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Other Results: 11 Series
 
 
Stories
Summary:

Bella's birthday party is a complete success, and nothing goes wrong...save one thing. She makes a wish that she could be a vampire, and everything changes...for one day.

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Categories: New Moon, AU, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 11 Completed: Yes Word count: 16265
[Report This] Published: August 08, 2013 Updated: April 13, 2014


Summary:

 

 

Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com!

 

 

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Hypothesis: Vampires are capable of vertical inheritance.

 

Objectives:

 


  1. Finish knocking Jasper up, for the third time. Why? Because a story is not complete without a parity for Jasper.

  2. Knock up Emmett and Rosalie too. Why? Because it’s their way of dealing with the loss of a child.

  3. Rebuild vampire society after the war, including the transition to an egg-laying society and the adoption of eggs that were orphaned by the war.

  4. Move the Cullens back into human civilization and send the kids to middle school, so that they can learn to interact with humans and blend in.

  5. Send Masen to speech therapy with the humans so that he can learn to talk.

  6. Send Jasper back in time, with the aid of his time-traveling twins, to meet his human family and resolve any lingering issues he still has from his convergence.

  7. Accuse Jasper of being sexually attracted to his grandmother and bring up this accusation as many times as possible. Why? Because it’s the new running gag.

  8. Make entire story one hundred percent biologically accurate, despite the vampires.

  9. Tell a bunch of Cullenesque stories and make it funny, because that which is funniest is best.

Nominated for multiple iSparkle Awards!

Nominated for Best Drama/Angst/Hurt/Comfort WIP and Best Supernatural/Fantasy/Horror/Spiritual Sci-Fi WIP in the Emerging Swan Awards!

I have now been nominated for Oldie but Goodie Author in the Emerging Swan Awards!


Categories: Pre-Twilight, Post-Breaking Dawn, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Esme, Jasper, Other Character, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 64 Completed: Yes Word count: 237551
[Report This] Published: January 02, 2012 Updated: January 08, 2014


Secrets by Jenny Cullen Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 7]
Summary:

Secrets by Jenny Cullen


Edward has been keeping a secret from Bella about something he needs. Little does he know, Bella has her own secret. What happens when the truth comes to light? AU Eclipse/BD. No real angst. Light & fluffy citrus.


Categories: AU, Post-Eclipse, Crackfic Characters: Bella, Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 3258
[Report This] Published: September 04, 2013 Updated: September 04, 2013


Summary:

Two sets of quirky friends, one week in California, and one crazy game show.  Bella needs a push in the right direction.  Edward needs help in the girl department.  Their friends have plans that will change their lives forever.  What will happen when they all meet on a game show where they date in complete darkness?  What could go wrong... or right?  Hilarity and lemons ensue!  Fun times ahead!!

 


Categories: AU-Human, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Bella, Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 12 Completed: No Word count: 43881
[Report This] Published: August 06, 2011 Updated: June 24, 2012


Summary:

Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com!

Hypothesis: Vampires are capable of vertical inheritance.

 

Objectives:

 


  1. Get Jasper knocked up at least three times in one story. Why? Because it is not nearly as funny to knock up any of the other vampires. And since female vampires are just as hard to knock up as males, might as well go all the way and choose Jasper.

  2. Knock up all the other Cullens while I am at it. Why? Because I can’t think of a good reason why Jasper would be any more knocked up than the rest of them. Maybe Emmett would be… but Emmett is not as funny.

  3. Accuse Edward of having a sexual relationship with his piano and bring up this accusation as many times as possible without Bella finding out.

  4. End in a war between the Cullens and the Volturi, because the Volturi think Carlisle is lying about vampires laying eggs. Why? Because it is the funniest reason for a war I can think of.

  5. Explain vampire genetics, using plasmids, in a way that is one hundred percent compatible with everything ever said by Stephenie Meyer about vampires.

  6. Explain how vampires can reproduce vertically without violating the “vampires cannot change” law of vampiredom.

  7. Make entire story one hundred percent biologically accurate, despite the vampires. Why? Because I’m a biologist.

  8. Tell a bunch of Cullenesque stories and make it funny, because that which is funniest is best.


Recently nominated for a hidden star award.

