, therefore, they've never seen him having all these problems. He rarely spoke even to them. And if so, only for a reason. So they have a learning curve as well. And he has not been honest with them (on several levels) about how taxing it is on him to use the powers. So they think that at present he seems to be handling them ok - although they are on the edge of their seat watching him like a hawk because he told them he is the equivalent of a newborn vamp and wolf. This makes putting him in public a danger. And they are kind of being hypocritical with the wolves in quaranteeing them but not Edward.

As for his family trying to get Bella to open up. I was tempted to go there. But to me, it was too predictable. I could see lots of other stories going there and I wanted to do something different. Bella has never had a boyfriend, or shown interest in boys so she doesn't have experience doing anything but listening to Leah gush about her latest crush. She's very private, and it would be unlike her since she's also non-confrontational to open up to his family on that issue. Look at the scene Rosalie has where she's trying to get Bella to talk about her nightmare. That was like pulling teeth. And that was over a dream. Now think about how improbable it would be that she would discuss something like Edward that is more face-threatening to Bella. To me? Not a cold chance in hell. But that's my take in on her, and I can see why other readers might have different expectations. And thanks for the compliment on the good work. :) Something to also keep in mind is that my intention when you are done reading this arc is to make the first section take on a new meaning. Bella in the opening chapters of CC had been working on being more confident. The scene between her and Tanya actually is Bella losing her temper but also being almost over-confident because she was mad.

And thanks for re-reading. I think the test of a good author is if you want to pick the book up and read it over once you've already finished it, so you have given me high praise indeed. :) This is my first time writing any kind of fiction so it's been a learning experience for me (humbling, too).

As for the future plot. I hold onto it like a miser. Sorry. I wrote about Edward daydreaming about children as symbolic of him daydreaming about how much he wanted to have a human life, and as dramatic irony. He thinks he's a soulless beast as you pointed out - ergo how could it be that he could even marry and have children. To me it's the grass being greener on the other side of the grave. Notice I did not write about him doing anything to oh adopt children, or spend time with them because he misses the interaction with them, or longs to have some connection to create a family. To me, he's thinking about what could have been had he not been bitten, and I meant it to be bittersweet. Him viewing Bella as a mother to his children, because he is so traditional (that whole marriage before sex part, for example), to me that was a logical extension of his thoughts because in his mind that his model of what a happy human life would have been according to the standards of his time.

As ever, thanks so much for your feedback and your support of this story. :) Books

Another fabulous chapter, dear! I am so glad he FINALLY asked her on a date! And the Trampires were hilarious! I agree that both E and B were at fault for this disagreement, but how else does one learn? Again, many thanks for your amazing chapter!!!

Author's Response:

Hi there pomme_de_terre!

Thanks so much for the feedback! You spoil me so! And yes, he did ask her on a date. The sad thing is he really does see it as their second date. I had so much fun with the Trampires, and am delighted you enjoyed my sick sense of humor. We will be seeing more of them because they are too funny not to write about. I have visions of them mingling at the wedding and causing absolute chaos without meaning to only to be corrected by Mother Superior Tanya of the Order of Hussies Galore.

In terms of B and E, you learn about conflict by going through it. And you learn even more if after one, you can go to someone objective and get some feedback or insight on your behavior. The problem that Bella in particular has is that she had no model growing up to follow if you keep it strictly on the level of her parents. Her Mom was more of the child in the relationship and Bella quickly learned that her Mom at the first sign of conflict became hysterical and since that isn't in Bella's nature, she simply kept quiet. There's this idea called learned helplessness in explaining how people become shy. The idea is that Bella comes home from kindergarten and tells her Mom what her first day was like. Renee rewards her for speaking. The next night Bella tries to tell her what happened at school and she's punished for talking over the soap opera Renee is watching. Basically Renee has no pattern to rewarding and punishing Bella for talking - so the child eventually gives up trying. And I think back on myself at that age - I had to figure out I was screwing up by having a sibling point it out to me or a parent. Bella doesn't have that luxury. So she modeled herself after Liam. And we have yet to see aside from knowing that Liam was quiet and had a razor sharp pen, how Liam dealt with conflict.

