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Reviewer: Merrisol (Signed) · Date: September 06, 2009 08:45 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Eight: You Shook Me All Night Long

Oh, sweet, 6 pound, 7 ounce baby Jesus! I was snickering while reading the first paragraph and continued to the end. Loved the prank on the brothers. What bastards ... lol. I got a particular kick out of the comment about Bella and Edward procreating the quietest family ever. Kissing a doll?? Oh.My.God. That alone was priceless. Thank goodness he was saved from that humiliation. Frust was pure genius. Now, if he will just buck up and kiss her already. I'm afraid this poor boy is going to internally combust, start an earthquake and kill have the residents within a 50-mile radius if he doesn't do something soon. I may internally combust if he doesn't do something soon!!! LOL

I find it quite ironic that I just reread the last chapter last night. It must have been telepathy or perhaps the fact that you sent me an email ... hehe I know you know how I feel about this story. You have one twisted, creative mind, and I absolutely love it!!!! I'm so looking forward to the forest. These two are so shy that holding hands is the equivolent of intercourse to them!! The mere thought of turning Jessica or Mallory, and the result of that, cracked me up. How would anyone ever be able to control two spoiled, whiney, self-centered wenches? That would be worthy of a story itself, or at least an outtake. Turn them and then give them to the Volturi!!! LOL

Love you and this insane story. Can't wait for the next chapter!!!!!!

Author's Response:

Hi there Merrisol!

I swear to God I had a heart attack last night. Here I am vowing to post the chapter and just sat there and gave me an error message. And I knew because my validating beta vjgm has a bazillion stories that it would take a while for her to put it up bless her overworked heart. :) She can't do that instant posting thing that can when it decides to cooperate. So I felt terrible. I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter, and again, thanks so much for your support of this story.

You seem to really "get" CC Edward and Bella,  much to my delight. Holding hands is for Edward when he actually thinks about it, a huge deal. I've been trying to show him increasingly being "touchy" with Bella over the past few chapters and being pretty much oblivious about it. Her, too. Tylergate forced them both into kind of sort of realizing they had a communication problem. Not that they wanted to talk to each other about it. But still. FrUst - OMG, I'm totally using that in the next chapter and crediting you. That is mad genius. :) To me, in Twilight, the kids got lucky given the sharpness SM described of his fangs. And I wanted to at least honor that part of canon and make them every bit as deadly as she described (and then kinda sorta forgot about). To me the simple logistics of kissing a MeyerPire are a nightmare. If the human has chapped lips, he/she is dead. Painfully so. What about gingervitis? No root canals for CC Bella. Flossing alone and then kissing Edward could kill her. Then lets add in CC Edward's little problem with shattering glass, dresser destruction, deforestation, earthquakes. Houston, we have a problem. So to me it made sense that even in denial, he'd have to think about the mechanics of kissing. And it also made sense that he would chew his arm off before asking Jasper about it. Or heaven forbid Carlisle. So to me Eve served a very useful purpose here.

I had so much fun turning Lauren Mallory. And I most definitely promise you that I will be having vampire Lauren make an appearance once we start the final arc. Cause putting her and Jane and Tyler in the same room. I gotta go there.

Thanks so much for your support of my story and amazing reviews that leave me misty-eyed. I'm writing the next chapter as we speak. It's currently at 100 pages. Swear.




Reviewer: fanficreader83 (Signed) · Date: September 06, 2009 08:05 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Eight: You Shook Me All Night Long

loved the nod to "Tylergate," thanks for that!!!  ok so we definitely saw some progress even if edward could only manage "garden?"  he is definitely starting to see that just being honest could work for him, especially because he is so lacking in the current vocabulary department as evidenced by him needing clarification on simple terms like broad...  I was uncomfortable for emmett and jasper but it was perfect revenge for all that they have done (even if Laurent seemed a little too willing to go along ;)  so the happenings with the gorgon were a surprise but I can see why there is probably still a need to be cautious on that front.  it was definitely sad to hear of eve and liam's ill-fated love, especially with eve's news of the failure to turn liam which could affect members of his family, I think that discussion with edward probably forced him to think through his relationship with bella on a deeper level, even if he still doesn't quite grasp what that level is... and on a final note, I have loved all of the build up to this date and kiss.  edward is so desperate to be prepared for it while bella is probably just desperate for it (have to guess on that part)  I am so glad "tylergate" allowed them to finally have to confront what might be going on, bella with her feelings and edward with his understanding that he definitely did not enjoy bella-free time and that maybe there might be more of a reason for that, again, even if he is not fully aware of this yet... loved it and can't wait for more!!!  ;)

Author's Response:

Hi there fanficreader83!

Thanks so much for the eloquent review. I know the pacing of this story has been at times painstakingly slow due to that pesky complicated plot and all. The next chapter is my absolute top favorite thus far. And of course I had to give a shout out to you for "Tylergate" that was an inspired label. :) Because both Edward and Bella are shy, and because Bella in particular is non-confrontational - I wrote what essentially was a typical fight between a man and a woman...the "why can't you read my mind" where she's mad and he's asking why she's mad and that makes her angrier so she withdraws. Edward had to figure out that he'd made her mad, but notice he doesn't still completely get it. He thinks she wants him to call him her girlfriend. He never asks her. And she never specifically tells him what she wants. To me, that was more realistic given that both characters are shy.