The award nominations keep coming: now nominated for multiple  iSparkle Awards including the You'll Quote Me Later Award for the thing with Edward and his inappropriate relationship with his piano. Please go vote now!

Also nominated for an Eclipse award for best vampire!

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Categories: Post-Breaking Dawn, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 48 Completed: Yes Word count: 188366
[Report This] Published: July 30, 2010 Updated: February 18, 2012


Summary:

 

Companion to "Making the Grade"

 

Professor Swan has been given an assignment: to seduce 5 of her students.

 

If she succeeds, she will gain the ultimate prize: to dominate her Dominant.

 

Part two in the "Making the Grade" series

 

Rated NC-17 for graphic language, lemons & scenes of BDSM.

 

This short story and its predecessor were written for IRISH-SIDHEESER for Fandom Gives Back: Eclipse Edition back in 2010. It's purely for fun and won't be for everyone.


Categories: AU-Human, Crackfic Characters: Bella, Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 6 Completed: Yes Word count: 32631
[Report This] Published: January 11, 2012 Updated: January 12, 2012


Summary:

 

Professor Swan is notorious for her difficult grading curve and being a hardass.

 

Who would you do for an A? Follow five Seattle U students and learn their answers to that very question.

 

Part One in a Two-Part Series. Teacher's Pet will start posting when Making the Grade is done.

 

Rated NC-17 for graphic language and lemons.

 

This short story and it's sequel were written for IRISH-SIDHEESER for her donations in Fandom Gives Back: Eclipse Edition back in 2010. It's purely for fun and won't be for everyone.


Categories: Crackfic, AU-Human Characters: Bella
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 6 Completed: Yes Word count: 16133
[Report This] Published: January 10, 2012 Updated: January 10, 2012


Heroes In Latex by mmsa, helluvabell Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 39]
Summary:

Banner created by the extremely talented Christag_banner. Look for her blog at: www.christagbanners.blogspot.com

Summary: Bella succumbs to the pressures of geek world known as Comic-Con by her brothers, Emmett and Jake. Dressed in a stupid costume, she braves the throngs of dweebs with their hard-ons for every facet in pop culture. Not expecting to see anything other than dorks in superhero costumes, she gets the surprise of her life as she soon realizes that not all geeks require padding.

Rated NC-17 for strong sexual content and naughty language. 

 

A crack-fic collaboration between mmsa and helluvabell.

 

Twilighted Validation Beta: Lumedog7


Categories: AU-Human, Crackfic Characters: Bella, Edward, Emmett, Jacob, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 5465
[Report This] Published: August 16, 2011 Updated: August 16, 2011


Summary:

 

This is an AU/crackfic version of the tent scene in Eclipse.

Please keep your tongue firmly secured in your cheek as you read. ;-)

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.  No infringement intended.  Just good fun with characters that I care wa-aa-ay too much about.

 

 


Categories: Crackfic Characters: Bella, Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 3050
[Report This] Published: July 10, 2011 Updated: July 16, 2011


Summary:

Long time platonic friends Edward and Bella look to solve their cash-flow problems by making an adult movie together.  They have always been comfortable with each other, but will they be able to keep it friendly when the cameras roll? 

Sometimes love sneaks up and gangbangs you from behind.

Zack and Miri Crossover.  Expect crude language, crass behavior, crack-ish humor, and smut.  If that's not your thing, f*** off and go read some angsty s***.

Thanks to ms_ambrosia for the wonderful banner!


Categories: AU-Human, Crossover, Crackfic Characters: Bella, Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 16 Completed: Yes Word count: 68541
[Report This] Published: March 14, 2010 Updated: July 06, 2011


Summary:

Edward is a sugar addicted seventeen-year old who thinks he is a vampire. He is in love with Charlie Swan, who drives in the town's supply of sugar every week. But when Bella arrives, she decides to destroy their relationship and take Edward for her own.