I left Edward still clueless about what he had done wrong at the end of the chapter on purpose. I wanted to show him so desperate and thankful that she had forgiven him that he kinda sorta overlooks that he still needs to figure out what he did to distress her so he won't do it again. It'll be addressed in the next chapter. It was important to me, that I not show Bella as a picked on party in this fight. Her lips could move. She's every bit as shy as he is.

:)

Best,

Books

Gah! That was, as you well know, absolutely painful for Bella and Edward! They're both to blame, since neither are forthcoming with their feelings, and obviously they each have issues they need to work through before they can progress to a Real Relationship. So the pain and awkwardness is necessary. Even though it's painful and awkward.
I'm excited that after 27 chapters, Edward finally managed to ask Bella out on a real date.
I'm still processing the information about the Gorgon, and Jasper's family. I'll catch up eventually. There's just so much to take in! :)

Author's Response:

Hi there chloe9!

Thanks so much for the review! Writing a love story with two exceptionally shy characters is challenging. Edward will warm up and vice versa when they are alone and not being watched by others. But it will take a while to get there. Not a while as in ten more chapters while, but I don't see it as realistic for his character to leap headfirst into having long conversations without feeling awkward and such. Same for Bella. I don't know about you, but I can still remember my first boyfriend and sitting there freaking out wondering what I would say if we had to *gasp* speak to one another. I was afraid of making an idiot out of myself. So to me that's what's going through Bella's mind. What interested me about Bella is how she can sit on all that rage at her parents and not show it. In her place, I'd be screaming in the phone and foaming at the mouth. Bella simply avoids her father unless she absolutely has to speak to him and is perfectly polite when she does. She has not returned her Mother's phone calls or emails. Charlie is too chicken to try to force her to talk to her Mother, much to Renee's ire.

The sad thing is that to Edward, this is their second date. He thinks the first one, was "real." What's not romantic about taking her to the bank? She required an escort. And thank goodness he didn't permit her to wander around her dementend Uncle's deathtrap of a barn. If it weren't for the pesky problem of needing to find out what Liam was researching and why the Other Immortals guard it from afar, he'd blow the place to kingdom come to protect his little algae lover.

As ever, thanks so much for your support of the story. :) You made my day.

Best,

Books

I think the title of this chapter is my favorite of all, so far :) I actually recently went back and reread the first few chapters again...because it had been awhile...and I was missing this story! No worries though, your updates are always epic and well worth any wait. I think I have decided that my favorite character of yours (well, SMeyer's, but how YOU write them) is....EMMETT!!

I know, I hardly saw that coming. We both know my love for Starched Shirt Edward knows no bounds. But I just love your Emmett. Esp in the earlier chapter at the bachelor party. Love him ;)

This is fantastic :  "He vowed to renew his subscription to the Advocate. Whatever that was. I didn't know he intended on pursuing a legal career. Who knew? Then he started having thoughts about Jasper's backside"

I think it's great that Edward...all-knowing and powerful Edward...can still be naive.

I cannot wait for the upcoming date...and you are almost at 1000 reviews my dear books!!!

Author's Response:

Hi there elphabacy35!

I had a hard time deciding on a title for this chapter. I initially wanted to call it, %^$# it's the newborns!

Then I thought, no, how about "Lock up your daughters! And sons! And parents! It's the newborns!"

Then I came up with what I actually ended up using. I liked the idea of Edward wanting Tyler and the newborns dead. In his mind, they are responsible for getting him in hot water with his dear little one.

I'm glad you like how I do Emmett. I wanted him to sound a little bit like a meathead but be the person you never expected to be the smartest one in the room. I modeled him after a friend of mine who could out-think me with only his pinkie he's so smart. I also never really bought into the idea that someone who had his skull flattened like a pancake would completely recover from that without a scratch - so I made him verbally impulsive. And to me, it's important that even though Jasper has a gift for reading emotions from folks, Emmett is better than he is at reading Edward.

