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Reviews For Cullenary Coupling
Reviewer: Rgwmnks (Signed) · Date: February 06, 2010 04:03 AM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-Two - Parenting Telecles Style is a Contact Sport

Picturing Jasper following after Edward was too funny in my mind. :o)  I think it was a good move on E's part to "give" the toddlers to Rose & Emmett.  I am super anxious to hear from Bella.  She has been quiet for far too long. And don't even get me started on how I have missed Douglas. :o)  WTF?! Forks is burning? Who the hell . . . Guess I'll have to wait to find that one out.  
Marcus' indifference to the mistreatment of Bella kinda bothers me.  Yeah that was how things were done in his day, but hell, he has been around a mighty long time.  You'd think he would have picked up a few things along the way in regards to how things have changed through the years...but what do i know huh?  Looking forward to the next installment . . . anxiously . . .

Author's Response:

Hi there Rgwmnks!

Thanks so much for your review! And I completely agree with you that Marcus' behavior is curious. You had exactly the reaction i hoped that people would have. I did not want to characterize Marcus as perfect in every way. I also wanted to show that he is ruthlessly pragmatic. Thousands of years may have passed, but his clan has held onto their traditions. And they matter, so he is defending his daughter's right to put Bella to the test. This was not made clear in the chapter - but since you raised the subject - ...In Marcus' time using such rituals meant the person was officially accepted into the coven. If Arria had prevented Bella from doing them, she would have been signaling others that her daughter was unfit. So Arria in her mind, took a huge chance and by the standards of her time was being generous with Bella in allowing the rituals to take place. She knew there was a chance that Bella could not pass them. Yet she insisted on letting her try. Because since she has passed - now Bella wins initial acceptance into the coven. And they did not really have a refined attitude towards people with disabilities in Marcus' time. Men with them had better be good thinkers because they were useless in battle. So Marcus takes Arria's side in this fight although he thinks that she could have handled it better. He also is aware that he is not privy to all the facts which is why he is defending his daughter with lines like, "I'm sure Arria had a reason for what she did," etc. 

Thanks so much for making me think!



Reviewer: Rogue (Signed) · Date: February 06, 2010 03:37 AM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-Two - Parenting Telecles Style is a Contact Sport

Ack, that picture of the fire...Run Bambie, run!


My, my...Main Edward is tossing about that 'My Bella' all over the place.  Glad to see he smarted up.  Of course, me thinks he's not going to have as easy a time of it as he thinks he is once Bella wakes up.  He's putting a lot of faith in her 'forgiving nature'.  Especially with his plans to get the ring back on her finger as soon as she wakes up...I don't think so, Eddie.

Author's Response:

Hi there Rogue!

I did think of Bambi when I saw that picture. I almost used this one.

Richmond Deer

And you are right on target with your take on Edward. I wanted to show that he's still not quite keyed into reality by having him show that over-optimistic thinking ahead business. This is the guy who imagined himself married to Bella before he ever let her know he kinda-sorta-found her hot. So he's trying to talk himself into believing that she'll forgive him because he's terrified that she won't. 

To me it makes more sense for Edward to figure out in bits and pieces just how much he screwed up because I don't think he's in an emotional place right now where he could even process it IF he had all the information. I also want the readers wondering what the heck happened while Edward and the Cullens were gone. Fasten your seatbelts. :)

Thanks so much for reviewing and spoiling me so.



Reviewer: silly sad sarah twilighted (Signed) · Date: February 06, 2010 02:52 AM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Thirty-Nine - Desperate Times Create Disparate Vampires

LMAO GREAT CHAP love the chip bag pic!  I am onto the next chap!

Author's Response:

Well hello there silly sad sarah twilighted!

Thanks so much! Mizra made that and it totally made my day. :)



Reviewer: Merrisol (Signed) · Date: February 06, 2010 02:29 AM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-Two - Parenting Telecles Style is a Contact Sport

Wow! A lot of interesting things happened in this chapter. People and things are falling in place. The snarky review always helps me to get my mind in the right place.

Arria could definitely win the Shittiest Mother of the Century award. What a bitch. Loved Rosalie's bantering with her. I don't imagine she has been challenged or insulted very often and actually lived to tell the tale. So, Bella had a brother. Interesting. Explains why Arria was so interested in Bella. Again, what a bitch. She probably taught Attila the Hun everything he knew.

I was really touched to see the WHOLE Cullen family defend Bella. Even Rosalie had something to say and it was quite ugly! Score one for Rosie.

I think we have finally passed the "Who is kin to who?" "What the hell is going on" and "Where do we go from here?" It is much easier to follow the story now. I know those chapters were necessary to the plot but they were really complicated.

I squeed with delight when I saw my name!!!! What an honor!! Thank you so much! I get to be a vampire. I could really put some of those skills to good use. I have a whole list of people whose ass I would like to kick and another list of people I would like to scare the shit out of!!!!

Intriguing ending to this chapter. Can't wait to find out why Forks is on fire.

I loved the bits of humor woven into the story. Your witty personality cracks me up. Love the nuts Douglas is holding. I have a whole collection of Douglas pics. No porn though. I think that would be disrespectful to a squirrel I have come to love so dearly.


Author's Response:

Well hi there Mrs. Du Pre, I mean Merrisol, I mean....LOL.

Of course I named a character after you. With all the work you've done and humiliation suffered in the name of sex-manual title research, I totally had to go there. I'm glad you enjoyed the snarky summary. Sometimes they are difficult to write. 