The story of Jasper having a girlfriend and NOT being mated to her is what inspired Liam and Eve and Edward's thinking in this chapter. I wanted to have this person who had most definitely experienced hell, warning him -  because aside from Rosalie at the beginning, no one who has any experience with humans has sat him down and asked him to really consider what he's doing. No one that he deems credible. I also wanted to show how naive he is taking a story that is as tragic as that, and simply deciding that couldn't happen to him. He's special. So is his girlfriend. In his mind, it gets him off the emotional hook and offers further support for his marry my singer plan. Since in denial Edward land he's not really in love with her, ergo, he's safe from that pain in his mind. I don't like how when your typical story does a love triangle, it expects the woman to devalue one guy when explaining her love to the other. In my mind Eve thought she loved Liam as much as she could love a human. Finding her mate was a devastating experience. She blames it for being the spark that caused Liam's death. I had a relative of mine who died a bachelor in his upper 90's. I saw a picture of him from when he was young and fanficreader83....I hope if I have kids they get his genes. He was supermodel gorgeous. But he was painfully shy. So he stayed on the family farm and simply worked his entire life. That was my mental model of Liam. Everyone thinks he died a lonely bachelor. And in some ways, he did. But the secret life he led for forty years was astounding.

Bella most definitely would love Edward to kiss her. She's only recently clued in that he's attracted to her and she to him. This is all new to her. And she's probably every bit as scared as he is.



Reviewer: elphabacy35 (Signed) · Date: September 06, 2009 08:02 PM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy

I'm scared of Rosalie! Will Starched Shirt Edward protect me from her???

Author's Response:

Hi there elphabacy35!

SSE wants you to know he has a secret stash of holy water. Just for her. He will most definitely protect you. As the nuns told him, there's nothing wrong with feelings provided you don't do anything immoral with them.




Reviewer: sexysadie13 (Signed) · Date: September 06, 2009 08:00 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Eight: You Shook Me All Night Long

Ahh, I must tell you that Jugurtha guest starred in my dream last night.  We locked Starched Shirt Edward in the Library and had him research the Kama Sutra.  It was quite funny.  I've never seen anyone turn that shade of purple before.  I thouroughly enjoyed reading this chapter, and of course, like the addict I am, I'm waiting on my next "hit". I hope it's quick, as detox does terrible things to my body and mind.  I'm starting to itch, really badly.....

Author's Response:

Hi there sexysadie13!

Thanks so much for the review. Jugurtha is fascinated by your dream. He's scheduling time in his planner for one-on-one sessions with you to explore further these visions. He thinks they require personal research. Lots of it. He's dedicated to learning more. For moral purposes, of course. He's got a gleam in his eye as he stares at SSE. Just between you and me, SSE  has actually glanced for a milisecond at a page or twenty of the Kama Sutra. He stayed on the prayer bench for six months in atonement for the lust in inspired in him. Not that he'd admit that to anyone, of course.


Working on your next supply. Swear. Literary Drug Dealer's Honor.

Thanks so much for your support of this story!


Reviewer: Ksangi (Signed) · Date: September 06, 2009 07:37 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Eight: You Shook Me All Night Long

*wailing as a Greek chorus would*  Why?  Oh why do you purposely weave this tale in thousands of directions while knowing full well that Edward has been willingly spending time with the mastermind behind this web of deciet?  Am I the only one that can see the truth?!  Well?!  Huh!!  IT'S THE SQUIRREL!! DAMN YOU!!  Sure he may lull Edward into a false sense of security by accepting his nuts and cute name, but he is biding his time and will reveal his true dark, evil, demented squirrely nature as the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of all things supernatural.  Just wait.  *huff*

Author's Response:

Oh my sweet baby Jesus Ksangi!

I'm going to have to create a character in your honor, you made me laugh so hard I'm wiping tears from my eyes. Oh thank you so much for your review, hon! But you also failed to realize that the evil mastermind could also be......gasps.....bird from Hitchcock who seemed to have mind control over him. He didn't kill crickets for anyone else, you know. Dum...dum....dum...dumm!!!!! *wipes away venom tear* I'm offering you three feather pillows on a silver platter from the Isle of Esme for fiendish creativity.

Giving an evil overlord salute to you,



Douglas is raising an almond in your honor.

Reviewer: elphabacy35 (Signed) · Date: September 06, 2009 07:29 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Eight: You Shook Me All Night Long

Oh my poor Starched Shirt Edward. I thought he seemed a little out-of-sorts at church this moring,,,and now I know why!

Great chapter though. I am thinking that Bella is wanting Edward to just make their fake relationship real already (and who could blame her). What are the chances of that happening soon?

Author's Response:

Hi there Elphabacy35!!!,


SSE is tugging on my sleeve. He wants me to let you know that he understands your feelings for Emmett. He is content to be your spiritual advisor and help you with said relationship. Although he wants you to know that he is smarter, he thinks than Emmett. We will most definitely be kicking the plot on that relationship business into high gear. Swear.

Thanks so much for the review. :)



Emmett is blowing a kiss at you. Rosalie just smacked his head. He thinks it was totally worth it.

Reviewer: Ink02 (Signed) · Date: September 06, 2009 06:11 PM · On: Chapter 1 - Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet

I am really enjoying your story!! It has been awhile since I have read a fanfiction as good as this !!! 

Author's Response:

Hi there Inko2 (did I spell you pen name correctly?),

Thanks so much for the review! This is my first go at writing any kind of fiction. I'm flattered that you are enjoying it.The first eight chapters are totally skimmable, and the mystery kicks in after that. I hope you enjoy my twisted take on Twilight.

Edward is blowing a kiss at you.



Reviewer: LJ Summers (Signed) · Date: September 06, 2009 05:03 PM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy

It's me. I don't know if I told you (because I was thinking of telling you but I'm not sure if I ever typed it out or not) but I went back and reread the first (non HOD) chapter in light of what I have read in the subsequent HOD chapters. And I am VASTLY more amused this time!

I just wanted you to know. Because your talents, foresight and compelling prose are just blowing the socks from my feet.  Or, they would be, if I wore socks.