He's always going to retain a bit of that naive nature. To me it's what gives him charm. And you are correct, I am nearing 1,000 reviews and absolutely floored by it. When I first started posting I really thought I'd be the only person reading it. I am so flattered that folks have enjoyed it. :)

Starched Shirt Edward wants you to know that he likes Emmett too. And he'd like a ride for mass. He'll bring flowers. :)

Books

okay - so far great = a lot of info in the last 2 chapters - i hva a headache

some questions - so I can get a complete grip on this - beacuase i do adore this story

1- paula is seths mom - who is the dad?

2- when does bella get better - this seems to be moving very slowly - when does she fin out he is a vamp?

3- it does seem like Edward is in love her really - he thinks he is pretending beause he only wants her bllodd- but i think he is already in love with her -he just does not know it yet- being he does not know how to love

4- is charlie coming back?

5- what happened to jacob & billy?

6- why is bella grandma haunting everyone - this confuses me?

Author's Response:

Hi there tazz!

I do stuff a lot of information in my stories. Thanks so much for giving me feedback. Just because I think something is clear doesn't mean it is to the readers. Charlie is Seth's father. Paula never told him she was pregnant. Charlie has absolutely no idea she gave birth. I do not comment on the future plot - sorry - I can say that what I have done in this section is slow down time. Bella is a very shy person, and I literally made her at her lowest point - hurt, sick, alone, and dependent on strangers as a means of showing how she came to hang around the Cullens. And a whole heck of a lot happens in this section that sets up the rest of the story.

As for Edward, you are definitely on track. Edward has forgotten what love the emotion felt like. He literally has no frame of reference. So these blasted emotions he is feeling he's dismissing. And you are also dead on accurate in that he does not know HOW to love. This not only applies to Bella, but it also applies to his family. He really does not understand that they love him and what that means.

Charlie is most definitely coming back. And although it looks bad right now, give him the benefit of the doubt. There's a reason he's away.

Jacob and Billy are sulking at home. Nothing happened to them. They were asked to leave the hospital.

Bella's Grandmother appears to be sending visions for everyone because she is trying to communicate something to them. That is the mystery of the story that is being revealed in each chapter. Pay attention to the things that you see in the visions because that will help you figure out what she's doing. The thing that is frustrating the Cullens is that they don't understand what she is trying to get across to them.

Hope that helps. If you have other questions, feel free to drop by the thread or PM me.

Books

I really don't know how the newborns are going to remain celibate for 2 centuries. I know time is different to them, but two centuries?

the whole orgy scene was too much. I laughed at the damage control Tanya had to stoop to.

It was funny too when Jasper had to finally feed the words to Edward. I was wondering why no one was really telling Edward what was bothering Bella. I know they hinted at it, but Edward was probably not receptive to their help. I mean, come on, he's Edward Cullen and has magical powers.

Can't wait to see how their date went..and what happened to Lauren.

Oh yeah, ew ew ew. I cannot believe that Billy was trying to get Bella pregnant with his own kid. It was funny when you had them point out that they only needed one sperm to do the job and that there was no need for the many vials he had in storage.

Author's Response:

Hi there BellaS!

Thanks so much for the review! I have no idea how the newborns will remain celibate either. something to keep in mind is that they have never had to exercise discipline. Hopefully being under Tanya, Kate, and Irina's wing will teach them all something.

I'm glad you liked the scene in the locker room. I had so much fun with Tanya there. And Edward being forced to watch for moral purposes, of course. Poor man is scarred for life.

The reason why no one told Edward was because when they DID try to tell him to go after her, he didn't listen to them. So they thought that since they had babied him and treated him like a 17 year old for the  past decades, that maybe it was time they treated him like an adult and let him learn the hard way. They tried to give him nudges in the right direction - conversation with Emmett later on and the one with Hezekiah. Ultimately they stepped in because he was falling apart in public and given his powers they couldn't take the chance that he'd lose control. But Edward still does not know what he did wrong. And he most definitely will learn. Edward's problem is that he's an awkward combination of pride/arrogance/cluelessnes/and ineptness. And when you combine that with him being painfully shy - the results are not pretty.

