Hey, Lisa!  I was re-reading the early chapters to check out how you had reworked them, and I realized I didn't start reviewing till Chapter 18.  This chapter was just demanding a review!

I am so familiar with this story by now, and there are favorite moments that just stand out to me.  One of them is in this chapter.  This story is full of pivotal moments, but surely one of the most important is when Bella first sees Edward again after the rape.  The last two days she has been struggling so to keep it all to herself, and we see that even though she tells him nothing, just his presence helps her. 

Bella shows such strength, it just makes me shake my head.  This is from her first contact with Charlie:  ‘Pull yourself together, Bella. You can do this.'  And then ‘After I got out of the shower, I finally worked up enough nerve to assess my injuries.'  Shudder. 

It takes her so long to even recognize that it's Edward who caught her when she slips on the steps.  But when she does, I love that she ‘launched myself at him with so much force that if he'd been human it probably would have knocked him over... It wasn't the way I had plan[n]ed on greeting him when he returned, but my instincts had taken over, and I found I couldn't regret my actions. While I was wrapped in Edward's cool, gentle, and loving arms, I felt something I'd thought I would never feel again. I felt safe.'  Oh, sniffle.

‘I had finally found the one I wanted to spend forever with, and she was willing to give up everything to be with me. The selfish part of me wanted only to marvel in that very fact...'  I like that he takes even a moment to appreciate this, instead of spending all his energy swimming in guilt.

Nicely said:  ‘Right from when I'd first seen her and caught her scent, I'd known that my existence would change, one way or another.  At first, I'd thought that she would be my downfall...But then, something unimaginable...had happened.'  This is also an excellent statement of Edward's dilemma re Jacob:  ‘Try as I might not to give in to the burning need to keep her far, far away from him- knowing it wasn't my choice to make...'

When she pulls away, before she recognizes him, ‘At first, I was shocked. Had she finally seen me for the monster I was?'  So sad that this is the first thing that comes to his mind.  

Author's Response:

Reading your in-depth reviews brings back many of the feelings and emotions I had back when I first wrote these scenes, and that is just such a wonderful and inspiring feeling. It gives new perspective too, hearing someone else's interpretation. Thank you so, so much. When you posted these reviews you gave me renewed inspiration, and I wanted to tell you that. Sorry my reply as been so long overdue. I have finally finished the new chapter and am now going back to reply to the reviews I hadn't managed to get to yet. Yes, you heard right! The next chapter is FINISHED! YAY! :) It's a long chapter too! I submitted it to my validation beta last thurday (Nov 8), so hopefully it should be up soon. 

~Lisa

xoxoxox

(Reply date: Nov 13)

Hi Lisa,

I'm rereading since you said you had done some editing/rewriting, and it also helps keep me occupied between postings (was that a hint?;)) as well as keeping the storyline fresh in my mind.  As I said before, I thought the story was just fine previously, but you have done well with the rewrites.  I know you had mentioned that some people had found Edward's POV repetitive and you have made that much better without losing the insight gained from his narrative.  Here and there, I think I remember something from the original version and feel that the new phrasing or expression is better, but without the original to compare it to ... .  That's NOT a hint or complaint ;), just my tangled and lengthy way of saying that I like what I'm reading and think you've done a marvelous job of polishing what was already very good. 

I'm betting I speak for a lot of your readers when I say please let us know how things are going on the job hunt.  Seven people interrogating, I mean 'interviewing' :), in three hours just sounds brutal.  When things get tough just remember there are people out here rooting for you!

All the best,

Ginger

Author's Response:

Ginger,

I am so, so sorry I've taken so long to respond to this! But I figure better late than never.

It makes me beyond happy to know you like the story enough to want to reread and even more so to know that you notice and appreciate the editing I have done. You are right! - one of things I did was edit to remove the repetitive POVs, and I also did a lot of rephrasing.