Personally, I find socks to be evil.  I live in South Florida. They ARE evil.

Anyway.  I feel like I shouldn't even be contributing to the same fanficking universe that you reside within, but am fortunate to be able to bounce at the updates (yes, of course I'm reading the latest at FFN) and to think fondly of SSE and Jugurtha and His Little Bottle Cap.

Still waiting for the telltale MY Bella, and am loving the tension enormously.


Many hugs and happy thoughts toward your brilliant self!



Author's Response:

Hi there LJ Summers!

Wow!!! *blushes Bella red* Thanks so much! I am sincerely humbled by your kind words. And just between you and me, I totally went back and edited every single chapter of the front arc about a month and a half ago and tried to improve it without changing the plot. The writing in that section made me cringe (spelling errors, punctuation, etc.) since I felt like in the midst of the HOD arc I found my rhythm as a writer. I am delighted to hear that the front arc is starting to take on a different meaning. We aren't quite there yet, but I hope by the time I am done with the HOD arc (and believe it or not we will one day in the far distant future get there) that it is a drastic change. Fingers crossed that I can pull it off in the way, I hope.

I have, after living in areas where there were rattlesnakes, scorpions, black widows, and my personal favorite: fire ants, developed a healthy appreciation for socks. But only because I fear those pesky critters. Other than that I would be in sandles every day.

And you have my solemn promise that we will eventually get to "my Bella" and when we do, I hope you'll be as misty-eyed as I was when I wrote it. *sniff* :) At present I'm trying my hand at UST. :)

Thank you SO MUCH for your support of this story. Seriously. :) You made my week.

Jugurtha is pushing SSE out of the way to leer at you, and wink.



Reviewer: silly sad sarah twilighted (Signed) · Date: September 06, 2009 12:06 PM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Seven - Oh the Depravity! The newborns and Tyler Crowley Must Die! Not Necessarily in That Order



I wish my chapter wher half as good as yours mind seem like a small wave to your tidal.  a sun shower to you huricane!  You have become one of my ideals and muses!  This was a wonderful chapter I look forward to the next.  

If you ever get some free time I would love for your critque on my story a Test of Fate. 

Author's Response:

Hi there silly sad sarah twilighted!

Aw hon, thanks so much! And I just posted another chapter so start reading - it's up on :)

PM me the link and I'd be happy to take a look at your chapter.

Thanks for being my muse, too. :)



Reviewer: sexysadie13 (Signed) · Date: September 06, 2009 06:38 AM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Seven - Oh the Depravity! The newborns and Tyler Crowley Must Die! Not Necessarily in That Order

Oh my gosh! I am DYING over here to see the next chapter.  I'm not sure I want a Naughty Tanya on my doorstep for reviewing this at the moment, but I'll take any punishment to see the next chapter.  And the next, and the next, and the next...........

Author's Response:

Hi there sexysadie13! rejected the chapter when I posted it last night. And it has rejected the chapter of another author, so I think it's down at present. We both tried this morning with the same result. I did put the chapter into the queue at Hopefully it will be up soon.

Thanks so much for the review! Tayna is winking at you swearing she wasn't that naughty. Well kinda. But it was for moral purposes, of course.



Reviewer: Merrisol (Signed) · Date: September 05, 2009 10:24 PM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Seven - Oh the Depravity! The newborns and Tyler Crowley Must Die! Not Necessarily in That Order

I love the things he does for "research" purposes or "moral" purposes. Bless his heart. I just want to hug him sometimes! Hopefully someone gives him a few pointers before he goes on his date with Bella.

Author's Response:

Oh my sweet baby Jesus Merrisol!

You are my 1,000 review! You have made my day. my night. my month. Many thanks. And just because you're special. I'm posting the next chapter. Right now. You'll have to go to that other site because it'll take a while in the queue over here. But still.

Edward is blowing kisses at you.


Reviewer: spicyone94 (Signed) · Date: September 05, 2009 03:50 PM · On: Chapter 1 - Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet

this is so cool..the ONLY thing i dont like is that bella refers to edward as MY edward....all the time....she wouldnt....its kind of annoying. lol  sorry!   i LOVE everything else!!  rock on!!

Author's Response:

Hi there spicyone94!

Thanks so much for the review! Bella is saying 'My Edward' to Tanya to piss her off in a nice understated kind of way. She doesn't normally talk like that. Swear. And I can totally see how if she did, it would be annoying. I'd want to smack her.



Reviewer: AliciaZA (Signed) · Date: September 05, 2009 01:21 PM · On: Chapter 4: Homework Was Never Supposed To Be This Much Fun

R/N: Oh you goddess, I will worship you (lol). Finally I have found someone who loathed the ludicriousness of the Bella/Jacob love angle as much as I did and shares my disgust and fury over the kiss. I so totally agree with your opinion and perspective you shared in the last review. Thank you so much! I'm even more excited about the story now that I know there's no love triangle (doing a happy dance).

Great chapter! Yay for Bella - discovering and channelling her inner Bella Cullen. Who knew our sweet and shy Bella coud be so naughty. Yeah, she and Edward definately make a good match (lol). I was so proud of her pulling away from their kiss first (way to go Bella) and her playing with Edward when he feels so gulity (hehe). Aww, I feel so sorry for her at the end when everyone sees her naked butt cheek. I'd want to die on the spot. And Bella is so shy, I'm suprised she hasn't fainted.

These two so need to talk though. They love each other so much that they hurt each other because they don't want to hurt each other. Have to agree with Bella a little though about not telling Edward about her nightmares. He hates himself enough as it is without knowing about her abandonment dreams (sigh).

Every chapter.... better than the last! Off to read the next one...

Author's Response:

Hi there AliciaZA!