I am kind of torn on Arria. I do not see her as a warm and fuzzy kind of character. And by our current standards of motherhood, yeah, she totally sucks. She does, however, love her daughter, although you have to look and squint to see it. She decapitated Victoria, threw her sword down and dove after her daughter screaming in rage because she feared Bella's demise, and couldn't bear to see it. She begged her daughter - not to die with the words, "Child, come home to me," when they brought her back from cardiac arrest. I had her put her forehead against Bella's as a sign - because Arria is not physically demonstrative in any way, shape, and or form - unless she's killing you, of course. And when Bella was hurt due to Renee's carelessness, she nearly killed her from a mother's rage. She also stayed away from Bella to protect her and had her watched from afar and hid her identity. And she resented like heck having to do that. And she most definitely is furious at what Edward did. She agreed with his decision to leave - to her it was based on sound reasoning. She detested the way he went about humiliating her daughter, esp. because he did it in front of an immortal audience. I think you will find her oddly protective of Bella although not in a traditional sense. 

On the other hand, you see that she places value on Bella's potential to procreate - which is normative by Arria's generation, but flat out creepy by ours. You also see that she kept her son with her and Bella away - which at first glance doesn't make Arria look all that good. When you get to learn more about the Telecles clan, you might find it makes more sense. But in my mind Arria is a mixed bag - you get the bad with the good. Arria was raised by soldiers - and she did not have a very gentle upbringing as a human in terms of emotions. She was taught not to express anything save anger and rage and only when appropriate. 

I'm glad you liked how the whole clan jumped in. I wanted Carlisle's gesture at the end to mean more since he did not do as much talking during it. And you are right we have passed that complicated part of the mystery. And yeah, that was tough to try to present it in a way that kept readers engaged. I'm glad you stuck in there with me. I think you know why Forks is on fire. remember that Phoenix guy? He's a little short-tempered at present. Douglas totally agrees with you on that porn business. Some people have no respect. *sniffs*

Met his missus, Henrietta.

*evil grin*


Reviewer: elphabacy35 (Signed) · Date: February 06, 2010 02:07 AM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-Two - Parenting Telecles Style is a Contact Sport

That's the best squirrel picture ever.

Just a quick note tonight Books, I am off to bed in a minute, but FORKS IS BURNING??? Not good.

I liked when Esme put Arria in her place. Gave me a sense of righteousness.

Thankyou, as always, for the update, and have a great weekend


Author's Response:

Hi there Stacy!

Thanks so much for leaving me a review! And I keep finding pictures of squirrels to post. It's a new hobby. :)

And yeah, Forks AND the reservation are both burning. 

Glad you liked Esme, I had fun writing her losing her temper and telling Arria off in a lady-like manner. 

SSE wants to know if you'll take him to mass. He most definitely feels the need to go to confession after what he has seen.



Emmett is waving at you. He wants to know if you liked his rant at Arria. 

Reviewer: fanficreader83 (Signed) · Date: February 06, 2010 02:00 AM · On: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-Two - Parenting Telecles Style is a Contact Sport

Wow... No one was afraid to let Arria have it in regards to Bella... I mean I know she had traditions to follow but maybe a little more thought into this whole being human thing might have been necessary... well, at least we can relax because her ovaries appear safe at this time, as Rosalie and Alice would not hesitate to step in... I look forward to seeing how Edward will prove himself, especially to Bella's distant yet I will not think twice about ending you devilwoma... I mean mother, better watch out for that one Edward as she clearly did not receive any appropriate skills for parenting and might very well still be considering Bella's procreation possibilities... ok, now I am definitely looking forward to the next chapter to see just what Bella does or maybe doesn't do when she wakes up!

Oh and as for my last review, although I am curious about Paula, I really meant to ask about your comment about the first part of the story and any hints as to what going back to it could reveal about the future of this story and not in regards to Paula... as I have mentioned before, I am always surprised and am not sure if I will be able to pick up on anything if I reread that... wow, I sound a little slow on the uptake... oh well, it is Friday and having taught third graders all week, maybe I am... either way, I look forward to whatever you have planned and hope that maybe my brain will start working and I might make some connections and figure things out?  We shall see!

Author's Response:

Hi there fanficreader83!

When I first started posting the story in the first arc, Paula was a teensy character - much smaller than she is now, so I did not put any reference to her in those first few chapters. But I also left out a lot of things, like oh, the specifics on Marcus and Bella's relationship because I wanted people to re-read it and think, "Edward just stripped Marcus' granddaughter in front of humans and immortals both.. Um....Oops."

I wrote the argument the way that I did between the Telecles and the Cullens because I wanted to show how because of culture and change both sides believe that they are absolutely right in their behavior towards Bella. The norms of parenting have changed drastically since Arria was a human. And she feels aggrieved that people are picking on her for doing the right thing. She also feels like the Cullens don't understand a thing they are talking about because they don't know much about her family. And she's partially right. I wanted with the way I presented Arria for people to see things that the did not like, and things that they did and make up their own minds. She will never be warm and fuzzy - not that I think anyone is asking me to write her that way. But she is in her own way as you pointed out, protective of Bella. She definitely runs with sharp objects and most definitely plans on having a long chat with her son-in-law. I also saw Arria as someone who was raised without a mother figure by soldiers - she has no clue how to "be" a mother. And I wanted to show that as well. 

Thanks so much for making me think like you always do about my writing. And thanks so much for leaving me your review.



Reviewer: Rogue (Signed) · Date: February 06, 2010 01:56 AM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-One - The Sounds of Silence and War

Oh noz!  Now Marcus is holding Doungles captive?  How could he do such a thing?  Oh, yeah...and Startched Shirt Edward, too.  That's not good. *snicker*


I loved Arria getting the smackdown by Pops.  You really don't want to mess with her old man.  He brokes no funny business and WILL hold you accountable for your actions.

