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Reviews For Immortal
Reviewer: Random3 (Signed) · Date: July 24, 2011 02:35 PM · On: Chapter 11: Embry - January 2006

The Alpha can only give alpha orders when they're in wolf form. That was a really obvious thing you overlooked.

Reviewer: Kelsey Ray (Signed) · Date: March 27, 2011 07:21 PM · On: Sam : June 2005

I feel so bad for Leah and whats to come with sam and emily. It seems like they really do love eachother and its sad to know that they end up apart.

Reviewer: Kelsey Ray (Signed) · Date: March 27, 2011 06:49 PM · On: Emmett : 1935

Awww, I love that! Emmett was always my favorite. Reminds me of my older brother. Defiantly do a second to this story 

Reviewer: Kelsey Ray (Signed) · Date: March 27, 2011 10:32 AM · On: Esme : 1921

I would LOVE to see how Esme newborn life turned out to be and to see her and Carlisle get to know each other and become the loveing couple that they are.

Reviewer: Disneyvampire (Signed) · Date: March 06, 2011 01:05 PM · On: Carlisle : 1663

Just waiting for more character chapters! You have written all the others so well and I hope you are coming back to write more!

I will wait and watch for the alert that says this story has been updated and then I will do a happy dance and read the chapter and then wait  for the next one...  :o)

Disney Vampire

Reviewer: colasmom (Signed) · Date: November 10, 2010 10:06 PM · On: Chapter 11: Embry - January 2006

Oh no....did you forget about us?!?! Please continue your story..I feel in love with it and definitely miss it =(

Reviewer: JaobsStephanie (Signed) · Date: September 22, 2010 11:15 AM · On: Chapter 11: Embry - January 2006

You say that Embry was hard to write, but you did it perfectly! You really captured the essence of him. That quite shyness that we grew to love in the books. And I love how you explained how he was able to calm himself almost right away. I really enjoyed this chapter and I can't wait to read Jake's. I am a HUGE Jake girl and I am on pins and needles to here your take of what happened after he dropped bella off and in the weeks that he is out of contact with her.

Keep up the great work!!

 

THanks,

Stephanie

Reviewer: Cethmisdtmyk (Signed) · Date: September 16, 2010 04:08 PM · On: Chapter 11: Embry - January 2006

it's awesome, even though there was a really long wait... :-D

Can't wait for jake.

Reviewer: Sarsacia (Signed) · Date: September 12, 2010 09:28 PM · On: Alice : 1920

I definitely want more of Alice

Reviewer: dkgors (Signed) · Date: September 12, 2010 04:17 PM · On: Chapter 11: Embry - January 2006

I loved it, I thought you wrote Embry really well.

Reviewer: k1942 (Signed) · Date: September 12, 2010 03:07 PM · On: Chapter 11: Embry - January 2006

Nice words, huh? Well okay, if you insist. You did a good job with Embry and I'm glad, not only because he's Jacob's friend. It just fleshed out the wolf pack saga, no pun intended. The part about the tribal tatoo and Emily taking care of the young wolves haircuts and clothes. Not to mention serving as a living reminder of how dangerous they can be around people at first. It was also very enlightening about how tough things are for Embry's mom. Life can be tough on a reservation, poverty and unemployment are a fact of life. All in all, you did great.

Reviewer: twifantasyfan (Signed) · Date: September 12, 2010 02:11 PM · On: Chapter 11: Embry - January 2006

Great chapter!  Love seeing all the behind the scenes bits.

Reviewer: ermireallydontcare (Signed) · Date: September 12, 2010 09:37 AM · On: Chapter 11: Embry - January 2006

Great chapter. You do such a great job of giving depth and meaning to this characters we know so little about.

Reviewer: Disneyvampire (Signed) · Date: August 20, 2010 09:14 AM · On: Jared : November 2005

Hoping for more chapters soon. This is a marvelous and wonderful collection of tales about our favorite Twilight characters. I love what you are writiing. It is so fuin to rerad  and wonder about the next character. I am looking forward to more chapters soon. :o)

Disney Vampire

Reviewer: Disneyvampire (Signed) · Date: August 06, 2010 10:55 PM · On: Jared : November 2005

I love this collection of tales about our favorite Twillight characters. I am looking forward to the next installment. You write so well and the idea of telling each of their back-stories is an excellent one. All of the stories have been so very interesting and so excellently written. I look forward to the rest of the characters.

I have two quibbles though, not a real huge:. In Chapter 9, Paul's story, there was a bit if confusion on my part. In the author's notes, you say that a vampire, some vampire like Laurent or Victoria may have come to investigate the scent and were put off by the scent of wolf and moved on. But the timing is not quite right in context with the story. The wolves were many in number by the time the nomads Victoria and Laurent, came through looking to get Bella. This was after James was killed in Twilight. We don't see many wolves phasing until New Moon.   

Paul was the second wolf to phase in New Moon. Just a bit of timing quibble for me. I guess Victoria or Laurent COULD have passed by, or even some other nomad vampire that he smelled, but what would Victoria have been doing there without James? They were inseparable at the time of this incident in the story. I am just trying to track the time period down in the story when Paul would have phased and that would have been early New Moon.  

As for the other quibble,  in the author's note you make reference  to the fact that Paul, and I quote you, " is awoken by a sweet strange smell."

However in the text of the story, you call it a different scent,, and I quote you, "He jerked awake several timers in the night when a slightly SOUR, sickening smell wafted into his nose." 