Ah, I suspect you and I will get along quite well, my dear. I wanted to gouge my eyes out with sporks after reading about Bella kissing Jacob and whining about their babies and how a tiny little part of her would always cry out for Jacob's arms. Ew. I don't think so. SM spent quite some time establishing a friendship of convenience relationship. I might sound harsh, but Bella was in no shape to pick out her wardrobe much less make any kind of relationship friendship or not. And to market a character like that as "healed" the second she sees her boyfriend to young kids...not cool. I saw Bella's relationship with Jacob in NM as one she formed as a way of getting back at Edward. Jacob as a Quileute member who loathed the tribe was the perfect way in her mind to break her word to Edward. And how much does it suck for Jacob to find out (not that he did) that the girl he hangs out with only wants to spend time with him because he'll do stupid things with her that let her hallucinate that she's hearing another guy's voice? I interpreted Bella running back to Jacob in Eclipse as fallout from not trusting Edward. She didn't IMO trust him not to leave her again, and was using Jacob as an emotional safety blanket. And she also was getting pushed by her Dad to not get back with Edward and go with Jake who Charlie thought was a nice guy - despite that whole forcing himself on his daughter business for a kiss.

In CC, in the first section, it does come across like there might be a love triangle - and I wrote it that way so that later on in the story I could give a different interpretation. Bella and Jacob in CC don't even know each other. Jacob has spent more time with her father than Bella has - and is, therefore, closer. And Jake in CC is flawed and a jerk, but he has good reasons although they don't excuse his behavior. Jake in CC does not love Bella. So no worries on that front.

I wanted to use the supermarket incident to show just how desperate the situation is with Bella and Edward. They are not communicating and they really should. So instead they are plotting and trying to meet their goals that way - which is not working out so well for either of them thus far. The backstory will start soon and it will be from EPOV and will explain a whole lot of what is going on. Just a heads up, the tone is completely different and HOD one is rather dark, but Edward will lighten up considerably.

As for the nightmares - I have portrayed CC Bella as one who does not give any personal information easily. For her to even have the conversation with Tanya about sex actually shows character development (you'll see in the backstory). So to me it makes sense that she's not going to tell Edward her nightmares - she has plenty of reasons why she doesn't want him to know what they are. Reasons that will be uncovered as the story progresses.

As ever, thanks so much for your feedback and reviews! You made my day. :)



Reviewer: AliciaZA (Signed) · Date: September 05, 2009 02:56 AM · On: Chapter 3: Propositions and Practice

R/N: Thanks for the explaination of Edward's gift, it did make lots of sense.

This was a fantastic chapter, they just keep getting better and better! Edward was wicked, teasing Jasper about being gay and having feelings for him (lmao). It continues to suprise and delight me me, just how naughty our repressed Edward is (lol).

I absolutely adore Emmett, my favourite Cullen man after Edward - he's just too funny this overgrown man-child. I have to say though that the Cullen men are being very unfair, Edward in particular, by breaking the spirit of the marriage arrangement he made with Bella. He promised to try and now he's not even going to do that. I mean, I understand their concerns but Bella deserves to have her wedding night as a human cos she's right when she's says its going to feel and be different when she's a vampire. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and rooting for her to have her wedding night experience with Edward while she's still human.

Bella continues to awe me with her brilliance and spunk. Loves how she gets her digs into Tanya (that bit about the curves - inspired, lol). Like how Tanya is reluctantly becoming fond of Bella. And Tanya is naughty sticking the pasty on Bella, Edward is gonna have a conniption fit (lol).

Question: This line '"Ok, Tanya, I've never touched anyone other than Edward and never below the waist with him." Bella was mortified'. Does that mean that Bella never kissed Jacob (like in Eclipse). If its YES, I will prostrate myself at your feet and worship (lol). When gullible Bella kissed that mongrel Jacob in Eclipse, I wanted to burn them both in effigy and throw my copy of Eclipse into the flames for good measure. So I'm desperately hoping that this means she didn't.


Author's Response:

Hi there AliciaZA!

Thanks so much for your review! Edward has a rather unusual sense of humor because he's been quiet for so long and now he's teasing his siblings and they aren't quite used to it. So I had a lot of fun with that. I have a lot of fun writing Emmett.

The main premise that you are supposed to see in the first section of CC is that Edward and Bella are both hiding things from each other - there is definitely conflict - they have an impending marriage ceremony - and all is not well. The HOD section will explain just why he's so desperate to keep and yet not keep the marriage agreement. So I will grant you that it does indeed seem unfair at first glance what the Cullen men are planning on doing. And for the record, he promised to "try" but they never agreed on what "trying" entailed. Key point. That. Another thing you should keep in mind is that this is a different plot than the Twilight Saga although it seems like there's no difference (or much) in the first few chapters.

That kissing scene in Eclipse disturbed me on so many levels. Kiss number one Jake forces himself on Bella. And yeah, she punches him, but the fallout from that was handled poorly ESPECIALLY since that book was aimed at a young audience. For Jake to use the "you want me. You just won't admit it" could have been a great example of what type of guys to avoid - and the appeals that are often used to manipulate young girls into relationships. Instead we get this scene tossed in at the end of the book with Bella going, "Oh yeah, he was RIGHT! I didn't know my own emotions - despite being head over heels star crossed lovers with Edward I am in love with Jacob. Waaa!" Please. That was really bad writing on SM's part. If I have to read the FAQ's of her book to find out that she intended to write Bella as truly in love with Jacob because of her characterization in a PAST book - that's lame writing. The Oh yeah, Bella didn't fall in love with Jacob in Eclipse. She fell in love with him in NM was absolute bullshit. Bella was severely depressed, suicidal, having auditory hallucinations, PTSD, catatonia, and borderline anorexia nervosa. Bella was barely in shape to brush her teeth much less fall in love with anyone. So CC will NOT be having a romantic relatinoship with Jacob. At all. And if Eclipse made you that mad (and I can totally relate) then I suppose you will understand what I wanted to do with Breaking Dawn. Way to stake an entire series. Rant over. :)

Fear not. No romance between Jacob and Bella in this story EVER. Scout's honor.