Author's Response:

Hi there Rogue,

Thanks so much for the review! I had loads of fun writing Marcus and Arria. And all I'm saying is that if you liked Marcus in this chapter, you'll really love him in the next one. *evil grin*

Douglas is blinking at you wistfully, SSE, too, and thanking you for thinking on their behalf. 

SSE says you're a peach.



Reviewer: Rogue (Signed) · Date: February 05, 2010 11:38 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty - The Lies That Bind

Genghis must live!  Together, he and Douglas can take over the world!

Author's Response:

Genghis and Douglas are telling me that I must thank you for your attention to their plight. :)


Genghis thinks it's totally unfair that he only got to try to pee on Edward once. 



Reviewer: blueschicka (Signed) · Date: February 05, 2010 11:03 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-One - The Sounds of Silence and War

I'm excited!

Author's Response:

Hi there blueschicka!!!

Many thanks for the love, hon. :)

Douglas can't wait for Edward to get home. He's waving at you. :)


Douglas in snow

Reviewer: redsoxlove (Signed) · Date: February 05, 2010 09:42 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-One - The Sounds of Silence and War

ok, i read the latest chapter on fan fiction, because sadly, i am not a patient girl...and i have made a desicion! I WILL RAISE BELLA..and edward can have her on weekends..maybe..if he can pry his immortal head out of his..well you know..AND he has to promise to keep mommy dearest far away..maybe he can blow her up like the bridge..or have the earth swallow her up..noone will know..there are plenty of people that can open up the earth..uhh..right? ya noone will know. i look forward to douglas' return and would not be upset if he threw his nuts at edward..eeww not those nuts..

question...where is tanya and co. during all this? and i know you cant answer this one but i wonder where mommy dearest and gorgon are during all the wedding hoopla..i dont think they would have appreciated bella mooning the entire grocery store..purely from a vampire/human bloodline honor type of standpoint..hmm hmm a granpa marcus mental beatdown of the immortal worlds queen whor..err..tanya..would be fun to see

Author's Response:

Hey there, redsoxlove!

There is no sin to reading the chapter on ff. I do recommend that you take a gander at it when it goes up on Twilighted because the pictures are included in the file, and to me the chapter looks better. 

While I certainly do understand why Arria makes everyone's lip curl, I wanted to "show" how the idea of Motherhood has changed over history. We have these ideas about what a mother should be and how she should behave that most certainly were not in place throughout history. And Arria has no way of knowing how a "real" mother should act - partly because of the way she was raised (by Marcus' soldiers), but also partly because Arria is so biased towards the immortal world that she never really bothered to pay attention to the mortal world and learn these things. And there's the problem that some immortals don't really retain human memories - and Arria is one of them. So she really is blinded by her upbringing as well as her biases into not realizing just how ignorant she is about what her child needs. In her mind also, she had to keep her word to Liam, which is why she was not on the scene. Liam had made it a condition. 

But you also "see" things in the story that I've done to "show" in little ways that Arria - who let's face it is not the most emotionally expressive woman is displaying her love for her child (what she considers to be her love). She touches Bella when she's bringing her back to life affectionately for literally the first time ever and begs her to come back. Arria is not the begging kind. She whacked off Victoria and leapt after her daughter without a second thought furious that she had not arrived there sooner. And she most definitely will have words with Edward about how he treated Bella. She has not even started with him. Arria will just show her regard for Bella in ways that make sense to her, but not necessarily to us. I will never write her (and I know you don't expect me to) as warm and fuzzy. 

Douglas is waving at you. He, too, is stunned at Main Edward's oblivious behavior. 

And I can't comment about the future plot, but I can say that you are the only person to ask that most excellent question. :)


Douglas in surprise

Reviewer: AliciaZA (Signed) · Date: February 05, 2010 06:50 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty - The Lies That Bind

Great chapter! Edward's quip about Bella expecting him to be a mind reader had me snorting with laughter. And Marginal Dog (crazy giggling)?! Where do you come up with this stuff (LOL).

I adore Jurgurtha. The guy clearly does not believe in modesty (cos clearly he doesn't need to - lol) cos psst... don't tell Real Edward (RE) but I do believe that Jurgurtha really is brilliant and smarter than RE, Dream Edward (DE) and SSE to boot (hehe).

Wow, Edward gave CPR to Genghis (stunned eyes and smirking lips). He must really ADORE Bella (lmao). I can definitely see that Bella is related to Arria. Arria wants to name her daughter and Bella names her dog Genghis (rolling my eyes with disbelievement). I don't want to imagine what Bella will name her children (chuckling madly) - Vlad maybe? You have to admit it would fit right in (lmao)!

I love that RE here is imagining children with Bella, where as Edward in the Twilight Saga was all doom and gloom and woe is me. RE here has a mission (if not exactly a plan - lol) and by Telecles, Cullen and the Old Geezers Committee he's going to make his currently silent bottle cap Grandmaster his bride (lmao)! Have to admit though that it is a little bit creepy how obsessed (for their own purposes!) everyone seems to be about Bella's ovaries - Billy Black, Arria, Edward, the Telecles clan, hel* even the VampVerse at large (shaking my head despondently).

I LOVE the Geezer committee! I can so vividly see picture them as this boisterously mutinuous old men with mischievious and naughty little boy humor and glee. They are seriously adorable.