When I first read that in the text of the chapter,  I kinda thought maybe a vampire was nearby, and then said to myself,  "Naw, a vampire would have smelled sweet and cold to Paul". So I then thought it was maybe a bear, wild boar or some other large animal had wandered close to Paul in the night, bringing with it a sour smell that animals in the wild can have,.    

But you confirmed my first assumption that it was, indeed, a vampire, when I read in your author's note that it was a sweet smell, though you describe it in the story as a sour smell.  Just a little quibble about the mistake of calling it a sour smell...in the text of the story.

 

I really LOVE this fan fiction. It is one of my Top 3 favorites right now. It is so good and I love seeing the characters' lives through your eyes/imagination and I think you have it pretty right on. Your stories for them seem to fit each character as you write them. I really like this and am eagerly awaiting the next chapter(s). I hope the next one is coming soon. I cannot wait to read the next cahpter and those aftetr it. It is soooooo.... good.

As far as who I would like to see more of, I think Jasper and Alice are my two faves in that order. So definitely more of Jasper or Alice or Jasper/Alice. It would be fun to see the whoole meeting of the two through your eyes and imagination! 

Excelklent writiing! Excellent imagination/creativity.  One of the Top 3 best stories on Twilighted! Just phenomenal work! You get 10 out of 10 in the ratings! :o)

Disney Vampire

Reviewer: ermireallydontcare (Signed) · Date: July 29, 2010 01:10 PM · On: Jared : November 2005

I like how you portrayed Kim and Jared, both pre-imprinting and post-imprinting.

And Jared's thoughts on Paul and Sam before he became a wolf were funny, especially the part about Paul checking him out.

Author's Response:

Thanks again!  Gosh, you always leave me such nice reviews!  I'm glad you liked my version of Kim and Jared : )  I wasn't sure if peole would like Jared, but so far the response has been lovely.  Glad you liked it! 

Reviewer: Filippanna (Signed) · Date: July 28, 2010 07:24 AM · On: Jared : November 2005

Oh I loved all of your stories and I want more of all them. Especially Jasper, Alice and Jared. And Carlilse ?

Pretty Please with cherrys on top ?



Author's Response:

Aw thank you!  I have to finish everyone first, then I'll start writing Part II's to the popular ones.  Your votes have been counted! : )

Reviewer: Rosalie627 (Signed) · Date: July 26, 2010 02:44 PM · On: Rosalie : 1933

I love Rosalie, she's my favorite character :)

Reviewer: Rosalie627 (Signed) · Date: July 26, 2010 12:59 PM · On: Alice : 1920

I want to hear more about Alice....

Reviewer: Netemedtotrolde (Signed) · Date: July 16, 2010 06:34 PM · On: Jared : November 2005

Oh, man ... Excellent stories, but as they are all "one shots" so to speak, please don't leave it as a cliff hanger like this, pwweeeaase.  I was so into the story and couldn't wait to hear about Kim and if she would warm up to Jared - NO FAIR :-).  You better continue it or I won't review anymore ... Just kidding.



Author's Response:

I'm so glad you liked it!  Aw, what a sweet reivew!  I'm totally smiling right now as I write this : )  I'm so glad people enjoyed Jared!  I wasn't sure if people would enjoy him, but so far the response has been great!

Reviewer: Disneyvampire (Signed) · Date: July 15, 2010 10:08 PM · On: Jared : November 2005

Excellent chapter...as per your usual great writing and storytelling abilities... Another WOW! chapter!

I really like this story. Can you tell? LOL...I  always watch my emails for another update notice for this story when I am checking  my  inbox for the day!

Exceptional storytelling and writing!

Disney vampire



Author's Response:

Thank you!  You always leave me such nice reviews!  I'm glad you're enjoying the story so much!  I'm hard at work on Embry and Jake, they will be up next!

Reviewer: Cethmisdtmyk (Signed) · Date: July 15, 2010 07:20 PM · On: Jared : November 2005

Forks high school has like 350ish kids in the whole school maybe you reaserched la push(i think it's real) and they have more but it doesn't make too much sense :-D

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?  This chapter is not allowed to end on this note, no no no no no.  Jared doesn't even know he just imprinted, i mean.... ARGH....  while i know i said most chapters i wanted you to continue, even a little, this one MUST CONTINUE!  (Unless it's in the next chapter which would be okay... i guess)  I don't konw if the wolves have less confining sub-plots stuff or what but the wolves have been better WRITTEN than some of the vampires, i like all the stories tho.

Reviewer: anonaMouse (Signed) · Date: July 15, 2010 03:37 PM · On: Jared : November 2005

I don't think I've reviewed yet, but it's about time, huh? 

I really, really like the idea you've got here, and I especially like the way that everything is believable (ha, vamps n' ww's- believable!) in the context of the Meyerverse. Even the inevitable "holy fudge I'm a ___" moments are unique to each character. 

I do have one thing to say about this particular chapter. Did I read it right as "five hundred students in each grade"? Because I'm fairly certain that the entire La Push tribe is less than 500 people. In Eclipse Billy says, "The Q's always been a small people..." and that's kinda not going with the 500 people thing. Just one little thing that bothered me inside a chapter (and story) that's fabulous! :) :) 

Reviewer: Katara97 (Signed) · Date: July 07, 2010 01:35 PM · On: Esme : 1921

I love how the tragedy of Esme's life is depicted along side the goodness of it after her change. I'd love to see more of her story.

Reviewer: Katara97 (Signed) · Date: July 07, 2010 01:17 PM · On: Alice : 1920

I would LOVE to see more of Alice's story! =]

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