Reviewer: AliciaZA (Signed) · Date: September 04, 2009 05:36 AM · On: Chapter 2: The Bachelor Party: Survival of the B!tchfest - Part Two

A Brilliant chapter (lol). I'm ecstatic that our Edward is not tempted by skank. You tell her Edward!

I have to say I'm absolutely fascinated and in love with the dichotomy that Edward presents. I mean he comes across as being so shy, respectful, old-fashioned, an absolute puritan sometimes with Vulcan self-control but is so suprisingly sweet and kind, always worried about his family's feelings and even Tanya's (not that she deserves it - sniffs dispassionately). And no one even suspects just how naughty Edward is behind his controlled and sober demeanor thinking those very hot, wicked thoughts about what he plans to do with Bella (lol).

I thought it was absolutely hilarious comparing what Tanya thought Edward's non-verbals meant (his attraction) to what he was actually thinking. I loved it and could not stop giggling when, while Tanya is thinking about the two of them having sex, Edward is thinking about what he would like to be doing with Bella (lol).

U absolutely killed me with Jasper directing his lust first at Jane and then at Edward (lmao). That paragraphy and Jasper chanting he's straight had me laughing so hard - just Brilliant!

My favourite line in this chapter has to be though when Edward says Marcus is his hero (lol). I can just imagine them both sitting there dispassionately in this strip club with everyone going crazy and giving them the fish eye.

I'm so excited about Tanya's plan to help Bella seduce Edward and make him suffer. She already drives him crazy doing nothing so I don't think he'll survive her active efforts to drive him wild. I can't wait!! You awe me with your storyline, you really do.

Question: Was Edward blocking Emmett and Tanya when he was speaking to her and thats why he didn't pick up on the bet in their thoughts, or maybe it was the other way around?

Author's Response:

Hi there AliciaZA!

Thanks so much for the review! I loved the irony of Tanya who can have any man in the world (and has) and then comes Edward who does not dislike her, is a perfect gentleman, but truly is not interested in her. She in her thousands of years roaming the world has never had anyone (who lived) tell her "no" on anything - but she sincerely in my mind has never been rejected romantically by a soul. And that literally rocks her world. She becomes obsessed with changing that not because she loves Edward, not even because she's attracted to him. She just doesn't want her perfect record broken. And I liked the idea of Edward being a cipher. That people would NOT know about the interior life he held.

One of the principles of nonverbal communication is that it is ambiguous. And humans use selective perception to interpret reality. I didn't see why vampires should be different, so I wanted to play that up in this chapter. Glad you liked the irony of it. I kind of thought of the idea of Jasper as being short circuited by Tanya. She blasts so much power at him that he literally couldn't cope with it and things went haywire. And to me, that would press all of Jasper's buttons because he is so uptight - and it would make him start questioning his sexuality but also his connection to his mate which is why he fled.

I'm glad you like the seduction storyline. I wanted to use it to "show" that Bella and Edward are not communicating about sex and their feelings about it to the point where Bella is being ridiculous and so is Edward.

In my mind, blocking edward is like child's play. You simply don't think about it. That's it. I thought the idea of people mentally chanting lyrics was silly. It's not hard to avoid thinking of a subject. And Edward's gift does not allow him to rifle through people's brains at will like a filing cabinet. So to me, as long as people avoid thinking about a subject and don't talk about it where he can hear, he'll never clue in. Another thing I wrote into the story is that things can go on around Edward - let's say hypothetically that Emmett messed up and DID think about the bet, Edward still might not understand it if he's distracted or if Emmett thinks about it in an abstract way that doesn't make sense to him. Does that make sense?



Reviewer: AliciaZA (Signed) · Date: September 04, 2009 01:47 AM · On: Chapter 2: The Bachelor Party: Survival of the B!tchfest - Part One

Does Tanya promise not to harass our Edward since we are writing a review (lol)?

Another awesome chapter. I love your Tanya... except when I want to kill her. Times that I love her: when I read about the funny things she did (omg, poor Attila - what a way to go, lmao) and when she says 'She may not have gone to school much, but she had slept her way through the best minds of the millennium and learned a thing or to from them in the process' - absolutely hysterical and inspired! Times I feel sorry for her: when she's a little bit pathetic and desperate (and a little bit gross) by placing mountain lion blood in strategic places (eww) and rubbing herself with Bella's scent. Times I want to pull her hair out and dismember her: when she's so callous and hopeful that Edward will kill Bella on their wedding night and when she refers to Edward as "make MY Edward scream" (grr, scowls menacingly).

Oh God, I love Bella! Way to go girl twisting the knife by wishing Tanya good luck (lol). Edward better watch out, she's gonna give him a run for his sexually repressed self when she becomes a vampire. My poor Bella, Edward and Marcus!! Human Lauren was bad enough (rolling my eyes). I don't even want to contemplate the havoc Vampire Lauren is going to cause for our trio. OMG, I ADORE Aro!! I could so picture the scene you described with him and Tanya's clothes in the strip club, in my head. I just could not stop giggling.

Am loving this story so much. Have to say thank you for replying to the reviews. Not many authors do (can count them on one hand actually). Its really appreciated so I try to leave you longer reviews to tell you how much and just what I love about the chapters.

To end, a question. Is Tanya's gift the ability to project lust? Does Tanya's gift work on women, specifically Bella?

