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Reviewer: BeautifulComplication (Signed) · Date: May 17, 2011 05:54 PM · On: Chapter 12: Pimpernel

I just wanted to let you know that I love your story. I really hope you are able to continue on with it.. I gotta know what happens! I'll try to review as often as I can.. I understand how nice and motivating it is to hear from your readers.

I love how you have written the characters. Edward can be a bit confusing.. but I'm sure that's what you were shooting for. And I have to say I am enjoying this Bella. So many Bella's are overly stubborn and always think they are not worth anything, so to see a fairly confident Bella with lots of talents is quite refreshing. Keep it up and hope things are going well for you.



Author's Response:

Thank you so much for the lovely review!  I REALLY appreciate thoughtful reviews such as yours.  I'm sorry that I've taken so long to respond to it.  We don't receive notiications if we have new reviews (at least, I don't). 

I promise that I haven't abandoned this story.  The next chapter should be up this month (August).

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: January 31, 2011 12:41 AM · On: Chapter 12: Pimpernel

I think that Felix & Demetri are both evil.  I am uneasy with Edward being on their turf.  It was good to read the background on how Edward ended up switching sides but this situation feels really dangerous for him right now.  It's not good that his feelings for Bella are so easily figured out.



Author's Response:

You'd think he'd be better at hiding them, wouldn't you?  However, as Jasper pointed out, he's finally becoming more "human."  Edward probably hasn't been forced to hide his emotions so much before now. 

Yep, you SHOULD be uneasy :-)

Reviewer: SarahBella (Signed) · Date: January 28, 2011 02:09 AM · On: Chapter 12: Pimpernel

Awesome chapter!!  Yay for the update!



Author's Response:

Thanks.  I need to update on your site, too, don't I?

I'm sorry for the long delay.  Hopefully things will be back to normal soon!

Reviewer: SkyBel (Signed) · Date: January 23, 2011 10:58 AM · On: Chapter 12: Pimpernel

I'm so glad your writing this again!  T'was great, as usual...



Author's Response:

Thanks, SkyBel!  I'll try to do a better job of updating from now on. 

Reviewer: SarahBella (Signed) · Date: September 28, 2010 12:34 AM · On: Chapter 11: Teamwork

Such a sweet chapter!  I enjoyed the 'touch of very watered-down almost-lemon', but I usually call it citrus when it's not a full fledged lemon :)



Author's Response:

"Citrus" it is, then!  ;-)

 

Reviewer: anabanana219 (Signed) · Date: September 27, 2010 02:18 PM · On: Chapter 11: Teamwork

Why do I have the feeling something bad is going to happen to Edward in Volnostia?? I guess I'll just have to wait and see! Great chapter!! xx



Author's Response:

Ah yes, the sense of something ominous.  I'm glad that I managed to convey that. 

Thanks!

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: September 25, 2010 11:12 PM · On: Chapter 11: Teamwork

I liked your little lemon!  I personally don't think lemons need to be terribly graphic in order to be sexy and/or romantic.  I also don't think you need to have one in every chapter, that can get boring quickly to be honest.  You conveyed the tension & the strong emotions that they both are feeling. It was quite nice :)

Also, loved the bonding with the Cullens.  It seems that Bella has chosen to trust Edward without implicitly stating it.  It's obvious the rest of the family thinks very highly of him.  I'm sure Bella isn't the only one who will be on edge until Edward returns safely.   Now if only Bella herself can stay out of trouble...

 



Author's Response:

Thank you!  I agree with you.  Too many (especially graphic) lemons tend to ...er...sour the plot.

You're right about the trust.  Bella is subconsciously starting to trust Edward.  As for staying out of trouble, you really expect her to do that?  ;-)

Reviewer: tiakie (Signed) · Date: September 25, 2010 09:10 PM · On: Chapter 2: Explanation

I like the way they all have some sort of supernatural ability and am really looking forward to how this progresses



Author's Response:

Thank you!  I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

Reviewer: tiakie (Signed) · Date: September 25, 2010 08:53 PM · On: Chapter 1: Encounter

Wow - you have me intrigued. I can't work out if they're vampires or not. Let the fun begin...



