update! you have me hook line and sinkere here! i like the way the plot is unfolding!

I think your story line is very interesting and  have loved all I have read. I read all 10 chapters but had to come back to 1st chapter to review. I love anything that has to do with a mystery, FBI, police work or missing persons. So i will follow you on your journey to bring I am sure Alice back. I know we will find her. Wouldn't it be funny if the Alice the room mate turned out to be Edwards sister. You have a great way with words. Till next chapter.

Lilly

Ok I love the story but I wanted to give you a few tips. When you have dialogue, the action that follows it needs to be done by the person speaking. For example:

“It’s commonly known as the House Ethics Committee.” He nodded knowingly. He turned to me, a rueful smile on his face.

“You’d think I’d know more about this since my father is a Congressman.” I smiled, not wanting him to feel like I blamed him.

With these two lines, all you would have to do is drop the actions to the next line, like so:

"It's commonly known as the House Ethics Committee."

He nodded knowingly and turned to me with a rueful smile on his face. "You'd think I'd know more about this since my father is a Congressman."

I smiled not wanting him to feel like I blamed him.

This is done so you don't have any confusion on who is speaking. The way you originally wrote this I had to go back and reread to figure out who was speaking.

And another little tip is to use more contractions in your dialogue. Because in casual speech people don't pay as much attention they don't often say things like "It will be great." They say: "It'll be great."

Other than those things, I really like it so far and can't wait to read the rest of what you have posted.

Author's Response:

Thank you for the suggestions! It has been a very long time since I practiced story writing (where you learn all of those technicalities of writing fiction and dialogue), as I have spent the last many years writing academic papers. I appreciate the constructive and useful feedback - I will do my best to keep it in mind! I have tried to do as many contractions as possible, but again, as a writer in academia, where it is highly discouraged, it goes against my instinct :)

 

Thanks for reading the story, reviewing, and being so helpful. I hope you continue to read and enjoy the story!

Could there be a connection with everything going on

ahh see things are tying together.. NCIS.. one of my favorite television shows.

 

 

Author's Response:

One of mine as well - I actually got wind of my internship there because of the show :)

well, click off 3 names.. already!

ahh Tanya isn't the girlfriend yet. Or perhaps not at all.  Tacky me.

 

Good story.

 

Author's Response:

Haha, no, Tanya isn't in there yet. But I'm glad you're looking for the parallels :) Enjoy!

Well 4 women in 1 apartment with Him. That wont work. He going to have to pose as a boyfriend or something.

Of course.. the ass on the metro.

Oh, I am already feeling the anticipation from Uley being at Bella's office...

 

Criminology? Now I am drooling... I am TRYING to get my criminal justice major (I used to want to be a police officer or FBI, can't anymore) and possibly lead into a law degree.

Author's Response:

Criminology is a great degree - very versatile. I encourage you to continue with it - I start my Ph.D. in criminology in the fall. After two degrees in it and one more to start, I can honestly say it's a life passion!

And I guess that now they know the danger is very real! Let's hope they warn Kate to keep quiet!

They are pretty cozy with each other! Lots of things in common too!