Author's Response:

Hi there AliciaZA,

If you scroll down through my reviews, you will find eons of notes I have all but virtually author stalked people in answering the questions they asked that I could. I believe that if someone is nice enough to read my story and leave feedback, it's the least I can do to thank that person and answer his/her question. I have answered each and every review and will continue to do so. I love hearing from people. It makes my day. So thanks for the feedback. :)

I had a tricky time with Tanya here because, like you pointed out I wanted her to come across as selfish, self-centered, saying horrible things, and then she kinda sorta starts feeling *gasp* friendly towards Bella. And you are right, she is pathetic in that she's chasing after Edward not because she loves him, but because he's a prize. I also tend to think of her as someone who in private will say horrible things (killing Bella) for the sake of shock value, while in her heart of hearts knowing that if that happened to Edward - she knows he'd be devastated.

I did have fun with Bella wishing her good luck (and meaning it even worse). I'm glad you liked Aro - I wanted to write him as just a bit out there in terms of quirkiness.

I see Tanya's gift as the ability to project feelings that make people want HER. Not so much traditional lust. And it could work on women just as well - but not Bella. It has to go through the mind. And Bella's alas is sealed.



Reviewer: WillowMarie (Signed) · Date: September 03, 2009 05:52 PM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Seven - Oh the Depravity! The newborns and Tyler Crowley Must Die! Not Necessarily in That Order

I love this story...I've been following it since the HOD chapters, and I eagerly await each and every chapter!  Thanks for being such a unique and interesting story-maker.  I laugh aloud all the time while reading.  It's great.  Keep it up, I'm addicted.

Author's Response:

Well hello there WillowMarie!

I have a weeping willow outside of my window so I love your pen name. :) Thank you so much for your kind words! I am awed, and astounded that my twisted sense of humor translates into words and entertains people. I am currently working on your next dose. Swear. :) I love hearing from people so thanks for making my day.




Jugurtha is blowing kisses at you. He elbowed Starched Shirt Edward out of the way to do so. :)

Reviewer: Robs_Muse (Signed) · Date: September 03, 2009 12:55 PM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Seven - Oh the Depravity! The newborns and Tyler Crowley Must Die! Not Necessarily in That Order

I really enjoyed this chappie! I love the chaos that ensues and love seeing the mean ones get it. Hehehehe. Yup, I'm evil like that. Starched Shirt Edward prolly needs to pray for me. I also gush at how you've written poor clueless Edward. I think Bella will whip him into the 21st century soon enough. That I can't wait to see. Well, I can hope anyway. You're writing is wonderful as you can plainly tell by the ever growing list of muses. Now, bring on the bad guy butt-whoopin! (Sorry, just got done watching Robots with my 4 year old)

Much fangirl love to ya!

Author's Response:

Hi there Robs_Muse!

I'm overjoyed you liked the chapter. I was worried - really worried about coming up with something that came across as twisted as the previous one. So I had to tear out a section and rewrite it because it just wasn't working. To me, Edward only makes sense as being clueless because he's never really paid attention to the humans around him, and when his sibligs fight he ignores them out of courtesy. I also thought that one can be a good judge of what is going on with the people around you and completely blind in your own life - which is how I'm writing Edward. And Edward is going to get whipped into the century. Promise. We'll have fun getting him there.

Squeeing fangirl love right back atcaha!


Reviewer: AliciaZA (Signed) · Date: September 03, 2009 12:55 PM · On: Chapter 1 - Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet

Oh you are naughty! I want to know what the honeymoon bet is too!!

OMG, Bella is now officially my idol! That girl is a rockstar. I'm so proud of her for needling Tanya about wrinkles, sagging, her writing, lies - it was just freaking hilarious (lol). And I swear that Emmett and Jasper absolutely killed me when they nodded their head about the sagging (lmao). And with that bet about the bachelor party, Edward, stripper Tanya and killing three birds with one stone - she proved she was born to be a Cullen for sure (smirks happily).

Adore your Denalis in the fanfic, they are so funny!! I imagine them as being very similar to the crazy and hilariously funny Russian model from that Freddie Prinze Jnr movie Head over Heels (giggles). And I tremendously admire and adore you Bella - who's so sweet and shy and yet assertive in a very understated, ladylike but extremely effective way. Makes it even worse for her targeted victim (hehe). Amazing plotline - you rock too!

Author's Response:

Hi there AliciaZA!

It is so helpful to hear what parts of a character resound with a reader - thank you so much for your feedback. I have had so much fun with Tanya (she's waving her fingertips at you) and Bella (who is blushing) in this story. And that Edward fellow, too.

I liked the idea of making Bella efficient in vengeance. It brought a smile to my face.

Many thanks,


Reviewer: redsoxlove (Signed) · Date: September 03, 2009 09:07 AM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy


AND OH MY GOD I'M TOTALY DENSE. i forgot that the pornstar immortals last name was newborn..soo duh, thats what you mean when you say the newborns! obviously if they were actualy newborns they wouldn't beable to have orgys with humans because of thier bloodlust. wow, minor brain

i do nderstand, in fact the other day i was mad that this guy didn't get me a coffee when he got i ask for i mad anyway? haha yes! and i'm 28..bella's only 17.  and of course she would rather die then tell rose or alice that she wants thier brother but is upset because of the mixed signals. i forget that that WE know he wants to be her real boyfriend..but of course without making a move and the fake dating and all the confusing signals..she would have no idea at all.

tell starched shirt edward that i know what he did and he better go pray to st eugene the patron saint of dysfunctional families! he's fun to mess with it'll drive him nuts wondering  ;)

Author's Response:

Hi there redsoxlove! To get to the forum go to the top of the screen and click on forum. In order to participate you have to register separately for them and you will have a separate password. Once you get the email from Edward giving you the password and link for you to officially join the forum, you may find many of your favorite stories. Mine is on the AU forum.