Bella has SCARS?! Where the F where the Fake Canadians while she was being tortured by Victoria???!!! I am so P 'ED OFF. How long was our poor bottle cap carved up like a Halloween pumpkin? I don't even want to know what Victoria did to her - I'm too scared (sad face). I hope Marcus uses Victoria as an example on "How to Lead Minions and Terrify Your Enemies". I think it would be a number one best selling DVD in VampVerse (lol).

You do AMAZING work and I LOVE this story.

Author's Response:

Hi there AliciaZA!

Oh how you spoil me so! Reviews on two sites. I'm totally fangirling over you. :) One of the main sources of conflict between men and women is when women get mad at men for not living up to their unexpressed expectations. And the guy is like, "Why didn't you just say that?" And then if he has to ask what she wants, he's totally in the dog house. So I wanted to mock that with Edward. 

The marginal dog is actually a true story. I had a relative trying to train her sheltie how to do a trick. And he had a hard time with it, either he'd do it perfectly, or he'd fail. And she was getting frustrated so she said, "Bad dog." Her husband who is this hilarious taciturn math geek, said to her, "He's not being bad."

"He's not being good, either," she complained.

"So why don't you say, 'marginal, dog, marginal?'"

We died. I had to use that in a story. 

Given the instant mutual loathing that Genghis and Edward had for one another I had to mock that. I thought doggie CPR given Edward's snarky comments about Genghis' stench to be something he deserved to have to do at this point in time. And yes, he does indeed adore Bella. In his mind, he is sacrificing his manly dignity before an immortal audience (which is absolutely the truth in the case of Marcus' family) in order to save her dog. 

And you make a really good point about Bella and Arria. I didn't do that on purpose, actually. Genghis Khan used Tibetan Mastiffs in battle and Bella is a battle history nerd so to her it was just logical. Arria, on the other hand - the name Atilia is a name from her time period and I picked it because I know examples of people who found a name they loved but did not understand that naming their kid that would create problems. So I wanted to mock that. I have a friend who was bound and determined to name his son Moctezuma. We had to explain to him the phrase Montezuma's revenge. He was deeply unhappy. 

You know, I never really thought about RE thinking of children as an example of him being more positive than Book Edward, although I don't disagree with your point. In my mind, it served several functions in the story. First, he imagines this life like a normal human - the life he had hoped to have had he lived. And it's bittersweet because he can never have that. Second, to me it also was ironic because he's imagining children and marriage with Bella in this story before he ever got around to asking her out on a date or letting her know he was interested in her *that* way. Third, I thought it ironic because he never has to this point asked Bella what she wants out of life, so here he is imagining a life with marriage and children - and although at 18 she's awfully young, I still found it this kind of oblivious optimism on Edward's part. Hope that made sense. 

You are totally right on the creepiness of everyone being obsessed with the Swan DNA. Although for different purposes. Billy believed - and golly the moron was right - that it would somehow get him access to that unlimited source of power - although he was still wrong - he thought it would get him the land and the land was not the key. Arria in having a human child was simply being pragmatic because all the other covens kept human lines and had them have children across generations in order to increase their immortal ranks without being obvious about it. If people started disappearing all over the place, then the Volturi would have caught onto that. So to me what the Lost covens did was totally sneaky. So Arria was simply doing what everyone in her and the other lost covens have done for generations. Now the whole vampverse now has motivation to be obsessed with Bella's, Arria's, and Alice's ovaries. Ew. 

Your comments about the geezers are making me all misty-eyed. That's exactly how I envisioned them. You totally made my day right there. I think of old men sitting underneath a porch looking down at Earth and watching it like a sporting event, saying what they would do differently, and now they have free reign to act and are all kinds of excited about it. Stubborn, too. And to me, it was important to show that Edward isn't this all powerful being. Sure he has scary powers but they don't work consistently, they sure hurt to use, and he really does need the geezers to help him out. 

Bella has scars on her shoulder - and it's creepy but not as bad as I think you are thinking. Remember there were these bodies of human women that were being discovered that Jane and Alec were trying to find the killers? The bodies had initials carved in them? Well, now you know who was partly responsible. Victoria carved her initials into Bella's shoulder and Bella let her - which is why the birds didn't quite activate. If you re-read the Fine I love Bella Swan chapter, you'll see that happening although Edward wasn't aware that Bella was getting engraved at the time. He just saw that she was in agony and bit through her lip. To me it was symbolic that Bella was willfully sacrificing herself for the welfare of the tribe and I wanted to "show" the extents she went through. And how insane Victoria was.


Thanks so much for your review! I love how you make me really think about the story. :)



Reviewer: Cavriola (Signed) · Date: February 05, 2010 02:55 PM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Sixteen - Can't a Century Old Vampire be a Moral Degenerate in Peace?


So funny. Roosewelt with a big stick, speaking softly. Also, the <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Calibri; mso-font-alt:"Century Gothic"; mso-font-charset:186; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0cm; margin-right:0cm; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> "I wouldn't be able to play the piano for a few hours" line: it's sort of the vampire version of "I'll never be able to play the piano again", isn't it? Liam's attempt at a limerick and the "maliciosly yours" was hilarious. "We are shady": good point. And oh, the puzzling rituals of "dates" and "verbal conversation". Loved that one.

Majorly sweet: Shakespearean sonnets and "the pristine centre of my sordid universe". Made me go awww.

The fake toothbrushing was interesting.

It was good to plant flowers and read prayers over the graves of Liam and Genevieve after disturbing their eternal rest.