Author's Response:

Dum-dum-dum-DUUUUUM  ;-)

Reviewer: Borax (Signed) · Date: September 04, 2010 02:53 PM · On: Chapter 2: Explanation

The plot thickens–now you've added all the supernatural powers to the Cullens, Bella and Edward. I like how Jasper guesses everything, though I wonder at Edward confessing all his feelings to him–he always seemed more reserved in the books.

The one thing that bothers me a little is how easily you switch for POV (in one place, you used Jasper's POV for only one line). I'm a little obsessive about this, because I love having only one point of view, especially in a mystery type story–otherwise, it seems like the answers are given too quickly. I understand that it would be hard to explain all of what Edward's thinking, though!



Author's Response:

I love reading your reviews, because they make me think and evaluate points that I don't clearly make to the reader. 

Once again, you make excellent observations.  In the books, Edward is very mental/logical, and not very much in tune with either his emotions or the emotions of others.  I am thinking that this ties in with his mind-reading abilities, where he essentially studies the minds of others in a somewhat clinical and detached way.  He didn't like admitting his emotions because he felt that it was a way of losing control over a situation.  In this story, Edward is essentially coming into his empathic abilities (well, he's a sensitive, not an empath) as he starts to become more "human" during his time with the Cullens.  Therefore, I view him a little more like canon Jasper.  I also tried (at least, that was the plan!) to make this Jasper like canon Jasper before he became a vampire -- good military strategist, perceptive, able to invoke trust in others and convince them to do what he wants. 

You also make a good point about POV.  Honestly, I prefer the third person narrator approach to the "EPOV" or "BPOV" announcements.  I'm probably a bit old-fashioned in this way.  You are absolutely right about that one-liner Jasper POV, however.  I'll try to keep the switching POVs in control.  Let me know if it improves (or further degenerates) in later chapters.  I'll work on it -- I promise!

Reviewer: Borax (Signed) · Date: September 04, 2010 01:54 PM · On: Chapter 1: Encounter

This is a really interesting start. I love how you've created this whole new world–though I find the mix between the "normal" names (Washington, Arizona) and the made-up ones a little strange (do the US still exist, or is it some kind of "Altairian Republic"?)

Is Edward a vampire or not? The Cullens look human, but Edward has a few characteristics that seemed vampire-like (he didn't seem cold in the freezing rain, for example).

I wonder what the Cullens' role in this conflict is. Are they spies? What do they have that would make them targets of the Volturi?



Author's Response:

Thanks!

Yes, the US still exists.  The Altairian Guard is a private military company (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Private_military_company).  The US actually has some, and they are governed by the Dept. of Justice.  Jasper also works for a private national security company.  So essentially all the places here are real or based on real places. Volnostia, for example, is roughly based on Belarus.  Its name is meant to be ironic, as it derives from the Russian word for "freedom."

You make a very good point about Edward not being cold in the freezing rain.  This story is all-human.  I've loosely based some of Edward's characteristics on those of a couple of family friends, who are ex-KGB and former Soviet military intelligence.  They are trained to ignore frigid conditions.  One of them walks outside in the Russian winter in just a T-shirt and jeans!  He says it's mind over matter. In fact, in Russia some children are bathed in ice water in the winter to help boost their immune systems.

As for the Cullens' role, read on!  ;-)

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: September 04, 2010 12:39 AM · On: Chapter 10: Deja Vu

And the plot thickens!  I know given the circumstances Bella still isn't entirely sure if she trusts Edward or not.  She's going to have to decide on that soon or she is going to get one or both of them killed.  If she believes nothing else, she need to understand that Edward will risk it all to protect her.  Wander out into to woods alone was not a bright move on her part.  After all that happened during the day, she know to be more careful.  Nothing like a good intrigue & romance story.   So now what does Carlisle have to say?  How much is he in on all of this?

Story is progressing well.  Love it.  Pimped you out on Twitter today.  Maybe you'll get a few new readers?  Hope so.

 



Author's Response:

Aww, you are so sweet to mention me on Twitter!  Thank you!