Thank you so much for caring how I'm doing. The interviews have been brutal and still I haven't got a job in my field :( It's been rough, trying to work odd jobs here and there on top of tryigng to get an engineering job. I have explained a bit more in the next update about what's been happening with me, because, YES, the udate is finally done, and I'm so excited to get it out to you all. I just submitted it to my validation beta yesturday (Nov 8), so it should be up any day now. It's a very long chapter too. Many times I considered updating sooner and spliting the chapter up but in the end it all needed to be written together, and once it was all written I wasn't going to hold off and post it in pieces because you guys deserve to have it all at once after waiting so long for an update. Anyway, so keep an eye out for the update! :) Thanks so much again for your kind reviews and message. It really meant a lot to me.

~Lisa

(Reply date: Nov 9)

 

I've been absolutely LOVING this story!

Also, having been an engineering grad student (I have a doctorate in computer science), I totally understnad the whole "no time, no inclination" issue.  Just please keep writing when you get the chance -- you're very good, and sometimes a creative outlet really helps.

Author's Response:

Hi there! So sorry it's taken me forever and then some to respond. I applaud you for getting a doctorate! After doing my Master's I didn't want to do another single day of school! lol. Alough now that I'm having so much trouble finding an engineering job I'm not so sure anymore. Sigh. Anyway, I wanted to say thanks so much for reading and reviewing and let you know that the update is finally on its way! I just submitted it to my validation beta yesturday (Nov 8), so it should be up any day now. Keep an eye out for it! :)

~Lisa

(Reply date: Nov 9)

I've just read this story straight through to this point and the last few chapters feel due course.

I enjoyed the basic story (even though I like SM's Jacob a lot more than yours) but I think that Bella needs to let loose at some of the school nasties rather than to act like Edward's pain at hearing all the words and thoughts is irrelevant because to her it never is.  Also, I'm sure Alice could come up with some clever wheeze for making one or two wish they'd kept their mouths shut.

Why have the rest of the pack been absent from Bella's life?  Seth in particular liked the Cullens and supported Bella's choice so surely he would want to publicly show his support?  Since the pack know exactly what Jake did to Bella, I don't think it would be unreasonable for Edward to have a stand up argument about them wanting to save Jake's life by asking how they would feel if their imprints had been in Bella's place.

Despite my critisisms above, I still want to know how and where you take all the characters - please, just make sure there's a HEA!

MB

Author's Response:

Hi there! So very sorry it's taken me forever and then some to reply to you. I'm assuming you are the same Maxi Brux that just reviewed recently on FanFic net? It was an anonymous review so it won't let me reply to you over there, but I figured I'd reply to both reviews here. First of all I'm very happy you are enjoying the story and love that you took the time to share your thoughts! Secondly, I WILL finish this story, I promise. Life has slowed me down with writing a lot, but I have not, nor will I ever abandon this story. And the good news is the next chapter (ch 28) is finished and I just submitted it to my validation beta today, so it should be up any day now!

Now, onto answering your review :)

I know where you are coming from about letting loose with the school nasties, but in my experience there is nothing you can do to stop people from talking and while letting them have it can feel good in the moment it usually is just adding fuel to the fire. If you just ignore the talk and pretend it doesn't bother you, people lose interest and the talk stops, while if they manage to evoke a response from you it just gives them more incentive to keep at it. Also, I feel it's not within Bella's personality to outwardly let loose and make a scene, but that certianly does not mean she feels Edward's suffering is irrelevant! You will actually see more in the next chapter about how worried Bella is about Edward.

As for the pack being absent from Bella's life, this won't be entirely true, but the focus of this story is on Bella & Edward, and also, aside from Seth, I never got the impression that Bella was that close to the other members of the pack. I do agree with you about Seth, however, and you will see him make appearances. There have already been references to him, including in ch 24 when we learnt that Seth called to apologize to Edward. You will also actually see him make an appearance in ch 29. As for Edward having a stand up argument about the issue of Jacob's life, it's a satisfying thought, but I don't think there will be room for it in this story. In your review on FF you mentioned wanting to hear about Tanya's family. We will hear about it at some point, but there won't be a big focus on it, I don't think. 