<!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Calibri; mso-font-alt:"Century Gothic"; mso-font-charset:186; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0cm; margin-right:0cm; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> "And he had to be joking about God caring. I couldn't even begin to contemplate that notion." Now, that's an interesting insight into Edward's poor twisted mind.

By the way, I read parts of the introductory author's note even though I wasn't supposed to, and fell in love with the sentence " <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Calibri; mso-font-alt:"Century Gothic"; mso-font-charset:186; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0cm; margin-right:0cm; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> For research purposes only, Edward ran over 100 miles away to another national park and hiding in the bushes conducted an experiment on venom leakage that resulted another earthquake, the destruction of the trees and vegetation in his path, the traumatization of birds and raccoons, and fears he could never please his human as a man." I think it sums up the process perfectly. Hah.


Hoping the fonts are not all messed up,

Cavriola. :)

Author's Response:

Hi there Cavriola!

For some odd reason, this site gets all kinds of cranky if you cut and paste directly into the browser. If you use word, there a little icon at the bottom of the screen that if you hit (The W one) and highlight what you want to paste, hit copy, and then control V, the whole thing will paste into the post without all the wonky font language. I have, alas, learned this the hard way. And you can read any author's note you want. :)

Yes, Main Edward has coped in part with his being a vampire by deciding that God has forgotten him. If not HE should. Edward does not think he can ever be forgiving for what he has done. 



Reviewer: Cavriola (Signed) · Date: February 05, 2010 02:34 PM · On: Chapter 8 - Heart of Darkness - Part Fifteen - Butterflies and Homecomings

<!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-US;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;}HHi!


I utterly lurved this chapter when I read it, which was sometime before Christmas. Because of the abscence of an internet connection at home and my immense procrastination skills, I review only now that I've forgotten most of what I read. Luckily, I found some sort of notes I'd made while reading. So hopefully you'll know what I refer to even if I don't anymore. There goes.


Interesting conversation between Edward and Bella there. Bella thinks Edward is comforting her, which he is, while simultaneously interrogating her about her dreams with the aid of the whole family. Weirdly many-layered. The vampire scents (of the red-eyed people) do sound very vampirey.

If Jugurtha represents the id, Edward has a very intelligent id, doesn’t he? I suppose a vampire’s instincts would be finely tuned.


I very much liked Edward’s „practice with the teeming masses”. It’s scarily close to how I perceive communication. It’s the same with the “meaning to talk”, I do it all the time.


The artificial insemination idea = Billy totally lives up to his creep status.

As usually, you are so funny in a completely good way. Loved Rosalie’s „empathize with her you moron” line. „Hot stuff” makes me laugh every time. The scheduling of the death of Billy Black, just lovely. I liked Starched Shirt Edward as a crucifix in a suit, and the image of Emmett carrying Bella from class (it was the Irish tune that did it for me). Oh, and “collecting things in anticipation of her canonization”, what a good idea.

By the way, I plan to give up procrastination for Lent, to see if it can be done, so you *will* hear from me more often in the future. Otherwise I'll show myself.


Best wishes to you and the Edwards,


Author's Response:

Well hello there Caviriola!

It totally made my month to hear from you! I'm so glad to hear you are well! And thank you so much for the review! You are hitting the part of the story that to me is my favorite, so I'm all kinds of excited to hear your thoughts. It was important to me to "show" the way that the mind works of someone who is very shy - which is why I had so much fun with Edward. At the same time, I wanted to "show" how his family has infantized him - with Edward's complete blessing because that way he can continue to pretend to be the perfect immortal child. I wanted to "show" how the Cullens, for the best of motivations - in their own way, have helped Edward construct and maintain this delusion that he lives in by treating him like a 17-year-old, rather than a 104 year old. 

And you are right - I have taken liberties with Jugurtha in order to play of the irony by making him a rather disciplined id. And yeah, Billy in this story is a monster. I'm glad you enjoyed Rosalie - she's so much fun to write. And I had to have Emmett be the one to pick her up because everyone would expect Edward to do it. And I liked showing how Edward was trapped by the unfairness of life having to take multiple tests otherwise he would have been there for Bella. 

I am all with you on the Lent program and will be keeping you in my prayers. :)



Reviewer: emmettballeermine4evr (Signed) · Date: February 05, 2010 05:20 AM · On: Chapter 2: The Bachelor Party: Survival of the B!tchfest - Part Two

This is by far my favorite Tanya. She's extremely vain and so easily misreads edwards signals. I couldn't stop laughing throughout the entire chapter. I read your synopsis and I'm very excited about when it gets more serious. Don't get me wrong, I love humorous stories, it's just the way you explained how the story is going to go. I can't wait! :)

Author's Response:

Thanks so much emmettballeermine4evr!

I have really had a great time with Tanya in this story. She'll not be around much at the beginning of the backstory but when she does appear - well, don't be drinking anything while reading. You have been warned. :) In my mind, Tanya is the most beautiful woman in all of history. And she's been around long enough to know. Her sisters aren't bad, either. In my mind, Tanya does not love Edward in a romantic sense - nor has she ever. She simply cannot get over that she's been rejected. Cause that has never, ever happened with Tanya. 

She was content to write him off as warped all those years. But now that she sees he is interested in this dull human girl? Tanya is worried about her status in the immortal community. Tanya should be. 

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! And I went in and fixed that chapter. :)



Reviewer: emmettballeermine4evr (Signed) · Date: February 05, 2010 03:54 AM · On: Chapter 1 - Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet

This is one of the funniest chapters of any fic i've ever read. Hands down. The only thing I would say though is that there were a few grammar mistakes, but, honestly, when does any piece of writing not have a few of those? The only reason I noticed is because I edit papers for my friends because it's hard to critique your own work. I'm pry one of the only people who cared or even noticed, so it pry doesn't even matter, right? I can't wait to read the next chapter in a moment, I just wanted to spread my love before I did. :) I love this story!