Yup, you've summarized it very well.  As you see, Bella is quite headstrong, and doesn't always do the smartest things, particularly if Edward tells her NOT to do them!  You'll see Carlisle's perspective in the next chapter.  You'll also see, later on, exactly how true your "She's going to have to decide on that soon or she is going to get one or both of them killed.  If she believes nothing else, she needs to understand that Edward will risk it all to protect her" comments are!

Reviewer: SarahBella (Signed) · Date: September 04, 2010 12:15 AM · On: Chapter 10: Deja Vu

I just love every chapter of this fic!  I can't wait to see it up at MVF!!

I love the devices you come up with to help Edward spy; they're so creative!



Author's Response:

Thank you!

I'll try to post it there this weekend.

You mean the "cameleon cloaking device?"  You'd be surprised -- that's pretty close to real! 

You see, I have an advanced degree in digital imaging, and happen to know that such devices are already being used for clothing and for military aircraft.  In the case of clothing, the clothes are essentially fabric screens (have you seen the LCD clothing?), and a small camera takes an image of what is behind the person and in front of the person, and projects it onto the clothes.  The result is that the person looks invisible (aside form a floating head -- creepy!).  They can even do it with video cams, so that the person can move.  The same principle applies to military aircraft.  An image is taken of the sky above the plane and projected onto the underbody of the plane, making it "invisible" from the ground.

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: August 27, 2010 11:19 AM · On: Chapter 4: Car Search

It was good to have a chapter where E & B got to spend some quality time together.  Really like the fic.  Do you have a Twitter account?



Author's Response:

Thank you!  No, unfortunately I don't have a Twitter account ... yet!

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: August 27, 2010 11:18 AM · On: Chapter 9: Shadowing

What a mysterious collection of characters.  Why would the girl at the mall hate either E or B?  I'm not surprised that she was shadowing Bella but why the intense emotions towards our couple?  Hope to read an update soon.



Author's Response:

That's a very good question.  She hates Edward for what he is...one of the Volturi.  She is a "gifted" individual of the type that the Volturi "collected" over several years.  Think Nazis and their experiments on twins, or Aro in the Twilight novels and his desire to collect gifted vampires for his Guard.  Furthermore, she seems to be with the Altairian Elite Guard officer, who would naturally be an enemy of the Volturi (comparable to the CIA and the KGB during the Cold War). 

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: August 27, 2010 10:03 AM · On: Chapter 8: Crimes

Question that I've been meaning to ask in previous reviews....where does this story take place?  What's the location?  I've probably missed it & if so, I apologize.  

Oh Edward, so conflicted....I like how Bella lifts his spirits so easily.



Author's Response:

I was rather vague about the location, wasn't I?  It is meant to be somewhere in Washington state, but I think I only mentioned it briefly in Chapter 1 (" <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Cambria Math"; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:1; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:0 0 0 0 0 0;} @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} @font-face {font-family:Garamond; panose-1:2 2 4 4 3 3 1 1 8 3; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:647 0 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:12.0pt; margin-left:0in; text-indent:.25in; line-height:200%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-bidi-language:EN-US;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-bidi-language:EN-US;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:12.0pt; text-indent:.25in; line-height:200%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> It was the middle of a Pacific Northwest winter").  The Altairian Guard base is supposedly somewhere in Arizona (hence the reference to "former desert home").  Volnostia (which is ironically based on the Russian word for "freedom") is intended to be a small dictatorship in Eastern Europe.  I have relatives living in a similar small dictatorship, and the references to political prisoners, people disappearing, etc. are actually based on events that happened in my relatives' lives. 

 

I also wondered if I made Edward too emotionally flighty.  My only excuse is that, being a sensitive (a less-talented empath), he is more prone to respond to the moods of others, particularly Bella's.

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: August 27, 2010 09:41 AM · On: Chapter 8: Crimes

Question that I've been meaning to ask in previous reviews....where does this story take place?  What's the location?  I've probably missed it & if so, I apologize.  

Oh Edward, so conflicted....I like how Bella lifts his spirits so easily.



