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Reviewer: RebeccaJ1973 (Signed) · Date: August 05, 2017 05:53 AM · On: Another Day Dawns

Well, now I get to nit-pick myself!  I didn't proof-read my review before hitting submit (I was in too big of a hurry to get back to the story) and so missed a number of my own mistakes!

Here is one that was more bothersome that the others:

"Most of the other issues that have bugged me thus far have been either mistakes that would normally be caught by a proof-reader ..."

I realized I never completed that sentence!  What I had meant to include as the other irritant was "minor inconsistancies with SM's Twilight world."  For example, why would Alice even need to ask what opera they were going to attend?  Likewise, unless one of the other ladies just wanted to look around, I couldn't see the point in their even visiting the designer's shops where they wouldn't find anything that suited them since, again, Alice would know this sort of thing ahead of time, don't you think?

Since JR is an original character, nothing you have him do would deviate from the original story, but I did think to myself when his gift was originally revealed that Aro would not actually want JR to join his guard but would want him eliminated simply because he would be too dangerous (how do you control someone who can absorb the gifts of every being he encounters?).  I also struggled with the idea that JR is able to handle all these gifts with ease given the vampires from whom he acquired these gifts had to learn how to control them.  Granted, babies are a great deal more adaptable, so perhaps that is what allows him to adjust.  Even so, I would think getting slammed with the ENORMOUS amount of information that would be in Aro's mind all at once would have taken Edward, at least, quite some time to adjust! (Think about all the people - much less vampires - Aro would have touched in his thousands of years he's lived!!!  Every thought every person he fed from alone would be a tremendous amount of data.  When you throw in the vampires - with their greater mental capacity, perfect memories, and immortal life - it would be a major circuit overload having all that knowledge hit you at once, even for Edward!).  One fanfic I read described Aro's mind as "the Library of Alexandria" (I thought that was an excellent decription, and it made me wish I had access to it! lol).  That would make him an invaluable source of knowledge, but I wouldn't want to have every bit of data that had been contained in the Library of Alexandria dumped into my head all at once!  Ouch, talk about a headache!!! :D

Reviewer: RebeccaJ1973 (Signed) · Date: August 05, 2017 05:29 AM · On: Another Day Dawns

While I am not a guy, I was already dreading the detailed dress descriptions when I started this chapter; however, when I got to them, they ended up being much more difficult for me to wade through than predicted (I nearly always get bored when reading books that go on and on about what people are wearing or every dish of food on the table when eating).  The reason this particular dress detailing was so troublesome for me was that you kept switching tenses.  My guess was that you had written out the descriptions separately and then pasted them into the story without altering the tense to suit (as with nearly all fiction, most of this is written in past-tense with the exception of dialogue, of course).  Here is a section I copied to paste as an example (I'll bold the verb each time the tense changes):

...Grandma put on hers. It is a strapless, cream colored chiffon gown. The fabric on the entire gown was pleated. On the bodice the pleats are vertical. The skirt is multiple tiered layers, with the pleats in a circular, vertical patter running from mid front around one hip to the mid back. There are five tiers to one hip, then six in on the opposite hip, before it repeats, down to the floor. Alice again snapped a picture...

As you can see, in just that one small example, it went from past (put) to present (is), then back to past (was) only to immediately go back to present (are).  It then stayed in present tense for the rest of the description of that dress before returning to the past tense once again (snapped).  Unfortunately, because a description was provided for each dress, this flip-flopping went on for much of the chapter. :/  

I don't like to nit-pick (having had the old saying, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" drilled into my head as a child; however, I also know that a writter needs this sort of input in order to improve.  Most of the other issues that have bugged me thus far have been either mistakes that would normally be caught by a proof-reader (for example, you used "were" in place of "where,"  "to" instead of "too" and - more unusual - "role" instead of "roll" plus minor typos, incorrectly placed punctuation marks, and grammatical issues -- I have a pet peeve about the misuse of "x and I" versus "x and me" so am particularly sensitive with regards to those mistakes).

Though this is probably not enough to balance out the "...can't say something nice" I would at least like to leave this with a positive remark, so I'll add how much I appreciate that you've kept most of the characters' personas in sync with SM's version.  Unless an author states a story is AU, it is frustrating to read something where a person we've grown to know through all four of SM's Twlight books suddenly is behaving in a completely different way (the fanfic I read prior to this one was like that... I don't know where she found the Bella in that story, but it certainly was not from the same Twilight books I read!).  Oh, and J.R.'s "wolf cub" sounds pretty darn cute to me (speaking of J.R. - when you had Jake wanting to combine grandparent's names for their son, the only combination I could come up with for a boy was Wilard/Willard.  William/Billy giving the first three/four letters and Edward giving the last.  I couldn't do the women's names into anything that sounded good for a boy... of course, I'd have never come up with Renesmee either! lol).

Reviewer: RebeccaJ1973 (Signed) · Date: August 03, 2017 12:13 AM · On: Another Day Dawns

Your opening paragraph was awesome!