Author's Response:

Hi there emmettballeermine4evr!

Thanks so much for the feedback! And I totally agree with you on the grammar mistakes. I keep going back in and it's like mushrooms that I keep finding. Thanks for the heads up, I'll edit it again. :) And you are right it is hard to critique your own work. I kind of cringe when I re-read these chapters because they were my first foray into writing fiction. And all I see is their shortcomings. There is a lot of comedy in this story. I'm delighted you are enjoying my sick sense of humor. Most of it can be found in the Heart of Darkness arc. 



Reviewer: Robs_Muse (Signed) · Date: February 05, 2010 01:33 AM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-One - The Sounds of Silence and War

Since we are being a little religious here...Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound! I was gonna modify it but it seemed a lil blasphemous to do so.

Anyway, i am sick as well so thank you for the much needed diversion. Wonderfully written as always. Was sad to see Paula die but i know you have other things in store. Keep writing and I'll keep devouring these delicious lil chappies!

Love ya!
Heather, aka Robs_muse
And thank you for your muse shout outs! They mean so much to me!

Author's Response:

Hi there Heather!

I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well! I hope that you get better soon. :) And I don't think altering the words of Amazing Grace is blasphemous - I saw a documentary on the song as being one of the most modified hymns in history in terms of the way that it is sung - like ages ago. 

Thank you for reviewing - your feedback means the world to me as well. :)



Reviewer: blue2185 (Signed) · Date: February 04, 2010 09:38 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-One - The Sounds of Silence and War

Poor Paula!! Damn Edward for leaving!!! I cant wait to read what happens next! Arria seems to be not too bright. It almost seems as if she didnt want Bella around...

Author's Response:

Hi there blue2185!

I'm working on the next section now. Promise. I think with Arria you have to realize that we are using a different lens to view her. She does not have much to do with modernity - or humans - so why would she know how to treat Bella? She never bothered to try. Which is her bad. But she had her reasons. :) 

Thanks so much for reviewing. :)


Reviewer: Cullen Concession (Signed) · Date: February 03, 2010 02:26 AM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-One - The Sounds of Silence and War

I love your links at the end of each chapter.  This was great informational chapter.  I wonder how Edward processes thisn information.

Author's Response:

Hi there Cullen Concession!

Thanks so much! I have a lot of fun finding the pictures. And I'm a freak about citing. I figured I could do it and "show" people the inspiration behind the story and maybe they'd have fun, too. I've had people who really liked the stuff like the manta ray info. So I keep posting it. 

In terms of information, I'm not sure what you mean - do you mean how does he handle all the family dynamics? How his world has changed? He's to me like the person who has been punched really hard right after the punch. You know you got hit. You even know who did it. You might even see the next hit coming, but after the first strike you know before the real pain sets in? You're numb. That's Edward. To me him seeing Bella die broke him. Especially since he had all those human emotions and realized how much he loved her. His denial couldn't keep her alive and he (this time) could not run fast enough. So he's completely helpless as he physically experiences her drowning. But the fact he could only imagine what she went through is going to haunt him. Bella's not a talker, you see. So Edward is processing all of this information in bits and pieces. He knows he's in trouble. He definitely sees the hordes of barbarians coming trying to "take" his mate from him. And he's smart enough to want Bella silent until he can talk to her. So on one hand, he's still the calculating weasel he's always been out of self-preservation and self-loathing. On the other hand, you have this new part of him that really is putting Bella's needs first. Sorta. It's new for him to think that way. So he'll admit a bit of knowledge in order to prove Arria wrong, knowledge that could get him in trouble or have his family dismiss him as mad. He does so - actually opening his mouth - for her. 

So I suppose to make a short story long, Edward kind of sees that he's in trouble. He's already taking steps to try and keep his image intact with the family. He's already got backup plans in case he gets outed by Arria for dumping Bella in the way he did. At the same time, he's simply horrified at Bella's condition and raging at the universe that he can't run a bazillion tests on her right now. It's a sign that he's not quite normal that he's not going absolutely ape-shit over the sight of her. Instead he's having things hit him in waves. Does that make sense?



Reviewer: Cullen Concession (Signed) · Date: February 03, 2010 01:39 AM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty - The Lies That Bind

Wow! Everyone has it out for Edward.  I kinda feel bad for him.  I trust you though because I remember the beginning.

I like how you reminded us that Jugurtha may be hot and sexy as hell, but he really is a shrewd calculator and a predator.

Did I detect some growth of SSE?  Loved it!

Sorry for the delay in reading. 

Author's Response:

Hi there Cullen Concession!

Thanks so much for your review! And hon, I don't care when you read it so long as you do. :) Please don't feel the need to apologize. I'm just happy that someone is reading my writing, and enjoying it. :) I would say everyone "kinda" has it out for Edward. His family is worried and suspicious. He clearly is not himself and he's been behaving absolutely outrageously which in their minds means that something horrible happened - which it did. And because he's a mind reader, they are having to be very very careful with him to not spook him. Which means they are trying their best not to think about the past few months in Alaska, or how irritated they were that the few times they did get a call through, he did not answer. See Bella and him together has them absolutely on red alert status. Arria is definitely livid because she knows how he talked to Bella. It's not in her interests at present to out him, but don't think she's not stroking that knife and thinking of putting it to good use. Marcus does not have it out for Edward - nor the Gorgon - but they are most definitely concerned about his relationship in regards to Bella. That impacts them directly. And every other immortal who doesn't have a pulse is most definitely interested in Bella - which by extension means that basically the majority of the immortal world wants a shot at Edward. So it really does suck to be him right now. And I haven't even mentioned that the impact of his actions is starting to percolate into that pickled brain. 