Hope that helps.

And don't feel bad many people were confused by the pesky newborn dealio. Thanks so much for the feedback and you certainly have a good grasp on Bella.



Reviewer: AliciaZA (Signed) · Date: September 03, 2009 08:26 AM · On: Prologue: Bella, Sex, and Privacy

Hi there

I just discovered Cullenary Coupling and I confess I've read up till chapter 26. But, your story is so AMAZING that I decided that I had to stop and come back and review chapter by chapter cos this story is fantastic and SHOULD BE on the most reviewed list!!! I love S. Meyer's Twilight but I have to tell you, I love yours MORE and think its BETTER than the original!!

This was such a great first chapter. Love how Edward calls Bella "his Bella" and is so worried about her being embarrased, shamed or humiliated and wants to make sure that she always knows how much he loves her and thats theres only ever been HER in his life. I swear that line about Tanya "grass does not grow on a heavily trod path" just cracked me up - its classic. Oh, and the sex talk with Virginward was just too funny (lmao).

P.S. I'm ecstatic that this is going to be a LONG story, the longer the better I say cos you write BRILLIANTLY!!!

Author's Response:

Hi there AliciaZA!

Thanks so much for your amazing review! And wow! I'm humbled by your praise. I'm glad that you are enjoying CC, as I've been having a blast telling my twisted tale of Edward and Bella. Given the idea that his brothers have and the rest of the things that happened in the story, it was important to me that Edward insist that Bella not be shamed. I wanted to do that for dramatic irony because as we will find out as the story progresses, both Edward and Bella have a lot of things they have done that have upset them greatly.

And thanks for the comment on the long story. I felt like it was only right to warn people that it would be long and if they were one that preferred shorter stories they could opt out.

Again, many thanks for your feedback and you totally made my day.



Reviewer: tazz (Signed) · Date: September 02, 2009 07:26 PM · On: Chapter Eight: Part Twenty-One - Mammoth Sized Mongrels Stench-Sploding in the Night

this was great - i love the bit about the patron saint of penises

Author's Response:

Hi there tazz!

Thanks so much! I must admit writing that line made me giggle. I'm glad you liked it. :)




Dream Edward is winking at you. :)

Reviewer: Miss Poison (Signed) · Date: September 02, 2009 12:57 PM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Seven - Oh the Depravity! The newborns and Tyler Crowley Must Die! Not Necessarily in That Order

Leavin' you some love here too, lest you think I forgot. LOL.


Author's Response:

Oh Miss Poison!

Thanks so much for the review! And the stars! How you spoil me!!

And I love it. Seriously. :)

Jugurtha is blowing kisses at you and bowing in your honor.



Reviewer: redsoxlove (Signed) · Date: September 02, 2009 09:36 AM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Seven - Oh the Depravity! The newborns and Tyler Crowley Must Die! Not Necessarily in That Order

wow! orgy in locker room, lauren in juevie lol you realy know how to torture secondary characters! brilliant. and i do love the return of tanya!!

at first i wanted to grab edward and shake him, but i get your point, about having sooooo much on his plate, and bella, being crazy as all us women are..haha..couldve spoken up. i think it was good though, because loosing her, even for a few days, seemed to push him more in the direction of realizing how he feels about her..nicwe try edward, trying to convince yourself she is just a nice smelling human..nothing more! 

maybe i'm as dense as edward but am i supposed to know why bella was so upset? is it because edward didn't intervene when tyler asked her out? didn't show any emotion at all about it, so therefore she decided he isn't interested? but if that was the case wouldn't she be more sad than mad? according to her she never thought he was romanticaly interested in her, so why get so mad now?

and when she was sad for a moment watching lauren and was sadness that her and edward don't have a not so platonic relationship? right?

i sure missed dream edward..but if he puts her life in danger again just to break into her mind i'll kill him! lol

why didn't alice and rosalie sit edward down and try and explain why bella was so upset? poor edward is not a mind reader...wait lol scratch that...

one more thing, i'm a little confused. why do the porn star immortals think the cullens are "so young" ? the way they look? and if they are newborns, then how can they have centuries of stories to tell for tanya's book? and laurent is not a newborn..right?

as usual..a wonderful chapter..not very damn informative about what the hell is going on..haha but wonderful and has me on the edge waiting for the next one. you did clear up bella's fire dream/vision. i'll give you that :P.and i very much believe an immortal child is in thier future..

i lied..haha one more thing..the red eyed people were scetched was an immortal child, and the other jasper's sister? oh wait, the sketches are the people in the fire dream. jeeze, tell edward i feel for him, just reading it is makin me crack up a lil bit!lol

Author's Response:

Hi there redsoxlove!

Thanks so much!!! I'm gawping at your review. I get giddy when I read what portions people liked. You have literally made my day. :) My goal when I started this arc was not only to tell Edward and Bella's backstory of how they fell in love and grew and changed. I also wanted to show the first section in a different light. Lauren getting dragged off to jail is the reason why in the first section of the story, she's planning on trying to seduce Edward to ruin their relationship and hopefully cancel the wedding. She seriously has a hate on for Bella because she truly believes in her heart of hearts that Bella was after her man. Tyler never said so, but she can tell he was tempted by that tramp. Also, Bella is an easier target for Lauren to pick on because she's quiet and shy. So you know somewhere down the road I'm going to have to write a scene with Lauren vs. Jane.