Categories: Crackfic Characters: Bella, Billy, Charlie, Edward, Jacob
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 10 Completed: No Word count: 13672
[Report This] Published: August 16, 2009 Updated: June 16, 2011


Summary:

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Alternate Universe.  Humanity knows about vamps, the Volturi isn't entirely evil, and there are a few characters not associated with Ms. Meyer’s books.  Edward is a famous star, and a three hundred year old vampire. Bella is a thirty year old mother and student.  Are they destined to be together?  If so, can they reconcile these radically different lifestyles?

 


Categories: AU, Crackfic Characters: Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: No Word count: 6590
[Report This] Published: March 27, 2011 Updated: May 18, 2011


Summary:

 

My crackfic entry for the Pineapple Awards.

Definition for "Thrust": The force that propels an object in a given direction, especially when generated by the object itself, as by an engine or...Emmett's love rocket.

This was written for fun. Plain and simple. I hope you all get a few laughs.

Em/Rose Vamp/AU Kinda. Maybe just dirtier

Rated NC-17 for extremely crude language and absolutely ridiculous citrus content.

 

~***~

The Mechanics of Thrust won Pavarti's Pick in The Pineapple Awards!

 

Thanks to all who read and reviewed this ridiculous piece of lemon-pie! It was fun to write!!


Categories: Twilight, AU, Crackfic Characters: Emmett, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: Emmett Stories
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1928
[Report This] Published: April 16, 2011 Updated: April 16, 2011


Cullen the Horde by izzzyy Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 72]
Summary:

CRACKFIC - Forks has been infested with zombies, and it's up to the Cullens, as always, to save humanity.

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Categories: Crackfic Characters: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 13 Completed: No Word count: 51496
[Report This] Published: October 23, 2009 Updated: April 15, 2011


Summary:

I don’t know why my mind is warped this way.  First, limericks and now, Dr. Seuss…

For those of you out there who are librarians, teachers, or simply fans of Dr. Seuss…  This notion came to me as I realized that Dr. Seuss’s birthday was coming up very soon – March 2nd.  At the time of writing this note, I don’t know if this … whatever this is… will be finished in time for the good Doctor’s birthday, but whenever it is finished, I will go ahead and submit it.  This is not the first time I’ve chosen to honor Dr. Seuss by emulating his writing  :)


Categories: Crackfic, Twilight Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jacob, James, Jasper, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1557
[Report This] Published: March 26, 2011 Updated: April 10, 2011


Summary:

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An outtake from chapter sixteen of The Gall Stone of Doom in which Allison and Jackson, Jasper and Alice's egg's, respectively, hatch. Rated R for the deaths of the human hosts, but mostly fluff detailing how cute the little monsters are.


Categories: Post-Breaking Dawn, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Jasper
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 7066
[Report This] Published: April 01, 2011 Updated: April 07, 2011


Summary:

Carlisle's family members get in touch with their human sides when they take jobs.  My predictons on how the illustrious Cullen family would fare in the work force.


Categories: Post-Breaking Dawn, AU, Crackfic Characters: Carlisle
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 5429
[Report This] Published: April 03, 2011 Updated: April 03, 2011


Smutiversity by Smutsisters Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 102]
Summary:

What's a girl to do when she writes fanfic where the smut isn't so much sizzling hot, as embarassingly warm? She goes to Smutiversity. SwedenSara enrolls on a course “Sex in fiction: how to write, and what to avoid” and gets much more education than she bargained for, two new friends, and a red-hot teacher who bears a striking resemblance to a young, British actor, known for his portrayal of a brooding vampire...

Enjoy Smutiversity!

In the beginning we were three, and now our big sis has retired - she's doing God-stuff - but we still love her!

This is a collaboration between SwedenSara and Netracullen. We are the Smut Sisters!

Check out the Twilighted thread FangMom created for our little smut baby: http://www.twilighted.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=46&t=11347


Categories: Crackfic Characters: Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 10 Completed: No Word count: 50164
[Report This] Published: June 14, 2010 Updated: April 01, 2011


Summary:

She smelled the same as every other human and Edward could read her mind. But Bella Swan was definitely NOT like every other human. All she wanted to be was weird. And all he knew was that she was anything but normal.Crackfic/Parody


Categories: Crackfic Characters: Bella, Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: No Word count: 2599
[Report This] Published: January 24, 2011 Updated: February 13, 2011


Summary:

This is a series of limericks based on Twilight.  Sheer fun and silliness.