Oh and don't worry, Renee and Charlie are NOT getting back together, lol. That would be too weird. You will find out what's going on with them in ch 29 as well.

There will definitely be a HEA, I promise, so no worries about that! :)

Thank you so much again for taking the time to review and share your thoughts. I really appreciate it! I hope you will continue to read and enjoy this story. Don't forget to keep an eye out for the new chapter! :)

~Lisa

(Reply date: Nov 8)

I love this chapter! It seems Edward is finally starting to move through his issues with the situation - there's a lot to deal with though, so obviously it's going to take time. I loved when he suggested that Jasper or Emmett have to see their spouses get raped over and over in their minds. I think they had forgotten the degree of his torture. I also like that they're holding him accountable though, not letting him just dwell on it. He really needs them right now.

I love that E & B are talking a bit more, they desperately need to do that. I'm also very glad that she asked for reassurance (which she needed) and he readily gave it. Sex is a topic they need to discuss further, and I'm sure that will come. I'm so relieved that Bella's going to get some help. I don't know how you could work through all the issues without professional help. So proud of her and so happy Rose is supporting her as well.

As always, I love this story and can't wait to see how it goes! Please don't make us wait so long this time!!!!

Author's Response:

Thank you for such a lovely review! I love your insight. You really seem to understand the characters and their struggles and that's wonderful to see. Really nice compliment for me as well. You've really understood what I was trying to show with Jasper and Emmett. It was difficult to show their side of things since the chapter was from Edward's POV. They have been doing their best to help him but haven't always gone about it in the right way, and since Edward wasn't really comunicating with them, they haven't been able to understand what he's going through. But it's exactly as you said -- he really needs them, especially since the supernatural aspects makes it hard for him to get professional help.

LOVE how you mention about Bella asking for reassurance. It's a key point and I wasn't sure if I brought it out well enough. You're the first one to mention it. It's really tough, trying to push those physical boundaries, but at the same time, rape brings out a lot of insecurities for the victim and the loss of intimacy ways down on that.

Anyway, thanks so much again for coming back to read and review after my long absence. Sorry for the long wait. I'm working hard on the next chapter and have already gotten a good start on it, so unless something unexpected happens it should come much quicker than last time.  

I have some good news I wanted to share and ask for your support. Not sure if you saw already but Mistaken Trust was nominated for two awards at The Wordsmith Awards for Best Canon Story and for Best Bella! It would mean a lot if I could have your vote! Voting ends tomorrow, I believe, so if you vote, you will need to do so ASAP! Here is the link: www.wordsmithawards.blogspot.com

Thanks so much again!

~Lisa

I wish I could scream at you because I missed this story... But we all need a break :) welcome back PS I need more!

Author's Response:

Ahh!! Thank you for understanding! And for coming back to read after my long absence! I'm working hard on the new chapter and have gotten a good start on it so unless something unexpected happens it should come much faster than last time.

I have some good news I wanted to share and ask for your support. Not sure if you saw already but Mistaken Trust was nominated for two awards at The Wordsmith Awards for Best Canon Story and for Best Bella! It would mean a lot if I could have your vote! Voting ends tomorrow I believe, so if you vote, you will need to do so ASAP! Here is the link: www.wordsmithawards.blogspot.com

Thanks so much!

~Lisa

Still here and reading. I can completely understand how life gets you side tracked and the need to fix and re-edit a story (even if its been awhile).  I think you'll find as your real life starts to click into place even in small steps, that motivationg to write will come easier.  Its hard to write sometimes when life has you so stressed out and its better to await good inspiration than try to squeeze words out of a dry ink pen. If you do then what you end up with isn't even close to what you'd like and that's even more frustrating.  Await the muse my friend and she will find you. Blessings for your job hunt and your creative endevours, I wish you much luck.