The thing I have been trying to "show" in my writing about Edward is how even though he's showing signs of falling for her, he has rational explanations for all of them. Hezekiah telling him that he's having all those raging emotions due to being a newborn vamp/wolf in Edward's mind perfectly explains why he's getting so emotional and upset about her not speaking to him. And on another level, the control freak in Edward - is literally being driven batty because he wants to understand what he did wrong, but truly doesn't get it. When women and men fight, in many cases it's because the man failed to do something that the woman expected but never TOLD the man that she expected. And if he has to ASK her what she wanted then he's in even more trouble because he should have known...if he loved her.....and Bella and Edward have fallen into that trap. I had to do my own kind of send up on the "I can't read your mind" argument that many couples have. So despite all that supernatural business, the conflict between Edward and Bella is a typical one between men and women when a relationship is new.

And you are NOT dense. You are not supposed to know how Bella feels because Bella has never told anyone. And I've only shown how she feels indirectly - through Edward's eyes. I told readers to put themselves in her shoes. How would you feel if this hot guy declared himself to be your boyfriend before God and country (at the hospital with Jake) and then five minutes later told you that he was faking it because he wanted to irritate a toad. And then how would you feel if he took you aside later and reinforced that by instead of saying, "Hey I really enjoy spending time with you and would like to date," he said, "I need to protect you from Jacob Black, so you have just earned yourself a Fake Boyfriend." Add onto that the confusion caused by him treating her like a boyfriend in front of the Clearwaters - but going to bed with her at night and never once making any kind of romantic move on her. Bella is one confused puppy when the newborns show up. Because by Edward's normal standards, he had his hands all over her in public. And didn't seem aware of it. And then he sits back and says nothing when she got asked out by another guy. So Bellla is hurt. And she's been sent so many conflicting signals from him that she's going into default Bella Swan mode - which means avoid conflict at all costs. So she withdraws from spending time with him to avoid fighting with him. As for whether or not she should be sad or mad, I think that depends on how you see Bella. I see her as someone who has been oblivious to men and not really used to paying attention to signals to figure out if they are attracted to her. So she's every bit as new to this relationship business as Edward is, but she has social expectations about how to behave that Edward does not 1) know and 2) share. As for her getting mad when she never thought he was romantically interested in her - let me play Satan for a minute. Haven't you ever thought a guy was cute but that you weren't going to do anything about it then had him ask out someone else you know and now you're mad? People tell themselves all kinds of things and then when reality occurs often find themselves feeling differently.

I decided that the closest thing that I was going to have with Rosalie and Alice talking to Bella about Edward (in this situation) was in her bedroom when they pointed out that she needed to stay with them because she had to have her heart monitored and that if she got hospitalized Edward became hysterical. Also, they pointed out that he was shy and they weren't used to seeing him talk so much but they really wanted to spend time with her too. To me having them sit her down and say, "What gives?" wouldn't work with CC Bella. Look at how hard it was for Rosalie to get her to talk about a dream she had. Getting Bella to spill her guts over her feelings about her brother? Not going to happen. And the girls are smart enough to realize it. Also, I went out of my way not to have that conversation because a) it's too predicatable and 2) I wanted to do something more subtle. To show that Alice doesn't have to be the one giving advice all the time and telling people what to do.  As for why Rose and Alice didn't sit Edward down I had several thoughts on that. First, I did write sections with Edward going to Emmett and trying to understand what he had done. And by Emmett's standards that was a long conversation between the two of them and Emmett thought he was being perfectly plain to Edward - who still didn't get it. Hezekiah also tried to help him.

His family has noticed that he's talking more now due to his relationship with Bella than ever before. Mary Alice has realized that they shouldn't have treated him like the shy kid brother for all those years and it would be good for Edward to "have" to communicate on his own. That's why they aren't sitting him down. He didn't listen to their advice when they first offered it because he thought he knew better. So they sat back and let him figure out that maybe he exaggerated and didn't know so much.

I took the name of the newborns as a parody of characterization not a comment on their age. The newborns are older than Carlisle. To them, the Cullens are infants. And the newborns were physically older when they were turned. They can still barely pass for high schoolers.

And you are right, the sketches are from people in a dream. Bella did, in fact, dream of the circumstances of how Jasper's human family died.

Main Edward would like to thank you for your support of him during his time of need. He will be requiring Bella therapy in the next chapter as he is going into withdrawal from quality pressed against the flesh time.

I hope I answered everything here that I could. If I failed to hit on a point, please feel free to stop by the thread or PM me.



Reviewer: Nyaris (Signed) · Date: September 01, 2009 04:21 PM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Seven - Oh the Depravity! The newborns and Tyler Crowley Must Die! Not Necessarily in That Order

Phwoar !

I'm totally and utterly hooked to your story. I'm sleep deprived cause of you ! haha !

It is such a nice and long story. I was dreading gettin to the last chapter. Honestly I don't want it to finish. I know it will. I'm thinking printing it and making it a book for the pleasure to read and reread it for myself :)

You're throwin something absolutely fantastic in this story, I really like the way you're introducing us the characters. And Edward's alteregos are immense.

Congratulations dear, you got an amazing imagination, I really can't wait for the next chapter.

Big hugs :)

Author's Response:

Hi there Nyaris!

Thanks so much for the awesome review! I am overjoyed that you are having fun with Cullenary Coupling. I made the plot complicated purely to torture myself. And you. :)

I am currently working on the next chapter. And take heart, even I have no idea how long it will be although I have 500 more pages drafted. That should keep you occupied. :) In the meantime, since this is a mystery, I have sprinkled in clues throughout the Heart of Darkness story arc - you can always re-read a chapter to torture yourself while I'm writing. I might suggest simply to understand things from Bella's point of view re-reading the last two chapters and paying attention to how Edward is touching her, and when. It'll help explain this upcoming chapter.

I can tell you so far the next chapter is about 90 pages. And you will need seatbelts for it. My beta has to give it the red pen treatment and then I'll post it after I finish the revisions. Swear.

Starched Shirt Edward is blowing kisses at you when he thinks I'm not looking.


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