Jugurtha is a parody of the id, so to me it makes perfect sense for him to everyonce in a while remind us that he's all about making sure that Edward gets what he wants. And you most definitely saw a bit of growth with SSE. 




Jugurtha is blowing a kiss to you. And he just winked.

Reviewer: nanny t (Signed) · Date: February 02, 2010 06:54 AM · On: Chapter 5: Indecent Exposure at the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy Part One

Love the timing of the stripper pole & Charlie!

Author's Response:

vjgm suggested that, I think. :) I had so much fun with Charlie's thoughts in that section. :)

Thanks so much, nanny t, for the review. :)



Reviewer: nanny t (Signed) · Date: February 02, 2010 03:46 AM · On: Chapter 1 - Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet

I am sooooo in love with your story! I love that everyone is still the same but in different situations. Can't wait to see what happens next, oh by the way you are sooo AWESOME!

Author's Response:

Hi there nanny t!

Thanks so much! I am having a blast with it. I do want to warn you that the backstory will start soon, and it's a little gloomy in the first chapter of it, but Edward soon becomes snarky and just downright wrong in his behavior. Once the backstory is done, this front section should take on an entirely new meaning. And uh, I have a really sick sense of humor. Just so you know. :)


Thanks for reviewing. Tanya is waving at you. Blowing (just) kisses, too.


Reviewer: pomme_de_terre (Signed) · Date: February 02, 2010 12:47 AM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-One - The Sounds of Silence and War

Another wonderful chapter. Wow, Paula is dead! What a shame - I kind of liked her. Edward seems to be becoming more lucid and I am not sure he will much like the revelations if what went on in his mental absence. Lovely job!

Author's Response:

Thanks so much pomme_de_terre!

Edward is indeed becoming more lucid. I didn't want him to all of a sudden be perfectly "normal" so it's coming back to him - but I'm not going to drag it out over 10 chapters either. I think he's been traumatized enough, don't you. :) LOL

I thought about the idea of forgiveness and reconciliation and to me, Edward has to "see" the long term effects of what he has done in order to fully understand. I did not want to write him moping for a chapter and then forgetting. I also didn't want to write endless moping. So I am aiming to try to have things sink in bit by bit. And it's like a car crash that he cannot look away from - except it's his own life.


Thanks so much for the support. :)


Reviewer: elphabacy35 (Signed) · Date: February 01, 2010 07:22 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-One - The Sounds of Silence and War

I finally got a chnace to sit down and read this update! I just want to say, that I love how you supply all of the photos and links that go with your chapters. It certainly helps to visualize the locations, and such. But it also reminds me again, of how much time and care you take with this story. I, for one, really appreciate it. And I'm sure I'm not the only one:)

Ok, fave line this chapter : "And what the heck are you talking about her jumping?" Emmett barked. "Bella doesn't jump. She could break her neck using a step-stool." I love your Emmett, I just really do.

I'm excited for what is to come...Douglas? Soon? Love him too.

Take care Books


Author's Response:

Hi there Stacy!

SSE is ecstatic to hear from you. Emmett, too, but don't tell Rose, she would not understand. I have had so much fun with the photos and songs that I'm glad to hear that you enjoy them. For me, it's part of the research that I do to try and write a scene. I'll find a picture that speaks to me and try to describe it or work it into the story. Other times I just find a pretty photo that is representative of the theme I am trying to convey. Most of the landscape ones are from the Forks area, and the ones I've been using lately are indeed from Europe. Keeping in mind that I do change my mind from time to time, Douglas is not slated to appear in the next chapter BUT the one after that. And you'll meet his wife, too.


Thanks so much for the review and making me smile. You made my day. :)




Emmett is winking at you.


Reviewer: notmyself (Signed) · Date: February 01, 2010 07:12 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-One - The Sounds of Silence and War

That is the cutest, furriest squirrel picture I have ever seen. Also, I love you. A lot. I want to have your babies and hold hands and live inside your head sometimes. I imagine it sounds like chaos and beautiful music and smells like apples and pine and crazy.





Author's Response:

Hi there Mia!

Thanks so much for the review hon! I have been trolling the internet looking for squrrel pictures that meet my criteria for cute-ness. I'm delighted that you enjoyed it. :) And you made me laugh with your review. My mind is a sick and twisted place that runs 90 mph when I'm writing this story. I'm glad you are enjoying it. :)

Douglas is winking at you.




douglas and tree

Reviewer: sexysadie13 (Signed) · Date: February 01, 2010 06:15 PM · On: Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-One - The Sounds of Silence and War

