I'm going to critique this like ice-skating haha. 

 

Technical score: 

One of the best written fan-fics I've come across. Syntax and grammar near perfect - not even the books get it right all the time, so I would say this story is of comparable, ie publishable, quality.

 

Artistic store:

First off, I found the deviation from the original story very plausible and believeable - I bought it, which is not easy to do when you have a such an established canon. I liked that the author wound through elements of the original plot but approached them in a new way to suit the AU - very well executed (and I actually preferred this to the original, as I've never been a big fan of the Eclipse plot-line). For those of you like me reading this after Midnight Sun was (finally!) published by SM, there is a whole new level of understanding that underscores Edward’s motivations at the end of Twilight / beginning of NM, and adds so much more of an ominous tone to the breakup sequence. It also makes me look at the E/J conundrum in a whole new light, because it lays the foundations for Edward’s broken promises and makes you wish for someone who treats Bella better. I have recently re-read NM for the first time post-MS, and I have seen Bella’s subconscious love for Jacob come through the page in ways I never did before. This fan-fic feels like a completely natural extension of that blossoming feeling and definitely sated my need to explore this potential further. 

Secondly, the relationship of the central characters Bella and Jacob progressed believably - none of this hopping straight into bed (overtly citrusy) nonsense. This is especially true if you've just read the rest of NM up to the point this story picks up, which is what I had done when I went looking for a 'what if?' I also found the characterisation to be in-line with who I knew the characters to be from the original, so the author does a fantastic job of capturing their essence. At the same time, the author manages to put a (much-needed, IMO) modern feminist critique on Edward's behaviour, and I found myself nodding along like 'yeah, that's right, he is acting inappropriately, and you're so much more yourself with Jake' haha. It was a very interesting experience for me. I felt this built on the original concept of 'You wouldn't have to change for me Bella; it would be as easy as breathing' - so it's very well done. I also felt that Bella's character was allowed to grow and mature and change, in a way that SM doesn't allow in the originals - she treats B much like E in that sense - unchangeable, until she becomes that way in the literal sense. I thought this characterisation was more plausible, especially given the context all of us have experienced of being an 18 year old trying to find your place and path in the world, and how that can make you re-evaluate what we hold dear.

Thirdly, this author knows how to build angst! OMG the angst! In the best way possible, because you really care about the characters that have been developed. I found my heart breaking a little (ok, a lot) over how things worked out with Edward, because it turns out I suprised myself by being an EB shipper who longs for the original final outcome after all; I just feel like Jake is missing his fair go in the books, and Edward isn't punished enough for the severity of his actions and their consequences, and is definitely not called out enough for his bullshit. This story rights those injustices, gives credence to the continued dilemma of Edward (unlike some fan-fics), and then finishes happily for Bella and Jacob. Personal realisations of allegiance aside, I thought the way the choice between the two was handled was Absolutely. Brilliant. I actually found myself questioning my shipping preferences, because the author did such a great job of building a solid believable case for BJ being perfection together. This is playing out who she would have chosen if vampires didn't exist in a world where they do - an incredibly complex dilemma handled brilliantly. I personally wasn't a fan of the final mate-choice for Edward, but this is probably my inherent EB bias talking. However, I recognised the clever use of a character we're familiar with from the original, and objectively there's nothing wrong with how this is written - I'd just reached my realisation by this point haha.

Fourth and final note: I'll be sad to let these characters go. I'd read it again and again and again, angst and all - absolutely brilliant piece of work. Cheers. 

Bittersweet

Awwww! Sweet, lovely, and completely true!

Awww no more? I was so looking forward to the next chapter!

Dean obviously spoke the truth.

That song was so appropriate. It worked out really well for Jacob and Bella.

 

How do we feel about awkward, insecure Jake? He was too cute and age appropriate. How about their little misunderstanding about what was going on? Again typical. Who else thinks Quil is hilarious? I do think that he is not only hilarious, but kinda mean too. Either he wanted Jacob to fail or was trying to help him out.

The semi-lemon was good and appropriate. Looking forward to the real thing.

Too bad this is a one shot. I could definitely go for more to read 

A great story with a wonderful ending. Kudos!

Love the progress here!

Awwww! This is an amazing story. 

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great story and great finish.i hope to read more of your stories soon.thank you