 

Sincerely,

Wicketwitch

Author's Response:

Exactly! Very well put. So nice to hear from someone who really understands. I had thought that after finishing my Master's I would be able to update faster because I would have more time. I do have more time, but wondering about where your life is going and when you're going to get a job is really scary and stressful and it does squash the muse. I didn't end up getting that job I had the interview for, which was very disappointing, but I'm trying not to let it get me down. You readers have been so supportive and have really lifted my spirits. Truly can't thank everyone enough. I've been working on the new chapter and I've gotten a good start on it, so I should be able to update much faster this time. I just don't like to make promises, because my life really is up in the air. But I WILL finish this story, no matter how long it takes. It means way too much to me to not finish.

Thank you so much for coming back to read after my long absence and taking the time to leave me such a supportive review.

I also have some good news I wanted to share and ask for your support. Not sure is you saw already but Mistaken Trust was nominated for two awards at The Wordsmith Awards for Best Canon Story and for Best Bella! It would mean a lot if I could have your vote! Voting ends tomorrow I believe, so if you vote, you will need to do so ASAP! Here is the link: www.wordsmithawards.blogspot.com

Thanks so much!

~Lisa

Finally! Please don't take too long for the next chapter! I want more!!!

Author's Response:

Gahh! I know! So sorry for taking so long. I'm working hard on the new chapter and have gotten a good start on it so unless something unexpected happens it should come much faster than last time.

Thanks so much for coming back to read after my long absence. It means a lot.

I have some good news I wanted to share it and ask for your support. Not sure is you saw already but Mistaken Trust was nominated for two awards at The Wordsmith Awards for Best Canon Story and for Best Bella! It would mean a lot if I could have your vote! Voting ends tomorrow I believe, so if you vote, you will need to do so ASAP! Here is the link: www.wordsmithawards.blogspot.com

Thanks so much!

~Lisa

Yes, the not getting pregnant is useful to know.  On the other hand, by telling us, you miss an opportunity you could have had to make us really feel Bella's fear about it (if you decide to even bring it up, which I don't know if you plan to do). 

I'm fairly impressed with your handling of the rape scene.  No well-written rape scene is ever easy to read. Or write, for that matter.  They shouldn't be.  I had to go listen to disney music before I could review, so the writing was pretty good.  I liked (and I say 'liked' in the sense that I thought it was well-executed writing, not that I particularly enjoyed it) the little details: the movie still on, the popcorn, the scent in the air.  You telegraphed the popcorn a little too much - the second she spilled it I knew it would come back during the rape.  Nevertheless, the soiling of an such an icon of happy memories gives weight to how destructive rape is.  I actually would have liked other small details magnified by Bella's adrenaline and desire to focus on something - anything - other than what was happening.  Were the floorboards rough or slick?  Is there a rug?  What color is the couch?  Could she see the popcorn bowl out of the corner of her eye?  Is it plastic or ceramic?  What are the physical sensations beyond the pain?  What did he do with his hands? What did his breath feel like? Smell like?  Every one of those things gets branded into your brain in a traumatic situation like that, and every one of them becomes a potential future trigger for memories or even flashbacks.

At some point, you're going to have to confront the sex vs. power thing. I think you inimated it pretty well with Jacob's repeating that he owns Bella. Rape is about power and control, not sex.  I really hope that part of Bella's healing process is learning this, because that whole I-raped-you-because-I-love-you thing is probably doing a number on her psyche right about now.

You did an excellent job ratcheting up the tension in the first couple of paragraphs.  I came into the story knowing there would be a rape scene; letting everything wind tighter and tighter for a couple of chapters increased the impact of the scene when it actually happened.

I also think that you've stayed pretty well in character, both for Bella, with her personal martyr complex and her insecurities, and for an incredibly traumatized rape victim who was attacked by someone she trusted and then threatened.  She's hurt, she's scared, she's not thinking clearly.

But.