I must say, I've truly missed Grace.  It's nice to see her again - please pass on my regards.  Also, I'm assuming that it was Victoria or someone with her that "killed" Paula, if she is actually That would be interesting.  And Paula might fake that just to get away from stupid Charlie and retarded Jake. Then again, I know she wouldn't purposefully abandon Seth.  Even though he's in good hands.  I hope that Bella can come out of this stupor pretty soon - it's time she really digs into Edward....maybe even rip off an arm? It seems to me that Arria might get grounded for her actions - or lack of forethought while she was in Forks.  Hmmm....would that be the same punishment as for us lowly mortals, or would Marcus have to put her into some kind of coma? I digress.  But she could certainly be put over someone's knee....ew. Not like that. Sicko. Jugurtha has taken residence in my mind - and he whispers nasty things in my ear.  I kinda like it.  Ok, I'm lying.  I love it. And, by the way, Douglas has been visiting me here - in the tree in front of my house.  He decided the South was much better for this time of year, but he'll be back in Washington soon - he hid Edward's nuts in a safe place - no worries.  Hopefully, Marcus can make sure his daughter learns a few things about strategy once she makes up for her mistakes, and Jake might learn a thing or two about respecting the opposite species - vamps, not tramps.  I mean, girls.  Except Tanya, she is a VampTramp.  No respect - I mean disrespect, T.  I, of course and as usual, loved this chapter.  Can't wait to read the next one, and I'm sorry you've been sick.  I hope that you're doing much better now.  It made my day to see your updated chapter.  Thank you for continuing this story.  I love it. It keeps me TOTALLY entertained.  So....exactly how did that cave become available again? Did Grace really remove the rocks from the front? It's cool if she did...I'm just wondering the purpose - if there was any, other than protecting Bella for the time being.  And, if at all possible, can Edward get his orgasm-induced-kisses back just once? Maybe just to bring Bella out of the catatonia? That's a good way to come back to it all - or to come at all I guess.  Haha. Again, I love the story, loved this chapter, and I am anxiously awaiting the next installment of "As the Human Turns"!

Um, quick question - how did Bella get all these powers? Was it just the jewelry, or did Arria do something to her?

Author's Response:

Hi there SexySadie13!

Grace is flapping a wing at you delighted that you missed her. She thinks that Douglas and Jugurtha get way too much attention. Although she has a crush on SSE. You can assume that Paula most definitely was attacked by hostile immortals. And for the record, she loves Charlie even though she understands his limitations. She loves him in spite of them. She also has remained in Forks all these years not only to watch over Seth, but to watch over Jacob. There's no way in hell she would run and leave Charlie, Seth, and Jacob behind. Bella will be in this state for 24 hours. If I keep the chapters divided the way I intend, then she won't wake up in the next one, but the one after. She will wake up when they get to Forks. As for her digging into Edward, put yourself in CC's shoes. This is the girl who never told a soul about the vampires that she learned about in the book. She kept her promise. This is the girl who hung around said vampires for months and never indicated she knew - because she didn't want them to feel uncomfortable and put them in a bad position if she had not earned their trust. This is the girl who fell head over heels for Edward like a freight train and got her heard crunched and his family took off and did not come back. So if you were Bella, after experiencing what you saw her going through, would you trust the Cullens? Would you even give a damn that they were there? I don't see Bella as being hostile. But I also don't think she'll trust a word out of anyone's mouth. Everyone she has ever loved in her life has lied to her from her point of view.

Douglas is waving at you. He'd like you to meet his mate Henrietta. And he agrees with you that he still had Edward's nuts. He has had to hide them from his wife.

You are very astute about Arria. Look at life from her perspective. She has spent that past 1,000 years believing that she is Marcus' only heir, and that he's drooling on a throne in Volturi. Now she suddenly meets her mother and her brother AND her father. She was raised by soldiers to be ruthless - all the while knowing that they wished she were a man instead. So Arria is going to have a hard time adjusting to her new world. And I had to come up with a plausible reason why Arria would not be there in the first place to protect Bella, you'll learn more about it in the next chapter. I didn't want her to look stupid, but I did want to show she has some things to learn. And Arria just between you and me, is beside herself she's so angry at present. She's been trying to follow her family's rules with Bella and is getting heat for it.

You can say anything you want about any of the characters in CC. I won't be offended. I like calling Tanya the Trampire's Trampire. There's not much to the cave story. Jake got put down in front of the cave and he and Grace moved it aside. She rolled it back over to hide them and left to go back and kill more vampires. She also shielded the cave before she left, not that Jake knew. And if you go back to the scene where Paula was invested as a shaman, you'll see that she brought a paper bag with her and wouldn't let the cullens touch it. The spirits told her in a dream to bring a few things. Paula thought they were meant for Hezekiah in the afterlife. A sweater to keep him warm, a blanket, and lo and behold, Jake is using them instead for Bella. Who'd thunk?

Thanks for the well wishes. I feel better. I just have a virus that like an ex-boyfriend is not taking a hint and leaving. :)

I like the irony of Edward trying to convince Bella that he loves her and NOT being able to show it that way. And he's too embarassed to tell her, "Oh, I used to have that power but don't anymore - I have to use my hands now like real men, so says Sitting Bull." So he's just dying here. He enjoyed the satisfaction of seeing her so well-pleasured. It did all kinds of things for his virgin ego, in particular if you read the last part of Hitchcock, he sincerely wondered after viewing the destruction he had caused if he would ever be able to pleasure his human bride. The kiss gave him hope. And now he doesn't have the kiss. Now he has to use words. And his hands. And with all due respect, put yourself in Bella's place. The last time she saw Edward, he said horrible things to her, broke her heart, and told her that it was all about her scent - and that he had intended on killing her the day of those kisses. If I were in her shoes, after seeing all those people die, if I woke up having an orgasm with Edward's lips touching mine, I'd puke. And this is just me, but the fact that she would feel pleasure would make it even worse. That's my take on it, and you are free to disagree. :)

Bella got the powers from the bracelet. No one knew that Vivinna's family priest (pagan, mind you) had "blessed" it with a gift.

Arria did do something to her, but only to try to repair her shields. Hope that all made sense. I can't always answer questions, but I will the ones that I can. If you have any others please feel free to PM me.




Douglas and wife

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