Author's Response:

I was rather vague about the location, wasn't I?  It is meant to be somewhere in Washington state, but I think I only mentioned it briefly in Chapter 1 (" It was the middle of a Pacific Northwest winter").  The Altairian Guard base is supposedly somewhere in Arizona (hence the reference to "former desert home").  Volnostia (which is ironically based on the Russian word for "freedom") is intended to be a small dictatorship in Eastern Europe.  I have relatives living in a similar small dictatorship, and the references to political prisoners, people disappearing, etc. are actually based on events that happened in my relatives' lives. 

Actually, I wondered if Edward was a bit too emotionally flighty.  My only excuse is that he, being a "sensitive" (a less-talented empath), his mood is more strongly influenced by Bella's.

Sorry for my garbled response to your other review.  I forgot to hit the little "W" clipboard to paste a quote from MS Word!

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: August 27, 2010 09:29 AM · On: Chapter 7: Reality

Hmmm, so now I am confused.  Edward is a double agent but who's side is he on?  Originally, I thought he was working against the Volturi & helping the Cullens but now I'm not so sure...nicely done!



Author's Response:

I love reading your reviews!  It's rather like a stream of consciousness as you read my story.  You're actually helping me fine-tune future chapters, because you give me an indication of which points I need to elaborate on.

Yup, this chapter was intended to confuse you.  :-)

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: August 26, 2010 10:55 PM · On: Chapter 5: Trust

Lol...wow Edward sure didn't fight the "falling in love" feeling for long did he???  I'm intrigued to see how you develop his character as he already is a little aloof but very charismatic....but romantic too.  The rest of the date could be very revealing.



Author's Response:

Yeah, no kidding!  My only excuse is that, as an empath/sensitive, he responds to Bella's emotions more strongly than the average double agent.  :-)

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: August 26, 2010 07:05 AM · On: Chapter 3: Identity

Sounds like Bella has trust issues beyond Edward?  Why else would she still doubt that Jasper knows what he is doing in terms of his work with Edward?  You would think she would have more confidence in Jasper's assessment of Edward's loyalties.



Author's Response:

Yes, she does.  You'll find out a bit more about why she has such strong trust issues when she meets the infamous Aunt Susan.  Her parents were killed by the Volturi, and she has essentially been kept hidden from them for most of her life because they "collect" empaths. 

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: August 26, 2010 01:03 AM · On: Chapter 2: Explanation

Empaths - now that is a completely different & very intelligent take on canon mind-reading abilities.  Oooh poor Edward, give it up man you're already under Bella's spell.  I'm looking forward to learning more of her story. 



Author's Response:

What a lovely review!  I was trying to mimic the canon "imprinting" or "mating" phenomenon, and it seemed that, because of the strong emotional perception of empaths (e.g., canon Jasper), a strong bond could form quickly there as well. 

Yeah, Edward never had a chance!  ;-)

Reviewer: gbasjw (Signed) · Date: August 26, 2010 12:41 AM · On: Chapter 1: Encounter

New reader here.  I'm a big fan of your beta nowforruin & she rec'd your story.  I like the premise & I'm intrigued.  It's a very different plot line which is hard to find these day. I'll definitely keep reading.  Hats off to you for taking the plunge & posting a story.  I haven't gotten that brave yet myself.



Author's Response:

She did?  Actually, I'm a big fan of nowforruin too.  Wow, now I'm blushing.  Thanks for the great review!

Reviewer: anabanana219 (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2010 05:46 PM · On: Chapter 9: Shadowing

I looooooove flirty Edward!! I can't wait for Bella to reassure him.... :) xx



Author's Response:

(*wiggles eyebrows*)  Yes, exactly!  :-)

Reviewer: katiecave (Signed) · Date: August 22, 2010 04:10 AM · On: Chapter 9: Shadowing

well since you begged. I just found this story and consider me sold on it! I love it and can't wait for more!



Author's Response:

Oh, thank goodness begging worked on SOMEONE!  ;-)

Thank you for the splendid review.

Reviewer: SarahBella (Signed) · Date: August 22, 2010 02:25 AM · On: Chapter 9: Shadowing

Oh noesss!!!  I'm all caught up!  Oh, please post again soon!!



Author's Response:

Posting the next chapter for my wonderful beta nowforruin tomorrow!

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