Categories: Twilight, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Angela, Aro, Bella, Caius, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jacob, James, Jasper, Jessica, Marcus, Mike, Renee, Rosalie, Victoria
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 542
[Report This] Published: January 22, 2011 Updated: February 05, 2011


Sweet Tooth by BellaFlan, mac Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 68]
Summary:

Sweet Tooth

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Sweet Tooth is the sweet but warped love story of Edward Cullen, a lonely baker of erotic pastry, and Bella Swan, a curious woman with a curious philia. King Schlong introduced them... will buttercream frosting be enough to bring them together?

 

Rec'd by Jessypt on the Perv Pack Smut Shack!


Categories: AU-Human, Crackfic Characters: Bella, Edward
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 5 Completed: No Word count: 12768
[Report This] Published: September 07, 2010 Updated: November 04, 2010


Summary:

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Jasper won a bet in which he had ten grand down on Edward being sexually attracted to his piano. Read and find out how he used his empathy to stack the deck in his favor.

This is an outtake from The Gall Stone of Doom that occurs pre-Twilight. There is no need to read that story in order to enjoy the humor of this outtake, although this incident is refered to frequently in said story.


Categories: Pre-Twilight, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1493
[Report This] Published: October 03, 2010 Updated: October 03, 2010


Summary:

 

 

 

Did it ever bother anyone else that Leah was always getting the shaft in the books?  After all, she was hurting just as Jacob was hurting, yet no one could spare her a shred of sympathy.

 

In this story, Leah quite literally gets the shaft – five of them, in fact.  She also gets even.

 

 

Originally written for MyVampFiction.com's Wicked Wednesdays & now a part of Twilight After Dark: A Naughty Smut Anthology Series here @ Twilighted! Be sure & check out the other naughty stories in TAD!

 

 

Sexy TAD & LNR banners by the fantabulous achelle131!


Categories: Eclipse, Post-Eclipse, AU, Crackfic Characters: Embry, Jacob, Jared, Leah, Paul, Sam
Challenges:
Series: Twilight After Dark: A Naughty Smut Anthology Series
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 6800
[Report This] Published: September 09, 2010 Updated: September 20, 2010


Summary:

While writing Breaking Dawn, SM always knew that no matter how she played out the final installment, no fan was going to be completely satisfied. She and her assistant thought up an alternative Breaking Dawn as a release from the stress that came from writing the novel, but never wrote it down.

Bella Swan is happily engaged to her vampire, Edward. But when her father, Chief Swan suddenly becomes addicted to crystal meth, a vicious chain reaction is set off. Everything she knows about her world is changing rapidly, unexpectedly, and irrevocably. Bella's life is dwindling to nothing.

Completely Canon, up until Charlie's unexpected habit forms at the beginning of Breaking Dawn.


Categories: Post-Eclipse, Crackfic Characters: Bella
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: No Word count: 720
[Report This] Published: August 14, 2010 Updated: September 11, 2010


Summary: Feature

 

YOUTUBE TRAILER!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_J9zh7ChQQ

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Edward can’t believe it when Bella, sitting in his car with him, suddenly starts to bleed. He is horrified until he realizes it’s only her “time of month” and there is nothing to worry about. Unfortunately for him, this does nothing to dissuade his heroin-like craving, especially when there are veritable goldmines of Bella’s sweet blood, just sitting there in her trash! Can Edward really go through with his plot? Won’t Bella notice her missing garbage? How will the Cullens escape detection now?

Find out in: The Maddeningly Marvellous, Magically Mysterious, Majestically Malodorous Maxi-Pad Misadventures of Edward Cullen and the Crimson Tide!

Thanks to SubtlePen for the idea and permission to use it. Everyone should go read her stories right now! (after this one)

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Thanks to Mama_Marinara and EmmettIsMyTeddyBear for the great banners!


Categories: Twilight, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Angela, Bella, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jacob, Jasper, Jessica, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Completed: Yes Word count: 13134
[Report This] Published: June 21, 2009 Updated: September 05, 2010






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