Author's Response:

Thank you so much!!! This actually made my day, it's been 9 years since I posted it, and to know people are still reading it is an amazing feeling.  I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!!

Reviewer: elizabeth66 (Signed) · Date: December 14, 2015 08:20 PM · On: Phased

This was a great read!!! Thank you!

Reviewer: Phb4367 (Signed) · Date: July 29, 2015 03:05 AM · On: Constellation

Absolutely loved it! Thanks for writing

Reviewer: twilight lover2 (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2015 11:21 AM · On: Life In Technicolor

Poor Brady.... Hope his mom gets better=( Anyway I live be this story please keep updating =^)

Reviewer: Gabriel123 (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2014 08:08 AM · On: Another Day Dawns

I am loving this story! You write well, enthusiastically and in tune with the charater of Renesmee. Thank you so much!!!

Reviewer: lydtate (Signed) · Date: July 05, 2014 09:52 PM · On: Coming of Age: A Nessie and Jake Novella

do you know when you will have an update up? loving this story so far!!!

Reviewer: lydtate (Signed) · Date: July 05, 2014 09:52 PM · On: Coming of Age: A Nessie and Jake Novella

do you know when you will have an update up? loving this story so far!!!

Reviewer: jessmakayla (Signed) · Date: March 05, 2014 06:11 PM · On: Gravity Moves

I loved this chapter and all the rest.

Reviewer: jessmakayla (Signed) · Date: March 04, 2014 03:19 PM · On: Wicked Games

Please write a sequel.. pleas

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2014 04:30 PM · On: The In-Between

Just want to again say thank you for such a great story! I always wished there was more to Jacob and Nessie's story, and you gave me that! I love the way the imprint phenomenon was expanded to virtually be their joined life  force, and how that was used to to save them both! Also like the relationship between the Quileutes and the Cullen's - I mean after all they had been through together in the original series, they were practically family! Nice to see the full acceptance on both sides. I wish I knew of the story when you were writing it, that would've been a lot of fun, but I'm mostly glad to happen upon it after it's complete because of instant gratification! I was so hooked I must've finished it in 2 days! I even snuck away during my work hrs to read I was so involved! Great work! I will be reading more from you :-D



Author's Response:

THank you so very much. I try to respond to all reviews, and really love to hear frommy readers. I do hope you try my others. Would love your opinion.

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2014 04:16 PM · On: The In-Between

Thank you for a wonderful story!



Author's Response:

Oh, thank you for reading and being so responsive to it. I hope you read my others.

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2014 04:13 PM · On: The In-Between

Beautiful!

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 15, 2014 04:03 PM · On: The In-Between

So glad tha Nahuel is no more and things are safe. My only wish is that Caius was burned - I don't trust keeping him amongst the living.

on to the epi now!



Author's Response:

Well... I tend not to be overly bloodthirsty. Besides a long life of being miserable seems more tortuous.

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2014 07:33 PM · On: The In-Between

These bastards have to pay! I can't wait until it happens!

great story by the way

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2014 04:50 PM · On: The In-Between

Shoot, how creepy is this Nahuel? He's gotta be stopped!



Author's Response:

Creepy is what he does best.

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2014 04:36 PM · On: The In-Between

So the plot thickens.... I do hope they alert the Quileutes so they can be prepared in case of attack!



Author's Response:

They are all One tribe now, believe me they know.

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 14, 2014 04:24 PM · On: The In-Between

Sounds like the Volturi are arguing over the Cullens, and seems like this is Caius' issue! So I abhor him! I can guess I know who the protege is...smh



Author's Response:

Did you guess correctly?

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2014 09:14 PM · On: The In-Between

So crazy to see Jake and Edward regarding each other as friends and respected confidantes. This is such an out there premise...lol



Author's Response:

In Eclipse Edward says that if Bella was not involved he and Jake could be friends, I just expanded that concept.

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2014 09:06 PM · On: The In-Between

Ruh Roh! This new development is going to wreak havoc! 



Author's Response:

I couldn't resist. As a girl who developed early I remember feeling this way. One minute a girl the next a woman.

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2014 08:57 PM · On: The In-Between

Oh boy! Things are about to get complicated..



Author's Response:

They definately are. Secrets are always waiting to bite you in the butt.

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2014 08:46 PM · On: The In-Between

Aww, I'm sniffling ~dabs eyes w/tissue~



Author's Response:

LOL yeah sometimes misunderstandings can be such drama. :)

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2014 05:00 PM · On: The In-Between

Wow! So it seems we have another type of seer in the Cullem clan! Nessies power is awesome! I can't wait to read what happens next! Great chapter!



Author's Response:

Thank you! I figured Nessie needed her abilities to grow with her. I always found her and Jacob the most interesting pair. Thrilled that you are enjoying.

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: January 13, 2014 04:45 PM · On: The In-Between

This is so sweet! Jake must really be taken aback by such a huge guesture. I'm really enjoying the story so far!



Author's Response:

I am thrilled that you are enjoying it. I have 2 other stories posted, I hope you check them out as well.

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