Speaking now from the point of rational thinkers... What the hell, Bella? It's agonizing to me that she would wash off the evidence, even if she couldn't actually go to the police without stirring up some really weird issues.  Also (and acknowleding her trauma, fear, and personality quirks) why, oh why, would she plan to keep something like this to herself?  She and the Cullens could just, you know, move away.  The Cullens have resources that a canonically poor pack of young werewolves wouldn't even be able to touch.  And if nothing else, I refuse to believe that Jasper couldn't get his hands on a high-powered sniper rifle, or that he would have any difficulty making a headshot from a klick away.  Werewolves may be hard to kill, but a sufficiently large caliber bullet right between the eyes would certainly do the trick.  

Yeah, sorry about the rant.  I just needed to get it off my chest. 

One thing I really dislike about the story so far is that you made Jacob the Alpha.  I understand why you did - it makes him a better, more realistic villain, and there's also the thing about the Alpha being able to keep his thoughts to himself, which would explain why none of the pack tried to warn anyone or do the decent thing and off him themselves - but I really wish you had operated within Jacob's canon role.  I think that would have created an interesting dynamic with the other wolves, especially Sam, and you could have played out another aspect of rape that gets somewhat neglected in stories like this: community reaction.  One of the reasons rape victims don't come forward, and that can often make things harder when they do, is that people are judgemental, and sometimes they say shitty things like "I bet it didn't happen" and "oh come on, it's just morning-after remorse" and "she's making it up to get back at him" and the perennial and especially horrible "she was asking for it."  I would slap any man or woman who said this about a rape victim in my hearing.  I think you missed an opportunity here to have the wolves play out the debate that often surrounds an accusation of rape. (Though I imagine the pro Jacob group would say things more like "she led him on" and "leech-lover had it coming.")

One other thing I would really appreciate is if you would add a note at the end about what a rape victim should do. Go straight to the hospital, don't wash off evidence, make a statement, then make sure you're protected.  There are a lot of people who will read this story who have been or will be assaulted; Bella's actions, while consistent with her character and the situation, are not what a rape victim should do to secure her safety and ensure her attacker is punished.  I know PSAs are kind of a pain, but the more people put the word out and the more places the message reaches, the better off every potential victim will be.

I'm going to read on now.  I'm looking forward to how you resolve the story.

Author's Response:

Wow! First of all, thank you for such an extensive review! It is this kind of review that can really help a writer improve.

Of course, you wouldn't know this because you haven't gotten to the latest chapter I posted of this story, but I mentioned in my author's note how I spent the last few months trying to edit older chapter, because after reading them over I was really unhappy with them. I'm mentioning this because you brought up a lot of things that I myself noticed when going back and wished I had done differently. I did SOME improvements, but unfortunately there's only so much one can do without re-writing completley and I could never bring myself to do that for various reasons. Also, I didn't do much editing to this chapter, simply because it's certainly not a fun one. I do write from experience myself (though obviously mine was much different and things have been dramatized in the story), and this chapter was very tough to write.

You're right about the sex vs power thing, and that rape is about power. These are some things that one tends to begin to realize through counciling, I think, which will come much later in the story.

Well I love how you've looked at it on both sides --the rationale and irrational. You have hit it exactly. While how Bella handled it was completely wrong, it is very normal. I don't remember the exact statistic, but many rape victims don't even report it or don't tell anyone for a long time. Not saying this is right, but it is as you said--Bella is scared and not thinking clearly. However, you make a very vaild point that I should include in the author's note what a victim should do. I will add this.

As for Jacob being the Alpha, I myself did think it might not have been such a good idea. However, the supernatual aspects of this story complicated things a lot and to me it seemed the only way I could handle it. Also, I don't think it's a very big stretch from canon, and I believe it fits better with this Jacob's personality, because this Jacob does obviously differ from canon. Excellent, excellent point about community reaction! And I would like to stress to you that that will not be neglected in this story. To me that's important. However, it doesn't come until much later in the story. The chapter I just posted shows a lot of that, and when (or if) you get there you will see why I'm shocked by your insight. You pulled almost exact phrases! We are on the same page there, trust me. However, even if I had written Jacob as not being alpha I don't see how the wolves could really debate the issue at all, since they would just KNOW the truth after being in Jacob's mind.