I think you will find the date entertaining. And Lauren is currently getting the snot beat out of her in juvie.

Billy was most definitely planning on getting Bella pregnant. And he planned on having at least two before he knocked her off. Jacob too.  I liked the idea of Tanya and the sisters driving around with him in tow, and all of them observing the newborns. I thought it amusing that Billy, drugged to the gills would be criticizing the newborns. And I had a lot of fun writing the scene with them chiding him.

Thanks so much for your support of the story. You made my day.

Best,

Books

Ahhhhhhh...yes! Another chapter of the best Twilight fanfic on the web! I love this story! You keep making me love it more and more with each and every chapter!

Yeah! This si a good day!

Disney Vampire!

Author's Response:

Thanks so much Disney Vampire!

It was not an easy chapter to write. I had a hard time thinking of exactly what would be best for the Denali sisters to do. Decisions.....decisions.....

Best,

Books :)

Oh another amusing chapter. Wow Edward must, in addition to being unbelievibly repressed, also be incredibily thick headed. I mean it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that it was Tanya's pasty. Bella was at Tanya's hotel suite. So it either got there by accident (yeah right, an accident) or Tanya is trying to get to Edward through Bella.

I love that this story is a little (sometimes alot) out there. Aro buying thongs still not clear who he is purchasing them for. Tanya is a slut but a fun one so its ok. Edward and Bella well you took all the hilarious qualities out of those two and gave them steroids. The ensuing amusement is great!

Author's Response:

Hi there Wanderer417!

I've written Edward as this combination of arrogance, naivetee, and selective perception. And pig headed stubborn. Remember that last night was the first time that Edward even saw a pasty as he's never been inside a house of ill repute. In Chicago he lurked outside a few to kill criminals. But Edward has never seen a stripper. At least in my AU. And Edward is too panicked at present freaking out about Bella to go after Tanya. Although he certainly suspects her.

The story is definitely out there. When you hit the HOD section you might think I've lost my marbles because I'm rewinding and telling the love story of Edward and Bella and we'll pick up after that to finish dealing with the wedding, etc. Aro in my mind is buying the thongs for his mate. Or I can see him buying them because he's curious about human customs. Aro is an odd bird in CC. :) Thanks so much for the feedback. I had a lot of fun with Tanya in this section.

Best,

Books

I knew Tanya wasn't a mega bitch. A raging slut but not a mega bitch. Bella just has that effect on people or vampires as the case may be. I can't decide what is funnier the fact that Edward picked Mike to practice on or that Mike refers to his penis as 'the Monster'. Cause its been my experience that the guys who promote the size are often not very big... I sense i've gone to far so I'll quit  while I'm ahead.

I'm not sure whether its very funny or incredibly sad that Bella has been sexually frustrated for two years. I'm sorry, if she was my girlfriend, some how I'm getting her off. That way we can work on my control together and I get the added bonus of getting to see her walk around with a satisfied look on her face. I know I've probably mentioned this already but Edward needs to have Carlisle surgically remove that stick from his ass.

Author's Response:

Hi there Wanderer417!

Thanks so much for the review! Tanya preferrs to be labeled a sensual gourmet. Slut is so common. And she totally agrees with you that Bella has an odd effect on vampires. Even she likes her and she can't figure out why. Totally dying of laughter (and agreeing with you) on the Godzilla issue in regards to Mike.

One of the things I wanted to focus on in this story was the sexual relationship - a different view of it - of Edward and Bella. When you hit the HOD arc, you'll find out exactly what is driving it. And I suspect you might feel some empathy for Edward. And Bella. Totally agree with you on the stick in Edward's nether regions part. It's not a stick though. It's a tree. A large tree. :)

Books