Anyway, THANK YOU for such an insightful and in-depth review! Please know I apprieciate it beyond measure!

So glad to see you back, and very good story regarding Edward's POV.  Awesome video, one of the best I've seen.  Thanks for returning to finish this out.  Good luck on your interview as well.  Bonnie

Author's Response:

Hi Bonnie! Sorry for my late response, but I wanted to thank you so much for your review and for coming back to read after my long absence. It really means a lot to me. I'm working hard on the new chapter and have gotten a good start on it so unless something unexpected happens it should come much faster than last time.

So happy you enjoyed the video, and thanks for your best wishes with the interview. Unfortunately, I didn't end up getting the job, which was really disappointing. Sigh. Oh well, I just have to keep on the hunt.

I have some good news too, though, and wanted to share it and ask for your support. Not sure is you saw already but Mistaken Trust was nominated for two awards at The Wordsmith Awards for Best Canon Story and for Best Bella! It would mean a lot if I could have your vote! Voting ends tomorrow I believe, so if you vote, you will need to do so ASAP! Here is the link: www.wordsmithawards.blogspot.com

Thanks so much!

~Lisa

I am so happy to see this story return ... I am happy to see Bella going for the help that she is going to need !! Thanks for the update and GOOD LUCK with the interview !

 

Author's Response:

I'm so happy to be back! Sorry for my late response, but I wanted to thank you so much for your review and for coming back to read after my long absence. It really means a lot to me. I'm working hard on the new chapter and have gotten a good start on it so unless something unexpected happens it should come much faster than last time.

Thanks for your best wishes with the interview. Unfortunately, I didn't end up getting the job, which was really disappointing. Sigh. Oh well, I just have to keep on the hunt.

I have some good news too, though, and wanted to share it and ask for your support. Not sure is you saw already but Mistaken Trust was nominated for two awards at The Wordsmith Awards for Best Canon Story and for Best Bella! It would mean a lot if I could have your vote! Voting ends tomorrow I believe, so if you vote, you will need to do so ASAP! Here is the link: www.wordsmithawards.blogspot.com

Thanks so much!

~Lisa

awesome chaapter thanks i think edward needs help too

Author's Response:

Thank you!! And I agree. He does need help too. Of course it just makes it that much more difficult because of the supernatural aspects, but you will see how things play out in the coming chapters. 

I have some good news I wanted to share and ask for your support. Not sure is you saw already but Mistaken Trust was nominated for two awards at The Wordsmith Awards for Best Canon Story and for Best Bella! It would mean a lot if I could have your vote! Voting ends tomorrow I believe, so if you vote, you will need to do so ASAP! Here is the link: www.wordsmithawards.blogspot.com

Thanks so much!

~Lisa

I'm still with you! I am glad you are taking it slowly with this story. If you tried to rush anything, it would just come off as false. Bella does need counseling. I think Edward does too!

Good luck with your interview. Just focus on one thing at a time. You will be fine.

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for being such a loyal reader! I remember you from the very start of this story, and it means the world to me. I'm even more grateful that you understand my need to go slow.

Thanks also for your best wishes with the interview. Unfortunately, I didn't end up getting the job, which was really disappointing. Sigh. Oh well, I just have to keep on the hunt.

I have some good news too, though, and wanted to share it and ask for your support. Not sure is you saw already but Mistaken Trust was nominated for two awards at The Wordsmith Awards for Best Canon Story and for Best Bella! It would mean a lot if I could have your vote! Voting ends tomorrow I believe, so if you vote, you will need to do so ASAP! Here is the link: www.wordsmithawards.blogspot.com

Thanks so much again!

~Lisa